Marriage prep course recommendation (mixed-faith marriage)?

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dilleachta

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There are various options for marriage prep courses in my diocese- I am curious if anyone has a personal favorite or has had an especially good experience with a particular course (either over a series of weeks or the weekend retreat format).

My fiancé and I are considering completing an online marriage prep course (catholicmarriageprep.com/course-info/online-pre-cana), although an in-person class or retreat might be possible also.

I would personally like to do some form of marriage prep in a social context (classes or weekend retreat), although I would want my fiancé to feel comfortable/welcome and not like he was an outsider being pressured to convert to Catholicism on the spot (which will ultimately be a counterproductive form of evangelization).

Has anyone participated in the marriage prep course called, “One in the Lord”? This was recommended by someone who said it was accessible to the non-Catholic person in the couple in terms of being inviting and helpful without being pressuring.

Just curious if anyone has any personal experience in this area or any suggestions…Thank you!!!
 
dilleachta said:
There are various options for marriage prep courses in my diocese- I am curious if anyone has a personal favorite or has had an especially good experience with a particular course (either over a series of weeks or the weekend retreat format).

My fiancé and I are considering completing an online marriage prep course (catholicmarriageprep.com/course-info/online-pre-cana), although an in-person class or retreat might be possible also.

I would personally like to do some form of marriage prep in a social context (classes or weekend retreat), although I would want my fiancé to feel comfortable/welcome and not like he was an outsider being pressured to convert to Catholicism on the spot (which will ultimately be a counterproductive form of evangelization).

Has anyone participated in the marriage prep course called, “One in the Lord”? This was recommended by someone who said it was accessible to the non-Catholic person in the couple in terms of being inviting and helpful without being pressuring.

Just curious if anyone has any personal experience in this area or any suggestions…Thank you!!!
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I’ve never heard of it. My only addition here will be to say that I can’t imagine a worse idea than an online prep course instead of one with people. Marriage prep in many places is in need of a better system but I can’t imagine the solution is an online course.

Also, do you think your fiancée might convert? Why or why not?

To your concern though I’ve never heard of a prep course or retreat that pressured or even encouraged conversion so I don’t think that is too much of a concern.
 
I am familiar with the online course you mention and know the people who started it. Personally the material is fine, but often times the online versions would not be my recommendation if other options are available. Marriage prep is supposed to be more than just checking off boxes on a list and I have generally found that couples that did online marriage prep or NFP classes do not have as much formation as they could for marriage. I am not familiar with the other program you mention.

It is not just about being in a social setting, but truly comming to understand what marriage is. This is much easier in a setting where you can ask questions or hear other things that couples ask. If both you and your fiancée already have a deep understanding and commitment to all that the Church teaches on marriage then an online class might not be bad as a refresher, but in the years that I have done marriage prep I often find that couples preparing for a mixed marriage are not fully aware of what marriage truly is and what the Church requires. In many cases the same is true even for couples where both are Catholic. One of the dangers of online prep is it can be easy to gloss over the tougher parts of Church teaching on marriage. Being in a live class seems to force people to confront those things and bring them out in conversation with their future spouse.

I have never seen a class where they try to convert someone (though I don’t doubt it can happen). What I have seen is non-Catholics that have been offended by what the Church teaches. A good prep-class should make you think about marriage and a life with the other person. It is part of the discernment process. Assuming you adhere to Church teachings, then you fiancée needs to be comfortable with what a Catholic marriage entails.
 
Usige said:
I am familiar with the online course you mention and know the people who started it. Personally the material is fine, but often times the online versions would not be my recommendation if other options are available. Marriage prep is supposed to be more than just checking off boxes on a list and I have generally found that couples that did online marriage prep or NFP classes do not have as much formation as they could for marriage. I am not familiar with the other program you mention.

It is not just about being in a social setting, but truly comming to understand what marriage is. This is much easier in a setting where you can ask questions or hear other things that couples ask. If both you and your fiancée already have a deep understanding and commitment to all that the Church teaches on marriage then an online class might not be bad as a refresher, but in the years that I have done marriage prep I often find that couples preparing for a mixed marriage are not fully aware of what marriage truly is and what the Church requires. In many cases the same is true even for couples where both are Catholic. One of the dangers of online prep is it can be easy to gloss over the tougher parts of Church teaching on marriage. Being in a live class seems to force people to confront those things and bring them out in conversation with their future spouse.

