Marriage in college?

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HannahLisa

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My situation: I am all but engaged to an amazing young man who is a year behind me in school and not quite a year younger than me. My family loves him, his family likes me, there’s no opposition there (that I know of). The only people who have expressed reservations are a couple friends of mine who have done so because we are young. We have considered getting married either summer before my senior year or sometime during my senior year of college. I have to live off campus for at least my senior year, and instead of living with fellow college students who may want to throw parties we’ve decided it might be better to just get married and live together then, depending on how finances work out. The other possibility is waiting until after I graduate. Again, it depends on finances etc.

Has anyone else does anything like this? Would you recommend it or warn against it?
 
I have not gotten married but I have known a few couples that got married in college. There is no suggestion that can be universally applied to this question. It just depends on the maturity of the people involved. I know I would never be ready to marry while still in college(at least in undergrad), but I know people who did get married then and they were able to handle it. Pray about it and think ask yourself questions like how you will support yourselves financially? Will you be able to handle school if you got pregnant? Think about the possible situations and be honest with yourself. It can be done. It just depends on the people getting married.

God Bless,
Matt
 
are you willing to be pregnant and have a baby during your senior year? My advice is enjoy your last year at school and don’t get married until both you and him are ready to have a child.
 
HannahLisa said:
My situation: I am all but engaged to an amazing young man who is a year behind me in school and not quite a year younger than me. My family loves him, his family likes me, there’s no opposition there (that I know of). The only people who have expressed reservations are a couple friends of mine who have done so because we are young. We have considered getting married either summer before my senior year or sometime during my senior year of college. I have to live off campus for at least my senior year, and instead of living with fellow college students who may want to throw parties we’ve decided it might be better to just get married and live together then, depending on how finances work out. The other possibility is waiting until after I graduate. Again, it depends on finances etc.

Has anyone else does anything like this? Would you recommend it or warn against it?
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It sounds like you guys have done everything right, and are laying the foundation for a wonderful marriage. I say, go for it. 🙂
 
DH and I got married in October of '07. He’s already finished with his undergrad and is just taking classes, I’m finishing up my Bachelor’s degree. However I’m 26 and DH is 25 (25 and 24 at marriage time). We got married when we did so DH’s brother could be back for the wedding (he’s a soldier).

I know that when I was 22-ish I definitely wasn’t ready for marriage (I don’t know if you’re in that age bracket, forgive me if you aren’t). Some people are, some people aren’t. It was more a maturity level on my part than “Hey, I’m in college!” Even now at 26, it’s been worth it but somewhat hard. We got married in the middle of the semester, so we had no honeymoon. We got pregnant right away and then miscarried a month later, which meant that I had to approach my professors while being extremely emotional in order to get extensions and such. Right after the miscarriage we got pregnant again and this semester I’ve had to tell my profs about the baby and battle pregnancy symptoms all while finishing up my degree (done in May!). We moved in together after the wedding, but didn’t have much time to unpack and stuff. We took care of that this semester.

I also had a metric ton of stuff to change over with the Registrar of the school since I legally changed my name.

While I don’t regret getting married mid-semester, it definitely was a big balancing act (especially right after the wedding - I had homework due the following week!). Being pregnant and in school has meant that I’ve had to miss a LOT of my morning classes (thank God for understanding professors) and plowing through homework while feeling quite crummy on somedays.

That’s my experience with being married while in college. Don’t know if that will help for you! 🙂 Keep praying and the lines of communication open - that will help immensely. Good luck!
 
How old are you. if you don’t mind us asking 🙂

I have a few friends who married while in university. Sometimes myself and other friends would oppose it for somewhat selfish reasons, like we didn’t want to lose our friend to “married life”. Sometimes it was because the guy was a jerk… and sometimes we thought the marriage was a match made in heaven. Depends.

The most sucessful marriage was the one Catholic couple that I know who got married. The others weren’t sucessful. The Catholic couple was 21 and 25. The guy (25) was going into med school and the 21 year old had to follow him around the country to various schools and transfer her courses. They did sacrifice quite a bit but now have two beautiful children and he is a Doctor and she is a television host just like they had planned for.

I guess make sure you have a long term plan and you both agree and I don’t see why not?

On the other hand, it is okay to wait too, in my opinion. Especially if you are young. I agree with other posters that you don’t really know what you want or might not be ready if you are say… 22 and under.
 
I am currently about a month away from nineteen…Now I’m waiting for the barrage of “you’re too young, you’re crazy” comments :o Part of the reason I’m even considering this (at times I think it’s crazy, solely because we’re so young) is that my parents were married when my mom was nineteen and they are still happily married. They also both dropped out of college to get married, as far as I know, which is not something I will be doing if at all possible. I’m finishing up my freshman year of college right now.

BlueRubies - that’s why I wouldn’t get married until probably right before my senior year of college…so that if a baby came along it would hopefully be after I graduated! Getting married while I’m still in college is definitely not a for sure thing, just a possibility that I wanted to ask advice about. 🙂
 
HannahLisa said:
I am currently about a month away from nineteen…Now I’m waiting for the barrage of “you’re too young, you’re crazy” comments :o Part of the reason I’m even considering this (at times I think it’s crazy, solely because we’re so young) is that my parents were married when my mom was nineteen and they are still happily married. They also both dropped out of college to get married, as far as I know, which is not something I will be doing if at all possible. I’m finishing up my freshman year of college right now.

BlueRubies - that’s why I wouldn’t get married until probably right before my senior year of college…so that if a baby came along it would hopefully be after I graduated! Getting married while I’m still in college is definitely not a for sure thing, just a possibility that I wanted to ask advice about. 🙂
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Coming from someone who is also 19 and in university and all but engaged to MY bf: If you can do it, and you prayerfully think God is calling you to do it, GO FOR IT! I would LOVE to be able to marry my bf sooner than what we have planned, but we can’t, because we’re attending different schools, due to the programs we’re in, and for financial reasons. So if you can live together, and the money situation is okay, go right ahead! Only you know if you’re too young. Well, you and God. So just make sure you run it past the Big Guy. 👍
 
My hubby and I married when I was 21 and he was 20 (almost 21). Worked for us. 👍 I had just graduated, and he had 1 year of school left. So no, you’re not being absurd to consider it. But do continue to pray for guidance and see where the Holy Spirit leads you. 🙂
 
There is a joy to going through the struggle together, learning about life in the real world, building a life together.
 
kage_ar said:
There is a joy to going through the struggle together, learning about life in the real world, building a life together.
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👍 Well said!

DH and I were married after we graduated together, but we have friends who married during college and all of them seem to be happily married still :). If you and your fiance are ready, I’d also say go for it! 🙂
 
HannahLisa

My wife and I were married right out of college. We were HS sweethearts, both got athletic scholarships to the same school and both ended up studying the same thing in college.

It can work. You are already ahead of where my wife and I were when we got married in that you have your whole family behind your relationship. My wife’s parents shunned us and our relationship because of our faith and have chosen not to be a part of it.

We were worried about finances, as we still are and probably always will be, but it is the same argument for not having kids. If you wait until you are financially ready for children you may never have any. If we would have waited until we were financially stable and both had careers, we probably still wouldn’t be married.

This is just my :twocents: so take it for what it is. For every college marriage success I am more than sure that there is a college marriage failure, but that is up to you two. Keep Christ the center of your lives and your relationship and I don’t think you can go wrong. 👍

God bless
 
as I see it your choice is
live off campus in a house with other students, possible coed, where the social and study atmosphere may be detrimental

live off campus with a carefully chosen group of same-sex friends who will establish a proper study and social atmosphere

live together with fiance–a definite no-no and an almost certain guarantee of future marital problems

get married and life together–which will cost not one dime more than above option, be legal, and beneficial. The crux is are you otherwise ready for marriage, including ready to have children. Yes it can be done, yes it will be hard. IMO if you are ready to marry you should get married.
 
puzzleannie said:
as I see it your choice is
live off campus in a house with other students, possible coed, where the social and study atmosphere may be detrimental

live off campus with a carefully chosen group of same-sex friends who will establish a proper study and social atmosphere

live together with fiance–a definite no-no and an almost certain guarantee of future marital problems

get married and life together–which will cost not one dime more than above option, be legal, and beneficial. The crux is are you otherwise ready for marriage, including ready to have children. Yes it can be done, yes it will be hard. IMO if you are ready to marry you should get married.
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That is basically my situation. Living with fiance is OUT; if I’m living with him I’m marrying him first 😛 I’m not sure I would be able to find a carefully chosen group of other girls to live with off campus. So it’s put myself in a living situation which may or may not be a good one, or get married a bit earlier than we otherwise would!
 
Both of us are college students and we’re getting married in 3 1/2 months (eek! :p). We will have one semester each left of undergrad. I’ll be taking a couple of classes and working; he’ll be a full-time student.

We know this is our vocation, as unique as it is in this day and age. It won’t be easy, but it’s for us :).

