Marriage, annulment and Communion

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usthree

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Hi,

I hope I am on the correct forum. I am looking for an answer regarding my husband’s former marriage, (by a justice of the peace), which has not been annuled by the church. I was told that because the former marriage has not been annuled we cannot recieve Holy Communion.
We have been working towards having our marriage blessed in the Catholic church, as we were also married outside the church.
I specifically want to know if it is possible to recieve communion if we both recieve a confession and abstain from relations until we are able to formally marry in the Catholic church (assuming the annulment is approved).
We have, unknowlingly, been recieving communion and were both very suprised to find out we were commiting a mortal sin.
Can someone please help explain what options, if any, we have.
Thank you
usthree
 
Yes, if you confess your sin and then live “as brother and sister” until your marriage is solemnized by the Church, then you would be morally fine to receive Communion. 🙂
 
1.) If you didn’t know, then there is no mortal sin. The Church does not hold us repsonsible for what we don’t know. But now that you do know, you can refrain from receiving the Eucharist until your marriage is convaldidated.
2.) I don’t know where you live, BUT in the US, if a Catholic has married outside of the Church, such as by a justice of the peace, then the format used to obtain the decree of nullity is called a defect of form. Usually, the only thing required is two witnesses to say that the person in question never rectified the marriage before a priest and two witnesses. Again, if this was your husband’s only attempted marriage besides his one to you, it should be a very simple and quick procedure.
3.) Yes in most instances it is true that if you both go to confession, and live as brother and sister until your marriage is validated, then you both may receive the Eucharist, provided you are both in a state of grace and are Catholic.

But you see, those bold words are clarifiers and cautions. I am not a canon lawyer. I am not a priest. I am not a convening tribunal. I am a layperson and catechist (a real one, with a certificate and everything, second level;) 😃 ), and I have been through a decree of nullity (annulment). I don’t have all the facts of your situation, and I don’t want you to unnecessarily air them for us.

So, your best bet is to take it to at least one priest or deacon who can get you started on the paperwork path to convalidation.
 
Thank you so much for your quick response, I greatly appreciate it, and feel much better as I head off to sleep tonight.
🙂
 
You are correct in those things - I am not a canon lawyer either - but I do know this from experience. I was cohabitating with my fiance who is now my husband. However, when we did make the decision to live as brother and sister prior to the marriage and received our forms of nullities as we had both been married outside the Church we were able to take Eucharist. It also worked out that we were going to Mass in a different area where people did not really know our living situation as we were in the process of moving so we didn’t need to worry about scandal. Overall, it really seemed to suprise our deacon that we were willing to do this but it grew our relationship and made our wedding night that much more special. And yes, there is a difference between a sacramental union in the bedroom and one that is not sacramental. When God is there how can it be anything but wonderful?

God bless,
 
My DH and I had been married for 9 years when we joined the Church. I had a previous marriage.

Our priest told us we could receive the Sacraments as long as we lived “as brother and sister,” so we did. Once my teenage mistake was declared null, we continued abstaining until our marriage was convalidated.

And Joandarc is right!

God bless you,

Ruthie
 
usthree said:
Hi,

I hope I am on the correct forum. I am looking for an answer regarding my husband’s former marriage, (by a justice of the peace), which has not been annuled by the church. I was told that because the former marriage has not been annuled we cannot recieve Holy Communion.
We have been working towards having our marriage blessed in the Catholic church, as we were also married outside the church.
I specifically want to know if it is possible to recieve communion if we both recieve a confession and abstain from relations until we are able to formally marry in the Catholic church (assuming the annulment is approved).
We have, unknowlingly, been recieving communion and were both very suprised to find out we were commiting a mortal sin.
Can someone please help explain what options, if any, we have.
Thank you
usthree
Click to expand...
What’s the hold up on getting the paperwork done? If you husband was a Catholic who got married outside the church the paperwork is very simple. Then all you need is a priest and two witnesses and all is right with the church.

Go talk to a priest. I know everyone is trying to be helpful but you need to have spiritual direction here. You cannot receive absolution uless you are working directly with a priest to ammend your living situation. You cannot do the "live as brothe and sister " thing without spiritual direction.
 
I am feeling very betrayed by my Church who ostracizes me from receiving Holy Communion because I am divorced when so many priests were not brought to justice for abusing small children. Potentially, I could receive comunion from such a priest. These decisions do not seem to me to be of God. God would not punish a woman by withholding a sacrament and at the same time allow priests to abuse children.
Can anyone explain this to me?
 
