Marriage in crisis over "the ring"

[GailMac]

Wow o wow dept again…Your marriage is more important than the ring that only symbolizes your unity. I think this is the time when sacrifice might be the thing. Let your hubby have his way for the sake of peace. It is obviously more important to him than you and his obvious hurt feelings fueled the fire. Time to swallow your feelings and thoughts and offer it up. In marriage we are asked to make sacrifices for the other and for the marriage. What is more important? The marriage or the ring.

Peace,

Gail

BTW I was widowed young (26) so you don’t know how long the love in your life will be there. Enjoy each other each and every day. It’s all about priorities.

 

[EasterJoy]

I think it would be good to go talk to a jeweler. Do you think it would be possible to melt all of the platinum down and build a whole new setting from it? We liked our setting, it has three bands which for us symbolized the trinity. He proposed out of the blue one night when we were sitting in the car after a date talking about the mystery of the trinity.

That’s beautiful. Maybe that is what this is about. You’ll never know until you talk about it.

The answer is “yes”, you can have the original ring re-cast. A jeweler can take a ring and melt it down to make a new one. My husband’s ring is made in part from his dad’s wedding ring. (His dad died before we were engaged.)

This is artwork, so ask the jeweler to show you some of his or her work before you hand the ring over to go into the crucible.

 

[funnyyetsavvy]

I can understand how he feels the ring is significant, but I pray he finds your love together to be much moreso!

Can you find an exact replica of the setting and try again?

 

[kittery]

Just blame it on being a woman, lol. Tell him that when you get in front of pretty “bling” you can’t control yourself and you love it ALL. Explain to him that that in NO WAY takes away from how much you love HIS choice. Just that you got a little carried away. Tell him that you’ve had lots of time to think about this and, while you loved seeing all of those new rings, you could never imagine yourself wearing anything other than HIS ring. Then tell him that you would like to get an expert jeweler to fix it in the proper way so that you will never lose the stone and can wear it all the time. Problem solved (hopefully:thumbsup.

Very nice advice, Malia. Very simple, honest, and hopefully enough to repair the hurt feelings. Thank you!

 

[Guitar]

Very nice advice, Malia. Very simple, honest, and hopefully enough to repair the hurt feelings. Thank you!

Another analogy - I have some paintings hanging on the wall at home that I really love and would never ever replace with any other paintings, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a trip to the art gallery.

 

[kittery]

Another analogy - I have some paintings hanging on the wall at home that I really love and would never ever replace with any other paintings, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a trip to the art gallery.

:yup: Very good analogy. I admit, the new rings were pretty but in my heart I know a different ring will never be “the ring”. It wouldn’t be the one he put on my finger during our nuptial mass.

 

[rick43235]

Next thing you know, you’ll want to hold the remote while you guys watch TV.

Now THAT is where I would draw the line.

 

[PaulinVA]

I think you’re right. What would you want your wife to do in order to repair this sort of lost pride? Any great ideas?

Talk. Share your thoughts, let him share his.

There have been good ideas about remounting or melting or whatever.

 

[whatevergirl]

Give him the diamond and the band and let him decide how he wants to handle it. Tell him you love him, and you love you ring and whatever he decides will be lovely.

And, however he chooses to handle it-- don’t say a word. Even if the diamond falls out again. Even if you lose it.

Just make sure you take out insurance on it (remember, homeowner’s doesn’t usually cover valuables like this) so if you lose the diamond you are covered.

I often agree with you 1ke, but not in this instance. Why should she pretend she likes a setting that she doesn’t like?

Granted, in the grand scheme of things, a ring setting is not a big issue, but I would be wary of getting it repaired over and over again, by a jeweler who obviously is not repairing it.I lost my engagement ring–1 carat–years ago, and now opted for moissanite to not worry as much, although it’s pricey, just not as pricey as diamonds.

But, I say to the OP–you both should go setting ‘hunting’ together…you are wearing it, you need to be comfortable in it, and find the setting appealing.

Good luck!

 

[whatevergirl]

GM,

Very insightful.:ehh: Rings true, and yes- I can see him thinking that me looking at other rings means I never liked this one in the first place and that somehow this reflects a rejection of him. My husband is normally a “shrug it off” kind of guy, so much so that sometimes this really irritates me when I want to feel like he cares more about things. So this whole thing has really taken me by surpise. I did hurt him, though I never meant to.

I think that he loved that when he first bought the ring, I said that it was so beautiful and classic, and exactly what I see myself wearing forever. He must have treasured that statement more than I knew and seeing me “window shop” shredded that perfect moment to pieces. How do I fix something like this between us?

That is a good point–I should read all the posts before replying. I would simply talk with him, and explain that you love the setting, but it’s not constructed right. I think that while Costco has good deals, they are not jewelers, and thus their settings might be a little faultier. See if you can find a reputable jeweler in the area who could duplicate the setting…that might be best!