Marriage Ending - Need Support & Prayers

[sunny_days]

Hello all,

I come here to seek prayers for my marriage. I am 40, have been married almost 8 years to my 37 y/o H. We have one 7 y/o D. Towards the end of September, my H told me he wanted a divorce. I spent about a month trying to convince him otherwise, until I realized I was wasting my time and couldn’t keep him in the marriage. He has refused all counseling, Retrouvaille, everything. He is just done, almost completely emotionally detached at this point.

Over the past several years he has thrown himself into work and has been gone a lot of the time for work travel. He admits that he did this to escape our marriage problems. His way of dealing with them was to not deal with them. His Mass attendance fell off and he never goes anymore while traveling for work. He has just slowly slipped away from his faith. We actually met in a liturgy study group in 2005 and our relationship was built around pursuing the faith together and standing for life.

So now, he is pushing for divorce and admits to having an emotional affair last year and a real affair this year. He cheated on me in September so he “wouldn’t be able to come back to a place of complacency in our marriage.” He purposely cheated with a person that he will have to continue to work with in the future. He has assured me that he will not be leaving that company. Now he is pushing me to decide what I want in the divorce settlement. I have an appointment with a lawyer this afternoon.

I am so lost, devastated, and heartbroken. Our daughter doesn’t know what’s going on, just that Mommy’s been crying a lot and Daddy has moved his stuff into the guest room and isn’t home much at all anymore. Oh, and he told her to stop praying for another baby (I’ve had miscarriages in 2012 and earlier this year). The only positive I have seen from this whole situation is that he has taken a much more caring attitude towards our daughter recently and has been calling her almost daily. He is trying to “soften the blow” of the devastating news we will be sharing with her before long.

Any prayers would be much appreciated. I have been doing a lot of reading about midlife crises, and I know that’s what this is. I just wish he could go through the crisis within our marriage instead of ending it. He is blaming me for his unhappiness and saying that we both abandoned the marriage a long time ago.

There is much more to the story, of course and I will share if anyone would like any other details. Please pray for my husband, that his heart will be softened, and please pray for me and my daughter. For me, that I will be strong and take care of myself and my daughter. For her, that her heart will be guarded in this upcoming time of devastation.

I still believe there is a sliver of hope that our marriage could be saved, but that is fading…

Thank you for your prayers!

 

[bernadettefaith]

Praying for you! I’m not quite there yet, but my husband is going through some sort of crisis and isn’t sure if he wants to stay married or divorce. So we are in a really bad place right now even though he’s giving us a year to work through things. Message me if you ever need someone to chat with.

Could you convince him to go to Retrouvaille by telling him that you need to work on your communication for your daughter’s benefit? Worth a try maybe.

 

[lily22]

Sounds like an immature guy. I would just avoid the drama of his unmanageable life and protect your daughter. It’s his CHOICE to be a complete selfish jerk to you and your daughter.

 

[RoseMary131]

…but dear Lily this is a man she loves. She wants the chance to keep loving him as his wife and he as her husband.

His actions are misguided, but she most likely doesn’t want to call him names.

Sunny Days, you may want to speak with a priest or counselor on your own to help you even if he does not want to attend. Keep praying.

May God give you peace within your home. May God lead your husband to face his issues instead of avoiding them. May God give him courage to work for his marriage and return to his Faith.

 

[tbcrawford]

Eternal God , in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhastible ,
look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us ,
that in difficult moments we might not despair
nor become despondent , but with great confidence ,
submit ourselves to Your Holy Will ,
which is love and mercy itself . Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

 

[bmaj]

…but dear Lily this is a man she loves. She wants the chance to keep loving him as his wife and he as her husband.

His actions are misguided, but she most likely doesn’t want to call him names.

Sunny Days, you may want to speak with a priest or counselor on your own to help you even if he does not want to attend. Keep praying.

May God give you peace within your home. May God lead your husband to face his issues instead of avoiding them. May God give him courage to work for his marriage and return to his Faith.

Praying for you, Sunny Days. The above advice from RoseMary seems excellent to me. May our Blessed Mother and St. Monica help intercede for you. Our Lord will be by your side always no matter what. Peace to you, dear.

 

[tbcrawford]

Eternal God , in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhastible ,
look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us ,
that in difficult moments we might not despair
nor become despondent , but with great confidence ,
submit ourselves to Your Holy Will ,
which is love and mercy itself . Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

 

[RHCfamily]

Thank you for posting on my prayer request. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. I feel the most helpless for children in these situations. They carry saddness with them a lifetime when parents divorce. I keep telling my husband why can’t we both put his needs first and make the sacrifices for him to work on the marriage but he just wants to find his own happiness. He hasn’t been unfaithful but he said he’s looking for someone else. My husband is 52. The fact that he’s just recently stopped attending Mass tells me he isn’t able to face God anymore. In fact, any mention of the word God or prayer gets him extremely angry. I believe deep down he knows he’s not doing right. That is why I am praying constantly. Most of my days are spent in prayer with Mass, the rosary, and going to the adoration chapel. I have my son pray with me too everyday. Just sitting in the chapel with with Jesus is so peaceful. I know God is with us both during this very difficult time in our lives. Please don’t give up on God, he will work in his own way for what is best for us. He wants all marriages to succeed.

 

[Diana_Catherine]

*Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of they womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen

St. Michael the Archangel be our (their) protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray and do thou O Prince of the Heavenly Host by the power of God, cast in to hell Satan and all evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls.*

I am so sorry to hear this. Will continue to pray for you, your husband and daughter.

 

[SED]

I hope this prayer is heard for you and your family. Its gotten me through many difficult days.

God, from you every family in heaven and on earth takes its name. Father, you are love and life. Through your Son, Jesus Christ, born of woman, and through the Holy Spirit, fountain of divine charity, grant that every family on earth may become for each successive generation a true shrine of life and love.

Grant that your grace may guide the thoughts and actions of husbands and wives for the good of their families and of all the families in the world. Grant that the young may find in the family solid support for their human dignity and for their growth in truth and love. Grant that love, strengthened by the grace of the sacrament of marriage may prove mightier than all weaknesses and trials through which our families sometimes pass.

Through the intercession of the Holy Family of Nazareth, grant the church may fruitfully carry out her worldwide mission in the family and through the family. We ask this of you, who are life, truth, and love with the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen