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bmaj
Guest
That’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day! Thanks for sharing, Bucket. You really do give us wives good reason for hope… May God bless you and your family and help you continue on His path.
- Status
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The_Bucket
Guest
Well thank you but as I said, all praise be to Him. My job is basically to just open the door a crack and ask God with fervent prayer to kick the door down so I can embrace Him. I still have a long journey of rooting out selfishness and letting God transform my understanding of love, but I do take solace in knowing that a) God wants me to accomplish that goal b) That such a goal is one that He has for me and c) every Christian struggles along the same path though their defects may be different.
I am eternally grateful that my addiction did not progress the way it did with my father as he delved into far more dark things and betrayed my mother repeatedly with other people. Only though God’s grace was I preserved from heading down that path; I doubt I would have ever been able to live with myself had I gone that far.
Now I need to be the instrument that God uses to kill this plague in my family. For my sake, for my wife, for my father, mother, brothers, sisters and for my own children.
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Marguerite17
Guest
I was really glad to read this. Thanks for sharing your story. I’m still trying to sort out who on earth my husband is … terrible man who duped me … wonderful man who made mistakes … human just like the rest of us maybe? Anyway, it helped me to read that it was not a lack of love for your wife or a desire to “trick” her, but shame and fear that kept you from seeking help. Praise God for your recovery! Could I also ask … do you still struggle with the temptation, the desire, to seek pornographic images? I still worry about my husband slipping up. Will a sexy shampoo commercial on TV be enough to do it? A lingerie ad on a magazine in the mailbox? I just don’t know when it’ll be safe to let my guard down. ???
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Gordon_Sims
Guest
To give just a bit of my history, I wasn’t aware of what a problem this was for me until we had a miscarriage about 3 years ago and I found myself so caught up in my grief and love for my wife for a week that, at the end of that week, I suddenly realized that I’d just gone the longest I’d ever gone without seeing any pornographic images since I was 13. It put a lot of things into perspective. At the same time, the two days we spent in the hospital not only made me realize how much I truly loved my wife, but completely reaffirmed my faith. I knew that I had to commit myself fully to my wife, cut out the negative influences and come back to the Church as completely as I could. I had 1-2 slip-ups in the month or so following that, but the revelation of finding out just how mind-blowingly amazing it is to have one single woman in your life with no other outside influences (not to mention a lot of praying) has been enough to keep me from even considering slipping back into any bad habits. When my son turned 21 and a bunch of people were harassing me for saying that I wouldn’t set foot in a strip club if he insisted on going (he ended up not doing it), I was able to say with all honesty that I have a loving, beautiful wife and have absolutely no desire to see anything like that.
As far as risque movies, commercials or magazine ads, those shouldn’t cause any problems for me. That being said, we were watching a movie together several months ago and a very graphic sex scene came on. I’d read up on the movie and nowhere did it state that it had nudity or sexual content. My wife immediately said, “Now I know why you wanted to watch this.” It caused a bit of an argument and she didn’t completely buy my side of it. I gave it some thought after that and asked myself, If I’m truly committed to what I’d claimed, then I not only don’t have a right to watch scenes like that in a movie, but I don’t have any need to, either. Since then, if we watch a movie that has any graphic content, I either skip past it or look away. We watched something a few weeks ago that, like the other movie, was not supposed to have any nudity in it. Without any warning, the characters were suddenly in a strip club surrounded by naked women. I found myself not only looking away and angry, but since the remote was nowhere to be found, I left the room. My wife is truly the only woman I want to see or think of.
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Marguerite17
Guest
That is really beautiful. I know that God has made us - wired us - to desire to devote ourselves to ONE person, but I am just having such doubts about whether my husband will ever really be content with me or whether he’ll always have an eye out for other women. It was heartening to read how you feel about your wife now. My husband appears to have turned away from the pornography, and I hope it’s real. The pain is paralyzing sometimes. Anyway, thank you and bless you for taking the time to share.
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maltmom
Guest
Thank you so much to Gordon and Bucket for sharing so much with us. It wonderful for men to share in a way that will help us women understand how men think and act sometimes. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I will be praying for both of you.
I will be praying for both of you.
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The_Bucket
Guest
Your husband is all three of the things you think he might be. If he’s treated you and your family well outside of this then sure, he’s wonderful in that regard. But he’s also deceived you. And he’s of course, human like the rest of us. I know that’s not an easy or good answer but it’s the truth. I became a very angry person at the depth of my addiction. I harmed my wife’s well being and I did not have the courage to tell her what the problem was. I repeatedly told her the problem was me not her, but I didn’t explain why for obvious reasons.
