Marriage Convalidation Before Civil Ceremony?

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cas92791

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Hi there,

I’m very confused regarding marriage convalidation. I have spoken to two separate priests to try to clarify, but it’s left me even more confused than before. Let me give some back story: I’m engaged to a cradle Catholic as of August 2018. I was baptized as a Christian however, I am currently in the RCIA program so that I can be confirmed in the Catholic Church. This will take place in June 2019. We are getting married (having our civil ceremony) in a nondenominational chapel beginning of October 2019. We will be married by a non-Catholic minister since this is just the way it goes at this venue. I had been told by my fiance’s family priest that the RCIA process runs Easter to Easter and I had missed the opportunity to be confirmed as a Catholic in the year 2019. My fiancé and I decided to proceed with our marriage plans and then get our marriage blessed after I was confirmed come Easter 2020.

After speaking to a different parish, I was told their RCIA program had just started in November 2018 and would end June 2019 therefore, I could be confirmed before our civil ceremony in October. The issue is that we were already financially tied to the venue we had chosen by the time I found this out and couldn’t back out to have our wedding held in a Catholic Church without a big financial loss. My fiance’s devout Catholic parents urged us to have a marriage blessing before our civil ceremony as not to be “sinful” come our wedding night, if you known what I mean. This is where I’m lost. Their family priest told us that we couldn’t have our marriage blessed until after we had our civil ceremony. However, the other priest (and the local diocese) said we could do some sort of informal ceremony before our civil ceremony. That we could receive the sacrament of marriage before being married in the eyes of the law. Are both these things possibilities? I was under the impression per all the gooogling I’ve done that we can’t get our marriage blessed until after we have a civil ceremony? Is there any step we can take to have our marriage recognized in the eyes of the Catholic Church before our civil ceremony takes place?
 
Then I don’t really get any of this.

Going to attempt to decipher at your original post with some comments.
 
Get married at the Church in a small ceremony, then, have the reception at your fancy venue
 
cas92791 said:
I was baptized as a Christian however, I am currently in the RCIA program so that I can be confirmed in the Catholic Church. This will take place in June 2019
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cas92791 said:
after I was confirmed come Easter 2020.
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I’m a little confused as to whether you are being received into the Church in June of this year or Easter of 2020.
cas92791 said:
We are getting married (having our civil ceremony) in a nondenominational chapel beginning of October 2019.
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I don’t understand why you made plans to marry in a non-denominations chapel in the first place. Especially as he is a Catholic and must follow the marriage laws of the Church and you are becoming a Catholic. Why didn’t you approach the Church for marriage?
cas92791 said:
My fiancé and I decided to proceed with our marriage plans and then get our marriage blessed after I was confirmed come Easter 2020.
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I don’t understand why your fiancé doesn’t simply get a dispensation from canonical form. That way when you marry in this nondenominational ceremony it will be a valid marriage from the beginning. This is predicated on the fact that you are not yet a Catholic If you will not be a Catholic at the time of your marriage. If he, a Catholic, is marrying a non-Catholic, then he can ask for a dispensation from form and marry you in a non-Catholic setting validly.

And why hasn’t the priest preparing you for marriage recommended that? Very bizarre.
cas92791 said:
The issue is that we were already financially tied to the venue we had chosen by the time I found this out and couldn’t back out to have our wedding held in a Catholic Church without a big financial loss
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Still not following why you ever went to a non-Catholic venue in the first place. Whether you were going to be Catholic or not, your fiancé is Catholic. This is extremely puzzling it seems like someone has convoluted and complicated this process immensely.
 
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cas92791 said:
My fiance’s devout Catholic parents urged us to have a marriage blessing before our civil ceremony as not to be “sinful” come our wedding night, if you known what I mean.
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A) that is not possible.

B) if you were to marry civilly for whatever reason you would need to abstain until you convalidate the marriage— which is why this whole scenario just makes NO sense. Just get married validity in the Catholic Church whether that is through having a Catholic marriage ceremony (which is also the legal/civil marriage) at some point beforehand then have the reception (but no ceremony) at the venue OR if you are not Catholic at the time of the wedding he can get a dispensation from form and your marriage at the venue would be a valid marriage.
cas92791 said:
Their family priest told us that we couldn’t have our marriage blessed until after we had our civil ceremony.
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True.

Or avoid this whole situation altogether by having a Catholic marriage or by getting a dispensation from form and then you would not need a convalidation.
cas92791 said:
However, the other priest (and the local diocese) said we could do some sort of informal ceremony before our civil ceremony. That we could receive the sacrament of marriage before being married in the eyes of the law.
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I don’t even know what to say to that. In the United States the priest is the civil officiant. It’s not a “informal ceremony” it’s an actual ceremony. Like an actual marriage. What they are telling you is frankly, bizarre. I don’t know why anyone is telling you this. Canon law has some allowances in it for ceremonies that are not recognized by civil law. But that is not the case here. Moreover again you’re in the US where the priest is the civil officiant.
cas92791 said:
Is there any step we can take to have our marriage recognized in the eyes of the Catholic Church before our civil ceremony takes place?
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Just get married validly in the first place. That is my advice to you. There are two ways to do that. Get married in the Catholic Church and have a reception at your venue. Or your boyfriend should seek a dispensation from canonical form.
 
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