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Xantippe
Guest
Talk to two priests, ideally. I don’t suggest that you priest shop, but it’s important enough to get two opinions.
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DeniseNY
Guest
Of course he’ll deny it. And really, who cares? You already know that you are in an abusive situation. As others have said, take the steps you have to take to leave.This is exactly what is happening but he would say it’s not this bad. I have told him that he has physically abused me and he said it was an accident, and didn’t qualify as abuse. He would deny all of this.
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casslean
Guest
I don’t know where you are, but there are certainly emergency women’s services nearby that will help you. You have access to the internet - use it. If you need help, PM me and I will help you find the resources you need.I’m scared to. The only time I could would be when he is calm and then he would get angry. I think I need to talk with my priest.
If you can talk to your priest alone, do that. Be candid. Make sure he knows the whole situation. I know few priests who would not help a woman escape an abusive situation, and this is most certainly an abusive situation.
You will be in my prayers.
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agnes_therese
Guest
Yes, you do. And you need to speak with a lawyer, to find out what your options and rights are. You and the baby are NOT safe while your husband behaves like this.I’m scared to. The only time I could would be when he is calm and then he would get angry. I think I need to talk with my priest.
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mek42
Guest
When I was 12, I told my mom that what I wanted for Christmas was for her to get a divorce. My parents made no changes to their marriage. I am now an agnostic lapsed Catholic.
Further, I am the oldest child. I was active with Law Enforcement Explorers while in high school. Before going to college, I spoke with the Sheriff’s deputy running the program about whether anything could be done regarding paternal verbal abuse. The short answer was no.
My upbringing is now harming my own marriage and parental duties. My wife and I went through a period of extreme financial stress while moving a couple years ago and had frequent shouting fights. To this day our three year old doesn’t like us (wife and me) talking to each other in the car.
If I can be permitted to speak on behalf of your children both now and in the future, please do something to change the situation. If you don’t think you are worth better, if even thought of your own children is not enough to spur you to action, consider your future grandchildren.
Further, I am the oldest child. I was active with Law Enforcement Explorers while in high school. Before going to college, I spoke with the Sheriff’s deputy running the program about whether anything could be done regarding paternal verbal abuse. The short answer was no.
My upbringing is now harming my own marriage and parental duties. My wife and I went through a period of extreme financial stress while moving a couple years ago and had frequent shouting fights. To this day our three year old doesn’t like us (wife and me) talking to each other in the car.
If I can be permitted to speak on behalf of your children both now and in the future, please do something to change the situation. If you don’t think you are worth better, if even thought of your own children is not enough to spur you to action, consider your future grandchildren.
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StGerard1988
Guest
Most of the time things are great. We laugh and play with the baby. He is great at taking care of him. But the hour or so per week that he gets angry and yells is scary. After every outburst I swear that I am going to go to my priest but then things get better. I’m caught in a cycle and I don’t know how to break free. My husband will say that I am being over dramatic and blowing things out of proportion. Honestly I’m scared to do anything, but I’m tired of walking on eggshells and trying not to make him angry. Is there an online chat with professionals that can talk to me? I can’t talk on the phone with anyone because we are teachers and are both home all day for the summer.
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Xantippe
Guest
If it’s no big deal, you and the baby should be able to leave for an hour or two and come back when he has a handle on himself.Most of the time things are great. We laugh and play with the baby. He is great at taking care of him. But the hour or so per week that he gets angry and yells is scary. After every outburst I swear that I am going to go to my priest but then things get better. I’m caught in a cycle and I don’t know how to break free. My husband will say that I am being over dramatic and blowing things out of proportion. Honestly I’m scared to do anything, but I’m tired of walking on eggshells and trying not to make him angry. Is there an online chat with professionals that can talk to me? I can’t talk on the phone with anyone because we are teachers and are both home all day for the summer.
Or he should go for a walk for an hour or two and come back when he has control of himself.
