Marriage Convalidation-not sure this was right

[Annabelle_Marie]

I’m coming back to the church and looking at having my marriage convalidated. I had left the church at the time-didn’t have a dispensation (no one told me I needed one) and was married in a Protestant church. No previous marriages to worry about.

But in looking at my dad’s–I don’t think their’s was right…

He was married in the Catholic church to my mom. They got divorced. At the time that he got remarried–they did not have an annullment. His new wife was also divorced–again no annullment. They said after they got married by a minister–they stopped after their honeymoon and got the marriage blessed (convalidated). This doesn’t seem right as it seems that in the eyes of the church they are still married to their previous spouses. Of course I didn’t want to pry too much or bring up old wounds to them but the more I think about it–the more I wonder how this could have been done?

 

[joandarc2008]

I understand that this could be a very hurtful subject but is there any way that

a) Your mother could have gotten the annullment with your dad having been informed but that he chose not participate and therefore received the benefit

b) The former spouses had passed away making these two widows instead of divorcees.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

Neither had happened at this time.

My mom did get an annullment from him–but more like 5 years after his remarriage. I was living with him at that time.

My stepmom’s previous marriage has never been annulled–she said so yesterday. He is still alive.

See why I’m confused…

 

[joandarc2008]

You may want to come out and directly ask your father. If he is not in a valid marriage the question could point that out. It would be more charitable to point it out in a nice way as a member of the family then let him live in ignorance of a possibly invalid marriage. These questions get very complicated.

 

[1ke]

He was married in the Catholic church to my mom. They got divorced. At the time that he got remarried–they did not have an annullment. His new wife was also divorced–again no annullment. They said after they got married by a minister–they stopped after their honeymoon and got the marriage blessed (convalidated).

One does not “stop by” and get a marriage convalidated. It would take the declaration of nullity of the two prior marriages, premarital paperwork and counseling, and permission from the bishop for a mixed marriage if your step mother is a non-Catholic (and dispensation if she’s not baptized).

Now, many people use the term “getting the marriage blessed” to mean a convalidation. That is **not **a Church term, it’s just what people *call *a convalidation. A convalidation is the giving and receiving of consent in the Catholic form before a duly appointed witness of the Church (priest or deacon) after all premarital preparation and establishing freedom to marry has been completed.

It is entirely possible to receive a blessing that is NOT a convalidation. For example, I can get a priest to bless my house, bless my rosary, or bless me. My DH and I received a blessing from a deacon after a Mass when we were engaged. He said a prayer over us for a strong marriage, and then blessed us in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

A blessing is a prayer and a liturgical/sacramental action on the part of a priest/deacon – it is NOT a convalidation.

(We’ll put aside for a minute the fact that a priest should **not **give such a blessing based on the numerous documents from the Vatican on pastoral care of the divorced/remarried which state that priests should not do this lest the couple be erroneously led to believe that the Church “blesses” their marriage and/or that they can receive Communion.)

This doesn’t seem right as it seems that in the eyes of the church they are still married to their previous spouses. Of course I didn’t want to pry too much or bring up old wounds to them but the more I think about it–the more I wonder how this could have been done?

Sounds to me like you should suggest they speak to a priest.

 

[Justin1224]

In reading some of this thread I thought of this scenario. Let say there is a couple that got married in the church, but then ended up getting a divorce, but after some time apart, they got back together, would another wedding be necessary?

 

[Phemie]

In reading some of this thread I thought of this scenario. Let say there is a couple that got married in the church, but then ended up getting a divorce, but after some time apart, they got back together, would another wedding be necessary?

Only a civil wedding since as far as the Church is concerned they are still married.

 

[cctabb]

In reading some of this thread I thought of this scenario. Let say there is a couple that got married in the church, but then ended up getting a divorce, but after some time apart, they got back together, would another wedding be necessary?

And if you know anyone in this situation I’d highly recommend a civil ceremony (the church says they are still married). I worked with a man who lost his wife. The insurance company did not want to pay because 20 years ago they got divorced. After a few months they got back together again but did not have the civil ceremony. The only thing that saved him (he got the life insurance) was that we were in a common law state. The insurance company had to recognize that they lived together as man and wife for 20+ years after the divorce.