Marriage & Children Questions

[komeeks18]

If a Catholic is engaged to a non-Catholic, for the marriage to be valid in the Catholic Church, do they both have to be Catholic & married in the Church? Can the two marry outside of the Church & it be valid? And if two people have a Catholic wedding, can they have a bridal party (maid of honor, bridesmaids, best man, etc.)? And if so, can they of a different Church (Protestant, or not religious, etc.)? Also, about children, since birth control and such are seen as wrong, what is a family to do if they already have kids and do not want any more? I know instead of using birth control or condoms they should just not have sexual relations, but if they do not want more children do they have to refrain until the woman gets older and can no longer reproduce? Because I’m interested in the Catholic Church, but I do not want to end up with 10 children once I get older, because I honestly could not handle it. Sorry I have so many questions (and that they’re sort of random)!

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

If a Catholic is engaged to a non-Catholic, for the marriage to be valid in the Catholic Church, do they both have to be Catholic

No, they do not have to both be Catholic. A dispensation must be obtained from the Bishop. This is easily accomplished, especially if the other party is Christian (of some variety or another.)

& married in the Church?

I will not answer this because I do not know.

Can the two marry outside of the Church & it be valid?

Again, I do not know.

And if two people have a Catholic wedding, can they have a bridal party (maid of honor, bridesmaids, best man, etc.)?

Certainly. It would be unusual (though not unacceptable) not to have a bridal party!

And if so, can they of a different Church (Protestant, or not religious, etc.)?

Definitively, yes. This is fine.

Also, about children, since birth control and such are seen as wrong, what is a family to do if they already have kids and do not want any more?

Abstain or use natural family planning methods.

I know instead of using birth control or condoms they should just not have sexual relations, but if they do not want more children do they have to refrain until the woman gets older and can no longer reproduce?

No, they can use NFP (natural family planning), a very effective method.

Because I’m interested in the Catholic Church, but I do not want to end up with 10 children once I get older, because I honestly could not handle it. Sorry I have so many questions (and that they’re sort of random)!

That’s OK.

 

[Wahtubee]

From what I learned in my Christian Lifestyle class in high school, they both have to be Catholic and married in the Church for the marriage to be recognized as an official Catholic marriage. The Church will recognize a Christian marriage outside of the Catholic Church, but will not be deemed an official Catholic marriage. I’d guess for the bridal party (and such), they don’t have to be fully Catholic; as long as the two partners that will participate in Holy Matrimony will the Catholic marriage be permissible. If a family wants to have sex but does not want to procreate anymore, there is some calendar method of birth control that is moral in terms of the Catholic Church (I forgot what it was called). Hope I helped!

 

[Tietjen]

If a Catholic is engaged to a non-Catholic, for the marriage to be valid in the Catholic Church, do they both have to be Catholic & married in the Church?

It is best to speak to the parish priest; however, a Catholic may marry a non-Catholic. The priest can give you more info on this. And, in order for a Catholic to marry outside of the Church he/she will need to get a dispensation. Again, a priest can tell you more on this.

Can the two marry outside of the Church & it be valid?

See above

And if two people have a Catholic wedding, can they have a bridal party (maid of honor, bridesmaids, best man, etc.)?

Yes, of course.

And if so, can they of a different Church (Protestant, or not religious, etc.)?

The people in the wedding party are not required to be Catholics.

Also, about children, since birth control and such are seen as wrong, what is a family to do if they already have kids and do not want any more?

Be open to life and trust God.

I know instead of using birth control or condoms they should just not have sexual relations, but if they do not want more children do they have to refrain until the woman gets older and can no longer reproduce?

LOL… Sorry, no you don’t have to wait… Catholics are permitted to use NFP.

Because I’m interested in the Catholic Church, but I do not want to end up with 10 children once I get older, because I honestly could not handle it. Sorry I have so many questions (and that they’re sort of random)!

You really need to speak with a priest about these things. He can give you better answers and help you to better understand the situations that you have asked about. God bless and welcome to the forums.

 

[twoangels]

If a Catholic is engaged to a non-Catholic, for the marriage to be valid in the Catholic Church, do they both have to be Catholic & married in the Church?

The Church prefers people Catholics marry Catholics (though whether or not a priest cares depends on the priest). There are permissions a couple can receive. I’m sure someone else can tell you the details, but ultimately you would need to discuss this with a priest if you wanted to start the process.

Can the two marry outside of the Church & it be valid?

Catholics are required to marry according to the laws of the Church. Any attempt to marry outside of the Church is considered invalid. If it is done in good faith and ignorance, the marriage is considered putative.

And if two people have a Catholic wedding, can they have a bridal party (maid of honor, bridesmaids, best man, etc.)?

A bridal party is not required but it is a normal tradition that is accepted in the Church. Typically the maid of honor and the best man take the role of the two witnesses in addition to the priest that is required to marry validly.

