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Ellen_Mary
Guest
I don’t know if anyone can offer advice or help. But prayers would be very welcomed. I feel trapped by my marriage. I have recently returned to the Church. I am disabled and I have been married to my 2nd husband for 7 years since 2006.
I was married previously 1986 (outside of church) and divorced and annulled in 1993. My first husband left when our daughter was 10 months old. My current husband was also previously married. His first marriage was in Catholic Church and ended when his wife left him and their two small children. He married again and this marriage only lasted a week as this wife tried to kill him. (Apparently she had mental health issues, was medicated but stopped her medication on the day of their wedding)
In the beginning we had a good married life, in all aspects. I lost my lovely dad 7 months before we married, and I lost my darling mum 9 months after we married. Losing my mum nearly killed me and I still feel the loss deeply. My husband was supportive at the time, but I found more and more that he was just being deceitful and secretive. I felt so unworthy and so unlovable.
I was depressed after losing my mum but even worse just 3 months after losing my mum my daughter who was 15 and a virgin was drugged and raped by a man that she knew. She kept it a secret from me as I wasn’t in a good place after losing my mum, and that truly breaks my heart. My daughter went off the rails and she and my husband had a rough relationship. I just felt torn, I always stood up for my daughter with him, but he just kept putting us down. I have always tried to work on our marriage, as I didn’t go into it lightly, but my husband doesn’t seem to care.
I discovered my husband was having a ‘text’ affair in 2009. By this I mean he was exchanging text messages up to 30 a day some days, and also phone calls with another woman. I found out because she text his phone and I saw it. He lied and I knew he lied, but he kept lying for over 8 months. I found a way to read his texts online and set it up. I again gave him chances to come clean but he denied all suspicions. So I showed him the proof, and he cried and said she was just a friend, but they were declaring each other their soul mates, and he called her ‘his future wife’. He promised he would stop. This carried on for over a year.
I had instinct that it was going on but he denied it again, this went on for at least a year. Then by chance he rang me one day, so I answered. I don’t know how but his ‘real’ phone rang me while he was talking on his secret second phone. I heard him tell her he loved her, and heard him laughing he was so happy! I confronted him when he came back and he denied it as he did before but eventually he admitted it. Again tears and again he begged for another chance. He said this was another woman, but I don’t know after all the times of lying previously.
I owned my own house when we met, and now we have sold that and bought this house together. I feel this is what he wanted as he didn’t have any security but now he has. He stopped being intimate with me and just stopped showing any affection or love at all. During this time we sold my house and moved into the country. If I see his mobile phone now its wiped of text messages and call log is wiped. I ask him why he just offers a lame excuse.
About 10 days ago he got a call and he said he didn’t know who it was; his mobile wasn’t working properly so he asked me to look at it. While I was doing that it rang, and a woman asked for my husband, I said who is it? She said ‘who are you’ and I replied, I’m his wife. I heard her gasp and pass the phone over, and then a man said ‘who are you’ I again replied I’m his wife, and he kept saying No you can’t be, you’re not his wife over and over. The man wouldn’t say who he was. I hung up and my husband was very angry at me for speaking to the man. I replied I’ve done nothing wrong! This man then rang at least 8-10 times and I spoke to the caller about 3 times. Each time was like the first, he didn’t say who he was, but he did say my husband was a b*****d and that he (the man) loved my husband! My husband says he has no idea who the caller was or what it was about.
As I recently returned to Church I went to confession and my priest gave me the phone number of a marriage councillor, as I want to be able to receive communion, but at the moment I don’t until I sort out my husband’s previous marriages, and have our marriage validated so I can go to communion. My husband and I live without any sexual contact and have for around 3 half years. Due to everything that’s gone on I feel trapped. I want to return to communion but my husband (who is a lapsed Catholic) doesn’t want to attend Church. I asked my husband for confirmation that his previous marriages were divorced, and to my horror he said he can’t remember if he got divorced from his previous wives!! He told me that his second wife had died before we married but now I’m thinking what if he lied and married me bigamously.
