Marriage Convalidation

[MO4MO4]

So, after some advice from a few of you I sat down with my priest, well, rather the first available priest I could. Our priest is away for health reasons. I’ve not spoken with my husband about my conversation with Father yet, he is out of town but will when he returns.

Anyway, Father said I need to get my husband on board for getting our marriage blessed and neither of us receive communion until we do. My anxiety is this, my husband doesn’t see anything wrong with receiving communion or have the sense of urgency I do about getting the marriage validated. I hated going to Mass today and not receiving communion and what is worse, I left, went out back in the foyer, and waited for my children. I was discreet about it, just took my little toddler with me but felt uncomfortable about the entire situation. I obviously need to get a grip about this and come to terms with it, I can’t leave every Sunday. (insert embarrassed smile here)

Despite him “not believing” he still goes to communion each Sunday and goes without ever going to confession. Father also said I cannot go to confession! I was surprised, very surprised about that. So, I feel like I am down, about as low as I can go, and there isn’t a good chance I can move forward with this at least not easily. Convincing my husband to validate this marriage would be one thing, but Father wants us to meet with one of the priests for several months in preparation. If a priest sits down with my husband, he is going to either fake his faith or be put on the spot about his lack of faith and I don’t see it going well either way. (though it would probably be a good thing to get in the open)

Father’s biggest concern is that over the years we’ve been allowed to baptize all of our children, we have a large family and no one ever said we needed to Convalidate. We always had to show our baptism certificates and answer a question as to whether we were married in the church or not but apparently it fell through the cracks and he said we are poor examples to our children. (in nicer terms) It wasn’t until I decided to learn more about truly being Catholic that I learned that we are far from ideal in our faith. (so happy to have found this site though and am on my way)

 

[Jermosh]

I am a bit confused, the Catholic Church does recognise marriages outside of the Church as valid. We had our marriage convalidated and were never told these things, we had to go through a 4month of classes though. I am a convert and my wife is a cradle Catholic.

 

[agapewolf]

I think you may want to just continue your old thread. There is a lot of information you gave there about the situation that is important to this story.
-I don’t know if he is able to enter into a valid marriage with what is going on with him

-You can’t go to confession because in order for it to be valid, you have to be sorry- which means intending to not sin again. If you continue to have relations with your “civil husband”, this is sex outside of marriage.

 

[Jea9]

So, after some advice from a few of you I sat down with my priest, well, rather the first available priest I could. Our priest is away for health reasons. I’ve not spoken with my husband about my conversation with Father yet, he is out of town but will when he returns.

Anyway, Father said I need to get my husband on board for getting our marriage blessed and neither of us receive communion until we do. My anxiety is this, my husband doesn’t see anything wrong with receiving communion or have the sense of urgency I do about getting the marriage validated. I hated going to Mass today and not receiving communion and what is worse, I left, went out back in the foyer, and waited for my children. I was discreet about it, just took my little toddler with me but felt uncomfortable about the entire situation. I obviously need to get a grip about this and come to terms with it, I can’t leave every Sunday. (insert embarrassed smile here)

Despite him “not believing” he still goes to communion each Sunday and goes without ever going to confession. Father also said I cannot go to confession! I was surprised, very surprised about that. So, I feel like I am down, about as low as I can go, and there isn’t a good chance I can move forward with this at least not easily. Convincing my husband to validate this marriage would be one thing, but Father wants us to meet with one of the priests for several months in preparation. If a priest sits down with my husband, he is going to either fake his faith or be put on the spot about his lack of faith and I don’t see it going well either way. (though it would probably be a good thing to get in the open)

Father’s biggest concern is that over the years we’ve been allowed to baptize all of our children, we have a large family and no one ever said we needed to Convalidate. We always had to show our baptism certificates and answer a question as to whether we were married in the church or not but apparently it fell through the cracks and he said we are poor examples to our children. (in nicer terms) It wasn’t until I decided to learn more about truly being Catholic that I learned that we are far from ideal in our faith. (so happy to have found this site though and am on my way)

I’m so happy you’re going through this! It will really be a blessing to you!

If you and your husband agree to live as brother and sister then you may go to Confession and receive the Eucharist. If this is not possible for you to do, then you certainly don’t want to receive Holy Communion. The reason you can’t go to Confession is because you need to have the intent to not sin again, and if you do not plan on living as brother and sister, then you don’t really have the intent. Make sense?

I am a convert, and I’m always surprised by the people who say they are embarrassed to not receive Communion. I don’t get this. People have no reason to judge why a person may or may not be receiving, and I highly doubt anyone is. Honestly, a person could not be receiving simply because they ate breakfast that morning. I really don’t think that anyone is looking at you and wondering why you aren’t receiving. If you’re worried about your kids asking you then this is a wonderful time to educate them. First, by telling them that this is not something that they should be thinking about and worried about, it is not their concern why someone is not receiving Communion. And second by telling them that you are not properly disposed to receive at this time. No further explanation is required.

Let your husband know that this is important to you, and maybe he will do it for your sake. It is a good thing to get these things out in the open, you don’t know for sure what will touch his heart!

 

[rick43235]

Father’s biggest concern is that over the years we’ve been allowed to baptize all of our children…

I don’t understand why this would concern him. Is he saying that, due to the fact that the Church regards your marriage to be invalid, you children don’t deserve to be baptized?

 

[Seatuck]

I don’t understand why this would concern him. Is he saying that, due to the fact that the Church regards your marriage to be invalid, you children don’t deserve to be baptized?

No , he is not saying they don’t deserve to be baptized. He is saying this situation should have been addressed because the children deserve to be raised in a Catholic family. There is a requirement for baptism that there be a hope that they children will be raised catholic. Otherwise their souls are in danger if they are not educated and equipped to live as Christians .