This is a personal question. I’m a convert to the Catholic Church, and other than my sister (who converted after I did) and I, the rest of my family consists of baptized non-Catholics.
My mother died almost two years ago, and now my father has started dating. I’ve resisted learning too much about this relationship and the woman he is dating because this is the time of year when my mom died, and I’m still working through some of the stages of grief.
So this is my question. My dad is baptized and not Catholic, and I’m going to go out on a limb and make a safe assumption that his new girlfriend is also baptized, and probably Lutheran (just a classic Minnesota stereotype that probably holds true). I know that she has been married at least once before and is now divorced. What would be the Catholic view of this situation?
Am I correct in saying that the Church teaches that if she is baptized and her husband was baptized, that even though they are not Catholic they still would have entered a Sacramental marriage? And if so, without a decree of nullity, the Catholic view would be that the marriage was and is valid until such a decree were to be obtained?
Would it be wise to advise my father against dating a woman who in the eyes of the Church and of God is still married, then, even though he is not a Catholic Christian?
Looking for clarification on any details I might be misunderstanding and any suggestions of what I should do.
I don’t think you have any misunderstandings of what the Church teaches about marriage.
On the other hand, by your own comment, it appears that you know very little about the woman you father is dating, and even less about her ex husband.
And in essence, you are asking a question, or perhaps several questions, concerning the first marriage of this woman.
Just for the sake of “what if”, I will propose something: depending on her age, her background, education, and religious training, it is not at all out of the realm of possibilities that she may have been originally in a marriage which had one or more impediments on the day of that marriage; for example, either she or her then husband, or both of them may not have accepted that marriage is permanent. And if they did not believe that marriage is permanent, that in itself could be sufficient to render the marriage invalid.
But you don’t know any of the circumstances.
And assuming for the moment that there was an impediment on the day of the marriage which rendered it invalid, then it would take a moral theologian to sort out what would/could/should happen next, after a divorce, as it is likely neither she nor her first husband would ever have a forum which could sort that out and provide a decree of nullity.
It would be my suggestion first, that this is not a question which could be answered by anyone, or hardly anyone, in this forum. So a starting place might be for you to meet, in confidence, with your father’s pastor/minister and ask them how they would deal with the question of the validity of her first marriage, in light of the Gospel command.
And depending on how they answer that question, my second suggestion would be that you speak with your pastor concerning the issue of the possibility that this woman may have had an invalid marriage, with no real way of knowing whether it was or was not, and how you should proceed.
And in any event, I would suggest that you very carefully read, and then re-read, the commentary on the when and where and how of any fraternal correction. I don’t know what type of relationship you have with your father, nor how he might react to you as a Catholic think he should proceed. Were he converting or considering converting, that might be a different answer, but at its bottom line, a whole lot of the matter may be in both what your relationship is with your father, and additionally, how much you may be in the same path as many adult children, who deep down inside do not want their parent to remarry - anyone. I have witnessed that last matter too many times to think it is an isolated incident. And I have no way of determining if it may be something which impacts you.
There are questions which may have one answer in Canon law; and another in moral law, without contradicting one another.
