Thank you for your honesty. Not that I have any sort of reputable knowledge on marriage statistics, but those who engaging premarital sex and cohabitation seem to be more common in modern times.
On the flipside of how others attack someone’s past, I have found my attempt to uphold chastity make me feel like a “judgmental” person at times. The older I became, I went from confident to confused.
My ex revealed to me that he lost his virginity at 16 or possibly 15. I was shocked to hear this and found it kind of repulsive (not the most mature response on my part.)
He told me he wasn’t ashamed of it at all. I didn’t really know what to say. When we broke apart, I found out this loss of virginity early on is very, very common. Not everyone is doomed to divorce and destruction, but I wonder why I feel dejected and lonesome instead?
I changed because I’ve accepted Christ in my life and my marriage. I believe that, despite my past (and whatever everyone else thinks of my past), my marriage will be just as strong and “fireproof” as any other Christian marriage between a couple who never cohabited or had pre-marital sex.
That my daughter will be just as secure with herself, her faith and with us then any other child that was born to two parents who were married…despite the fact that we weren’t quite married yet when we had her.
I have to believe this. If I don’t then I’ll have doubts that my marriage won’t survive because of past mistakes my husband and I have made.
I’ll start seeing problems that aren’t there and I won’t be putting Christ first in my marriage.
I was confused too. I lost my virginity very late…according to the modern sense of the world. I was 21 when I finally “gave in” to outward pressure and started looking to lose it. Frankly, I was tired of being the only virgin. I was tired of being teased about being the only virgin.
It was the worst mistake I could have made. I realized that later on…when I changed and began to take my faith very seriously.
You have something very special and very precious that I didn’t have. You have knowledge. More importantly, you have knowledge of Christ and His love.
I didn’t have this knowledge…but if I did…I would have felt far more secure with myself and would have waited. I would have
gladly waited.
I would have waited without question.
The only reason why I don’t regret my past actions is because my beautiful baby girl would not exist. She is an absolute treasure and I would never go back in time to “fix” my mistakes.
As for your ex. One thing that jumped out at me instantly is not the fact that he lost his virginity at the age of 15/16…it’s the fact that he said he didn’t regret it. That is the red flag right there.
That is red flag that will point out the obvious to you. He is not worth your time or effort.
However, if you meet someone who did lose his virginity to someone else but regrets it and is willing to stay Chaste for you until you are married…then you need to make a choice. Do I want to marry only another virgin? Or can I look past this particular sin and get to know this person more?
You need to spend a lot of time thinking and even more time praying about this.
No one here can give you advice on this. This is a decision you need to make…maybe with the help of a good Priest you know. That kind of advice will be all over the map here.
The world is absolutely crazy now. There is no doubt about it. People make mistakes. What counts is what they think and feel now. Do they regret the decision? Have they confessed their sins and want to be right with the Lord? That is what counts.
