Marriage in trouble

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Mamanurse

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We’ve been married 7 years now. Our marriage was blessed two yrs ago. My husband is non-catholic and hates the Catholic faith. I have been growing in my faith since our blessing. We are using NFP and just had our second child 7 mths ago. Husband doesn’t want more kids and said that he is angry that he doesn’t get oral sex anymore (to its completion). He feels that God gave us free will to make choices in this life and he chooses not to welcome any more kids. We are going to be separating this weekend for a couple of weeks to try to sort things out.

I am not willing to compromise the churches teachings in order to satiate his sexual desires. I am in no hurry to have another child, but want to place my trust in God. Neither of us want to divorce, but we both have agreed that had I been a practicing Catholic went we met, we would never have married. He also said that he lied to the priest when asked if he was open to life prior to convalidation.

Our differences our killing us. I plan on getting in touch with my priest, but does anyone have some practical advice for me in the meantime? Hope?
 
Mamanurse said:
We’ve been married 7 years now. Our marriage was blessed two yrs ago. My husband is non-catholic and hates the Catholic faith. I have been growing in my faith since our blessing. We are using NFP and just had our second child 7 mths ago. Husband doesn’t want more kids and said that he is angry that he doesn’t get oral sex anymore (to its completion). He feels that God gave us free will to make choices in this life and he chooses not to welcome any more kids. We are going to be separating this weekend for a couple of weeks to try to sort things out.

I am not willing to compromise the churches teachings in order to satiate his sexual desires. I am in no hurry to have another child, but want to place my trust in God. Neither of us want to divorce, but we both have agreed that had I been a practicing Catholic went we met, we would never have married. He also said that he lied to the priest when asked if he was open to life prior to convalidation.

Our differences our killing us. I plan on getting in touch with my priest, but does anyone have some practical advice for me in the meantime? Hope?
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I don’t have much advice, but I am praying for you. I often feel like I’m in a similar boat… my husband is not Catholic and doesn’t understand the church’s teaching on NFP… and is often angry during periods of abstinence. We met at a time when I wasn’t practicing, and as I grow in my faith, I feel more separated from him at times. It is hard. Remember, the road to eternal life is hard - narrow, full of suffering and few will find it.

I often think of Paul’s letter to the Corinthians for encouragement - For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Keep praying for him. Don’t loose hope, a priest once told me despair is the enemy’s greatest weapon. And you can unite all your sufferings with Christ on the cross.

Have you heard of Our Lady undoer of Knots? It is a beautiful “unfailing” novena for the knots in our lives that seem will never work themselves out.
 
I too am praying for you. From my personal experience, the true issue is not sex or birth control, but rather the fact that one of you is a practicing Catholic and the other is not. This is the reason that I almost always advise against mixed marriages. Our faith is the crux of our lives, and when we are unable to share it with our spouse, or it even becomes a source of contention in our relationship, it is very difficult to sustain a healthy relationship.

Now, what to do at this point. Obviously pray, for your husband and for your children and for your marriage. Seek Our Blessed Lady’s intercession and also that of St. Monica, a strong wife and mother herself. Seek counseling and support. Finally, until your husband understands that he must at least RESPECT your belief system even if he may not agree with it, there is going to be tension. After all, respect is one of the pillars of a healthy marriage. I do hope and pray that it works out for you.
 
I will definitely be praying for you and your husband. Please don’t give up hope.
 
For the kids, figure it out. Don’t lose your standards… you have proof and conviction not to. Also, little gifts… Hugs, Prayers, and little gifts…… I’m a young adult with divorced parents since age 6… with God, anything is possible and they are getting along BESt since I started following church teaching even though they don’t believe. Pray !

SLOW SLOW SLOW. I’m serious I’ve been feeding Dad and brother organic food (don’t advertise, answer if they ask about it) and they have been getting better socially… I have faith its the love and the food helping their nerves and system calm down.

Cook for him… Alone time… Sleep in separate places in the house IS such a good idea. You said you’re separating … be careful with the separation thing … if it is not tended the garden may grow weeds… start to talk about the important things as they come up, talk about what he wants to talk with you about… keep your beautiful and God given standards!!, giving a role model to the kids, & remember his small strengths, Dad provides and protects… It is better Mom loves Dad than if Mom loves kids, SEriouslY!! YIKES this has been a huge facade in my family… Love him MOST, be humble (ask if you don’t understand why)… Maybe aim for a “hidden” Catholic counsler … first and foremost, Pray for him Pray Pray and Pray. Pray the rosary, offer sacrifices such as giving up lunch or cookies… what’s his name? I’ll pray for him today. Give him to the blessed Mother… She loves him more than you ever can. Mother Mary will give him and bring him to Jesus… and through Jesus is the Father.

