Marriage not valid in the church

[Christina78]

sorry if I put this in the wrong forum. I am new to this site and didn’t know where it went

My husband and I were married ten years ago by a Protestant minister. I am a cradle Catholic and he was Methodist. We were young and in love and wanted to get married ASAP, so we didn’t wait to go through the church to get married. When I said my vows, I meant them, I feel my marriage is not only legal, but valid in the eyes of God. I now find out that the church believes that I am living in mortal sin and can not receive communion until I get married through the church. I am very upset that the church doesn’t see my marriage as valid. Why does it matter if I said my vows to a priest or a minister? From my understanding the priest is merely a witness anyway. I do not want to go back and get married through the church because I do not believe that God views my marriage any differently than if we are married through the church.

 

[Ne_OrangeKnight]

I do not want to go back and get married through the church because I do not believe that God views my marriage any differently than if we are married through the church.

Therefore, then, you believe that you know better than the pope and the bishops on this issue? I mean this as genuine question, not rudely to start a fight.

Sam, the Neon Orange Knight

 

[Abiien]

You know you don’t have to have a huge ceremony for it to be a Marriage in the Church, and if you are truly interested in upholding the Truth and Sacraments of the Catholic Church then you should just talk to your priest about it. He would be best. We are just humble servants and usually most of us don’t have 8 years of theology and Church Teaching under our belt, though we’d like to think so.

I think it’s AWESOME that you are searching for this answer, but don’t take anything on here offensively or personally. We are just looking out for you and your husband

If I understand correctly, Marriage is a sacrament that can be celebrated outside of the Church like Baptism, depending on where and how. If it’s done in a vegas 50$ drive through , I don’t see the attempt to have a valid ‘Christian Marriage’

Marriage was around before Christianity, so I am not sure.

newadvent.org/cathen/09707a.htm

According to New Advent Catholic Encyclopedia, I skimmed through it and I couldn’t find anything opposing the validity of it, as long as you are both baptized Christians!

Have a wonderful day

 

[agapewolf]

A Catholic is bound by Catholic Canon Law in the sacraments. Must have valid form and matter, or have a dispensation from form. I don’t see why its so hard to believe that the Church guards the sacraments and they way they are celebrated. It can be quite simple to make this right. See a priest.

 

[LilyM]

You know you don’t have to have a huge ceremony for it to be a Marriage in the Church, and if you are truly interested in upholding the Truth and Sacraments of the Catholic Church then you should just talk to your priest about it. He would be best. We are just humble servants and usually most of us don’t have 8 years of theology and Church Teaching under our belt, though we’d like to think so.

I think it’s AWESOME that you are searching for this answer, but don’t take anything on here offensively or personally. We are just looking out for you and your husband

If I understand correctly, Marriage is a sacrament that can be celebrated outside of the Church like Baptism, depending on where and how. If it’s done in a vegas 50$ drive through , I don’t see the attempt to have a valid ‘Christian Marriage’

Marriage was around before Christianity, so I am not sure.

newadvent.org/cathen/09707a.htm

According to New Advent Catholic Encyclopedia, I skimmed through it and I couldn’t find anything opposing the validity of it, as long as you are both baptized Christians!

Have a wonderful day

Christ in scripture gave the Church the authority to bind and loose, which includes binding and loosing specific rituals and laws in regard to marriage. To deny this authority is to deny the words of Christ granting it.

So a Catholic (whether or not they marry a non-Catholic) is bound by the precepts of the Church and by Canon Law to obey the Church’s laws on marriage. From Canon Law:

Can. 1059 Even if only one party is Catholic, the marriage of Catholics is governed not only by divine law but also by canon law, without prejudice to the competence of civil authority concerning the merely civil effects of the same marriage.