As for temptations, yes of course they are still there and they will remain probably forever. I have no desire to go back to that life but that does not mean that I won’t still have moments where I am tempted to escape from tough situations by getting that instant gratification. Now personally I was never a guy who went in a strip club or anything like that even when I was thoroughly addicted to Internet porn. For me that was a line I didn’t want to cross; which is hilarious because mortal sin is mortal sin, right? Whatever.
So it’s been easier I guess for me than for other addicts who have done all sorts of things like going to strip clubs, meeting prostitutes, finding real people online, etc. because there are more near occasions of sin. Lock up the computer and I’m fine in terms of crossing that line. I never bought any magazines, videos, nothing like that. It was all computer stuff and all free. I figured it was less traceable that way. And it certainly was. Praise God that I made an elementary error in covering my tracks and that this was all found out.
As for shampoo commercials or lingerie ads, I don’t know. Everyone’s mileage varies on that. Certainly some of them can provide near occasions of sin, but so can watching beach volleyball or even going to the beach in general. I think the same goes for women when it comes to seeing an attractive man on the street or at the beach/pool, right? In my case it provides a near occasion of sin for my mind to linger longer than it should RIGHT THEN, but it doesn’t provide a true “acting out” trigger for later on or something.
Truthfully, since my recovery has been months and not years, there are times when I get self-absorbed or self-pitying that some of that “old” personality comes back. And with it come certain nefarious desires, but they don’t override my desire to be 100% true to my wife, true to myself and true to God anymore. When I get stressed, I grab my Bible or other spiritual reading and immerse myself in THAT.
God wants us all to have peace and be happy. That does not mean that we are removed from our temporal or spiritual struggles but it does mean that if we turn to Him in total surrender, He will save us from sin every time.
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The_Bucket
Guest
I’ve spoken about the spiritual truth and now here’s the hard biological truth. Men are not hardwired to devote ourselves to one person. From an evolutionary perspective, men have been wired to seek out as many good mates as possible. Women, conversely, are wired to seek out the singular best possible mate and produce his offspring.
Christian men are called to conquer their biological desires to spread their seed and embrace their spiritual desires to bond with one person and bring that person and their children closer to God. Women are called to embrace BOTH their biological desires and spiritual desires. In all truth, when it comes to sexuality, men do indeed have the steeper hill to climb when it comes to following God’s design.
So like all humans, men fall. We come up short on conquering those biological desires from time to time. This is not acceptable but it is reality. I am not saying that you have to be accepting of slips or stumbles back into porn. I am certainly never saying that women should ever, ever, EVER tolerate adultery with other people. What I am saying is that yes, other women will indeed catch his eye. It is up to him and not you to let it remain just that. Catching his eye. His biological impulses recognizing a potential attractive mate. His mission is to take that natural reaction and apply God’s truth to it that not only is he a married man and committed to another woman in body and spirit, but that attractive woman on the street is a child of God and not a plaything for his eyes.
I wish I had more uplifting news when it comes to my marriage and my wife’s experience as well. Our marriage is pretty strong. It’s more honest than ever. Sometimes she’s nothing but grateful for this new version of me. Other times she wrestles greatly with the past, especially as we make plans for the future. I cannot tell you that you will “get over it” or give you a timeline for healing. I can tell you that it will probably suck for awhile. But never cease in your prayer for your husband and know from guys like Gordon that real and permanent change is actually possible.
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AnneTeresa
Guest
My husband was (is) a sex addict. It went beyond porn though that was part of it. He was in solid recovery for over ten years after it came to light. We both did individual counseling and eventually couples counseling too. He went to SA meetings, I went to COSA and Al-Anon. Our marriage survived only by God’s grace. I am happy to talk privately if you want to PM me. God bless you.
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louisak
Guest
There has been research done on the effects of pornography on the brain. Someone even created a web site just to spread the awareness of this valuable research - unfortunately I can’t remember the URL of that web site now. But my recollection is this: that the researchers found that long-term viewing of porn affects the brain in significant ways, and very similarly to the effects of using addictive drugs - or, interestingly, compulsive gambling or over-eating. In describing the results of the research, the author said that we have a “use it or lose it brain”. In other words, those parts of the brain that we use heavily will get reinforced - those that we neglect will atrophy. He went on to explain that this is why it is so hard to overcome any of the compulsive behaviors described above.