Can you please pray for me, I feel so trapped and feel that I can’t trust anything my husband says or does? I hate living like this. Thank you for taking time to read all this, and I’m sorry to have gone on for so long.
I was married previously 1986 (outside of church) and divorced and annulled in 1993. My first husband left when our daughter was 10 months old. My current husband was also previously married. His first marriage was in Catholic Church and ended when his wife left him and their two small children. He married again and this marriage only lasted a week as this wife tried to kill him. (Apparently she had mental health issues, was medicated but stopped her medication on the day of their wedding)
In the beginning we had a good married life, in all aspects. I lost my lovely dad 7 months before we married, and I lost my darling mum 9 months after we married. Losing my mum nearly killed me and I still feel the loss deeply. My husband was supportive at the time, but I found more and more that he was just being deceitful and secretive. I felt so unworthy and so unlovable.
I was depressed after losing my mum but even worse just 3 months after losing my mum my daughter who was 15 and a virgin was drugged and raped by a man that she knew. She kept it a secret from me as I wasn’t in a good place after losing my mum, and that truly breaks my heart. My daughter went off the rails and she and my husband had a rough relationship. I just felt torn, I always stood up for my daughter with him, but he just kept putting us down. I have always tried to work on our marriage, as I didn’t go into it lightly, but my husband doesn’t seem to care.
I discovered my husband was having a ‘text’ affair in 2009. By this I mean he was exchanging text messages up to 30 a day some days, and also phone calls with another woman. I found out because she text his phone and I saw it. He lied and I knew he lied, but he kept lying for over 8 months. I found a way to read his texts online and set it up. I again gave him chances to come clean but he denied all suspicions. So I showed him the proof, and he cried and said she was just a friend, but they were declaring each other their soul mates, and he called her ‘his future wife’. He promised he would stop. This carried on for over a year.
I had instinct that it was going on but he denied it again, this went on for at least a year. Then by chance he rang me one day, so I answered. I don’t know how but his ‘real’ phone rang me while he was talking on his secret second phone. I heard him tell her he loved her, and heard him laughing he was so happy! I confronted him when he came back and he denied it as he did before but eventually he admitted it. Again tears and again he begged for another chance. He said this was another woman, but I don’t know after all the times of lying previously.
I owned my own house when we met, and now we have sold that and bought this house together. I feel this is what he wanted as he didn’t have any security but now he has. He stopped being intimate with me and just stopped showing any affection or love at all. During this time we sold my house and moved into the country. If I see his mobile phone now its wiped of text messages and call log is wiped. I ask him why he just offers a lame excuse.
About 10 days ago he got a call and he said he didn’t know who it was; his mobile wasn’t working properly so he asked me to look at it. While I was doing that it rang, and a woman asked for my husband, I said who is it? She said ‘who are you’ and I replied, I’m his wife. I heard her gasp and pass the phone over, and then a man said ‘who are you’ I again replied I’m his wife, and he kept saying No you can’t be, you’re not his wife over and over. The man wouldn’t say who he was. I hung up and my husband was very angry at me for speaking to the man. I replied I’ve done nothing wrong! This man then rang at least 8-10 times and I spoke to the caller about 3 times. Each time was like the first, he didn’t say who he was, but he did say my husband was a b*****d and that he (the man) loved my husband! My husband says he has no idea who the caller was or what it was about.
As I recently returned to Church I went to confession and my priest gave me the phone number of a marriage councillor, as I want to be able to receive communion, but at the moment I don’t until I sort out my husband’s previous marriages, and have our marriage validated so I can go to communion. My husband and I live without any sexual contact and have for around 3 half years. Due to everything that’s gone on I feel trapped. I want to return to communion but my husband (who is a lapsed Catholic) doesn’t want to attend Church. I asked my husband for confirmation that his previous marriages were divorced, and to my horror he said he can’t remember if he got divorced from his previous wives!! He told me that his second wife had died before we married but now I’m thinking what if he lied and married me bigamously.
Can you please pray for me, I feel so trapped and feel that I can’t trust anything my husband says or does? I hate living like this. Thank you for taking time to read all this, and I’m sorry to have gone on for so long.