Linna said:
I am feeling very betrayed by my Church who ostracizes me from receiving Holy Communion because I am divorced when so many priests were not brought to justice for abusing small children. Potentially, I could receive comunion from such a priest. These decisions do not seem to me to be of God. God would not punish a woman by withholding a sacrament and at the same time allow priests to abuse children.
Can anyone explain this to me?
Click to expand...
Dear Linna:

If you are divorced but have not entered an invalid second marriage, you are free to receive Communion provided you are in a state of grace.

So if this is your situation (divorced, not remarried). . .then relax, you are free if you are in a state of grace to receive communion.

But if, dear Linna, you are divorced, with no decree of nullity, and have freely chosen to enter into an invalid ‘second’ marriage, and now complain that you cannot receive, that’s a whole different story.

I do hope it is the first situation, in which case you can enjoy full communion (in all sense). . .but if it is the second, get back to us and we’ll explain why it is not ‘the Church’ who bars you, but you who have freely barred yourself, and what you can do, with God’s help, to be ‘restored’.
 
Linna said:
I am feeling very betrayed by my Church who ostracizes me from receiving Holy Communion because I am divorced when so many priests were not brought to justice for abusing small children. Potentially, I could receive comunion from such a priest. These decisions do not seem to me to be of God. God would not punish a woman by withholding a sacrament and at the same time allow priests to abuse children.
Can anyone explain this to me?
Click to expand...
Linna~

I, too, am a new member who joined today. I just wanted to give you a hug! :hug3:

Perhaps I can help explain. I am also divorced and am the mother of a victim of recent clergy sexual abuse.

Regarding the point about being ostracized by the Church for receiving Holy Communion, the prior poster was correct. Getting a divorce does not automatically prevent you from receiving the Eucharist, although many people don’t understand that. SO long as you are in a state of grace (have no mortal sin) and have not remarried, you may receive the Eucharist.

What I see as a deeper issue, though, is your sense of the inequality with which you have been treated versus the much more eggregious sins that seem to have been swept under the rug. That’s understandabe on many levels, but perhaps I can share how God has helped me with this very real sense of betrayal.

I struggled for six long years with trusting priests again. God finally showed me that He can still use “broken vessels,” meaning that even if a priest is not perfect – and only God knows whether they are or are not – God can still use them as His instruments of His Grace and Mercy. It is not my place to fret and worry (or judge) a priest – that’s God’s job.

You say: “God would not punish a woman by withholding a sacrament and at the same time allow priests to abuse children.” Again, I can feel the pain behind that statement. However, it shows a distorted view of God. “If God lets them off the hook, then He should let me off the hook.” (I’m not saying you’ve done anything wrong by getting divorced.) This is like saying nobody should be punished for something they’ve done because other people have gotten away with much worse.

It also presumes that God has given priests His blessing to abuse children. We have no idea the depth of punishment God has in store for these men (or women). We will never understand this side of Heaven why He has allowed tragedies like this to happen.

Our only job is to grow in holiness. If we focus on our own lives and realize how far we are from perfection, it becomes much easier to ignore those who we perceive as being more sinful than we are.

Hope this helps!
 
Linna said:
I am feeling very betrayed by my Church who ostracizes me from receiving Holy Communion because I am divorced when so many priests were not brought to justice for abusing small children. Potentially, I could receive comunion from such a priest. These decisions do not seem to me to be of God. God would not punish a woman by withholding a sacrament and at the same time allow priests to abuse children.
Can anyone explain this to me?
Click to expand...
Hi Linna, So far as I know (and I hope to be corrected if wrong) but as a divorced catholic, you CAN receive Holy Communion! Unless… (and here is the caveat) you have remarried (outside the church, of course).

If you were married in the church, the church considers you married (assuming the marriage was consummated) until death or annulment. If you were to remarry (without having the marrige annuled), you’d be living in mortal sin. ANY mortal sin, as I understand it, disqualifies you from Holy Communion until you have confessed your sin, and presumabaly made steps to remove oneself from the sin.

In short: If you are divorced but not remarried, you CAN recieve Communion and I would perhaps ask the Dioces (Bishop) for clarification in your particular situation, and notify your priest of any clarification on the matter.

I share your frusation and anger :mad: with the scandal. But I am would like to believe that the preists involved in the scandal were denied Holy Communion until they confessed their sins!

I pray you straighten the situation out and find yourself attending mass regularly. Also, and forgive me for asking, but is there any chance you and your former husband may reconcile? It’s happened before! With God, anything is possible.

Cheers,
Beethoven
 
I would also like to say to the OP that I am very sorry for the pain that she is going through.

God bless and please take my prayers,
 
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