Marriage divided

[Jeannephillips1]

I was rasied Catholic and my husband was raised Baptist. We were married in the Catholic church and my husband converted to Catholic. We attented the Catholic church for may of years. My husband started going back to the Baptist church about 8 years ago. He redicated his life to the Lord. I started going to church with him, but have always felt out of place. We are going through a bible study in Sunday school on the belief of the Baptist Faith. I do not have the same belief as him, sometimes in class the teacher will bring up other faiths. When he talks about the belief of the Catholic faith and how it is not from the bible it really hurts me. I know that some people do not understand the Catholic Faith, but our Sunday school teacher is a former Catholic. I know that the Cathoilc Faith is from scripture and feel like I am always defending my belief. When I try to talk to my husband about it, he tells me I need to get over it or God will not be able to us me as He could. I feel so torn inside, maybe you can give me some insite on how to handle this in a peaceful way.

 

[sandomenico]

Dear Jeanne,

I’m only a college student, with little life experience, especially in such problems facing you. Take what you can from my thoughts, but don’t stop here looking for help. Here are my suggestions: read and familiarize yourself with the Bible, listen to your husband’s objections then look for the best reply (the Catechism or your parish priest would be good resources), and above all persevere, pray, and love. Don’t try to win arguments or discussions, but try to convert your husband. Look for common ground, not differences. Set up mental meeting grounds and go from there.

That’s all I have to say. I hope it helps in some small way.

God love you,
sandomenico

 

[Julian0404]

Peacefully depends on the recepient. I would suggest you get the small paper book on “Where we got the Bible” by Father Graham. It is available from TAN Publishers.

Second, research the linage of the Pope’s and you will find a “family tree” from Benedict XVI to Peter to JESUS. So, ALL of JESUS apostles and disciples moved from Jewish to Catholic on Pentecost when the HOLY SPIRIT descended upon them.

The authors of the New Testament were all followers of JESUS and therefore, catholic and therefore, the Catholic Church “wrote and published” the Bible.

Third Steve Ray, is a former Baptist Minister - now Catholic - and he has lot’s of good CD’s available. Google him and preview his web site for resources.

 

[Farsight001]

Personally, I would suggest that you at least have a talk with that bible study leader. When I go to a bible study, I expect to study the bible, not have someone rag on other faiths.

I would simply ask if he intends to continue taking jabs at other religions and if he says yes, then inform him that you will no longer be attending because you came to study the bible, not other denominations.

 

[lutherlic]

One resource I really like that might help you a lot is Scripture Catholic.

Keep in mind that addressing objections by scripture alone addresses their issues on their terms since they only accept Holy Scripture and not Sacred Tradition. You might want to study the false notion of “sola scriptura”. The classic counter example to “if it is not in the Bible it is not true” is the Trinity.

 

[1ke]

Stop attending this church and bible study. Go talk to your priest, seek confession, and resume the sacraments. Pray for your husband.

 

[Jeannephillips1]

I want to go back to the Catholic Church, I know that is were I belong. I am afraid that my husband would be upset and it might cause even more division in our marriage. My husband is a faithful servant in his church. He is always wanting be to be more involved in his church functions. I have taken some small group studies, but still feel like I am missing something

 

[Swiss_Guy]

I want to go back to the Catholic Church, I know that is were I belong. I am afraid that my husband would be upset and it might cause even more division in our marriage. My husband is a faithful servant in his church. He is always wanting be to be more involved in his church functions. I have taken some small group studies, but still feel like I am missing something

Well, is belonging to the Church Christ established more important to you than how your husband feels, or are your husband’s feelings more important to you than the Church. And remember that when you do what God wants, the end result is always good.

 

[1ke]

I want to go back to the Catholic Church, I know that is were I belong. I am afraid that my husband would be upset and it might cause even more division in our marriage. My husband is a faithful servant in his church. He is always wanting be to be more involved in his church functions. I have taken some small group studies, but still feel like I am missing something

Yes, he might become upset. Discuss how to handle this with your priest.