To be sure mankind was around before Jesus instituted the Eucharist - or for that matter before Jesus became man. Nonetheless we are obligated to celebrate that Eucharist according to the mode which He commanded, and to believe in His incarnation, and to follow the laws that His Church, using the authority He granted it, binds us to. For that matter Adam and Eve had no sort of marriage ceremony at all, so by your logic no ceremony should be necessary - yet we see Christ had the greatest respect for the institution of formal marriage.

The requirement of obedience to Church law means a Catholic must be married in a manner that constitutes a valid sacrament in the eyes of the Church. And this manner is well established in Church law. From the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

*1623 According to Latin tradition, the spouses as ministers of Christ’s grace mutually confer upon each other the sacrament of Matrimony by expressing their consent before the Church. 125

1631 This is the reason why the Church normally requires that the faithful contract marriage according to the ecclesiastical form. Several reasons converge to explain this requirement:134

• Sacramental marriage is a liturgical act. It is therefore appropriate that it should be celebrated in the public liturgy of the Church;
• Marriage introduces one into an ecclesial order, and creates rights and duties in the Church between the spouses and towards their children;"*

I bet neither Christina nor her spouse were asked to agree allow their children to be raised Catholic, as they would have been in the preparation for a Catholic wedding. This is an important part of the sacrament, which is, as has been explained above, about rights and duties that the couple has towards the Church community as well as each other.

And from Canon Law:

*Can. 844 §1. Catholic ministers administer the sacraments licitly to Catholic members of the Christian faithful alone, who likewise receive them licitly from Catholic ministers alone,

Can. 1108 §1. Only those marriages are valid which are contracted before the local ordinary, pastor, or a priest or deacon delegated by either of them*

 

[odopa]

Christina78,
My husband and I just approached our local priest when we were ready to tie the knot. He held series of discussions with us and once he was satisfied we were ready to get married, scheduled us in one of the ordinary sunday morning masses. In the course of the mass, he paused to administer the oaths and marry us, and bingo we were husband and wife! No parties, no worry, no big deal, no debts, no hassle, and we have been married for 12yrs now with 4 kids.

As previous contributors have written, take the steps with your husband to talk to the priest and you will find how easy it is to correct this error and get on with your life.

Good luck, mate.

Love and peace

Odopa

 

[Abiien]

However, I must share my faith that the Church is True, One, and Holy (not to mention catholic and Apostolic ) To say that it is the same for a catholic to get married outside of the church as inside would be against what We Believe and the reason we become catholic. We become catholic to live out and uphold the teachings of our Man-God Jesus the Christ and our fathers of the Faith and the Holy Sacraments God instilled in our priests, deacons, and bishops. So to say that I think your marriage is complete wouldn’t be what I am aiming at, because how much we of the Faith would adore your whole family to be in complete communion with the Roman Catholic Church would be a lot , and I just hope that what ever happens in your marriage only brings you closer and closer to Christ!

God be with you and your family

 

[Christina78]

Therefore, then, you believe that you know better than the pope and the bishops on this issue? I mean this as genuine question, not rudely to start a fight.

Sam, the Neon Orange Knight

No, and that’s why I am even asking this question, because I believe there has to be a logical answer. I remained Catholic as an adult because I have a hard time with faith as it is. I tend to always search for logical answers. The Catholic church is the only christian religion that has ever provided me with these answers. I truly want to understand why the church feels my marriage isn’t valid.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

sorry if I put this in the wrong forum. I am new to this site and didn’t know where it went

My husband and I were married ten years ago by a Protestant minister. I am a cradle Catholic and he was Methodist. We were young and in love and wanted to get married ASAP, so we didn’t wait to go through the church to get married. When I said my vows, I meant them, I feel my marriage is not only legal, but valid in the eyes of God. I now find out that the church believes that I am living in mortal sin and can not receive communion until I get married through the church. I am very upset that the church doesn’t see my marriage as valid. Why does it matter if I said my vows to a priest or a minister? From my understanding the priest is merely a witness anyway. I do not want to go back and get married through the church because I do not believe that God views my marriage any differently than if we are married through the church.