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StGerard1988
Guest
He won’t let me leave. I’ve tried and he grabs me and physically won’t let me leave. My priest is on vacation but I will see him when he gets back.
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Xantippe
Guest
See somebody else.He won’t let me leave. I’ve tried and he grabs me and physically won’t let me leave. My priest is on vacation but I will see him when he gets back.
Physically detaining you is at least assault.
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mek42
Guest
This is a much bigger thing than I think you are giving credit to. There is a line between verbal and physical. I hope you’re able to make yourself find some help. I don’t want to read about things getting worse.He won’t let me leave. I’ve tried and he grabs me and physically won’t let me leave. My priest is on vacation but I will see him when he gets back.
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taben
Guest
I have a husband who suffers from depression and had some anger issues early in our marriage (however never physically toward me or the kids or any person). There is nothing YOU can do that will make him ‘happy’. He has some issues that he has to deal with.
While the depression issues linger, the anger issues were addressed with work with a priests. He had to learn what his triggers were and how to deal with them. It took many, many sessions over the course of probably 6 months.
My point is that he needs help. If he won’t get it and you feel physically at risk then you will have to go to counseling with your baby while he is at work or do it via phone if you cannot go. You need support. Eventually, you may also need a plan.
Could you go spend a weekend with your family? Could they come get you as a ‘surprise’ visit to take you away? Then, tell him you will not be back until he is in counseling AND you have had couples counseling.
I am all for supporting your spouse, standing by them in rough times, etc. Of course we should as marriage IS for better and worse. However, if you are physically at risk and he is not willing to get help…you may have to offer support while not living there. Easier said than done I know. I will be praying for you.
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p.s. See if his job has an Employee Assistance Program. That provides, usually 3-5 counseling sessions for FREE for the employee and for family members. If he won’t use it, you could.
While the depression issues linger, the anger issues were addressed with work with a priests. He had to learn what his triggers were and how to deal with them. It took many, many sessions over the course of probably 6 months.
My point is that he needs help. If he won’t get it and you feel physically at risk then you will have to go to counseling with your baby while he is at work or do it via phone if you cannot go. You need support. Eventually, you may also need a plan.
Could you go spend a weekend with your family? Could they come get you as a ‘surprise’ visit to take you away? Then, tell him you will not be back until he is in counseling AND you have had couples counseling.
I am all for supporting your spouse, standing by them in rough times, etc. Of course we should as marriage IS for better and worse. However, if you are physically at risk and he is not willing to get help…you may have to offer support while not living there. Easier said than done I know. I will be praying for you.
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p.s. See if his job has an Employee Assistance Program. That provides, usually 3-5 counseling sessions for FREE for the employee and for family members. If he won’t use it, you could.
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masondoggy
Guest
This is physical ABUSE.He won’t let me leave. I’ve tried and he grabs me and physically won’t let me leave. My priest is on vacation but I will see him when he gets back.
Please get in contact with a women’s shelter for some guidance. Forget waiting for your priest. The Church does NOT require you to stay in an abusive marriage. You will not be sinning by leaving. If you must speak to a priest, call another parish and ask to speak to one that’s available immediately. But call a women’s shelter hotline FIRST.
You and your baby are not safe and YOU, as his mother are responsible for keeping your child safe. You cannot remain in this situation and take the chance that the baby is going to get caught in the crossfire or worse, be the target of his father’s rage.
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Denois
Guest
You need to get him to the doctor. It’s hard living with someone who has depression - I know - and you’re doing brilliantly in the circumstances. But he isn’t well and he needs help. Try to explain this to him - tell him that a doctor can help and he might not even have to take medication long-term anyway.
I’ll pray for you and your husband. I truly hope he seeks help x
I’ll pray for you and your husband. I truly hope he seeks help x
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Zelie_Louis
Guest
Some issues are beyond the scope of CAF. Please contact a mental health professional for advice or call a domestic abuse hotline if you are concerned about safety.
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