 

[cccw2009]

I was rasied Catholic and my husband was raised Baptist. We were married in the Catholic church and my husband converted to Catholic. We attented the Catholic church for may of years. My husband started going back to the Baptist church about 8 years ago. He redicated his life to the Lord. I started going to church with him, but have always felt out of place. We are going through a bible study in Sunday school on the belief of the Baptist Faith. I do not have the same belief as him, sometimes in class the teacher will bring up other faiths. When he talks about the belief of the Catholic faith and how it is not from the bible it really hurts me. I know that some people do not understand the Catholic Faith, but our Sunday school teacher is a former Catholic. I know that the Cathoilc Faith is from scripture and feel like I am always defending my belief. When I try to talk to my husband about it, he tells me I need to get over it or God will not be able to us me as He could. I feel so torn inside, maybe you can give me some insite on how to handle this in a peaceful way.

I just wrote a reply and lost it all (SIGH)

I have a similar problem like yours.

Although I am no longer a Catholic, my advice would be that you stop going to his church and Bible study, and go where your beliefs are…and for you it’s the Cathoilc church. Let him be angry. He doesn’t own you so you are free to worship where you want. Let him continue with his Baptist faith and you go your on way. Interfaith marriages can work. Don’t you have friends of different faiths? People can and do get along. You guys just need to learn how to respect each other beliefs. Don’t put each other down. Work it it. The big word is RESPECT…on both of your sides.

Hope all works out!

 

[cccw2009]

I want to go back to the Catholic Church, I know that is were I belong. I am afraid that my husband would be upset and it might cause even more division in our marriage. My husband is a faithful servant in his church. He is always wanting be to be more involved in his church functions. I have taken some small group studies, but still feel like I am missing something

If you going back to the Catholic Church causes more problems, then so be it! I’m big on God and I am willing to give up all to follow what I believe to be truth…even if it means giving up my marriage. Let him have his beliefs. He’s entitled and so are you! Maybe seek marriage couseling can help.

Good luck! I’m in the same boat with you

 

[Link0126]

If he’s so concerned about how God is working in your life than how can he tell you what to do? Tell him you are attending Mass b/c that is how God is working in your life. When me and my wife were married I was a protestant and she was Catholic. Though I was raised Catholic I did not believe they were the correct Church and I thought they taught and believed much heresy. My wife would sometimes attend Church with me but not on a regular basis. She never once tried to convert me through argument or with tracts, books etc., although I would sometimes makes comments to her about becoming protestant.

The Lord led me back to the Church in my own time when He allowed me to see the absolute confusion that is out there in the protestant world.

The moral of the story is that I am so glad my wife remained Catholic and was always charitable now we attend Mass together every week and are both getting involved in the our parish. We have so much more now being Catholic together than we did before or even if we had been protestant together. It’s a wonderful feeling to be part of the Church so stay true to your beliefs always with charity and respect and pray for your husband and family… you do not know what God is planning. I have prayed for your strength and his conversion.

 

[Publisher]

I want to go back to the Catholic Church, I know that is were I belong. I am afraid that my husband would be upset and it might cause even more division in our marriage. My husband is a faithful servant in his church. He is always wanting be to be more involved in his church functions. I have taken some small group studies, but still feel like I am missing something

I’m going to jump in here…your marriage is of utmost importance. Your marriage is “symbolic” of your relationship with God…as Christ loves his church so should your husband love his wife…BUT if you hurt your marriage deeper than it appears to have been wounded already…it may never heal.

My :twocents: would be to take care of your “obligations” to your own faith AND make sure your obligations to your family is also take care of. If going to early mass is needed…or late Saturday night then it may mean “more work” for you…but isn’t your marriage worth it?

Pray for your husband…live your faith…“be Christ”. Since the CC is where you believe you are to be…be a good Catholic…and from what I’ve read on this forum, that means make sure your marriage stays strong.

Just because the Bible study is at a Baptist fellowship doesn’t mean you can’t benefit from it…and worshipping with your husband as a family doesn’t mean you have to particiapte in their religious rituals…but from what I understand of Baptist worship services, except for the Lord’s Supper occasionallly, it’s singing, prayer and sermon…use the sermon to discuss the things of God with your husband and even expalin to him how you believe differently…but also…find those things with him you share in common faith…discuss those too.

Christ is at the center of each of your faith traditions…and they needn’t be mutually exclusive unless each of you makes them so…they can compliment one another…and deepen your own faith in the process…your marriage is what is most important…God can be with you no matter where you are…take your rosary and pray quietly during the service…or use a “finger rosary” if the beaded rosary would be too “obvious” or make you uncomfortble…or use your fingers to count with…find a compromise you can be comfortable with and still be a good Catholic. Pray together with him…share each other’s burdens and joys…

Don’t drive the wedge any deeper…do what you can to remove the wedge between you…draw closer to your husband…not farther away…you might be surprised. at how receptive he will be IF he sees you making the effort to “heal your marriage”…and so what if “you’re doing all the work”…isn’t a whole marriage worth it? Trust God to work in your marriage.