And if so, can they of a different Church (Protestant, or not religious, etc.)?

The bridal party? Some priests might prefer them to avoid adding to confusion about reception of Communion. That is to say, it looks nicer if everyone goes up for communion and not every parish practices the whole “cross your arms around your chest and receive a blessing” as that practice is a fairly recent tradition that has developed and not about of the rubrics of the mass. But typically speaking, you won’t come into much confrontation.

Also, about children, since birth control and such are seen as wrong, what is a family to do if they already have kids and do not want any more? I know instead of using birth control or condoms they should just not have sexual relations, but if they do not want more children do they have to refrain until the woman gets older and can no longer reproduce?

Part of matrimonial consent includes the consent to accept children. Catholic couples can use Natural Family Planning (which uses abstainence during peak fertility in the woman’s cycle) to space and limit the number of children they have, but each sexual act must remain open to life. In the end, children are gifts from God, not commodities that you choose to have or not have. Sex just opens you to the possibility. If a couple expresses an absolute refusal to accept children, this would be seen as a sign that the couple does not want to get married.

Because I’m interested in the Catholic Church, but I do not want to end up with 10 children once I get older, because I honestly could not handle it. Sorry I have so many questions (and that they’re sort of random)!

The Catholic families I know who have 10 children are Traditionalists families who reject NFP because they embrace the Church’s teaching against contraceptives but cannot see how NFP is different than contraceptives. The families i’ve met who practice NFP tend to have 4 to 8 children, but typically they married younger. I just got married at the age of 29. I’m now 31 and have one daughter. Our attitude toward NFP is to be more or less cautious.

 

[komeeks18]

Okay, thanks to all of you for your explanations! They were very helpful! I had heard of NFP, but never researched it, so thank you.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

You asked about marrying outside of the Church…I do not recommend this and neither does our Church. If and when you convert, you will understand why. The only reason my husband and I are still married is that he was baptized a Catholic and had all his sacraments. For all intents and purposes he is an atheist at present. I reverted after our first son was born 20 years ago. Obviously he has not been the spiritual leader of our home. If he were not even Catholic, he probably would not have allowed our sons to go through Catholic school (at some expense) and may not have even allowed them to be baptized or go to Mass. As it is, at least he has pretended to be Catholic for their sakes, and I hope that one day, he will be drawn back to full faith and communion.

And I suspect that you are young and do not have any children yet… You need to let time take care of that question. Once you have your first baby, trust me, 10 will not seem too many…but leave that up to God…

 

[komeeks18]

Haha, yes, I am young. Still in school! I was just wondering, to know for future reference! Thanks!

 

[1ke]

From what I learned in my Christian Lifestyle class in high school, they both have to be Catholic and married in the Church for the marriage to be recognized as an official Catholic marriage.

This is incorrect.

A Catholic can marry a non-Catholic. It requires certain permissions or dispensations from the Bishop depending upon whether or not the person is baptized. If they want to marry in a Catholic Church, they can. If they want to marry in the non-Catholic’s place of worship they can do that, too. It requires a dispensation from Catholic form from the Bishop.

The Church will recognize a Christian marriage outside of the Catholic Church, but will not be deemed an official Catholic marriage.

This is not correct.

Marriage between two non-Catholics when they marry civilly is a valid marriage. If they are baptized it is a sacrament.

Marriage between two Catholics outside Catholic form is INVALID.

Marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic outside Catholic form with a dispensation from the Bishop is valid. Such a marriage without dispensation from form is invalid.

I’d guess for the bridal party (and such), they don’t have to be fully Catholic; as long as the two partners that will participate in Holy Matrimony will the Catholic marriage be permissible.

Again, not true.

If a family wants to have sex but does not want to procreate anymore, there is some calendar method of birth control that is moral in terms of the Catholic Church (I forgot what it was called). Hope I helped!

Oh brother.

 

[1ke]

If a Catholic is engaged to a non-Catholic, for the marriage to be valid in the Catholic Church, do they both have to be Catholic & married in the Church? Can the two marry outside of the Church & it be valid? And if two people have a Catholic wedding, can they have a bridal party (maid of honor, bridesmaids, best man, etc.)? And if so, can they of a different Church (Protestant, or not religious, etc.)?

Yes, a Catholic can marry a non-Catholic. It is unwise, and causes many issues in the marriage. The Church warns against it. But, the Church will make allowances if the faith of the Catholic is not in danger and the Catholic promises to raise their children Catholic.

A mixed marriage can take place in the Catholic Church, or with a dispensation from the bishop can be in the non-Catholic’s church. Catholics must follow Catholic canon law on marriage, but canon law includes ways for a Catholic to be married in another place of worship or civilly if they marry a non-Catholic.

The wedding party does not have to be Catholic.

Also, about children, since birth control and such are seen as wrong, what is a family to do if they already have kids and do not want any more? I know instead of using birth control or condoms they should just not have sexual relations, but if they do not want more children do they have to refrain until the woman gets older and can no longer reproduce? Because I’m interested in the Catholic Church, but I do not want to end up with 10 children once I get older, because I honestly could not handle it. Sorry I have so many questions (and that they’re sort of random)!

You do not know what you could “handle” or not handle. When you ar married, you discern your family size with your spouse. You may find as you have children you are open to more. You may find for physical reasons you cannot have children at all. The future needs to be met with prayer and discernment.

If for some reason you have a serious reason to space children, you can learn a method of natural family planning, in which you abstain periodically. Yes, you can also abstain totally, but in most cases that is not necessary.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

Again, not true.

Yes it is. unless almost every Catholic wedding I’ve ever attended was “done wrong.”

The bridal party need not consist solely of Catholics.

 

[puzzleannie]

quote=komeeks18;8769532]If a Catholic is engaged to a non-Catholic, for the marriage to be valid in the Catholic Church, do they both have to be Catholic & married in the Church? Can the two marry outside of the Church & it be valid?

this is two separate questions
no the non-Catholic party does not have to become Catholic in order to marry a CAtholic, however the Catholic IS bound by church laws on marriage, and must ask for permission to marry a non-Catholic (the priest preparing you for marriage takes care of this) and yes they must be married according to the proper form. This means the official witness must be a Catholic priest or deacon, and unless there is a grave reason and permission is granted for it, the vows must be exchanged in a Catholic church. yes they can have anyone they want in the bridal party, there is not even a requirement that the witnesses, usually maid of honor and best man, be Catholic.

Also, about children, since birth control and such are seen as wrong, what is a family to do if they already have kids and do not want any more? )!

If God for some reasons decides to give you 10 children he will also give you the grace to “handle it” so that by itself is not an issue.

I see you question is no longer general, and is now personal. When marrying in the Catholic Church the parties promise to be open to life that is part of the promise and consent exchanged. If there is a good reason to delay pregnancy they should investigate natural family planning. The Catholic party must promise to bring up any children born of the marriage as Catholic, and the non-Catholic must be informed of that promise.

All of these questions, including NFP, should be covered by the priest or deacon and sponsor couple during your marriage preparation. Don’t procede on general information here, visit your own priest and get answers relevant to your own personal situation.

From what I learned in my Christian Lifestyle class in high school, they both have to be Catholic and married in the Church for the marriage to be recognized as an official Catholic marriage. The Church will recognize a Christian marriage outside of the Catholic Church, but will not be deemed an official Catholic marriage. I’d guess for the bridal party (and such), they don’t have to be fully Catholic; as long as !

this is mostly inaccurate and unhelpful, as are portions of some of the other answers. 1ke is always reliable, but your best answers will come from your own priest.

If you attempt to marry a non-Catholic, or even another Catholic, outside the Church (that is, not according to Church laws on marriage) your marriage will not be valid and you will voluntarily excommunicate yourself from the other sacraments and at least objectively enter into a state of mortal sin. This is the worst thing that can happen to a Catholic, even worse than physical death.

 

[puzzleannie]

From what I learned in my Christian Lifestyle class in high school, they both have to be Catholic and married in the Church for the marriage to be recognized as an official Catholic marriage. The Church will recognize a Christian marriage outside of the Catholic Church, but will not be deemed an official Catholic marriage. I’d guess for the bridal party (and such), they don’t have to be fully Catholic; as long as !

this is mostly inaccurate and unhelpful

 

[1ke]

Yes it is. unless almost every Catholic wedding I’ve ever attended was “done wrong.”

The bridal party need not consist solely of Catholics.

I was referring to the statement that the two parties must be Catholics.

 

[choose_to_love]

@wahtubee: following up on on 1ke’s “oh brother”, modern methods of natural birth regulation or natural family planning are emphatically not the calendar or rhythm method to which you seem to be referring. Those methods assume each woman has a similar cycle every month, and makes some assumptions about fertility based on those premises.

Modern methods of NFP rely on specific physical signs of fertilty that are unique and distinct for each woman for each cycle.

@komeeks: regarding children, it is not just what you “want”, it will be what God is calling you and your husband to as a couple & family at that particular time in your relationship, as you and he discern that through prayer. We are called to responsible parenthood, meaning we discern our responsibilities to God, to our spouse, to our existing family, and to society, and not once for all, but as an ongoing process. Gotta run!

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

I was referring to the statement that the two parties must be Catholics.

Apologies 1ke, I must have misunderstood.

 

[komeeks18]

Thanks everyone! I’m not getting married anytime soon, as I am single, and young, but I was wanting to know for the future! Thanks again!