Marriage in the Catholic Church question

[LindaAndrews]

I am not sure if my question is as complicated as I am stressing over so your guidance would be most appreciated.

I was married outside of the Catholic church to a non practicing Catholic 20+ years ago. I was not Catholic when we married and we were married in a civil ceremony. Five years ago my husband passed away and during this time I have converted to Catholicism and am active in my church. Recently I started dating a Catholic man who is divorced, and has been for 10 years but his marriage was not annulled. I would like to be married in the Catholic Church, but his wife will not agree to an annulment.

I think I understand that he can petition to have his marriage annulled without the cooperation of his ex, but what I don’t understand is, if the annulment is not approved does this mean we would not be able to marry in the Church? If this is the case what are my options to remain in the Church and stay with my finance. I do not want to have a civil union and if I’m honest, I’d rather just live with him if my marriage is not going to be recognized any way. It appears to me that I’m going to be living in sin either way. Please help me figure this out.

 

[Loud-living-dogma]

Annulment is complicated. Tempting to talk to a priest. Not sure how much an internet forum can help.
Does this gentleman gave kids? How’s that going?

 

[LindaAndrews]

Yes he has 3 adult Children and has close relationships with all three and their families. He is a presence in his Grandchildren’s lives as well.

 

[Gorgias]

Talk to your priest. There’s not enough info in what you’ve provided here to enable us to give you guidance on the likelihood of your fiance getting an annulment.

However, to your general question, you’re correct: if one or both of you is not free to marry, then you cannot marry in the Church.

If that’s the case (and again, I can’t say anything about the prospects of him getting the annulment), the decision for you to make is what’s more important to you: reception of the sacraments and trying to live out your Catholic faith… or a non-sacramental (and, according to Christ, ‘adulterous’) marriage to your fiance.

(Edited to add:

I know that sounds harsh, but let me ask you: if he were still civilly married to his ex, would you be dating him? Would you be planning a wedding with him? (I hope that the answer would be, “well, he wouldn’t be free to marry me in that case, so no!”)

The Church would assert that divorce doesn’t bring a sacramental marriage to an end, and therefore, by that same standard, he still is married to his ‘ex-wife’. So, he’s not free to marry (unless and until the Church might be able to determine that the marriage wasn’t valid from the very beginning).

Jesus says it himself: “what God has joined, let no man tear asunder.” If they are still joined by God, could a civil decree of divorce have the ability to tear asunder?)

 

[1ke]

Recently I started dating a Catholic man who is divorced, and has been for 10 years but his marriage was not annulled. I would like to be married in the Catholic Church, but his wife will not agree to an annulment.

His wife need not “agree” to a decree of nullity. He can petition if he believes he has grounds. She can participate or not. She will be given the opportunity.

if the annulment is not approved does this mean we would not be able to marry in the Church?

It means he isn’t free to marry and you can’t marry at all.

If this is the case what are my options to remain in the Church and stay with my finance.

If his first marriage is valid, he is not free to marry someone else and you are not free to pursue anything with him.

Yes, that is difficult. Yes you should guard your heart. I would suggest you not call him your fiancé until you know he is free to pursue marriage.

I’d rather just live with him if my marriage is not going to be recognized any way

Honey. You can’t live with him. Not and be faithful to the Gospel. Sex outside of marriage is a sin against the sixth commandment. Living together in cohabitation is a sin against chastity and the sixth commandment.

Please help me figure this out.

take a deep breath, put God first. Let him work through his marriage situation before you make a future with him.