So, not to justify porn use or any other such behavior - but please understand that the addicted person has really lost a good deal of his/her free control over the behavior. It requires therapy and support over a long period of time to break these addictions.
So, not to justify porn use or any other such behavior - but please understand that the addicted person has really lost a good deal of his/her free control over the behavior. It requires therapy and support over a long period of time to break these addictions.
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louisak
Guest
Beautifully put. Unfortunately, our mass media tend to depict the human body, especially the female body, as just such a plaything. Men in America today are exposed to this kind of imagery throughout their lives… not just porn, but all the advertisements and movies that attach so much to physical appearance; the images of the shape of a leg extending from a skirt, the breasts just peeking over the top of the bra, the hourglass figure, the long flowing hair, the flirtatious look in the eyes… it’s everywhere. The temple of the Holy Spirit is used as a prop in an advertisement. For a man there are a million temptations against chastity and against marital fidelity. It would be really discouraging and depressing, if we didn’t know that we have the Lord on our side and His strength is made manifest in our weakness, as Saint Paul teaches us.
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chypmonk
Guest
First let me say that yes if it is an addiction, it started before you met. Like a cigarette addiction when things are stressful and the will is weak people return to it.
The following are my opinions as a man and I hope they are not too blunt.
That being said I think women need to understand that they don’t understand men.
Yes they know how to manipulate us, they start studying it at 12 with Cosmopolitan Magazine or the like. Very few men learn how to manipulate women, they are usually busy with sports or some other interests.
Men have a sex drive that functions at times very fast. Any kind of visual or physical stimulation can set it off. Women after the age of 16 don’t have this problem much. Sex is a mental thing with women and in a marriage it often takes effort and time to get it going each time.
Often marriages become sexless for a man if he can’t have sexual relations on regular basis-once a week at least. The problem is women say “they are not in the mood”, which is insulting to the man. It is the same as a man saying to a woman “your pretty ugly today.” Your man needs to know you love him and a turn off like " I’m too tired" are considered as an extreme insult on his manhood and attractiveness to you, on a subconscious level. It is like a personal rejection of him. Men can be sensitive to things like this.
A big reason Catholic men today get married is so they don’t have to sin if they have sex. This may not be the best reason, but I am telling you the truth. Once a woman is married, the woman tends not to be interested in sex, especially after the first child. This is usually a shock for men. That is why the Church in Her prudence says that a women cannot deny the man’s right without legitimate cause- sickness, cycle, etc… Not “I’m not in the mood” Women take this to mean that her husband is using her, which starts a vicious cycle of her not enjoying relations. But if she would learn to love her man, and know that sex is an expression o his love, it wouldn’t be a problem.
Women if you considered gossip as pornography then you would better understand the struggle men face with pornography. How many times have you as a women stopped to read People Magazine in the supermarket to hear the latest gossip about the “stars”? Or any of the like on TV. If you want to understand your man’s struggle to avoid pornography you should avoid all forms of gossip, see how you make out. Try it and you’ll get a taste of what the average modern man goes thru.
The following are my opinions as a man and I hope they are not too blunt.
That being said I think women need to understand that they don’t understand men.
Yes they know how to manipulate us, they start studying it at 12 with Cosmopolitan Magazine or the like. Very few men learn how to manipulate women, they are usually busy with sports or some other interests.
Men have a sex drive that functions at times very fast. Any kind of visual or physical stimulation can set it off. Women after the age of 16 don’t have this problem much. Sex is a mental thing with women and in a marriage it often takes effort and time to get it going each time.
Often marriages become sexless for a man if he can’t have sexual relations on regular basis-once a week at least. The problem is women say “they are not in the mood”, which is insulting to the man. It is the same as a man saying to a woman “your pretty ugly today.” Your man needs to know you love him and a turn off like " I’m too tired" are considered as an extreme insult on his manhood and attractiveness to you, on a subconscious level. It is like a personal rejection of him. Men can be sensitive to things like this.
A big reason Catholic men today get married is so they don’t have to sin if they have sex. This may not be the best reason, but I am telling you the truth. Once a woman is married, the woman tends not to be interested in sex, especially after the first child. This is usually a shock for men. That is why the Church in Her prudence says that a women cannot deny the man’s right without legitimate cause- sickness, cycle, etc… Not “I’m not in the mood” Women take this to mean that her husband is using her, which starts a vicious cycle of her not enjoying relations. But if she would learn to love her man, and know that sex is an expression o his love, it wouldn’t be a problem.
