The counselor said that he could talk about anxiety and bill the insurance…but we couldn’t talk about the relationship.Perhaps whatever they prescribed meds for will be a covered condition for counseling? Even if it isn’t it’s a good thing he is willing to address the panic and anxiety.
Still praying
Now that I think about it, his mom did have extreme PMS when he was growing up (probably PMDD). I did wonder if that had anything to do with this. He won’t talk much about what she used to be like when she had PMS but he said she would “go crazy.” When we first started dating she hadn’t gone through menopause yet and I recall his stories about her. He denies all of this now.
.Maybe you should let him know more often how hurt you are because of his lack of interest in you. Not fight about it, but talk. Some guys think that if you tell them XYZ hurts you and then you don’t mention it for a while they think you must be ok now. Might do some good for him to understand that the state of your marriage hurts you on a continuing basis. If talking about it would be a problem maybe write him a letter. That way you can clearly express how you feel and it doesn’t have to be a depressing conversation.
I do sometimes talk about it but I limit these kinds of talks to once or twice a month at most. He gets that I’m hurting but he more or less says that there’s nothing he can do about it. He’s too anxious to be intimate and being around me just makes him angry. So the conversation always goes nowhere. He insists that he’s not trying to hurt me and he feels bad for hurting me.
BF…be prepared for the worst b/c I kinda get the feeling sometimes that this guy already has one foot out the door and he’s just biding his time. I hate to say it, but this guy seems to really want out of the marriage.
I’ve read a lot about sticking through the tough times to get to happier times. No idea if that will happen for us but I suppose there’s hope. Or maybe having a better counselor will help. The last one was a waste of time. Even Dh thought so.
He says that he does not want this kind of arrangement but I fear that he could change his mind. But we aren’t there yet so I won’t worry too much - yet.A great deal can change from now until you are finished your Master’s degree. He could be a completely changed man by then.Recently he has expressed to me that he will stick it out for a while to see if things really do improve with time. He will stick around for the next few years while I work on my Master’s degree. He doesn’t think things will be better by then but a lot can change over time. Worst case scenario I have a better chance at finding a job that pays well - plus if I’m not with him I’m able to travel somewhere where I can find a job without being tied down to one geographic location.
I really don’t think divorce is better for the children unless there’s a lot of conflict or fighting going on so I’m not really opposed to waiting a year or two to see if things improve. Also, I would be extremely heartbroken if we were forced to share physical custody 50/50. That seems to be the way it’s usually handled in our region and I don’t think it’s best for the children. I know that many disagree with me, but I think that a child should have one primary home rather than switching back and forth every few days. I don’t believe he could have the kids that frequently with his work schedule but he could remarry and have someone available to watch the kids while he works
It’s great that he realized he might have been making a huge mistake and stopped it before it happened. Maybe he does, deep down, see the relationship the same way and that’s why he says he will stay for at least a few more years.