Marriage and relationship question

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First I would like to ask anybody who does not agree with ANY Catholic Church teaching to not post at all and please leave as soon as you finished reading this sentence.

I’m a 27 y.o. forever alone straight guy who can’t get a date and have started thinking about not getting married at all. The idea of being a parent scares me because I don’t think I can live up to the responsibility and I do not think that I will be able to protect my child’s beliefs in a world where homosexuality, pornography, drugs, and other atrocities are seen as normal. I barely have any good experience about dating and I’ve been rejected by every single girl I asked out. I have basically developed a form of resentment towards women(fortunately not all of them as I still have some female friends) especially the attractive ones(well, at least the ones who I find attractive) which means I hate them because I like them…I know it’s contradictory but that’s exactly what I feel…

So, as you might already be able to guess, I have the masturbation problem as well. I know of St. Paul’s advice for people who can’t control themselves to marry “for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” But what if the reason I’m not getting married is not to follow St. Paul’s teachings?

I want to get a professional help but I don’t know any Catholic counselor who knows what they are talking about which is why I turn to this forum.

How condemn-able is my state of mind at the moment?
What would you suggest me do?
 
See your priest. They deal with this all the time. It’s fairly common. Go to confession as well.
 
What Clare said! The most powerful weapon against sins of lust is frequent confession.

Not everyone was meant to marry, and that’s fine. The most important thing that you can do is train yourself to be a man of God, and that means defeating your weaknesses.

You clearly articulated several in your post, you need to work on those. Try to find a well-formed buddy who you can talk to about these things, and who will hold you accountable. Everyone loves to talk about spiritual directors, but I know those aren’t always the easiest to find, just find someone you trust who does his best to love the church.

People who try to do anything alone are bound to fail unless they are really extraordinary at motivating themselves. People who go to the gym, or run, or anything, get much better and stay more consistent when they have training partners.

Find a hobby or something so that you fill your time and your occasions of temptation will dwindle.

If someday things change and you do feel called to marriage, all this advice is good for that, too. If you train yourself to be a strong man of God, grow some spiritual (and actual) muscles, you will be desirable to holy women.

I’ll pray for you

Peace

Stephen
 
Zavius_Firerave said:
First I would like to ask anybody who does not agree with ANY Catholic Church teaching to not post at all and please leave as soon as you finished reading this sentence.

I’m a 27 y.o. forever alone straight guy who can’t get a date and have started thinking about not getting married at all. The idea of being a parent scares me because I don’t think I can live up to the responsibility and I do not think that I will be able to protect my child’s beliefs in a world where homosexuality, pornography, drugs, and other atrocities are seen as normal. I barely have any good experience about dating and I’ve been rejected by every single girl I asked out. I have basically developed a form of resentment towards women(fortunately not all of them as I still have some female friends) especially the attractive ones(well, at least the ones who I find attractive) which means I hate them because I like them…I know it’s contradictory but that’s exactly what I feel…

So, as you might already be able to guess, I have the masturbation problem as well. I know of St. Paul’s advice for people who can’t control themselves to marry “for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” But what if the reason I’m not getting married is not to follow St. Paul’s teachings?

I want to get a professional help but I don’t know any Catholic counselor who knows what they are talking about which is why I turn to this forum.

How condemn-able is my state of mind at the moment?
What would you suggest me do?
Click to expand...
I like your first sentence. I’m new here and finding that many on CAF do have their own ideas and concepts which are contrary to church teaching but go ahead and expouse them anyway. It’s all rather interesting.

I’m a girl and can’t speak to the rest of what you say. The only thing I can tell you from experience is that you’re never ready to be a parent! You learn as you go by loving your children and endeavering to be a good christian - whatever that means would take pages.

God doesn’t call the equipped
He equips the called

So whatever you’re called to, God will equip you. Read the bible, join a church group, pray, learn your faith.

I think you’ll get good advice here. But sometimes going to confession is not enough. You need to understand that God loves you and is always close to you and is willing to be by your side. Which is what the Holy Spirit is: a paraclete, someone who stands at your side ready to help you and guide you.

My prayers are with you
Fran
 
Zavius_Firerave said:
What would you suggest me do?
Click to expand...
Prayer and fasting. Always remember that Jesus commanded us to deny ourselves. Pray to Blessed Jacinta Marto and ask for her assistance, she is very powerful in this regard (from personal experience).

:twocents:
 
Thank you for all your replies. I’ll try to do all of the suggestions.

Can anyone answer my question regarding the motivation to not marry?
 
Zavius_Firerave said:
Can anyone answer my question regarding the motivation to not marry?
Click to expand...
It is, certainly, a sacrifice that you can make, if done for the right reasons. To do it because women have rejected your advances and you have developed a resentment towards them would not be a good reason. When considering women, look to those around you who are waiting for you to notice them. Friends first and other things will follow.
 
Zavius_Firerave said:
Thank you for all your replies. I’ll try to do all of the suggestions.

Can anyone answer my question regarding the motivation to not marry?
Click to expand...
The decision to marry can’t be made unless you have cut someone from the herd. Lots of men. WANT to get married but don’t fall in love with someone. Don’t be in a rush to orchestrate your life.leave the decision to God’s will…and see if things don’t just work out to what’s best for you! Peace.
 
Basically, What if I choose not to marry not because it’s good for me but because of reasons I mentioned in my first post? Is it still good for me or is it just a stupidity?
 
You have not “decided not to marry” and at age 60 neither have I.

We just haven’t got far enough forward in our thinking and relating to decide TO marry (or not to marry), as yet.

My scarce dating experience was a bit of a bungle from what little I remember.

Married or not, we need many many friends and we need to be a friend to many.

Those few parishes which have prayer or bible study groups can help each other relate. I’ve even been blessed by the friendship of protestants.

Does your parish have Legion of Mary? From what little I know of it one is relating to the people one is visiting, and the people along with whom one does one’s visiting, both at the same time - and even asking God’s blessing on both those kinds of relationships.

We don’t need to worry about our “stupidities”!

This is partly similar to a thread I was thinking of starting, myself! 👍
 
I don’t think you’re stupid, and I think that quote by Paul doesn’t really jive in our enlightened culture (I say that half-sarcastically).

Please, someone stop me if I have this wrong, but he also says in the verse previous:

"Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do"

We are all given different gifts. Some people are meant for marriage. Some are meant to forgo marriage for the Kingdom of God. I

t has become the norm in our society to get married, and what that has often lead to is heartbreak and divorce and broken homes, because people have not discerned their own vocations, it’s just, oh, “I’m supposed to get married to be happy.”

I think you are being smarter than a lot of people just by virtue of considering the option to remain unmarried, but that does not change your obligation also to chastity.

Peace
 
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