Marriage Blessed in the Church, Civil Divorce, Still Took Communion

[rosenoir]

I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible.

I was married civilly outside of the church but once I became a member of the church (he was already Catholic) we had our marriage blessed by our parish priest. Four years later because of some very trying circumstances I left him. Attempts to come to an agreement on reconciliation didn’t work. I was away from the church for three years at least and even considered myself an agnostic but I didn’t outright deny Christianity, etc.

Obviously I dated. I did the normal things that normal people do when they date. The thing is, I wasn’t divorced from him until about 5 or so years after I left him.

So I wanted to go back to church, I felt a strong pull towards reuniting with the Catholic faith, so I started attending Mass, and receiving communion. I can’t really describe accurately how I justified it. I felt like God knew what was in my heart and that the fact that I was divorced was a non-issue. It was about what I was on the inside. At this point I had also already remarried, although not in the church as my husband doesn’t believe.

When I joined my current parish I lied on the form and said that I had never been married in the church before. I fully admit that I knew it was wrong but I didn’t want to be denied communion, which made me feel so good after I took it. I started feeling really guilty, but continued to do it anyways, yes I fully knew that it was wrong, but I’m not completely convinced that I knew it was a mortal sin. (of course I know now!)

So now the guilt has gotten to be too much. I’ve skipped Mass, although I have been to confession a few times and always wanted to confess my secret, but was so afraid of the judgment and I felt terrible and guilty and like the worst human on the planet for knowing my sin, and not confessing it. I’ve made an appointment with my parish priest after Sunday Mass and it’s time to come clean and to start the process to get an annulment as I believe I have grounds for one.

I’m completely, and utterly terrified and I am a very emotional person so I have no idea how I’m going to pull this off. I’ve started writing some ideas down so I don’t miss anything and so I can make a perfect account of everything.

Does God forgive this? Will I ever be allowed to take communion again, even if I get an annulment? I’m terrified to get an annulment as well. I will be forced to communicate with my ex-husband and I feel like every one in the parish will know all of my sins.

I don’t even know what I’m asking here. Could someone help me make a list to make sure I cover all my basis? Will I be excommunicated for taking communion with a mortal sin on my soul, and quite frankly, after “getting over myself” knowing it was wrong but doing it anyways.

Someone just please talk to me. I plan on talking with my parish priest this Sunday. (November 6th)

 

[Convert_in_99]

Deep Breath…You aren’t going to get zapped.

You need only explain exactly what you said here to a priest in confession. You can go straight to Holy Communion after your confession. It’s that simple. You won’t be cast out of the Church, far from it. You will be reconciled TO the Church. You may even confess this all anonymously (behind the screen in the confessional) so you will not even feel like you are “known.” You can go to confession as soon as tomorrow and be receiving communion again by Sunday!

You need not apply for an annulment if you are going to remain single. If you ever wish to remarry, then you will need to (God willing) apply for an annulment.

Does that help any?

 

[rosenoir]

You need not apply for an annulment if you are going to remain single. If you ever wish to remarry, then you will need to (God willing) apply for an annulment.

Does that help any?

I guess I wasn’t clear, I re-married a year ago. (not in the church) So It’s like adultery mortal sin, on top of another mortal sin.

What’s that about not getting zapped again?

 

[Convert_in_99]

I guess I wasn’t clear, I re-married a year ago. (not in the church) So It’s like adultery mortal sin, on top of another mortal sin.

What’s that about not getting zapped again?

That does change things a bit, but it is nothing we can’t work through.

In this situation, if you wish to receive Comuunion again you would have to refrain from sexual relations with your current “husband” (not yet recognized by the church) after confession and until you could (if you can) receive an an anullment from your first marriage and get your current marriage blessed in the church. Probably not the answer you want to hear, but that is standard proceedings. If you have no children simply ending your current “marriage” and a confession is all you would need.

 

[SMHW]

At this point I had also already remarried, although not in the church as my husband doesn’t believe.

Your parish will help you proceed.

I just want to point out that everything you have said can be handled in confession. Except for your current civil marriage. That is what is barring you from being reconciled to the Church.

I’m a bit concerned that you have spent most of your post describing other matters but kind of mentioned this in passing. And yes, you do mention the need for a ruling of nullity so that is good.

Do not be ashamed of not receiving communion. Talk to your priest. You are on the road to homecoming.

 

[rosenoir]

I’m a bit concerned that you have spent most of your post describing other matters but kind of mentioned this in passing. And yes, you do mention the need for a ruling of nullity so that is good.

It’s not that I don’t think it’s an important factor, but I am truly ashamed of this whole mess. You know, I could just forget all this and join a church that doesn’t even require all this, lots of non-Catholics I’ve talked to have mentioned this. I can’t do that though, the Catholic Church is where I belong, which is why I’m willing to talk to my priest about all of this.

I feel completely ashamed and I’m scared of what’s to come. I guess that is what it all boils down to.

 

[rosenoir]

In this situation, if you wish to receive Comuunion again you would have to refrain from sexual relations with your current “husband” (not yet recognized by the church) after confession and until you could (if you can) receive an an anullment from your first marriage and get your current marriage blessed in the church. Probably not the answer you want to hear, but that is standard proceedings. If you have no children simply ending your current “marriage” and a confession is all you would need.

I understand what you are saying and I understand that I do have a long road ahead of me. I do want to say though, that although the church doesn’t recognize my “husband” or my “marriage” as you so put them, they are very real to me and I don’t believe that they need to be put in quotation marks. That hurt my feelings very much.

 

[Convert_in_99]

I understand what you are saying and I understand that I do have a long road ahead of me. I do want to say though, that although the church doesn’t recognize my “husband” or my “marriage” as you so put them, they are very real to me and I don’t believe that they need to be put in quotation marks. That hurt my feelings very much.

