Marriage in Trouble

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LdrGirl

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I am a mother of 2 and I am in a verbally abusive marriage with a man who now refuses to get help for anger management. We have been to 2 marriage counselors, but he opted not to return to the second counselor as it seems she was breaking through to some of his anger issues. He shows enormous compassion toward all except for me…but turns on my parents when we are arguing (but nice to their faces). Threatens to take my children from me and refuses sex (only agreed for procreation). I am seeing a priest for counseling and strength, but he refuses to get help of any kind. I have tried to forgive, but he is like a Jekyll and Hyde and I never know when he is going to lash out (and it always happens in front of our children). I had no evidence of this behavior prior to our marriage. He flipped a switch the second I said “I do” and now I am trapped. Please pray for me so that I may have some guidance from the Holy Spirit as to how I should proceed. Thank you.
 
LdrGirl said:
I am a mother of 2 and I am in a verbally abusive marriage with a man who now refuses to get help for anger management. We have been to 2 marriage counselors, but he opted not to return to the second counselor as it seems she was breaking through to some of his anger issues. He shows enormous compassion toward all except for me…but turns on my parents when we are arguing (but nice to their faces). Threatens to take my children from me and refuses sex (only agreed for procreation). I am seeing a priest for counseling and strength, but he refuses to get help of any kind. I have tried to forgive, but he is like a Jekyll and Hyde and I never know when he is going to lash out (and it always happens in front of our children). I had no evidence of this behavior prior to our marriage. He flipped a switch the second I said “I do” and now I am trapped. Please pray for me so that I may have some guidance from the Holy Spirit as to how I should proceed. Thank you.
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I will pray for you, I too was in an abusive relationship. and I developed serious codependency issues. I opted for divorce, but I regret it everyday. Especially since, after being separated 2 years, things were really able to calm down. In my experience, couples counseling was stressful and kept everything up at the surface and made our daily living difficult. What ended up working was the individual counseling we both got during the divorce. Unfortunately it may be too late for us, but I will pray that it is not for you. Rely on God and your priest’s discernment of the situation. Also, make sure you work on your own issues instead of simply fixing his.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

Prayer of St Francis
 
Sending up prayers your way. Gods bless you and your kids and keep you all safe.

Our Father, who art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name. Thy kingdom come Thy Will Be Done On Earth As It Is In Heaven, Give us this day our daily bread & Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, But Deliver Us From Evil. Amen.

Hail Mary Full of grace the Lord is with you, Blessed art Thou amongst women & blessed is the Fruit of Thy Womb Jesus, Holy May Mother Of God, Pray For Us Sinners now and at the Hour Of Our Death. Amen.

Gloria be to the Father & to the Son & to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning its now and ever shall be world without end. Amen.

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the wisdom to know the difference. Amen

Angels Of God, our Guardian Dear, To whom Gods Love entrusts us here, every this day/night night be at our side to light and guard & to rule & guide. Amen.
 
:gopray:

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now ever shall be world without end
Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

:signofcross:
 
What would happen if your attitude was ‘untrapped’? And have you tried to figure out what, if any, of his ‘buttons’ you might be pushing-intentionally or unintentionally since you feel ‘trapped’. Granted, there are men that the mere words of 'I do" turn them into someone else. Consider yourself fortunate that verbal abuse is the only extent this has gone to. You are still very much in love with him or these things wouldn’t weigh so heavily upon you…your wording…You are hurt. Is some of it that he doesn’t seem to recognize enough, how much this is hurting you? There are deeper issues than just his anger management that you two need to work through. As far as verbal abuse, does he know that he is to love and respect you ‘as he would the church’, ‘as he would his own body’? and that he is to praise your work at the city gates? Are you fulfilling proverbs 31? and both of you 1 Corinthians 13? Just junks to think about.

Prayers are with, and may God’s will be done.
 
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
satan caused these ‘mysoginist’ traits in your Husband as a Child or Teenager when he felt most vulnerable, alone, abused, confused and humiliated. Many Children then put on a brave face (what else can they do without support in family units throughout their childhood) during school, at social events, within their own families, growing up and hiding all of the trauma still buried deep in their Souls Hearts and Minds.

The Classic environment being an alcoholic or drug induced environment as a Child putting up with Parents and/or Siblings as Alcholics without any extended Family or other people watching their Family and the Alcoholic environment is worse for them in many ways. Similar to a Fish swimming trapped in a small fish bowl for all to watch and see. Think about it! Not one or two years temporarily. Try 18 years for most kids. Lucky to eat a sandwich or take a sandwich to school in those days and the taunting by other kids in communities to the child of an alcoholic parent once neighbours and other school kids got wind of the Family with the alcoholic parent.

They subconsciously ‘choose’ a partner/wife who will be ‘there’ for them emotionally and physically around to boost them up (their self esteem) while being nice to them UNTIL the Marriage arrives and/or Children are conceived and presented.

All emotions run wild after this occurs (external expressions displayed; emotions hidden where ‘no-one can view them’, not their Wife or anyone). Then arrives the degradation of their closest loved ones to reassure themselves that they are in ‘control’, ‘a person to be looked up to in their own minds and others’ minds, boosting their own self esteem through the degradation of family members. They are careful initially with a Spouse’s own family (their In-Laws) not to degrade their own Spouse in front of them so as not to look bad in front of them. However, sometimes they slip when satan tempts them once family arrives; (particularly if they are struggling financially or they recall the bullying from their Childhood).

