Marriage Convalidation

[Danibelle903]

Hello all!

My husband and I were married in a civil ceremony nearly three years ago. We came back to the Church last summer and in the fall, we inquired about consolidating our marriage. Our church is undergoing some renovations, so we decided to wait until June 1st to have our ceremony. The church will be completed some time in late April/early May, but we decided to keep our anniversary.

We’ve had three meetings with our pastor already and today he gave us a planning guide for our ceremony to choose readings. Which is where my question comes in…

Our priest said it wouldn’t be a Mass, just the marriage ceremony, but the guide says this about convalidation:

The convalidation of marriage may be celebrated within Mass or outside of Mass, again depending on the particular situation of the couple. If both are Catholic, it is fitting that the convalidation be celebrated within Mass.

Since coming back to the Church last summer, we’ve been very observant, and I’m even getting confirmed on Pentecost Sunday. After reading this, I’m not sure if I should ask about having the ceremony as part of a full Mass.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Cor_ad_Cor]

You’ll only know if you ask the priest. Can’t hurt to ask, but he may have reasons for not wanting to do it that way. Perhaps it’s a matter of scheduling, but that’s only speculation. Talk to your priest. Ask him if it’s an option.

 

[Danibelle903]

My only issue with asking him directly is that this was supposed to be our last meeting for a while. Our next meeting isn’t scheduled until May and is meant as the last meeting before the ceremony. I will be seeing him for my confirmation classes so I can certainly ask him then, or schedule another time to ask him.

 

[1ke]

Certainly you can convalidate your marriage within a mass. If you want to do that, simply call the priest up and talk to him about it. It doesn’t matter that you don’t have a scheduled meeting. You should ask him about it.

 

[Casilda]

Welcome back home! Do not hesitate to talk to your priest! He is your shepherd here on earth. When I attempted to come back to the church our local parish didnt have a priest. Other parishes didn’t know how to help, I got different answers to a simple question. Talk to your priest. This is supposed to be a joyous celebration, a couple comes back to the church, rejoice!

 

[His_helpmeet]

I agree with talking to your priest. It is possible that the stance may originate from the idea that a convalidation is not supposed to be a “second wedding” - i.e. you’re not supposed to have the big party, all the trimmings, etc.

Hubby and I had our marriage convalidated 17 months after our civil wedding. (He was divorced from his previous wife and had a strong case for nullity. We married civilly while he was pursuing a declaration of nullity.) Our priest convalidated our marriage during a regular Sunday Mass. I didn’t wear a wedding dress; just my regular Sunday clothes. It was still a beautiful ceremony and my parents were able to be there with us.

 

[1ke]

I agree with talking to your priest. It is possible that the stance may originate from the idea that a convalidation is not supposed to be a “second wedding” - i.e. you’re not supposed to have the big party, all the trimmings, etc.

While it can be a popularly held belief, it isn’t actually Catholic teaching.

It’s not a “second wedding” it is THE wedding, THE marriage.

And there is nothing in Church law or Church teaching that prohibits or even implies one should not have a “big party” or “all the trimmings”.

Hubby and I had our marriage convalidated 17 months after our civil wedding. (He was divorced from his previous wife and had a strong case for nullity. We married civilly while he was pursuing a declaration of nullity.) Our priest convalidated our marriage during a regular Sunday Mass. I didn’t wear a wedding dress; just my regular Sunday clothes. It was still a beautiful ceremony and my parents were able to be there with us.

Congratulations on your convalidation! I am sure it was lovely having it in Sunday Mass with the community there to support you!

 

[His_helpmeet]

While it can be a popularly held belief, it isn’t actually Catholic teaching.

It’s not a “second wedding” it is THE wedding, THE marriage.

And there is nothing in Church law or Church teaching that prohibits or even implies one should not have a “big party” or “all the trimmings”.

Congratulations on your convalidation! I am sure it was lovely having it in Sunday Mass with the community there to support you!

You’re quite right, it is THE wedding. However, my understanding is that it is not supposed to be used as an excuse, at the very least, to have a big party or anything.

It was indeed very lovely having our convalidation at Sunday Mass. What was particularly special for us was that we had gone to Confession the evening before and spent the night chastely so that we could go to Communion.

 

[1ke]

However, my understanding is that it is not supposed to be used as an excuse, at the very least, to have a big party or anything.

That’s in the category of old wives’ tales. I am sure that in days past, social stigma surrounding the situation had an impact on this view possibly even by clergy themselves.

But the Church itself has no such teaching or expectation. One should in no way be ashamed of convalidation, treat it as something less than, or restrain from celebration.

 

[Peebo]

We had our civil marriage convalidated after my wife was confirmed into to Catholic church…our priest took us both into the Adoration Chapel after mass and we had the small ceremony in front of the Blessed Sacrament…that was really special…thanks to our priest.

 

[SMHW]

…we decided to keep our anniversary.

If you are requesting a specific date for the marriage then there are possibly facility, time, or clergy availability constraints which would make having your convalidation during Mass a problem.

There is no general reason why you shouldn’t have a nuptial Mass but there might be reasons why it is not reasonable at your parish on certain days at certain times.

By all means ask your Pastor. But understand that could mean you exchange your vows during a regularly scheduled 7:30 morning Mass. If you want your choice of times it may mean you get married by a deacon with no Mass.

 

[1ke]

If you are requesting a specific date for the marriage then there are possibly facility, time, or clergy availability constraints which would make having your convalidation during Mass a problem.

Great catch!

 

[Graceful_Lamb]

When we had our marriage convalidated, we had it outside of Mass. We did this so that my spouse would not be the only one receiving Communion during our Catholic wedding. In addition,when I converted and the first time I received the Eucharist as a Catholic, I received Communion at the same time as my spouse.

 

[Catholic1954]

I agree with talking to your priest. It is possible that the stance may originate from the idea that a convalidation is not supposed to be a “second wedding” - i.e. you’re not supposed to have the big party, all the trimmings, etc.

Hubby and I had our marriage convalidated 17 months after our civil wedding. (He was divorced from his previous wife and had a strong case for nullity. We married civilly while he was pursuing a declaration of nullity.) Our priest convalidated our marriage during a regular Sunday Mass. I didn’t wear a wedding dress; just my regular Sunday clothes. It was still a beautiful ceremony and my parents were able to be there with us.

I had a big party. The priest was invited and all of our friends and family had a great time!