Why can’t you just get it blessed? It doesn’t have to be a giant expensive deal. Mine was free. (I donated money to the parish anyway).

 

[Orogeny]

No, and that’s why I am even asking this question, because I believe there has to be a logical answer. I remained Catholic as an adult because I have a hard time with faith as it is. I tend to always search for logical answers. The Catholic church is the only christian religion that has ever provided me with these answers. I truly want to understand why the church feels my marriage isn’t valid.

Have you spoken to your pastor about your questions? It seems to me that he would be a better source of answers than a forum would be.

Peace

Tim

 

[dans0622]

… Why does it matter if I said my vows to a priest or a minister? From my understanding the priest is merely a witness anyway. I do not want to go back and get married through the church because I do not believe that God views my marriage any differently than if we are married through the church.

Hello Christina78,

Perhaps a way to look at this question is: the Catholic Church is a visible society and is similar to civil/secular societies, in some ways. The Church, like the state, has certain requirements for people who want to do certain things.

So, in every-day life, if you want to make a will that is legally binding, you have to sign it. If you want to enter any legal contract, it has to be in accord with the law. The same is true for marriage–if you want to be married in the eyes of the state, you have to follow the law. If you profess your vows before the sunset with friends and family but with no civil witness, you are not married, as far as the state is concerned.

In the Catholic Church, same thing. You need to have an official witness in order for the Church to consider your marriage valid. (There are exceptions, but that is the general rule.) As for what God’s views are on the marriage–you are a member of His family (His Church–His “society”) and He has given the Church the authority to decide what is needed in order to have valid marriages.

It is true that it is the consent of the couple that makes marriage. But, this consent needs to be expressed in a legitimate, legal way. For the state, that means expressing consent properly, in front of someone who has the authority to witness marriage. For the Church, it is the same.

That might be too theoretical or abstract. But, I hope it is helpful.

Dan

 

[Linuse]

Dear Christina,
Many have already given some of the logic of why in the church. But there is also another option rather than the validation. This would be a “sanatio in radice”. It is a different decree recognizing your marriage. But you would also have to see a priest about this. So like others, I encourage you to talk with a priest you feel comfortable with. Only then will you have your marriage recognized by the church.

 

[rick43235]

I do not want to go back and get married through the church because I do not believe that God views my marriage any differently than if we are married through the church.

As one who also has “issues” with Catholic rules regarding marriage, divorce, and annulment, I can sympathize. However, your situation seems pretty clear-cut. If you want to live as a Catholic, speak to a priest about getting your marriage regularized. In your situation it should be pretty simple. If you have no desire to live as a Catholic, then the rules shouldn’t matter to you. Just ignore them and live your life.

 

[mommamia]

sorry if I put this in the wrong forum. I am new to this site and didn’t know where it went

My husband and I were married ten years ago by a Protestant minister. I am a cradle Catholic and he was Methodist. We were young and in love and wanted to get married ASAP, so we didn’t wait to go through the church to get married. When I said my vows, I meant them, I feel my marriage is not only legal, but valid in the eyes of God. I now find out that the church believes that I am living in mortal sin and can not receive communion until I get married through the church. I am very upset that the church doesn’t see my marriage as valid. Why does it matter if I said my vows to a priest or a minister? From my understanding the priest is merely a witness anyway. I do not want to go back and get married through the church because I do not believe that God views my marriage any differently than if we are married through the church.

While I agree totally with you, the simple fact is, either you care what the Church says, or you don’t. If you want to be in communion with the Church, then go get your marriage convalidated or whatever it is you have to do.

Personally I have chosen to realize that I care more about being in communion with my creator than my pope.

 

[kage_ar]

Catholics are required to follow the law of the Church concerning marriage. Remember, marriage was raised to a Sacrament by Christ, and the Church is in charge of administration of the Sacaraments.