Counselling is like a flag to a bull along with a Spouse’s security with their own Family Members (these people need to be the ‘Centre of a Spouse’s attention’ or there are ‘episodes of rage (satan) outbreaks’. The filth is expelled, the degradation which is actually false comments/lies about their Spouse and extended Family Members. They become dreadfully insecure and angry in small group settings with strangers or with people who once knew their own Family and background.

How am I able to account some of these traits?

I have been married to a Man (the Father of my Children) for 20 years; a Child of two Alcoholic Parents.

My first cousins (4 boys) had two Alcoholic Parents with the same type of background; however two as teenagers moved away and the other two boys had some support from my Grandparents and occasionally Aunties. They did not suffer the degree of humiliation and degradation as my Children’s Father had experienced over many many years without extended family support.

My advice is to offer an ultimatum for your Husband to continue seeing a Counsellor on his own (a male) while you go along with it all and see a separate Counsellor yourself at the same time (driving and returning together to ensure he follows through).

Pray The Holy Rosaries twice a day for your Husband’s Healing
 
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Please Dear The Holy Trinity and Dear Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus could You please bathe This entire Family (Your Holy Children) in Thy Divine Love Protection Health, Safety, Wisdom and Guidance, powering all of The Holy Spirit’s Love and Peace through this Man’s Heart Soul Mind and Body, giving him the courage to face satan head on and expel the demons of his past now and for Eternity Amen.

Attend Mass and Reconciliation with your Husband (to assist in blocking and removing the evil by Jesus regularly throughout your Marriage). Pray together a couple of times per week as a Family Unit and put your foot down on this; there is a great deal of hurt in your Husband’s life to be removed by God!

Pick up Jesus Crucifixes, Holy Images and Our Lady Mary’s Holy Rosary cards from your Catholic Bookshop and a Green and Brown Holy Scapula for under your mattress and in your rooms throughout the home. Do this and watch the reactions. Do not say anything though; silence is golden; allow God to work through your Husband expelling the evil from his Childhood.

Jesus got me through it all over the years raising Children and He will do the same for you without any doubt!

Offer up all of your Crosses to Jesus before the commencement of The Holy Rosary handing over all of your Husband’s problems and woes every time you pray. With The Holy Rosary prayed at least twice daily and for other world causes too; you will experience incredible miracles that you once only dreamt about!

Our Father who art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from all evil Amen

Our Father who art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from all evil Amen
 
I will remember you in my dayli Rosary prayer.

And what ever you do, do not follow “good” advices, follow your heart. And God is always with you, no matter what your choise may be.
 
:gopray:

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now ever shall be world without end
Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

:signofcross:
 
I just give up…I can"t stay in an abusive, loveless marriage. All of the prayers in the world can"t stop this Jekyll & Hyde behavior…I am going to call a lawyer friend by week"s end to find out my rights as a mother since he is always threatening to take my children from me. I don"t think God wants me to be a doormat.
 
:gopray:

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now ever shall be world without end
Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

:signofcross:
 
Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the Fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

Memorare to St. Joseph
Remember, O most pure spouse of Mary, and my dearly beloved guardian, St. Joseph, that never was it known that anyone who invoked your care and requested your help was left without consolation.

Inspired with this confidence, I come to you, and with all the ardor of my spirit I commend myself to you. Do not reject my prayer, O Foster Father of the Savior, but graciously receive and answer it. Amen.
 
PATER NOSTER,
qui es in caelis,
sanctificetur nomen tuum.
Adveniat regnum tuum.
Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra.
Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie,
et dimitte nobis debita nostra
sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris.
Et ne nos inducas in tentationem,
sed libera nos a malo. Amen.
 
Prayer for Your Love to Reign in the hearts of this couple and bring healing where there is pain. Lord You alone know the needs here. Defend this marriage and help each to see their call to love. Thank you!

mlz
 
:gopray:

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now ever shall be world without end
Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

:signofcross:
 
Eternal God , in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhastible ,
look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us ,
that in difficult moments we might not despair
nor become despondent , but with great confidence ,
submit ourselves to Your Holy Will ,
which is love and mercy itself . Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
A bizarre thing to try. In silence, think about what brought you together in the first place, the things that you have shared, and grown with since, the events where you were there for each other. Then, also in silence, don’t you dare talk to one another, sit holding hands, each reading their copy of Song of Solomon, thinking upon these things.

May the God of Love have mercy upon your souls.
 
Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Remember oh most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence I fly unto thee oh Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To thee I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. Oh Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray and do thou oh Prince of the Heavenly host by the power of God cast into Hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

Most Holy Family, please pray for and help this person in their marriage. Amen.

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
Amen.
 
Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Remember oh most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence I fly unto thee oh Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To thee I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. Oh Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray and do thou oh Prince of the Heavenly Host by the power of God cast into Hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
Amen.

Most Holy Family of Jesus, please pray for this couple and help them to get their marriage difficulties solved as soon as possible. Please save their marriage from any future trouble as well. Amen.
 
:gopray:

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now ever shall be world without end
Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

:signofcross:
 
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