Marriage participation

[jwwoods]

Should a Catholic father participate in his daughter’s wedding to a divorced man by leading her down the aisle? The presider will either be a protestant minister or a justice of the peace.

Thanks,
jwwoods

 

[Dysmas1]

Sigh.
I am sorry you are in this position, assuming it is yourself.
Listen, the fact of the matter is that your daughter is marrying a divorced man and, assuming his marriage has not been granted a decree of nullity, it would be adultry.

That being said the question comes down to some particulars. If your daughter is Catholic then she is bound by form in regards to the Sacrament of Matrimony. As for your situation, well that is your main concern. I feel that if it will cause a public scandal, such as influencing people to believe that you don’t really take the Church and her laws seriously, then it is not advisable.

If it will not cause a public scandal, such as in a private wedding ceremony, then your in for a treat. If you approach this situation as a man who only wants his daughter to be happy and you walk her down the aisle then you are turning your back on your faith. If you don’t let her know how very wrong this whole situation is it could, perhaps, be a sin of omission.

Now charity and love may dictate that you walk her down the aisle OR it may dictate that you show her that, although you love her with your whole heart, you cannot put aside the faith even for her. A tough love situation.

My advice is to pray and pray about it. You KNOW in your heart what you should do and its not easy. I pray for you and your situation that you make the correct choice.

God bless.
Dysmas1

 

[kyrie80]

Should a Catholic father participate in his daughter’s wedding to a divorced man by leading her down the aisle? The presider will either be a protestant minister or a justice of the peace.

Thanks,
jwwoods

I’m sorry to hear your daughter is in this situation. The fact that she is marrying someone who is divorced isn’t even the only issue. She is being married outside of the Church, and as such, will require dispensation from the Bishop in order for this marriage to be valid.

I’m sure the Bishop will not grant dispensation unless her husband-to-be gets an anullment. However, I believe these are treated on a case-by-case basis.

As for you, I think you are fine walking her down the aisle. This is a decision that needs to be made by your daughter on whether she wants to remain in good standing with the Church. If she does, I recommend she speaks with a parish priest.

 

[bilop]

Should a Catholic father participate in his daughter’s wedding to a divorced man by leading her down the aisle? The presider will either be a protestant minister or a justice of the peace.

Thanks,
jwwoods

I would assume he is not free to marry in the Church, so there is no possibility of a dispensation.

I would not participate in a “wedding’” I believed to be invalid.

IMHO I would explain your position to your daughter, and attend only the reception.

God Bless

 

[drafdog]

You may get this chance only once. Do you really want to throw it away? Do you really want to deprive her of this happiness?
We are called to love one another. Someone else will do the judging.

Matthew

 

[PhilotheaZ]

We are called to love one another. Someone else will do the judging.

Is it love to participate in a lie, and to encourage your daughter in an act which could lose her immortal soul? Sometimes tough love is what is needed. But it is so very difficult!

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Should a Catholic father participate in his daughter’s wedding to a divorced man by leading her down the aisle? The presider will either be a protestant minister or a justice of the peace.

Thanks,
jwwoods

Difficult decision, Personally I would say no, and know of a few people how have made that decision.

 

[hasikelee]

Not enough info…

You say “Catholic” father you don’t say “Catholic” daughter. Is she a practicing Catholic? Is she still wanting to follow her faith?

Is this a matter of her not knowing what she is doing? Or does she know what she is doing?

Are those who are attending aware of the situation? Or will they be scandalized?

Lots of people were baptized Catholic and no longer practice the faith. They are usually obvious about their change and the people around them know about it. If this is the case, then participating might be simply a gesture towards a secular/non-denom wedding of her choice.

If this isn’t the case, then it could be scandalous.

 

[jwwoods]

Thank you all for the varied and cogent replies. I should add that my daughter does not believe in or practice Catholicism any more. So, in her conscience she does nothing wrong here.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Not enough info…

You say “Catholic” father you don’t say “Catholic” daughter. Is she a practicing Catholic? Is she still wanting to follow her faith?

Is this a matter of her not knowing what she is doing? Or does she know what she is doing?

Are those who are attending aware of the situation? Or will they be scandalized?

Lots of people were baptized Catholic and no longer practice the faith. They are usually obvious about their change and the people around them know about it. If this is the case, then participating might be simply a gesture towards a secular/non-denom wedding of her choice.

If this isn’t the case, then it could be scandalous.

Keep in mind that a “non-practicing Catholic” is still bound to the laws of the Catholic Church.

vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/intrptxt/documents/rc_pc_intrptxt_doc_20060313_actus-formalis_en.html

 

[rick43235]

…my daughter does not believe in or practice Catholicism any more.

Keep in mind that a “non-practicing Catholic” is still bound to the laws of the Catholic Church.

According to the Church she might be “still bound,” but since she does not concern herself with such things anymore, Church law has no practical application in this case.

Personally, I wouldn’t miss this once in a lifetime opportunity.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

According to the Church she might be “still bound,” but since she does not concern herself with such things anymore, Church law has no practical application in this case.

Personally, I wouldn’t miss this once in a lifetime opportunity.

It has no practical application in this case, except that her attempted Marriage would most likely not be valid, even if she does not accept the reality of it.

 

[rick43235]

It has no practical application in this case, except that her attempted Marriage would most likely not be valid, even if she does not accept the reality of it.

