I am so sorry that your loved one is going through this horrible disease. Since it is a disease that has times of remission it has a different effect on marriage. Some on this forum know this because I have posted it once before but I will do it again for your sake, and the sake of your loved one. In 1990 I was raped and contracted this disease.
I was ignorant of the facts at the time and thought his condom use might have prevented it. (Believe me it took years of Catholic counseling to accept that even with a condom it was still rape. For some reason I thought, in my injured soul, that because I consented to a condom, I consented to the rape. But that’s a topic for a different type of thread!)
Anyway, the post by 1ke is very accurate on the c-section birth. I had no symptoms at the time and was able to have a vaginal birth for my son. My doctor also had given the option of high dose medicine at the end of pregnancy, when it was least likely to affect the baby. It was a non-issue in my first pregnancy, but will come up again when we go to conceive again.
The best advice I can give is to help your loved one get the real facts on this disease. The marketers of the most common suppressor have a misleading, yet helpful phrase in their ad. It’s helpful because it scares people into not spreading the disease, but misleading becuase it doesn’t quite fit the facts. She MUST learn everything possible about her own body. She needs to keep her stress level low. She needs to take the best care of herself possible. She must learn how to identify even the slightest twinge in her body.
The misleading phrase from the ad is, “It is possible to spread herpes even if you have no signs or symptoms.” While helpful to prevent the spread, it is not entirely true. A true statement would be, “It is possible to spread herpes even when you do not realize you are having an outbreak.” Sometimes the signs are so minute, people who do not understand their bodies can miss them. There has to be a sore to spread the disease. The sore might be microscopic, but that is all it takes.
Which brings me to my next point. Please help her get a good education on the insufficiency of condoms. Most herpes sites will tout “correct and consistent use” of condoms in one line, then waaaaaay down the page in little letters they will tell the rest. You see herpes is not, repeat NOT, usually located only on the parts of the body that a condom covers. The sores missed by men are on the underside at the base of the shaft. The sores missed by women are on the outer labia. These are common sores, easily missed, and not covered by condoms. Some of these resemble an ingrown hair, but will feel different to those who know their bodies.
Which brings me to my last point. Sorry this is so long! NFP has been a God-send for me in dealing with my disease. Knowing my body that well has helped me to discern even the tiniest flare. More importantly, it helped my husband and I really commit to living in a marriage with this horrible disease. We both know that abstinence might be a necessity. NFP users know that as a good thing.
I prayed long and hard about getting married. I gave my husband all the facts I had. He says he just has faith that God will help us.
Please let me know if I can help you further. I am hoping someday to find support for those of us with this disease who want real Catholic teaching on the facts. I always tell people, “There are worse things you can get from a rape than a baby. I wish I had a 16 year old child now, not just a 16 year old disease.”
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