Scenario for you and him: You have five days to live… what will you do that is important enough? and remember… WHAT HE WANTS TO TALK with you about, others first!! LITTLE GIFTS, HUGS, PRAYERS, SACRIFICES,… GET Your advice in PRAYer and a HOLY spiritual advisor… you need someone else so who is the most holiest person and simple person you have met? Maybe you don’t have anyone, but if you do, a blessing!!! I’m here for ya (only because I have a strong one), the holy spirit will give you what you need to say , don’t worry, everything is gonna be alright!! 🙂 I promise!

All besides, NFP is 99 percent effective amazon.com/Love-Fertility-Ovulation-Natural-Planning/dp/B0006ESA7K/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1341672696&sr=8-2&keywords=mercedes+natural+family+planning This is a detail book about how to and when is the DEFINITE dry times… By definite I mean you ought to only procreate during the dry times at this time ~ And for his issue about wanting something you should not give… take time away from intercourse. and have confidence in being not willing and turning away or changing subjects

“Be not too hasty either with praise or blame; speak always as though you were giving evidence before the judgement-seat of our God.”
-Seneca

have confidence in tending! God bless
 
coachkfan1 said:
I too am praying for you. From my personal experience, the true issue is not sex or birth control, but rather the fact that one of you is a practicing Catholic and the other is not. This is the reason that I almost always advise against mixed marriages. **Our faith is the crux of our lives, and when we are unable to share it with our spouse, or it even becomes a source of contention in our relationship, it is very difficult to sustain a healthy relationship.
**
Now, what to do at this point. Obviously pray, for your husband and for your children and for your marriage. Seek Our Blessed Lady’s intercession and also that of St. Monica, a strong wife and mother herself. Seek counseling and support. Finally, until your husband understands that he must at least RESPECT your belief system even if he may not agree with it, there is going to be tension. After all, respect is one of the pillars of a healthy marriage. I do hope and pray that it works out for you.
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I can testify to this too. The underpinning of my entire life here on earth is my faith and trust in God and the Church. This is something that I cannot share with my husband. When I have tried, it leads to arguments. Like the OP, if I had been a practicing Catholic when we met, there is no way we would have married. By the time I reverted, we had our first son. In retrospect, it’s kind of amazing my husband didn’t just split at that point, but since he’s the child of a divorce, I think he did make up his mind to stay in spite of his shock and dismay that the Church was again a part of his life, if only by extension.

To the OP: Get a green scapular. Have it blessed. Hide it under his side of the mattress, or somewhere else where he will be near it but not be able to find it. Pray this prayer every day (and of course the more prayer, the better!): “Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for (your husband’s name) and all of us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.” Pray for his conversion constantly. Offer intentions for his conversion. Light candles, and get him on others’ prayer lists too. Enlist the help of Sts. Monica and Rita.

The sexual part is a big element of problems. It’s not easy to explain why certain acts are not sanctioned, and to get an atheist to understand - :nope: The best you can hope for, IMO, is that he will love you enough to cooperate with your restrictions. The change can cause a lot of problems though.

Will he go for counseling? Make sure it’s a Catholic counselor or you could be advised to divorce. Catholic Charities offers counseling on a sliding scale. I have used one of their counselors and she has been very helpful.

There is also Retrouvaille which helps couples learn to communicate better.

With you in solidarity and prayer, OP.
 
I am learning about boundaries. and that is one you put into place and he just doesn’t like it. Stand firm.

I was putting some boundaries in place and was accused of being inflexible in my faith. That I should not follow the letter of the law but only scripture…I stood my ground and I know I need to please god and he put our church in place for us to follow.

We may have to live a bit more to understand what the church means but relativity messes things up a bit…they don’t like being told how they have to live because that is how you are going to live…we all go through that. We can all be babies from time to time
 
Thank you so much for all of your prayers and responses! I am overwhelmed by the positive replies.
 
“I am not willing to compromise the churches teachings in order to satiate his sexual desires.”

Mens’ sexual needs can be very strong (remember what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7) , and they’re naturally strongest when you’re ovulating. That’s how God made us (and for good reason!). If you do go with NFP, understand that lack of sex can be very stressful for him. Do what you can to help when you feel you can’t provide that to him - cook his favorite food, a shoulder massage, etc. And go at it like bunnies when you can. 😃

Sympto-thermal methods have worked very well for us, but results can vary. It’s exceedingly important to be on the same page about openness to life. If your marriage is under stress, another child is NOT going to make it easier, especially if he wasn’t on board with NFP. If he absolutely does not want another child, and you get pregnant, and he feels that it’s NFP’s fault, your marriage is in big trouble. If he feels like he’s constantly being denied, your marriage is in big trouble too.

If it comes down to it, would you rather be divorced, or violate a teaching? That’s not an easy question, is it?

I’ll say a prayer for you both!
 
Well, I am in the same situation with my wife, but with my wife preferring the Protestant side. What I did to solve the problem was to wait 23 years until our son was away in college before we had our marriage blessed in the Catholic Church. We almost did get divorced over it, but at least my son had a happy childhood free if religious bigotry. I’m not saying that the way I handled it is correct, but it would have been compromised either way. The Protestants aren’t all that bad!
 
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