Dear MountainMan,
Blessings on you, your wife and children as catachumens into the Catholic faith!
Your wife does not need “cooperation” from her Respondent - his participation is not mandatory. She can proceed with her Advocate without the Respondent’s “cooperation”.
I was a Petitioner with an advocate who was my Eastern rite pastor in 1985-1986; my Libellus were prepared by him. Because my attempt at marriage when I was 19 occurred in the Latin rite, my petition was submitted to our local Latin rite tribunal.
My Respondent ignored the officiating tribunal.
“Respondent” and I eloped several days after his 18th birthday; we sought convalidation about 2 1/2 months later. I am not certain of exact canonical grounds argued, but I recall my pastor spoke about one party giving “consent” but the other does not.
The Latin rite tribunal completed investigation and due diligence about 12 months after accepting my petition as having sufficient grounds to proceed.
My petition was prepared with the spiritual guidance from my Advocate, and it called into doubt lack of consent (my Respondent’s ability to consent to the essential obligations of married life).
My 1980s pastor studied canon law in Rome for several years. He and I had six or seven meetings and we spoke in depth. Prior to submitting my petition, he inquired about any reconcilliation but there was no hope of reconcilliation between myself and my Respondent.
My Respondent’s misconduct presented evidence of unwillingness and unawareness of the lifelong obligations required by both parties in a valid Christian marriage. My testimony and sworn statements from my three witnesses indicated this conduct. One of my witnesses was a staff priest who served the church we attended (together) before permanent separation.
Here is a quote from Wikipedia regarding requirements for a valid marriage (from link
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_(Catholic_Church):
The Catholic Church also has requirements before Catholics can be considered validly married in the eyes of the Church. A valid Catholic marriage results from four elements: (1) the spouses are free to marry; (2) they freely exchange their consent; (3) in consenting to marry, they have the intention to marry for life, to be faithful to one another and be open to children; and (4) their consent is given in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized Church minister. Exceptions to the last requirement must be approved by church authority.
My old pastor who acted as my Advocate in 1985-1986 passed into the Lord in 2006 - or I would email him/phone him and privately email you. He did not blame me, he did not shame me, nor did he judge me. Do not allow anyone to inflict shame upon your wife regarding her annulment petition. Spousal abuse or neglect is a horrible thing to endure. I would encourage her to seek spiritual direction with her Advocate as to your mutual life (now) and identify what factors are present to indicate a good, solid foundation for married life with convalidation.
As a priest with a vocation to be of service to his parish members, my Advocate acted with the motivation for me to be in good standing with Mother Church. My Advocate did not believe punishment and shame should hang over a person who experienced deception, concealment of an impediment to marriage and the other party’s inability to provide irrevocable consent…
As Christians, we are called to protect valid marriage between a man and woman. Holy Gospel teaches that marriage is intended as a lifelong union between a man and woman. Our Catholic Catechism teaches that marriage is sacramental and intended to be a lifelong union between man and woman under natural law.
There is significant controversy in the United States regarding tribunal officials who appear to automatically grant decrees of nullity - we have a 50 percent civil divorce rate. 50 percent civil divorce indicates a social epidemic. However, the Church has identified impediments to marriage and through her local tribunals and the Vatican Rota’s decisions by examining whether the marriage in question was valid. What I mean to say here? Just like some civil divorces should not be granted…there are valid marriages which the Church should protect (for example, long term marriage where both parties are biological parents, there is an absence of physical spouse abuse…yet, after twenty years, one spouse has a radical mid-life crisis and abandons the family for superficial reasons…questionable reasons).
Annulment proceedings by the Church are not a phenomenon of the 20th century; church jurisprudence existed for many years. Each case is unique, however.
Your post mentioned physical abuse occurred in your wife’s prior relationship. Most of us recognize that physical spouse abuse is a serious crime in the 21st century - for many years, husbands were allowed to physically strike their wives as disciplne. Physical abuse (punching, slapping, shoving, etc) is against what Paul teaches in Ephesians 5 ("Husbands love your wives, etc.) . Physical abuse (when repeated) inflicted towards a woman is wrongful. Many psychiatrists would argue that a pattern of physical abuse inflicted on a woman by her husband might indicate “impulsive control disorder”.
Hopefully your wife will understand what was absent when she and her Respondent attempted marriage, and she will explore all pertinent issues in-depth with her Advocate.
May God bless your family’s period of being Catachumens and ultimately becoming full members of the Church.
1ke