We decided on marrying before we graduated for a few reasons, but mostly it came down to the fact that we felt called by God to go for it, and planned and budgeted to discover that it was indeed possible. The important thing is to have financial independence (this is especially a concern when parents have been contributing to tuition, paying living expenses, etc.) and a lot of maturity. It’s not for everyone, but pray a lot and consult the advice of parents, friends, priests, and other adults you trust.

You’re in my prayers!

I wanted to add that the support and encouragement from good Catholics I’ve met (especially on CAF!) has meant the world to me during our discernment. It is so awesome to see so many excited people who are enthusiastic about choosing marriage, even when the culture thinks it’s lunacy. And I just keep thinking “If you think we’re crazy now for getting married before we graduate, just you wait until we’re pregnant a lot sooner than you’d expect!” 👍.
 
Hi!

You posted on MY thread for relationship advice! (: So here is my advice to you!

I am also 19, and my boyfriend is also younger than me! (He’s about six and a half months younger.) When he visited, he gave me a ring (it has those Jesus fish on it, you know?) and declared that we are “engaged to be engaged!” So I guess I’m talking from a very similar standpoint as yours, except for the fact that he is in a different country and not currently in school.

Sen and I discussed this issue at length. We feel very strongly that we’re called to marriage and we are completely in love. It is God who has brought us close together and, though we are nowhere near perfect, we are trying our best to have and plan for a God-centred relationship and family. We’ve shared our views on marriage and children and everything like that.

We also discussed timing. Because he’s not a citizen of the U.S., it’s a more difficult issue. But, we decided that we will wait to be married until I’m out of school. My education is incredibly important to me and my family, and I have received great scholarships at the school I’m at, so even transferring to a more convenient location would be detrimental to my education.

It’s completely up to you and your man. I would advise discussing the situation at length, and sharing your feelings on it. But, personally, I think it is best to wait, no matter how deeply in love you are and how much you want to marry. Your education is a huge priority in your life right now. You might choose to wait until you’re out of school or even until he’s out of school. That way you can have financial security as well as the security of your love for one another. (:

Also, if you plan to be married, you have to count in the chance of having a baby! Even if you use NFP, the chances of having a baby are there, especially if you take a risk now and then. It is incredibly difficult to worry about school and a little person who’s completely dependent on you. God would never give you anything you can’t handle, but that’s just something to consider. Seriously consider!

Pray about it, ask the advice of your friends and family, and consider the advice the wonderful people on here are giving – then talk to him. Remember that if it is truly meant to be, that if God has made you for one another and wants you to be together, it will all come together in time.

I pray for you and your awesome boyfriend (I suppose since you said you’re all-but-engaged, it’s sort of like engaged-to-be-engaged, LoL!), that God may strengthen you both, draw you closer together and closer to Him, and guide your lives! God bless you both! (:
~Marie Seraphina
 
Maria (ragdollheart), thanks so much for your reply!

If my boyfriend and I end up getting married before I graduate, it will be because finances work out that way. I will probably have to live off campus senior year, and he would be at a college close enough that we could live near one college and the other person could commute. If finances work out differently we’ll wait until after I graduate, but I doubt we’ll wait till he graduates - by that point we will have been together five years. Plus it would be very difficult for me to live at home again after I graduate, since there are a lot of us in a small house! It all depends though. We’ve still got a couple years, which I’m glad for - these decisions won’t be made in a rush! 😉
 
HannahLisa said:
Maria (ragdollheart), thanks so much for your reply!

If my boyfriend and I end up getting married before I graduate, it will be because finances work out that way. I will probably have to live off campus senior year, and he would be at a college close enough that we could live near one college and the other person could commute. If finances work out differently we’ll wait until after I graduate, but I doubt we’ll wait till he graduates - by that point we will have been together five years. Plus it would be very difficult for me to live at home again after I graduate, since there are a lot of us in a small house! It all depends though. We’ve still got a couple years, which I’m glad for - these decisions won’t be made in a rush! 😉
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Yes, it’s nice to have a couple years to just talk and discuss and plan and dream. (:

I understand the living-at-home thing. My biological brother lived with my dad (my parents are divorced) way up until just a month before I moved out for college – then he moved back in with my mom! Now when I go home it’s weird and sometimes a bit crowded. And by then, it’s nice to think that you can be independent and not have to live at home/rely on your parents, too.

I guess since you’ll be living off-campus, too, that’s another thing to factor in. It makes it a lot more realistic to consider marriage. My campus is a residential campus, and the only way you can live off-campus is if you’re married.

Yes, especially since living off-campus would be relatively easy or even necessary, if you both feel confident financially … go for it! (: Neither of you will be compromising your education, after all, and you’ll be close to school and everything. There are lots of stories of people who marry young (out-of-college isn’t really even that young) and are happy and never regret it!
 
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