Marriage and the pill question?

[jp72]

I have come back to the Catholic church after many years away. During the time I was away I married a terrific woman who I am madly in love with. We have been together for 17 years married for almost 10 of those years. The problem I am having know is her use of birth control. Now that I am coming back to the church I am really not keen on her using then anymore because of the fact it is a mortal sin. My wife is not Catholic and works in the medical profession so her views on birth control is different then mine. I asked her about stopping and maybe using NFP but she seemed to not be interested in that option. Now there is more info about her I must say. She suffers from PCOS and her doctor has told her stay on the pill to control the hormone levels to prevent the cysts. In this case would the use of the pill be ok. Also if she has to be on the pill am I to be celibate in my marriage because there is no chance for procreation when my wife and I want to be intimate? Should I also be celibate to try and make my wife decide if she should stop using the pill? I am torn on this issue. I don’t want to force her in to something that might cause her pain and problems medically. However, I don’t want to live in a state of mortal sin.

 

[CAmeliaD]

I asked her about stopping and maybe using NFP but she seemed to not be interested in that option.

You should do as much research as you can and talk to her about the benefits of NFP. Check out the Couple to Couple League website.

She suffers from PCOS and her doctor has told her stay on the pill to control the hormone levels to prevent the cysts. In this case would the use of the pill be ok.

As long as the pill is used for the intended purpose of healing a medical condition, then it is morally permissible. It sounds like she wants to contracept though…so it might be a little shady.

Also if she has to be on the pill am I to be celibate in my marriage because there is no chance for procreation when my wife and I want to be intimate?

No, you don’t have to be celibate. If she is contracepting and you have made your view on it clear, you may still be intimate. As long as she is the one using contraceptives and you are not, you can still be intimate without culpability.

Should I also be celibate to try and make my wife decide if she should stop using the pill?

Yikes. No. Using sex as a weapon is not going to convince your wife of anything, other than you are willing to be unreasonable to get what you want.

 

[kristie_m]

good advice above, but I would also recommend that you talk to your priest, and check out the catholic bioethics center, which may also have good information for you.

ncbcenter.org/

 

[Sina]

The thing that is hard about this for your wife, is that going into your marriage, it sounds like you were okay with birth control pills because you had fallen away. Now that you are back (Welcome back!), you can’t expect her to change. I know you know that.

It is not your fault if you have a contracepting spouse. You are not sinning, as long as you made your opinion clear, which you have. I would still talk to a priest about it.

As others have said, NFP is great to learn about and there are many resources. Maybe your wife will like it for it’s many benefits. Many non Catholics use it too.

God Bless.