Marriage- Only virgin wears white?

[rcscwc]

Its cultural and the tradition is only about 150 years old. Before then in Europe red(prostitution) and black where avoided before white became the color of choice. In Vietnam, China, India, Japan and probably many other national/ethnic groups red was the color of choice. Today if the family has enough money then the brides from those nations will cycle through both western clothes, the whites, and traditional clothes of their region during the extended wedding parties. The ceremony and reception in western tradition.

In India white is ascetic purity. A woman on marriage wears RED or pink or shades thereof. Red signifies bliss and is considered auspicious. Even jewellery is wrapped in pink tissue paper.

Just curious. If a bride wears WHITE as symbol of purity, why are grooms dressed in BLACKS?

 

[First_of_9]

Just curious. If a bride wears WHITE as symbol of purity, why are grooms dressed in BLACKS?

Mourning

 

[iluvmybabies]

I’m not saying this was the correct way of thinking, but I believe it has been a culturally acceptable thing for men to be able to “sow their wild oats” before getting married. It showed that they were “men”. Only the husband could make her into a “woman”. There was, unfortunately, a double standard. A marriagable wife needed to be pure and chaste. Most men and their families didn’t want “used goods”, unless they were marrying a widow. It would have brought scandal upon both their families. For some reason, that same standard wasn’t showed upon the men. It was as if they expected and accepted that men would be earthly creatures, whereas the unmarried woman was something unearthly and needed to be kept that way at least until the wedding night.

A perfect example of this is in Thomas Hardy’s novel “Tess of the d’Urbervilles” in which Hardy criticizes his society’s (Victorian society) double standard of sexuality by telling the plight of a “fallen” woman.

Religion and spirituality aside, having a virgin for a wife was also very important especially in terms of heirs. Men wanted to be sure that their offspring was truly their own - especially the boys. For the royalty, the women would have to go through examinations to prove that they were virgins and were perfectly healthy in order to conceive children. And although it was expected that a woman would stay faithful, it was acceptable for the husband (like the king) to have his own mistresses. King Louis XVI of France, for example, did not want mistresses which was looked upon as very strange and unbecoming. It was a tradition for the French kings to have their mistresses and live with them in their own rooms of the palaces. And the queens were expected to accept and look the other way. But if the women had their own affairs and it was found out, it brought shame and embarrassment upon the husband.

Anyway, these are some of the reasons I believe is why there is not much emphasis on the guy to show his purity and virginity.

I am extremely curious in this…BECAUSE I was raised with my mother accepting her husband-my father- as having affairs during their marriage. Now it has never been really confirmed but once or twice I would over hear her telling everyone when my grandma etc would ask her why she would let my father go out to the bars and be with “women” in private, she would say things like “he’s a man! As long as I get his paycheck let him do with his body what he wants!”

When I started dating, I had lots of bfs when I was young, mostly because I could, not because I really wanted anything with them and bfs for me were actually more like friends, people I hung out with or played sports with, etc-never anything serious…I guess I just hated what I grew up with my mom saying women couldn’t have more than one man in their lives but men could have all the women they wanted…

So I did date many, and everyone talked, “oh she’s having sex, that’s the 10th man she slept with!!” ETC…When I spoke with my mom about it, she was like “you are dirty!” I was like what’s the big deal about having boyfriends? I don’t understand… I am not doing anything with them, they are my boy friends…

She said that was sinful and I was going to hell for it because I was supposed to just date the man I was supposed to marry. Of course the man I ended up with was the one that hurt me the most…And that’s the one I had a serious relationship with and was my first love!!! LOL

But when I saw my brother’s doing it with everyone they wanted to, including having multiples, both of my parents were happy and proud!!! I was like WHAT? HUH? EXCUSE ME??? And when asked about it, “they are men and that’s what they need to do and must do!!”

I still don’t understand to this day…And with my mother telling me that I am not allowed to talk to anyone about my bf because I am a divorced single mom, that I am staining myself as a dirty woman!!! Just kind of makes me think you know how in the world that makes any sense at all nor is it fair?

How a woman is dirty or stained or worthless if she has a previous lover before marriage but a man is a definite MAN if he has previous lovers…???

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

ilovemybabies…your parents were incorrect (wrong).

A man is not a MAN if he is promiscuous. If he is promiscuous before marriage, he is a fornicator…after marriage he is an adulterer.

A real man respects women, protects women. A real man loves his wife, his children and would die to protect them.

Men who cheat, men who fool around, are acting like spoiled brats. Not men.

Obviously, all of us sin and can sin. But there is a difference in sinning and repenting, and sinning, believing it isn’t a sin, and that one can’t help it because one is male.

 

[Tenebrae]

Getting back to the subject of white wedding gowns…
I second what previous posters have written about Queen Victoria and the origin of the white gown. In the Gilded Age, wearing white for a wedding was a form of conspicuous consumption: it showed that you were rich enough to afford an elaborate dress which would be worn only once.

 

[AHapka]

Some of us had no clue there was a meaning until reading this thread…

I just thought white was the color one wore because that’s what everybody else wore. Had my wife wanted to wear a different color, I would have thought it was weird simply because I’ve never seen a bride wear any other color. Not because of anything else.

We learn something new every day

 

[Gardenman]

When I was in high school I worked part time delivering flowers for a florist shop. One Friday night they all stayed late to work on a wedding for the following day.

One of the girls was making the bridal flowers and the other one kept saying…“make it bigger, much bigger,…the bride is 8 months pregnant”.

I had to go help with the flower set up the next day, and sure enough, the bride was VERY VISBLY PREGNANT…and wearing a traditional WHITE long dress.

I thought it was really in poor taste. This wasn’t at a Catholic Church.

 

[DL82]

According to Miss Manners, white symbolizes a first wedding not the physical state of the wearer. White wedding dresses is a social custom not a Church tradition. The Church doesn’t say anything about the color of dresses.

As far as the white means “virgin”? It’s kind of gross to think that dress color suggests our virginity or purity no matter how virtuous it is.

It’s also a relatively recent Church tradition. Throughout the middle ages, women wore BLACK on their wedding day, and people were buried wearing white!

I believe the custom changed when European aristocrats started getting their wedding gowns made by orders of nuns. The nuns sewed elaborate dresses and veils for their own clothing ceremonies, where they wore white to symbolise their death to the world in taking their vows. Thus, the white wedding dress was born.

If you want to be ultra-traditional - wear black!