Marriage In Trouble

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Thank you all so very much for your prayers and your concern. After reading many of the posts, I realized I needed to clarify my situation. I apologize in advance for the long post. I’ve been under so much stress that I’m not thinking clearly and apparently that’s how my communication has come across.

I am not physically in danger. My husband is emotionally and verbally abusive. He has a nasty temper, swears constantly, is controlling, jealous and uses sarcasm and innuendo to put me and the kids down. Dad died three months ago, and the grief process I’m undergoing has really brought my husband’s faults to the forefront as he’s become increasingly insensitive to the way I’ve been feeling and can’t understand why I’m not already done grieving. His attitude has really hurt me because I expected some empathy, since his own father is dying. He has called me mentally ill, saying I take after my mother who has been treated for depression, and he also blames my moods on either PMS, menopause or a mid-life crisis. True, I do get hormonal - don’t all women periodically? But grief brings with it its own set of emotions, none of which I’ve experienced before as my dad is the closest person in my family to have died. And, I’m nowhere near menopause.

My kids do not like their dad, which greatly saddens me.

When I asked for prayers to change me, I am asking for God to humble me, root out anything that is wrong in this relationship for which I am truly at fault and seek forgiveness. I cannot ask God to change my husband if I need to be changed first (this is a point from Stormie Omartian’s book The Praying Wife). I also ask that God increase my love for my husband, in spite of all his faults. The man with whom I fell in love is not the man I’m married to now. Perhaps he was like this all along and I was blind…I don’t know. I do know that the closer I get to God, the worse our relationship gets. Probably a correlation…again, I don’t know. My husband, who is a cradle Catholic, calls me, the convert, a Jesus freak, if that gives you any indication of where he is on the faith spectrum. I know it’s not for me to judge him on his faith relationship, but I do know a source of some of our conflict has to do with faith and my involvement with the church. I’ve become very good friends with priests and other very religious people and my husband dislikes that. He is a misanthrope, plain and simple, and probably should be a hermit.

I am considering counseling for myself, not for us, as I know he’d never go. He has told me this. In fact, he’s said if the counselor validated everything he’s been saying to me – basically that he’s right and my life would be perfect if I just listened to him – then he’d consider talking to the counselor. Of course, he’s living in a dream world, I know, but this is what he’s said to me. Retrouvaille is also out for us as both people must attend. I know that divorce cannot be an option because of the kids. I made a vow to God as well. In my line of work, I’ve seen the collateral damage from divorce, so I want to avoid this route if at all possible. That’s why I need prayers the most, so I can find a balance, a way to cope with all that’s going on without deserting my family and getting depressed.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your concern. This is probably the only place I can truly express my emotions without condemnation.
 
Hello AustinGirl…
Code: 
          Takes intestinal fortitude to do what you do.... maybe you could try a new tack..
Try to involve him in new things... simple things,like go for a picnic , or other outings as a family.... maybe camping.... movies.. slowly you might get him to alter his thinking.....
and when your out and things are looking good… you could remind him of the good times you both once had… it’s a bit like fishing… throw out the line and see if you get a nibble on the line…
 
Eternal God , in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhastible ,
look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us ,
that in difficult moments we might not despair
nor become despondent , but with great confidence ,
submit ourselves to Your Holy Will ,
which is love and mercy itself . Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
Hail Mary,
full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
Eternal God , in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhastible ,
look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us ,
that in difficult moments we might not despair
nor become despondent , but with great confidence ,
submit ourselves to Your Holy Will ,
which is love and mercy itself . Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
For you, your husband, children, and this situation, we pray to Lord.
Lord, hear our prayers. :signofcross:Amen
 
Eternal God , in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhastible ,
look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us ,
that in difficult moments we might not despair
nor become despondent , but with great confidence ,
submit ourselves to Your Holy Will ,
which is love and mercy itself . Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
Eternal God , in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhastible ,
look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us ,
that in difficult moments we might not despair
nor become despondent , but with great confidence ,
submit ourselves to Your Holy Will ,
which is love and mercy itself . Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
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