Women if you considered gossip as pornography then you would better understand the struggle men face with pornography. How many times have you as a women stopped to read People Magazine in the supermarket to hear the latest gossip about the “stars”? Or any of the like on TV. If you want to understand your man’s struggle to avoid pornography you should avoid all forms of gossip, see how you make out. Try it and you’ll get a taste of what the average modern man goes thru.
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wendy_w
Guest
First I’m sorry you are going thru this, I’m in your shoes and it is not easy.
I know that my husband and counsolers say it’s not about me, my head gets
that, it doesn’t mean my heart isn’t breaking. My husband is in recovery and is
getting better, but it has been a long and difficult struggle for him and our marriage.
We where close to divorce at the beginning of the year, God has lead us to some very
good resources. Check out Faithful and True Ministries they deal in sex addiction
recovery and have very good books on the subject. We also have a very good counsoler and that has helped. I choose to forgive my husband everyday. Right
now I’m dealing with the saddness and grief of his acting out behaviors.
All of this has come at a great cost to me emotionally, but I do see how God’s
grace has been there for me.:console:
I know that my husband and counsolers say it’s not about me, my head gets
that, it doesn’t mean my heart isn’t breaking. My husband is in recovery and is
getting better, but it has been a long and difficult struggle for him and our marriage.
We where close to divorce at the beginning of the year, God has lead us to some very
good resources. Check out Faithful and True Ministries they deal in sex addiction
recovery and have very good books on the subject. We also have a very good counsoler and that has helped. I choose to forgive my husband everyday. Right
now I’m dealing with the saddness and grief of his acting out behaviors.
All of this has come at a great cost to me emotionally, but I do see how God’s
grace has been there for me.:console:
W
wendy_w
Guest
To Gordon and Bucket,
Thanks so much for your imput, I have been waiting for my husband to have this
kind of understanding. It was good to see men who took responsiblity for there actions, it gives me hope. The following is from “The Seven Desires of Every Heart” by Mark and Debbie Laaser.
“The desire for sexual touch is the energy inside of us to be productive,passionate and creative. It is a life force that leads us to reproduce, build things, and invent new
solutions to life’s problems. This drive in other words, is much larger than just the act of sexual intercourse. It is the source of our passion and all things creative in us. The
sex drive is not evil, but can be expressed in sinful ways when we don’t follow God’s
design for healthy sexuality.”
So as with any sin when we choose our own needs and way apart from God’s way we end up in trouble.
Thanks so much for your imput, I have been waiting for my husband to have this
kind of understanding. It was good to see men who took responsiblity for there actions, it gives me hope. The following is from “The Seven Desires of Every Heart” by Mark and Debbie Laaser.
“The desire for sexual touch is the energy inside of us to be productive,passionate and creative. It is a life force that leads us to reproduce, build things, and invent new
solutions to life’s problems. This drive in other words, is much larger than just the act of sexual intercourse. It is the source of our passion and all things creative in us. The
sex drive is not evil, but can be expressed in sinful ways when we don’t follow God’s
design for healthy sexuality.”
So as with any sin when we choose our own needs and way apart from God’s way we end up in trouble.
T
The_Bucket
Guest
This is absolutely true, but while some of what you say later is on point, other parts are dangerous and still other portions are outright wrong.
Dead wrong in this respect: The media tells both genders how to manipulate the other. You’ve described well what female-interest magazines tell young women. But non-pornographic men’s interest magazines tell us how to seduce women and push all the right buttons to get them into bed. What edition of like, “Men’s Health” or Esquire talks about how to chastely woo a woman and have both parties fall into a love that centers on the other? I’ll tell you which edition; the one in bizarro world.
Sex is indeed mental and emotional to women, but go tell the “takes effort to get going” to my honeymoon. Or anytime during the fertile period.
I don’t think the frequency you’re describing is necessary for say, Catholic couples that are using NFP to avoid, but yeah I’d definitely agree that busting out the “I’m tired” stuff is the equivalent of a husband saying “oh hon, you should definitely put some makeup on” to his wife. Big-time beat down on the ego. It’s not an excuse to turn to sinful things but it does weaken the ego and make a man shrink into himself instead of staying focused on others.