Since she does not believe in Catholic teachings and does not practice the faith, I suspect she no longer considers herself Catholic. Consequently, the Church’s views regarding the validity of her marriage probably concern her about as much as they would concern any other non-Catholic…not at all. That is her reality.

 

[quiet52]

Dear JW,

Your daughter is Catholic, and you know she is not free to marry a man who is still considered married in the eyes of the Church, even if he is not Catholic, and even if neither of them consider themselves practicing Catholics.

It sounds like you’re uneasy about walking your daughter down the aisle, and I can understand why. I think a father walking his daughter down the aisle implies that he approves of the marriage.
Have you lovingly told your daughter that you don’t like that she has rejected her faith or her decision to marry this divorced man without his first seeking an annulment, but that you will respect her decisions, and that you love her? Accepting your daughter’s decisions doesn’t mean you approve of them, and that’s something we parents and our adult children have to come to terms with so we can maintain our relationships. If your conscience bothers you (about seeming to approve her choice by walking her down the aisle), then tell her you’ll attend the wedding, and will support them in whatever way you can in their married life.

I suggest talking with your pastor first. Maybe he can give you some better perspectives.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Since she does not believe in Catholic teachings and does not practice the faith, I suspect she no longer considers herself Catholic. Consequently, the Church’s views regarding the validity of her marriage probably concern her about as much as they would concern any other non-Catholic…not at all. That is her reality.

That is correct, but it does not change the fact that Church Law still applies to all “non-practicing Catholics”. How many Catholics leave the practice of the Fath, only to return years later and then spend years “fixing” Marriage situations.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Should a Catholic father participate in his daughter’s wedding to a divorced man by leading her down the aisle? The presider will either be a protestant minister or a justice of the peace.

Thanks,
jwwoods

That all depends. How do you feel about it? Do you have a wife, and how does she feel about it? How does your parish priest feel about it?

It’s not specifically forbidden, unless you feel she is causing scandal to Catholics. There’s also the factors of do you and the Mrs. like this guy? Or he somebody you’d rather not have marry your daughter? Can you attend the wedding without doing the “honors” as in, she’s old enough to get married, she’s old enough to come up the aisle herself? How much family disharmony will it create?

Go see your priest, and talk this out a bit. I am sure he can give you decent advice.

 

[rick43235]

That is correct, but it does not change the fact that Church Law still applies to all “non-practicing Catholics”. How many Catholics leave the practice of the Fath, only to return years later and then spend years “fixing” Marriage situations.

Is she a non-practicing Catholic, or is she a former Catholic. If she is just “taking a vacation” from the Church (for whatever reason), I can see where Church law might still apply to her. If, on the other hand, she is done with Catholicism, I can’t see how the Church can claim any “jurisdiction.”

That said, if she does decide to return to the Church at some future date, you are right about the headache she will have getting her marriage situation resolved.

 

[kyrie80]

Is she a non-practicing Catholic, or is she a former Catholic. If she is just “taking a vacation” from the Church (for whatever reason), I can see where Church law might still apply to her. If, on the other hand, she is done with Catholicism, I can’t see how the Church can claim any “jurisdiction.”

That said, if she does decide to return to the Church at some future date, you are right about the headache she will have getting her marriage situation resolved.

I agree. If she is definitely done with Catholicism and is switching to a different tradition, this really isn’t such an issue. However, if she is just non-practicing, it can cause her a headache if she ever returns to the Church.

Take it from me – I was married over two years ago in my wife’s Lutheran Church. I was a non-practicing Catholic at the time and frankly wasn’t even aware that I was bound to get married by a priest or deacon. Several months ago, I returned to the Church and a short while later I stumbled across the section in Canon Law that talks about invalid marriage and convalidation before returning to the Eucharist, etc.

You may just want to inform her of this. If I was aware, EVEN being a non-practicing Catholic, I probably would have sought dispensation. Don’t refuse to walk her up the aisle, just inform her that if she ever does return to the RCC, this is what can happen. If she still decides to marry without dispensation/anullment, you at least did your part and she made an informed decision. Then you can walk her up the aisle with a clear conscience.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I agree. If she is definitely done with Catholicism and is switching to a different tradition, this really isn’t such an issue. However, if she is just non-practicing, it can cause her a headache if she ever returns to the Church.

Take it from me – I was married over two years ago in my wife’s Lutheran Church. I was a non-practicing Catholic at the time and frankly wasn’t even aware that I was bound to get married by a priest or deacon. Several months ago, I returned to the Church and a short while later I stumbled across the section in Canon Law that talks about invalid marriage and convalidation before returning to the Eucharist, etc.

You may just want to inform her of this. If I was aware, EVEN being a non-practicing Catholic, I probably would have sought dispensation. Don’t refuse to walk her up the aisle, just inform her that if she ever does return to the RCC, this is what can happen. If she still decides to marry without dispensation/anullment, you at least did your part and she made an informed decision. Then you can walk her up the aisle with a clear conscience.

I will agree with that. Parents have a serious obligation to “prepare their children for reception of the Sacraments.” Somehow the Sacrament of Marriage is overlooked as one of those Sacraments.

 

[KCT]

Should a Catholic father participate in his daughter’s wedding to a divorced man by leading her down the aisle? The presider will either be a protestant minister or a justice of the peace.

I wouldn’t go celebrate my child entering into mortal sin. But, that’s just me.