Retro Ace,
Code:
I share the same concerns as you do.
I’ve read up on the topic for years now and I too feel even more confused.
There seems to be worldly wisdom (out of care and love) taught as well as spiritual… and even at that, there seems to be no one real way that one can logically follow and yet still feel assured about the choice of marriage, and WHO to choose to marry.
I take comfort in the fact that Our Lady of Fatima said: "Many marriages are not of God and do not please Our Lord.” It was around that time divorce started to become a ‘thing’. So to me it would seem that something around that time was either being taught as ok and wasn’t in God’s eyes, or that something important was being omitted and not upheld or taught when it comes to marriage… otherwise, how were people falling into the error? Was her statement a premonition of the divorce rate being so high today?
What does it mean when Our Lady of Fatima said that many marriages are “not of God”… Also the phrase “what God put together…”… What GOD put together, not what two people decided to do and now we’ll go get a priest to bless it… These phrases concern me and propel me to look further into the issue of God and romantic love.
Marriage is supposed to glorify God, but I do not see God glorified in marriages in which are fighting all the time, the couple is cold towards one another and they just decide to ‘stick with it’ because that’s the right thing to do… even though its right to stick with it, this doesn’t glorify God in my opinion, rather mocks marriage… What child grows up wanting to 'glorify God ’ in that way? What person says I do in the hopes that will be them someday! What others are compelled to glorify God also when they witness a couple like this!?
I’ve been reading about ancient texts from online articles from other religion’s take on this topic… mainly Jewish. I’m not sure if its mainstream Judaism as we know today or something else, but they seem to teach there is “one” set aside for you… and that you’d know as soon as you’d meet them. Then I compared that to the polygamy of David (that was ok back then)… and wondered how that all fit! ?? Obviously not all of David’s wives did he marry for romantic reasons- some maybe economic (widows in need), some maybe sexual attraction?. I’m also thinking though about how Jesus said one is enough for all of us. It would seem too the marital act is bonding in and of itself too as it is said “the two become one”… So, in that sense, maybe that special grace is given within marriage when it is consummated. However, this is no guarantee either.
Code:
I'd like to second what others have said here- VIRTUE, look for virtues in another.. good ones, not lax, not 'kind of there', but real solid virtues in another that you can admire and look up to and which makes you want to emulate them. Both people should want to throw the other high up to the Lord for the other's sake, all the time, in love, as that is what love does... seeks the best for the other. But here's the thing... with anyone, virtues within another can fail. People sin. People fall. People are widely tempted. People can get tired. We can hope that it won't happen, but it does.
Ultimately I think it boils down to faith. Much in the same way a person’s religious life and how well they are doing in that commitment is how much faith they have in it. It can waiver. Its not going to be perfect all the time… maybe that is half the battle… to realize that, so when those moments come, you won’t be thwarted. Also I believe you can’t let romantic feelings ever trump religious morals… once morals go down the drain you are left with something half empty anyway, which doesn’t thrill, doesn’t excite, doesn’t inspire those same initial feelings of love- it can’t because its become a ‘usage’ thing, rather than a giving promising one.
Sorry… just me gabbing… I don’t really have any real answers, only that its kind of a big mystery I don’t think any religion or civilization has ever figured out… If as it is written in Scripture that God is love, and that He is unfathomable… then maybe that’s the reason no one person’s answer can suffice, and so we should just humble ourselves before Him and pray for His grace in this matter. Isn’t that all we have anyway?
