Marriage between Catholic and Non practicing Catholic

[jennwolly]

My boyfriend of 3.5 years and I are soon to be engaged (this month). He grew up Catholic but when his family moved when he was about 14 he never went back to church. When we first started dating, he would go to Mass with my every Sunday and talked about getting confirmed (he has received Holy Communion and Bapitism). Life got hard for us, I was rediagnosised with cancer, his parents divorced, his mom attempted suicide and so forth. I got to a point where he said he didn’t believe anymore and was just going to Mass for me. Now I know this is a touchy subject, but in my heart I couldn’t make him go to Mass, I need him to go for himself and not me. So it has been about a year now since he stopped attending with me, other than Christmas and Easter and a few other important days.
Now I have no doubt he is not the right person for me, even if we lack a strong spiritual bond between us… no one could have a strong enough bond with me in all other aspects that we do. So I have no questions about the marrying him, the question is how?
I have always thought I would have a Catholic wedding with mass, and I would marry a Catholic. As he has agreed to this (and raising our children Catholic), is this fair? I wanted a wedding with mass so I could share the receiving the Eurachist with my husband, but I am not sure he can if he is not confirmed at a wedding? or if that seems right?
Also, does anyone know if this takes additional preparation for this wedding, as I would love to get married this summer but fear the timing… our engagement was put off for a while until he gained back his faith in marriage after his parents.
Also, I should note we are 22 and on our last semester of college and many people tell me that he will realize the importance when you get out of college or when you have kids, but I do love him and I know he is a good person, but I don’t want to hold on to a false hope that he will wake up one day and become confirmed in the Catholic church.
Any advice is appreciated

 

[AnnaPerry]

Hi, I am not sure of the ins and outs of how to get married, but I just wanted to say that I know life can deal hard blows sometimes and it can be a test of faith, but I feel sure you will work it out. You love each other and that’s the most important thing, be gentle with him and I’m sure in time he will re-discover his faith. Blessings

 

[1ke]

Now I have no doubt he is not the right person for me, even if we lack a strong spiritual bond between us… no one could have a strong enough bond with me in all other aspects that we do.

Honey, what you are saying is, “he’s perfect for me…EXCEPT” this one, huge, giant, very important, life-altering thing.

Of course you could have an equally strong bond with someone else with whom you ALSO share this most important thing in your whole life: your Faith.

So I have no questions about the marrying him, the question is how?
I have always thought I would have a Catholic wedding with mass, and I would marry a Catholic. As he has agreed to this (and raising our children Catholic), is this fair?

He is a baptized Catholic. A Catholic must receive the Sacrament of Confirmation prior to the Sacrament of Marriage.

Also, while you are asking if it will be fair to him I think you need to ask if in the 50 years to come it will be fair to YOU and to your CHILDREN who will be terribly confused by a non-practicing father.

I wanted a wedding with mass so I could share the receiving the Eurachist with my husband, but I am not sure he can if he is not confirmed at a wedding? or if that seems right?

As I already noted, a Catholic needs Confirmation prior to Marriage. And, although he would be able to receive the Eucharist if he has gone to Confession and made a good Confession-- I don’t think he can do that if he has no intention of practicing his faith and if he “doesn’t believe”.

Also, does anyone know if this takes additional preparation for this wedding, as I would love to get married this summer but fear the timing… our engagement was put off for a while until he gained back his faith in marriage after his parents.

Marriage preparation varies from diocese to diocese, and it is usually a minimum of 6 months.

Also, I should note we are 22 and on our last semester of college and many people tell me that he will realize the importance when you get out of college or when you have kids, but I do love him and I know he is a good person, but I don’t want to hold on to a false hope that he will wake up one day and become confirmed in the Catholic church.
Any advice is appreciated

My advice is to find someone with whom you share the same faith, goals, values, and vision for your family.

You do not share the same vision with this man, and you probably never will. Marriage is forever, you need to think about what you are proposing-- yoking yourself to a man who has rejected the faith.