This is extraordinarily rare today I’m sure. Maybe back in the Middle Ages. But today, the vast majority of Catholic men and women engage in premarital sex. Probably just as much as any other religious group.
Maybe when the child is very, very young but that’s due to physical exhaustion. My drive was certainly dampened too after both of our kids were born because I was up at night just as much as my wife was. Don’t know where you’re coming from there.
It’s a balancing act. Men need to take care not to abuse this but yes, women do need to understand that men equate sex with love while women need to feel love first to engage in sex. This needs to be explicitly communicated in marriage.
I can’t disagree more. Gossip is a venial sin. Pornography is a mortal sin. And porn is not yet as pervasive as celebrity gossip magazines or TV shows though it might get there. There is no excuse for it and wives are not responsible for their husbands’ sins and vice versa.
My wife is not the reason I fell into this addiction. The environment I grew up in played a big role in the propensity, but ultimately I am responsible for it. Period and full stop. I did not mature in my faith the right way. I did not address this addiction properly before I got married. I should have attacked it with God’s help instead of distracting myself from the battle. I was too scared to approach God with full abandon and ask for a true personal relationship with Him. If I stumble even in the slightest, such as feeling resentment towards my wife for something or getting unnaturally angry over something small, it is my responsibility to turn it over to God and ask Him for help instead of retreating into myself and going down that spiral.
Wives, you can help. You can help by improving your understanding of selfless love and being better witnesses of Christ. But you cannot “fix” your husbands if they do not choose to be fixed. And the only way they are going to be healed is through Christ’s infinite mercy. At the base of all pornography addiction is a search for love. You wives cannot fill it. We men cannot fill it ourselves. We thirst for infinite love and only Christ can quench that thirst.
M
Marguerite17
Guest
Thank you, AnneTeresa. I’m glad to hear your marriage made it. Praise God!
The tough thing about this, at least for me, is that I keep going back to the beginning … before it became an addiction. I understand that more recently, he did have less control over his actions, but in the beginning, he was just making a choice to look at the porn. I don’t know when it turned into an addiction, and I don’t think he does either, honestly.
I have no problem not gossipping. In fact, I make it a point to say kind things about my friends when they aren’t present. It’s a choice I make.
Thank you, Wendy. I feel EXACTLY the same way - husband and counselors insist it isn’t about me, but it still hurts so much. It’s hard to wrap my brain around that. Prayers for you and your husband.
As for temptations, yes of course they are still there and they will remain probably forever. I have no desire to go back to that life but that does not mean that I won’t still have moments where I am tempted to escape from tough situations by getting that instant gratification. Now personally I was never a guy who went in a strip club or anything like that even when I was thoroughly addicted to Internet porn. For me that was a line I didn’t want to cross; which is hilarious because mortal sin is mortal sin, right? Whatever.
My husband says the same thing - he also stuck to “just” the Internet porn.
As for shampoo commercials or lingerie ads, I don’t know. Everyone’s mileage varies on that. Certainly some of them can provide near occasions of sin, but so can watching beach volleyball or even going to the beach in general. I think the same goes for women when it comes to seeing an attractive man on the street or at the beach/pool, right? In my case it provides a near occasion of sin for my mind to linger longer than it should RIGHT THEN, but it doesn’t provide a true “acting out” trigger for later on or something.
This is good to know (that it’s not a trigger for acting out later). I really don’t know whether it’s the same for women. Personally, I have not struggled with lust. I’m more of a pride and anger girl, I guess.
Truthfully, since my recovery has been months and not years, there are times when I get self-absorbed or self-pitying that some of that “old” personality comes back. And with it come certain nefarious desires, but they don’t override my desire to be 100% true to my wife, true to myself and true to God anymore. When I get stressed, I grab my Bible or other spiritual reading and immerse myself in THAT.
God wants us all to have peace and be happy. That does not mean that we are removed from our temporal or spiritual struggles but it does mean that if we turn to Him in total surrender, He will save us from sin every time.
My husband says the same thing here too - that he has learned to go to God, not the porn, when he feels bad or stressed. I do feel a lot of pressure to be cheerful and perky all the time, just because I’m so scared I’ll inadvertently push him back into it. It’s exhausting.
I’m hanging onto that last sentence. I hear so many stories of couples who didn’t make it, husbands who wouldn’t change, I was desperate to hear some success stories. I sincerely, sincerely appreciate all the insights from you and Gordon.
