Marriage before kids?

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Why is it important to get married before having kids? What’s wrong with having kids with your girlfriend and never bothering with marriage?
 
Because children deserve to be born in the security of marriage.

Because the marital act was designed for marriage.
 
The marital act is meant for the married, no one else. God Intended for sex to be within marriage.
 
From the Compendium to the Catechism:
  1. Why are artificial insemination and artificial fertilization immoral?
2373-2377

They are immoral because they dissociate procreation from the act with which the spouses give themselves to each other and so introduce the domination of technology over the origin and destiny of the human person. Furthermore, heterologous insemination and fertilization with the use of techniques that involve a person other than the married couple infringe upon the right of a child to be born of a father and mother known to him, bound to each other by marriage and having the exclusive right to become parents only through each another.

http://www.vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html
 
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Agree with prior comments. Having children makes the relationship more complex. It becomes less about us (2 people) and more about us (3+ people). When married in The Church, there is the benefit of having God in the us (2 people plus God). The Sacrament of Marriage is a permanent union. Children deserve this permanence and promise. When children are involved, the partners will always be in each other’s lives, even if there is a breakup. Take the situation with gravity it deserves. These are life-changing circumstances. Take them seriously and do the right thing, in the right order. Don’t put the cart before the horse.
 
Sex without marriage is called “porneia” in Scripture. It is a greek term which describes unlawful sexual relations, and is condemned by the Apostles and Jesus allowed divorce for such relations.

If you are Christian, and especially Catholic, you will seek God in all things. Marriage is a Sacrament of which the relationship of Jesus and His Church are the model for.

Jesus committed Himself to the Church with the promise to never abandon her. His Church consents and relies on His grace to remain faithful and reconcile when she has failed Him.

You need His grace to live as a husband and wife who He wishes us to be. Do not be afraid of thos commitment.
 
There are non religious reasons too. In the event one parent expires, marriage provides a relatively smooth way to attain assets and benefits needed to support a child. Also, if an unmarried parent applies fore government benefits for that child the government will aggressively go after the father for every dime even if both share the same address.
 
I am married, with two kids, but many of my Catholic friends – here in San Diego – just live with their girlfriends and have kids. So I was curious to see what the current Catholic posiion was. Thank you, I like the answers.
 
Aside from the Catholic teaching it’s very prudent to be aware of your rights and status as an unmarried couple compared to if you were married.

Their are a lot of British women who have left themselves very vulnerable after having children with men they aren’t married to and assuming they will be treated as a married couple if something goes wrong.
 
TonyDanger said:
many of my Catholic friends – here in San Diego – just live with their girlfriends and have kids.
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That is behaviour strangely at odds with what you’d expect from a person professing to be Catholic. Do they practice the faith in other respects?
 
ConfusedLucy said:
having children with men they aren’t married to and assuming they will be treated as a married couple if something goes wrong.
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I think in some jurisdictions the law does actually operate by deeming people to be married (“de-facto”) after conducting themselves long enough as though they were.
 
Friends that say they are Catholic or practicing Catholics?
 
Rau said:
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ConfusedLucy:
having children with men they aren’t married to and assuming they will be treated as a married couple if something goes wrong.
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I think in some jurisdictions the law does actually operate by deeming people to be married (“de-facto”) after conducting themselves long enough as though they were.
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This varies by state law. Not sure if California has a “common-law” marriage statute. From a quick Internet search, doesn’t look like California law accepts common-law marriage.
 
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I had a friend who was a grandma (she’s passed away) and she remarked how her grandson was finally getting married. We chatted a bit and I discovered that the grandson and his wife were not planning on having children because, between the 2 of them, they had a total of 7 children with different partners. Neither had been married before. The 7 children lived in homes with no dad and the other children in the house they were in had children with different fathers.
How very very sad.

God designed sex to be within marriage for this very reason. A man and woman are to come before family and friends, and God, to proclaim their love and faithfulness for the rest of their lives. It’s a good design! It protects children, it protects women and it protects dads. Children need both parents to be there until they are old enough to go on their own. Women need the support of a spouse, not to be abandoned to single parent their children, often in poverty as shown in the US. Men are not just a paycheck to buy stuff. Children benefit greatly by having a father in the home.

And God is real. We are a broken people who are inclined to sin. God wants to be there to help marriages, help families, to bring forgiveness, kindness, strength, wisdom, guidance. He will be a very real force in a marriage, but he wishes to be invited in. He is the very best of fathers and he wants marriages to succeed.
 
strange…Are the “girlfriends” also Catholics? Are your friend truly believers?

You live in California, so mores are more released than some other parts of the world. And if a society in general in released, the people who are living in it, regardless of their religion tend to be so.
The contrary is also true.

Around me : among married Catholics friends who are truly believers, at least practicing on sundays and engage in our parish : all where living together before marriage.
 
I think that’s the problem, in England (think Scotland might be different) there is no common law marriage whatsoever, you are either married or in a civil partnership or you are legally roomates. However many of us Brits watch a lot of media from other English speaking nations like the US and some assume that England must have common law marriage too.
 
I’m think that in Australia, ”de facto” couples have the same rights as married persons, including when they split up. As far as I am aware, this is even true for same sex couples.
 
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Agree in all points. Thank you for this beautiful and true statement.
 
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