Marriage- Only virgin wears white?

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mystified said:
When I was young…yeah, we battled dinosaurs on the way to Mass…the girls and young ladies were encouraged to wear “Marylike” attire, especially in the church. Maybe that’s why I am more with the priest who objects to so much cleavage.
When it is okay for the groom and the male attendants to forego ties and monkeysuits in favor of being unbuttoned “down to here”, I might reconsider:)
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I think you misread. The priest wanted them to display more.
 
mystified said:
I read somewhere that in the orient a bride wears red, a color representing joy. A wedding should be a time of joy.

I think the use of white is more a cultural thing, related to a first marriage.
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Its cultural and the tradition is only about 150 years old. Before then in Europe red(prostitution) and black where avoided before white became the color of choice. In Vietnam, China, India, Japan and probably many other national/ethnic groups red was the color of choice. Today if the family has enough money then the brides from those nations will cycle through both western clothes, the whites, and traditional clothes of their region during the extended wedding parties. The ceremony and reception in western tradition.
 
Lee_M said:
What a shame? I don’t believe cleavage should be displayed in Church at all. I can’t believe that the priest would suggest this. He sounds like a perv.
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No, he just has a good sense of humor. 👍
 
As others have said, it’s a social custom to wear white. Queen Victoria made it popular in 1840 when she wore it for her wedding. But even after that, it was expected you’d wear your wedding gown after the wedding, so many brides who did not have the money to wear a white wedding gown which may not last a many wearings, (it was A LOT harder to wash whites back then) would still opt for a gown made with a darker color and one that would hide dirt much more easily.

Also, throughout the centuries, certain colors were popular for wedding dresses, though. Sometimes they were very rich and bold colors. Other times, more subtle. Most, as others mentioned, wore their best dresses, though.
 
used to work in a historical library and museum that had an extensive costume collection, including wedding gowns from leading members of society, including one first lady and one governors’ wife. the white (now ivory) elaborate gowns seem to have come in the 1890s. before that, most of the gowns were intended to be worn as her best attire after the wedding for as long as she could still fit into it. even after that, only the more socially prominent or affluent brides went to extremes with elaborate gowns at least into the 1940s-50s. I think Grace Kelly and QE2, whose weddings were monster pop events, also influenced trends in wedding gowns.
 
I read somewhere that in medieval times, blue was considered the color of purity, hence why the Virgin Mary is traditionally depicted in blue. 😃
 
ChristinaM said:
I read somewhere that in medieval times, blue was considered the color of purity, hence why the Virgin Mary is traditionally depicted in blue. 😃
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I think you are right. I’ve read that somewhere as well. I’ve also heard that green was a popular color because it represented fertility - lots of kids and boys and carry on the family name! 😛
 
Unfortunately, many people assume so. I loved a dress that was not white, but my mom was completely horrified. She thought it would imply to the guests that I wasn’t a virgin.
 
It is a relatively recent fashion–My great grandparents, first generation German-American Catholics, October 1898, Mascoutah, Illinois. But she does have a white veil.
 
I told my girl friends I want to wear red to my wedding. Of course, they were all horrified by the idea. But here’s my reasoning:
  1. Red is the color of the feast of the Lord’s Passion and of martyrs. Marriage too, is a beautiful sacrifice of love, as both spouses give themselves to each other, like Jesus did for us.
  2. Red is my best color. I have very dark hair and eyes, with skin that borders between fair and olive, depending on the light. I look HORRIBLE in light/pale/white shades.
  3. The people I’ll have at my wedding would be the people I knew best, my immediate/part of my extended family, and my very best friends and of course, his family and friends. I would hope they would know me well enough to not cast aspersions on my character.
  4. Yes, I try to be chaste, I don’t feel the need to advertise sexual or non-sexual activity any day of the week.
  5. Why doesn’t the guy wear a certain color to imply his purity? People always seem to believe it’s easier, natural and expected for a bride to have been chaste, but not a groom? Why is that?
Do what works for you. It just wouldn’t work for me.
 
sanctamaria17 said:
I told my girl friends I want to wear red to my wedding. Of course, they were all horrified by the idea. But here’s my reasoning:
  1. Red is the color of the feast of the Lord’s Passion and of martyrs. Marriage too, is a beautiful sacrifice of love, as both spouses give themselves to each other, like Jesus did for us.
  2. Red is my best color. I have very dark hair and eyes, with skin that borders between fair and olive, depending on the light. I look HORRIBLE in light/pale/white shades.
  3. The people I’ll have at my wedding would be the people I knew best, my immediate/part of my extended family, and my very best friends and of course, his family and friends. I would hope they would know me well enough to not cast aspersions on my character.
  4. Yes, I try to be chaste, I don’t feel the need to advertise sexual or non-sexual activity any day of the week.
  5. Why doesn’t the guy wear a certain color to imply his purity? People always seem to believe it’s easier, natural and expected for a bride to have been chaste, but not a groom? Why is that?
Do what works for you. It just wouldn’t work for me.
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Great Question! Yes it is the understanding that the woman is a virgin and at the end of the wedding night her dress as well as she is not pure anymore for another man(this should be viceversa). Nowadays in most European Catholic Weddings I see part white or light with something like a deep red velvet to symbolize many things, Christs blood, the Passion, Passion itself, love…, etc. I saw whole salmon colored dress. In the area I am in I mainly still see White dresses, my sister had a white dress with Ivory trim, unnoticeable, but she was a virgin, so it followed form.