I’m sorry it was in no way to hurt you. I’m really sorry if it upset you, but some people do not realize the seriousness of a situation if we act like nothing happened. Something did happen and that is you are living with someone who is not your husband in the eyes of God. It can certainly be worked through with the help of a good priest, but it will not be an easy road unfortunately. At this point in time you will have to decide if receiving communion or living with a man who might well be a legal husband, but is still not your husband in the eyes of God (at least not currently ) is more important to you.

 

[Convert_in_99]

It’s not that I don’t think it’s an important factor, but I am truly ashamed of this whole mess. You know, I could just forget all this and join a church that doesn’t even require all this, lots of non-Catholics I’ve talked to have mentioned this. I can’t do that though, the Catholic Church is where I belong, which is why I’m willing to talk to my priest about all of this.

I feel completely ashamed and I’m scared of what’s to come. I guess that is what it all boils down to.

That is a lovely testimony to our Catholic faith! Go to your priest and he will help you through this.

 

[pianistclare]

Never be afraid to speak the truth in the Sacrament of Confession.
Take a deep breath. Go to confession, speak to your priest about your marriage situation and be at peace.

I’m sure others on this thread join me in praying for you.

 

[rosenoir]

I’m sorry it was in no way to hurt you. I’m really sorry if it upset you, but some people do not realize the seriousness of a situation if we act like nothing happened. Something did happen and that is you are living with someone who is not your husband in the eyes of God. It can certainly be worked through with the help of a good priest, but it will not be an easy road unfortunately. At this point in time you will have to decide if receiving communion or living with a man who might well be a legal husband, but is still not your husband in the eyes of God (at least not currently ) is more important to you.

This is why I mentioned that I went through a phase where I was “agnostic.” Of course when you aren’t affiliated, you don’t think of the seriousness of it, especially if you don’t follow it. But it’s now, when I want to be completely in tune and to be apart of a Church I felt was right for me, and why I went through the whole RCIA process for a year and a half. I do realize the seriousness of the situation. It might have taken me a while, but I’m here, ready to own up to the things I have done, or not done as the case may be.

I’m going to go and talk to my priest on Sunday even though I feel like I will want to crawl under the pew and die from embarrassment.

 

[pianistclare]

This is why I mentioned that I went through a phase where I was “agnostic.” Of course when you aren’t affiliated, you don’t think of the seriousness of it, especially if you don’t follow it. But it’s now, when I want to be completely in tune and to be apart of a Church I felt was right for me, and why I went through the whole RCIA process for a year and a half. I do realize the seriousness of the situation. It might have taken me a while, but I’m here, ready to own up to the things I have done, or not done as the case may be.

I’m going to go and talk to my priest on Sunday even though I feel like I will want to crawl under the pew and die from embarrassment.

Oh, don’t worry. There is an old saying: The Church is not a museum for saints, but a hospital for sinners. The other people in the pew can have similar concerns.
Look upon the crucifix and see the arms of Christ welcoming you home, and wanting to envelop you.
You are a daughter of a King. :hug1:

 

[rosenoir]

Oh, don’t worry. There is an old saying: The Church is not a museum for saints, but a hospital for sinners. The other people in the pew can have similar concerns.
Look upon the crucifix and see the arms of Christ welcoming you home, and wanting to envelop you.
You are a daughter of a King. :hug1:

Thank you so much for your kind words. They give me hope and comfort.

 

[pianistclare]

Thank you so much for your kind words. They give me hope and comfort.

You are quite welcome.
That’s what Catholics are supposed to do. be merciful…as Christ is merciful.
God bless you.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Oh, don’t worry. There is an old saying: The Church is not a museum for saints, but a hospital for sinners. The other people in the pew can have similar concerns.
Look upon the crucifix and see the arms of Christ welcoming you home, and wanting to envelop you.
You are a daughter of a King. :hug1:

You are quite welcome.
That’s what Catholics are supposed to do. be merciful…as Christ is merciful.
God bless you.

You’re such a darling Clare, as always!

 

[Convert_in_99]

This is why I mentioned that I went through a phase where I was “agnostic.” Of course when you aren’t affiliated, you don’t think of the seriousness of it, especially if you don’t follow it. But it’s now, when I want to be completely in tune and to be apart of a Church I felt was right for me, and why I went through the whole RCIA process for a year and a half. I do realize the seriousness of the situation. It might have taken me a while, but I’m here, ready to own up to the things I have done, or not done as the case may be.

I’m going to go and talk to my priest on Sunday even though I feel like I will want to crawl under the pew and die from embarrassment.

Great!

And don’t worry plenty have “done” far worse than you. Father has heard it all and these are very common sitauations converts and reverts find themselves in.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I
I feel completely ashamed and I’m scared of what’s to come. I guess that is what it all boils down to.

That is great that you are taking steps to fix things. It is normal to feel ashamed when we become painfully aware of our sins. Pray for strenght and guidance in this. I will also pray for your intention.

 

[Wesrock]

There’s always coming back. You have not done anything unforgivable to God. You are in a very delicate situation, though, and one a priest has been trained to deal with specifically. I pray you find one who can guide you well.

 

[thistle]

I guess I wasn’t clear, I re-married a year ago. (not in the church) So It’s like adultery mortal sin, on top of another mortal sin.

What’s that about not getting zapped again?

If you are divorced and remarried without an annulment you may not receive Communion. You would have to confess and cease sexual relationships with your current partner until the annulment is declared.
Without the annulment your current marriage is not recognised as valid by the Church and therefore you are correct about the adultery.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Thinking of you! I hope God has given you courage and you were able to talk to your parish priest today.