I’d suggest you begin with the Catechism on Marriage, and then use the footnotes to read the full docments:

It begins here at 1601

scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c3a7.htm#1601

 

[Abiien]

Think of it like this :

You buy a Dr. Pepper. Authentic, cool, crisp. Created by the Dr. Pepper company originally.

You make a trip to wal-mart. Get the Dr. Thunder, different company, same drink (more or less). Dr. Thunder may not be recognized as the Full Dr. Pepper because it was not made in the Dr. Pepper company. Though it may be very similar, it is not up to the same standard (sacrament) as the Dr. Pepper.

Dr. pepper (drink) is Marriage, and Dr. Thunder is marriage as well. But only Dr. pepper is administered by the Catholic Church, or wait… Marriage the Sacrament, not Dr. pepper, haha.

This may be wrong, but I just thought it would be cool to equate marriage to my favorite drink

 

[agapewolf]

Personally I have chosen to realize that I care more about being in communion with my creator than my pope.

Aaaannnnddd.

They are not exclusive of each other.

Matthew 16…Jesus gave the keys to Peter.

So in fact, being in communion with the church, (with the pope), is being in Communion with God.

 

[Thomas63116]

Hi Christina!

Welcome to the forums!

Basically, you’re looking for a logical explaination for why the Catholic Church does not recognize as valid marriages of Catholics that take place outside the Catholic Church (without a dispensation).

First, I think it may be important to remember that this falls into an area of Church discipline, rather than doctrine. While there are usually doctrinal reasons behind these disciplines, the disciplines themselves can change and have changed. The rules regarding what marriages the Church considers valid or invalid have shifted over the years. I think there is a case to be made that the Church should recognize as valid, although illicit, a marriage which a Catholic contracts outside of canonical form. All that is really just speculation though because, as you know, in the here and now the Church does not recognize such marriages as valid. Why not?

I think the reason is that the Church wants to emphasize the importance of marriage as a sacrament, and the importance of the proper preparation for the reception of that sacrament. As another poster pointed out, the Church also wants to emphasize the role of the community in supporting the couple in their married life together and to emphasize that marriage entails responsibilities not only to each other, but to the Church and the larger community (especially as pertains to raising children).

Inter-faith marriages also pose additional challenges that a couple needs to be prepared for. The Church is especially concerned about safe-guarding the faith of the Catholic party and ensuring that the Catholic party will be able to pass on the faith to their children. While I do not have any statistics, I would be willing to bet that a disproportionate number of marriages contracted by Catholics outside the church are inter-faith marriages. This may be another reason the church has not relaxed its discipline in this regard.

From reading your posts, you seem to be a sincere, thoughful Catholic who wants to practice her faith, but married outside the Church without understanding the consequences. Now you’ve stumbled on this forum and learned that the Church considers your marriage “invalid,” which probably sounds quite harsh and contrary to your 10 years of experience in marriage.

As others have done, I would urge you to schedule a meeting with a priest, and ask his help in sorting this out. On an anonymous internet forum, people can say things that come across quite harshly, and some posters here have a tendency towards legalism that can be off-putting (at least I find it so). Most priests have a much more delicate pastoral approach, and personal help always beats internet advice, in my book.

Best wishes and prayers for you and your family!

 

[LilyM]

Aaaannnnddd.

They are not exclusive of each other.

Matthew 16…Jesus gave the keys to Peter.

So in fact, being in communion with the church, (with the pope), is being in Communion with God.

Indeed - Jesus said to the Apostles ‘who rejects you rejects Me, and who rejects Me rejects the one who sent me’ - so being in communion with the Bishops and Pope well and truly is being in communion with the Creator.

 

[rpp]

You can have your marriage convalidated in the Church. It takes about 5 minutes and can be done during any Mass. I saw a couple who had converted to the Church have their marriage convalidated at a daily Mass. Right after the Homily, the priest called them up, they exchange vows and that was it. It took less than 5 minutes.