Marriage Discernment

[InigoFans]

Need help or opinion about my relationship.

I’ve been Catholic since my childhood, but I have never take it seriously. I’ve just returned “home” to the Church for 3 years now, and my metanoia started a year ago during a retreat and I’ve been thirsty to find out more about God ever since. I’ve had several relationships with female, but never with a Catholic. Currently I’m dating a Protestant. At first, we kind of ‘agreed’ that we respected each others’ faith. But when I started to get serious about my faith, I seriously think that I would really like to have a Catholic spouse so we can guide each other and of course our children in the right way. Having quite a long discussion, whereby I was quite adamant that deep-down in my heart I know that Catholic is the only true Church, I wouldn’t even considering other churches, she agreed to start “trying”. Currently she’s in RCIA class and she has found her faith in the Church.

Everything went well in her part, but not in mine. During my retreat together with my youth ministry, I became infatuated with this girl in my youth ministry. I didn’t have much contact with her, but for some reason, I just can’t seem to get her out of my head. There’s just something I admire from her. It’s been going on for almost a year now. I felt guilty for hiding this from my girlfriend, so (crazy enough) I decided to share this to her, and she was disappointed at me. I decided to proactively removed my crush on the other girl by moving to the other church (still Roman Catholic Church, but in different area), removed all possible communication media from her, keeping my distance with her social circle, which lead me away from serving God (Previously I just started to serve Him through my youth ministry). But none of it works. I can try to not remembering about her at best, but I can’t seem to erase my feeling for her.

I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for more than 2 years and she demanded a clarification whether or not this relationship is going anywhere, and when is it. I discussed with my aunt and she suggested me to carefully think about my decision because it is possible that if I decided to end my relationship, I would cost the Church to lose one soul (possibility that my girlfriend decided to quit RCIA class because of my action). I’ve been trying to discern this carefully for several months, and what I thought I “heard” is to end the relationship. But in the moment of truth, I said the exactly opposite, that I would stick with her. And for a few months, my road in faith was extremely dark and bumpy. I would feel down, agitated, and empty, even during the Mass. I read that in discernment, we have to be careful against false angel, where we might think what we’re doing is holy, but it isn’t what God calls us to do. I came to think that it is possible that I was only meant to brought her to the Church, but it wasn’t really my calling to marry her and walk with her in the Church.

Any opinions? Or is my opinion blind-folded where I’m forcing things my way to get what I want?
I was very confused with how to actually discern something like this. I’m very afraid I mistaken my own infatuation and selfish desire as God’s calling and ended up hurting my girlfriend because of my selfish act.

 

[mamaslo]

Often we are asked to focus our eyes completely on Him who made us. Often there are no obvious guides, and the decisions are ultimately up to us as to which path to take in this journey. I think your girlfriend sounds very level headed, but at the same time I would not want her to convert so she can marry you. She needs to convert because that is what she and God communicated with each other.

You may want to talk to your priest, and he might be able to help you discern marriage, priesthood, to be single.

Crushes are hard, but regardless they are both your sisters and should be treated as God’s beloved children.

Much of marriage is a work in progress and a choice to help the other person get to heaven. Be patient with your journey.

One step at a time. I think you may have wasted a year of your girlfriend’s time by crushing on the other girl while she was waiting for you. I think you need a spiritual director who knows you and can give you real advice. That being said discernment of any kind takes patience and you probably won’t know immediately. So today, I would make an appointment, meet with your priest, and ask for help finding a spiritual director for this part of your life.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I agree with the previous poster, you need help from a priest or spiritual director. You seem to be caught up in emotions and operating out of impulses rather than focusing truly on Christ and how He wants you to live. I actually think you aren’t ready for either of these girls and it’s a shame that your girlfriend decided to convert in order to keep you. You might have a problem when someone becomes available, you automatically start wanting someone you can’t have. That would mean your crush is just a way to keep your girlfriend from getting too attached. Crushes are immature.

Find a spiritual director.

 

[PerfectTiming]

I discussed with my aunt and she suggested me to carefully think about my decision because it is possible that if I decided to end my relationship, I would cost the Church to lose one soul (possibility that my girlfriend decided to quit RCIA class because of my action).

That is completely unfair and wrong of your aunt to put that pressure on you. You are not responsible for her soul. If she chose to not continue RCIA then that would not be your fault, it is entirely her own decision to convert or not convert.

As to the rest of your post, I agree with the other posters that you should seek some form of spiritual direction.