I have never seen a class where they try to convert someone (though I don’t doubt it can happen). What I have seen is non-Catholics that have been offended by what the Church teaches. A good prep-class should make you think about marriage and a life with the other person. It is part of the discernment process. Assuming you adhere to Church teachings, then you fiancée needs to be comfortable with what a Catholic marriage entails.
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That last part is an important point. The job of a spouse is to help the other achieve heaven. So even if not Catholic, the non Catholic spouse needs to be on board with several things.
  1. The future children should be raised Catholic
  2. The Catholic spouse should be able to practice their faith and practice it unhindered.
  3. Catholic teaching with regaurd to life and artificial birth control needs to be respected and followed by the non Catholic spouse. This is a hard one. But important nonetheless. It used to be easier when other Christian denominations were anti ABC as well. But now, the non Catholic spouse should be on board with openness to life, and if any birth control is employed it should be NFP. This is a hard sell for some. Which is why a good marriage prep class is important!
A spouse who does this is a great spouse indeed and one who respects and honors and loves the very soul of the Catholic spouse.
 
I’m in an interfaith marriage myself. My advice would be to do two marriage prep courses: 1 with your faith, 1 with his. Neither of you may convert to the other faith, but having a deep respect and at least basic understanding of both faiths (including how they view marriage and married life) is critical for a successful interfaith marriage.
 
Nothing beats meeting with your Pastor.
He’s your shepherd, and he is most interested in having you enter into a successful marriage.
Do it with him.
 
pianistclare said:
Nothing beats meeting with your Pastor.
He’s your shepherd, and he is most interested in having you enter into a successful marriage.
Do it with him.
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Yeah, I remember living in the Midwest where that was possible. Good times, good times.
 
pianistclare said:
Every parish in this Archdiocese does it. 🤷
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While couples in my diocese all meet regularly with a member of the clergy (most are with deacons) our clergy don’t do the majority of the prep. They tend to act as guides and answer questions, but they are not spending 8, 10, 20+ hours on NFP, FOCCUS inventories, engaged encounters, et cetera.

It’s truly great that pastors in your diocese have that kind of time. I wish all pastors could spend more time in teaching areas and less on running the physical and financial aspects of the parish. Perhaps you are in an area blessed with many priests and not have 1 priest for 600-1000 families.
 
My husband was away at school all week, so we did the Engaged Encounter weekend one weekend. That was a hundred years ago, I know, 😉 and it’s probably different, but it was a good fit for us. Friday night through Sunday afternoon at a retreat house. One priest, one long married couple, one of just a few years. Lots of talks, then time to separate, write answers to the offered questions. Time to discuss alone with future spouse, and then repeat with a new topic. Lots of snacks, lol!

It was a little exhausting by Sunday, but then we were done.

There was nothing that would seem like they were trying to convert anyone. In fact, there may have been “mixed” couples, we had no way of knowing unless someone offered that info on their own.
 
pianistclare said:
Every parish in this Archdiocese does it. 🤷
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You are blessed.

If I wished to speak to a priest privately outside of the few confession hours he has within the next week, I’d have to be in the hospital.
 
Usige said:
While couples in my diocese all meet regularly with a member of the clergy (most are with deacons) our clergy don’t do the majority of the prep. They tend to act as guides and answer questions, but they are not spending 8, 10, 20+ hours on NFP, FOCCUS inventories, engaged encounters, et cetera.

It’s truly great that pastors in your diocese have that kind of time. I wish all pastors could spend more time in teaching areas and less on running the physical and financial aspects of the parish. Perhaps you are in an area blessed with many priests and not have 1 priest for 600-1000 families.
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I don’t know what they do elsewhere in the diocese but for the last 17 years in this parish the couple has been given the workbook, sent home to work on it and call for a meeting with Father after each chapter. I’ve known some to complete this a few days before the wedding. One Pastor did FOCCUS but not all of them did. AFAIK there is nowhere to turn in this town for NFP training. In fact, I was looked at like I had 3 heads when I suggested it might be important to provide for our parishioners.
 
jane_doe said:
I’m in an interfaith marriage myself. My advice would be to do two marriage prep courses: 1 with your faith, 1 with his. Neither of you may convert to the other faith, but having a deep respect and at least basic understanding of both faiths (including how they view marriage and married life) is critical for a successful interfaith marriage.
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Wise words. I was reading the thread and seeing how one-sided it is. In these days it really should not be like that and will get a marriage off to a bad start. Equality matters. And we see in many threads here a lack of any real understanding of other traditions.

As a former Anglican that is hard.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
You are blessed.

If I wished to speak to a priest privately outside of the few confession hours he has within the next week, I’d have to be in the hospital.
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Yep, in regards to the ratio of priests to laymen…The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Praying for more faithful priests.