M
Marguerite17
Guest
So, based on what I’ve gleaned so far … let’s see if this is an accurate picture of how things are …
My husband’s brain has been rewired from the porn use, but it is possible for him to overcome the addiction. Sometimes, other women will catch his eye, but it has nothing to do with me and more to do with his biological makeup, and he - assuming he is taking responsibility for his recovery - can choose to put that thought aside in favor of our marriage, which in the end will be more satisfying for him spiritually and thus will motivate him to stay away from the porn. Is that about right so far?
Here’s where I still get confused. It was said earlier that porn addicts ARE comparing those images to their wives. Does this mean that all those women in the future who “catch his eye” will be compared to me? If that’s the case, of course I’ll always fall short. I don’t know how to reconcile myself to that - a lifetime of competing with every hot babe who passes by? Am I destined to be a disappointment to my husband?
I’m sorry if I’m being really dense. I’m just trying really hard to get to a place where I don’t feel like dirt - it’s hard to be the loving, supportive spouse I know I need to be when I feel this way.
THANK YOU again to all for your kindness in sharing your personal stories. It means a lot to me that you are all willing to share about something so sensitive.
My husband’s brain has been rewired from the porn use, but it is possible for him to overcome the addiction. Sometimes, other women will catch his eye, but it has nothing to do with me and more to do with his biological makeup, and he - assuming he is taking responsibility for his recovery - can choose to put that thought aside in favor of our marriage, which in the end will be more satisfying for him spiritually and thus will motivate him to stay away from the porn. Is that about right so far?
Here’s where I still get confused. It was said earlier that porn addicts ARE comparing those images to their wives. Does this mean that all those women in the future who “catch his eye” will be compared to me? If that’s the case, of course I’ll always fall short. I don’t know how to reconcile myself to that - a lifetime of competing with every hot babe who passes by? Am I destined to be a disappointment to my husband?
I’m sorry if I’m being really dense. I’m just trying really hard to get to a place where I don’t feel like dirt - it’s hard to be the loving, supportive spouse I know I need to be when I feel this way.
THANK YOU again to all for your kindness in sharing your personal stories. It means a lot to me that you are all willing to share about something so sensitive.
G
Gordon_Sims
Guest
Not necessarily. While the porn hardwires you to view things a certain way, at least from my experience the longer you’re away from it that hardwired effect lessens or goes away to a good degree. I’m not saying that you don’t occasionally associate something you see to a picture or video you viewed frequently in the past, but it happens a lot less often and it gets to be something you’re more annoyed and embarrassed by than anything else. That’s not to say I don’t recognize the fact that a woman I see or talk to is attractive, but having it go any further than that would now be a conscience decision and one I choose not to make. That doesn’t mean I’m comparing them to my wife, either. No matter how attractive a woman is, whether on the street or in a movie or magazine, they’re not my wife. If she’s the only one I ever look at or think of in a sexual manner, then there’s no chance of me making any comparisons. Something else that helps me is the fact that I have four daughters so I remind myself that I certainly wouldn’t want anyone looking at them in an improper way, and I wouldn’t want them to think that I behaved that way myself.
L
louisak
Guest
I agree with this. I wish I had that article in front of me (the one that talks about the “use it or lose it” brain) but I don’t remember it saying that these changes are irreversible. My take was that the brain retains its capacity for change as long as we are alive. A serious addiction makes it difficult to change into a different direction, but not impossible. If the person is successful in avoiding the undesirable behavior, the brain will slowly “reformat” itself accordingly.
L
louisak
Guest
Having written a good bit about the results of research on the brain, I want to add something else as a corrective. The body and soul are a unity, and they affect each other in ways which even the latest science doesn’t understand. God is always in control and He never abandons those who are struggling to escape from the effects of their past mistakes. Divine grace has a transforming effect for those who sincerely open themselves to it, and the resulting changes in the soul can have an effect on the body as well. This is something that no scientific research will ever be able to quantify, but the reality of it cannot be doubted.
So my message to you, Marguerite, is don’t give up hope! You and your husband are in the hands of the Lord. Be grateful for the fact that your husband has repented and is trying to amend himself. The life of faith consists, to a great degree, in always finding the good things to be thankful for and bearing patiently with those things that are difficult to accept; trusting that in eternity we will be able to see how God brings good out of all painful situations for those who love Him and trust in Him.
Pax.
- Status