 

[NHInsider]

I would agree - find a Mass you can attend that will not interfere with the family’s Sunday, maybe Saturday afternoon, or Sunday evening. You need to be nurtured in your faith, to be able to receive the Lord’s Body and Blood, to support you in your marriage and your life. You can still go to the service with your husband, pray and sing and listen, but don’t take their communion - explain to your husband in advance that you are willing and want to worship with him but cannot compromise your faith. If necessary, remind him that he swore to allow you to practice your faith when he married you - but really, I’d try to avoid being confrontational. Agree with your husband that each of you will pray that the Lord will reveal truth to the other - and then do it! He can hardly refuse to ask the Lord to reveal the truth to you - and you can rest assured that if the Lord is revealing truth, it won’t be leading you out of the Church!

As to the teacher, I would try to speak with him outside of class (so he doesn’t feel challenged in front of everyone) and ask him if he would be willing to read something authentically Catholic. I would suggest Alan Schreck’s *Catholic and Christian *which specifically addresses most of the usual arguments against the Church. You should probably read it to, so you can be prepared to have a conversation about the material.

It is very sad that you have found yourself in this divided marriage when you entered it believing that you would be sharing your faith life together. I would encourage you to read and meditate on 1 Peter 3:1-6, which is specifically addressed to women whose husbands are unbelievers - husbands who may be converted “without the word” by the conversation of their wives and by observing their faithful living.

 

[Legal_Eagle]

Stop attending this church and bible study. Go talk to your priest, seek confession, and resume the sacraments. Pray for your husband.

Short, to the point, and well said.

I’m very sorry for this lady’s predicament. I know its painful. But there’s really no other way to resolve this problem.

Peace,

 

[Roy5]

Not an easy problem to solve.

Baptists, like Catholics, can be very set in their ways. Both can believe that they alone embrace the correct form of Christianity.

 A dozen quick thoughts.

 1. Give the Baptist church a longer hearing. If it turns out that you just can't take it anymore, simply say so to your husband. He must be very difficult if he would still insist. 

 2. Go to a different Baptist church. They vary considerably as to how rigid they are. Many would not criticize Catholicism except, maybe, in response to a question.

 3. Find more neutral territory together. An Episcopal or Lutheran church has worship that resembles the Mass. Give one of them a try.

 4. Go to Mass on Saturday afternoon and to the Baptist church with your husband on Sunday. Would he possibly agree to join you on a Saturday? 

 5. Talk it over with a priest. He may have wise things to say.

 6. Remember that Catholics often expect their married spouses to convert, I remember when the non-Catholic spouse had to sign a statement that he/she would bring up the children Catholic. Often Protestants have the same expectation.

 7. Where were you married and does this impact the decision? 

 8. How does your family feel? And his?

 9. Is the issue mainly religion? Or are there some other problems in the marriage and religion serves as the battlefield?

10. If you don't have children yet but plan to, the issue could be further complicated.

11. Perhaps you could interest your husband in visiting some of those very broad-minded mainline Protestant churches, which usually are open to widely different points of view. I suggest Methodist, Presbyterian or UCC. There are others, too, like Reformed Church of America and the Disciples of Christ. This could permit you to believe more-or-less as you choose, and he the same. Many of their congregations (not all) emphasize individual freedom of belief.

 12. If the issue is too basic and seem unsolvable you may wish to consider seeking an annulment before children arrive. I don't recommend this, unless there are other critical issues in the marriage.

  Good luck and Godspeed.

 

[Legal_Eagle]

A dozen quick thoughts.

…

You gave her very good and sound advice.

That is if we were to substitute “country club” for “church” in each of your points. However, since we’re not talking about the merits of the uber plush golf course at The Colonial vs the excellent tennis courts at Bushwood. I must respectfully disagree.

There is but one Truth. Not multiple variations on a theme. If one is convinced that the Catholic Church is what she proclaims herself to be, then one simply must be a faithful and practicing Catholic. Full stop.

This lady is in a terrible position. Her husband agreed to have a Catholic home, and now he’s pulled the old switch-a-roo on her. That must be terribly painful. However, this is a problem he created. Not her. Her obligation to her conscience and to God is to go home to the Catholic Church.

Peace,