I agree that white dresses are unflattering on pretty much every woman, what is worse is that 95% of bride’s dresses are sleeveless, this was very inappropriate to church law back in the day, a traditional bride was covered from wrist to mid neck to ankle. Many of you who have been to St. Peter’s Basilica probably already know you cannot go to visit unless you go in with nice pant or skirt and sleeved top, you must pay the church correct respect. I was so humored watching tourists, trying to slip paper napkins under their spaghetti straps to get it, they were not permitted, honestly I would never let them in either, read ahead, prepare wisely! That was very po dunk behavior, indeed!

Yes…, a nice, sweet, pure, untouched woman wore white, if 1% of those type of women still existed, my eyeballs would pop outta my head! :eek: This is why it is a comedy line in TV or film, or even by the worst gossips at a church or wedding reception stating, “Oh my, I can’t believe she wore white.” To shame the bride because, she can marry, but she is in no way pure enough to be wearing white. VOILA!
 
sanctamaria17 said:
  1. Why doesn’t the guy wear a certain color to imply his purity? People always seem to believe it’s easier, natural and expected for a bride to have been chaste, but not a groom? Why is that?
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I’m not saying this was the correct way of thinking, but I believe it has been a culturally acceptable thing for men to be able to “sow their wild oats” before getting married. It showed that they were “men”. Only the husband could make her into a “woman”. There was, unfortunately, a double standard. A marriagable wife needed to be pure and chaste. Most men and their families didn’t want “used goods”, unless they were marrying a widow. It would have brought scandal upon both their families. For some reason, that same standard wasn’t showed upon the men. It was as if they expected and accepted that men would be earthly creatures, whereas the unmarried woman was something unearthly and needed to be kept that way at least until the wedding night.

A perfect example of this is in Thomas Hardy’s novel “Tess of the d’Urbervilles” in which Hardy criticizes his society’s (Victorian society) double standard of sexuality by telling the plight of a “fallen” woman.

Religion and spirituality aside, having a virgin for a wife was also very important especially in terms of heirs. Men wanted to be sure that their offspring was truly their own - especially the boys. For the royalty, the women would have to go through examinations to prove that they were virgins and were perfectly healthy in order to conceive children. And although it was expected that a woman would stay faithful, it was acceptable for the husband (like the king) to have his own mistresses. King Louis XVI of France, for example, did not want mistresses which was looked upon as very strange and unbecoming. It was a tradition for the French kings to have their mistresses and live with them in their own rooms of the palaces. And the queens were expected to accept and look the other way. But if the women had their own affairs and it was found out, it brought shame and embarrassment upon the husband.

Anyway, these are some of the reasons I believe is why there is not much emphasis on the guy to show his purity and virginity.
 
White is also a color that symbolizes permanence. That is why the white rose is given for marriage. I personally wore light bridal gold and my bridesmaids wore burgundy with a gold sash. The men had forest green vests except for the groom who matched my color of dress to his vest. It was an advent wedding which to us meant a time of birth. Considering it was not our first marriage (first valid marriage) it made sense and it was great. It is a personal thing for everyone and it is your day so who cares what anyone else thinks. 👍

God Bless
 
theistgal said:
No, he just has a good sense of humor. 👍
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Ahh ok. It made me wonder. I’ve seen some pretty low cut dresses worn by bride’s maids and couldn’t believe that they would come into the house of the Lord dressed like that. I’ve also seen a Reader showing most of her assets off. Those aren’t the thoughts a person should have while in a Mass. I almost had to go to confession.😃
 
Lee_M said:
Ahh ok. It made me wonder. I’ve seen some pretty low cut dresses worn by bride’s maids and couldn’t believe that they would come into the house of the Lord dressed like that. I’ve also seen a Reader showing most of her assets off. Those aren’t the thoughts a person should have while in a Mass. I almost had to go to confession.😃
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Let me tell you exactly what happened so you won’t think my priest is a “perv”! 😉

Certain people involved in the wedding planning (names withheld to protect the guilty!) were wrangling about the bridesmaids’ dresses. The dresses were strapless. One person insisted they were fine “as is”; the other person insisted they should wear shawls or something to cover their shame. :rolleyes:

We went to the priest for a final decision. I told him, “The dresses are strapless, but don’t worry - they don’t really show any cleavage.”

To which he replied: “Then what’s the point?” 😃 😃 😃
 
theistgal said:
Let me tell you exactly what happened so you won’t think my priest is a “perv”! 😉

Certain people involved in the wedding planning (names withheld to protect the guilty!) were wrangling about the bridesmaids’ dresses. The dresses were strapless. One person insisted they were fine “as is”; the other person insisted they should wear shawls or something to cover their shame. :rolleyes:

We went to the priest for a final decision. I told him, “The dresses are strapless, but don’t worry - they don’t really show any cleavage.”

To which he replied: “Then what’s the point?” 😃 😃 😃
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That is pretty funny! :rotfl:
 
PatienceAndLove said:
I wore Ivory.
Of course, I have a child, so it’s well known that I was not “pure”.

However, even if I had been a virgin, I still would have worn Ivory. I just don’t look good in that much white.
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👍 that’s why I wore ivory: I looked SICK in white; moreover in the sun you just couldn’t tell the difference, my dress looked white… and I spared myself the “I’m going to die in a few months” look for my wedding pictures 😉 😃
 
First_of_9 said:
It is a relatively recent fashion–My great grandparents, first generation German-American Catholics, October 1898, Mascoutah, Illinois. But she does have a white veil.
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GREAT PIC! I asked my mother last night about the dresses, and found out her mother’s dress was a green A-line type gown, so 1930ish in europe, she did have to have a veil at that time, also.
 
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