What a luxury it would be to feel like I could talk to my priest about things that weigh heavy upon my heart.
 
Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut and suggestions, this is very helpful for me and I really appreciate it!! Depending on what we end up doing (online only course, series of group classes, or a weekend retreat), we are also considering having a few sessions with a Catholic Marriage and Family Therapist to supplement our marriage prep journey. I actually suggested this recently and my fiancé was surprisingly receptive and thought it was a good idea as well.

Hoosier Daddy:

To answer your question of whether I think my fiancé will convert- I honestly don’t know. Of course my desire and hope for him is that he will eventually see the truth and beauty in Catholicism, but I am pursuing marriage with him with a realistic understanding that it’s not up to me- he may never convert. I am very passionate about my faith and we openly dialogue on spiritual matters; my intention is to continue to be strong and committed to my faith while being gentle and invitational towards him. The rest is up to him and the Holy Spirit.

In terms of the three big issues that need to be understood/resolved prior to an inter-faith marriage (1- children being raised Catholic, 2- the ability to practice my faith unhindered, and 3- zero presence of artificial birth control and an openness to life while cooperating with God’s design for marriage, i.e., NFP)- he is aware and on board with all of the above. Your comment, “A spouse who does this is a great spouse indeed and one who respects and honors and loves the very soul of the Catholic spouse” is well put and resonates with me because I think it describes our situation quite well. This is all the more reason why I am trying to be as sensitive to him as possible during the marriage prep process through the Church.

Usige:

Yes, I definitely agree that this preparation process is more than checking off boxes. The possibility of doing the online marriage prep course was in response to my parish’s prep program that is not a good fit for us. I see the benefit of going through the preparation in a group setting so I am trying to find other alternatives so that we can experience this in a social environment (my fiancé is reluctant but willing).

jane_doe:

I completely agree that a mutual respect of both faiths is essential and I believe we do have this mutual respect for one another’s faith. I am entirely open to doing 2 marriage prep courses (one in each of our faith traditions); however, he is a non-denominational Christian with no church “home” and doesn’t have any specific requests in terms of pre-marital preparation.

Irishmom2:

We are considering doing a two day marriage retreat if we can’t find a weekly course series that works for us. I think a retreat would be a better option than a fully online course, although I really think we could benefit most from the group classes over a series of weeks.

Rosebud77:

Yes, I agree that the mutual respect of each person’s faith is vital. Fortunately, I think this respect is evident in our relationship. I am seeking an alternative marriage prep course for us other than the one at the parish where I am registered. The deacon (whom we first met with to start our paperwork) informed me that we will not be allowed to get married there unless we participate in their marriage prep program. This was disheartening to me because their program is one that requires us to attend mass with a sponsor couple (a couple neither of us have ever met) twice a month for 6 months along with regular meetings with the sponsor couple in their home. I see how this type of program could be beneficial for a Catholic couple, but it is not a very considerate option to offer a mixed-faith couple, in my opinion. My fiancé said, “I’m open to and even interested in going to mass with you sometime…but I don’t want to go just because they say I have to”- putting myself in his shoes, this would be off-putting to me as well. There are several marriage prep courses/programs approved by my diocese that can be taken regardless of where they’re offered or which parish you’re planning to marry in- or at least, this is how it is understood by other parishes that I have spoken to regarding the issue. The aspect of this that especially bothers me is that my parish refused to accept any other preparation program besides the one they offer (unless what the deacon told me is a misrepresentation of the parish’s position). I know that it’s their right to decide how they want to run the parish, but it was just a little disappointing and is making me think that maybe I should find a new parish home.
 
dilleachta said:
There are various options for marriage prep courses in my diocese- I am curious if anyone has a personal favorite or has had an especially good experience with a particular course (either over a series of weeks or the weekend retreat format).

My fiancé and I are considering completing an online marriage prep course (catholicmarriageprep.com/course-info/online-pre-cana), although an in-person class or retreat might be possible also.

I would personally like to do some form of marriage prep in a social context (classes or weekend retreat), although I would want my fiancé to feel comfortable/welcome and not like he was an outsider being pressured to convert to Catholicism on the spot (which will ultimately be a counterproductive form of evangelization).

Has anyone participated in the marriage prep course called, “One in the Lord”? This was recommended by someone who said it was accessible to the non-Catholic person in the couple in terms of being inviting and helpful without being pressuring.

Just curious if anyone has any personal experience in this area or any suggestions…Thank you!!!
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Welcome to the Church! How old are you guys?
 
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