marriage question

[scott9576]

hi everyone.

my girlfriend and i just got engaged and are planning a destination wedding. we both want to get married on a beach in jamaica, but we also want the church to recognize the marriage. we are both catholic. i have been baptized and so has she. i have had my first communion, but she has not.

i have 2 questions:

• regarding the church to recognize our marriage, can we simply get married on the beach in jamaica and then have the marriage blessed (convalidated) when we return?
• will the fact that she has not had her first communion cause us any issues?

any insight would be very helpful. thank you very much.

scott

 

[Angelicus]

As two baptized Catholics, do you want to enter into a sacrament as the Church intends it children to do or do you want to live objectively in sin while you have your “bona fides” examined after the civil marriage?

It looks like you just want to justify a destination wedding. That really cannot be done.

 

[Thomas63116]

hi everyone.

my girlfriend and i just got engaged and are planning a destination wedding. we both want to get married on a beach in jamaica, but we also want the church to recognize the marriage. we are both catholic. i have been baptized and so has she. i have had my first communion, but she has not.

i have 2 questions:

• regarding the church to recognize our marriage, can we simply get married on the beach in jamaica and then have the marriage blessed (convalidated) when we return?
• will the fact that she has not had her first communion cause us any issues?

any insight would be very helpful. thank you very much.

scott

Scott - congratulations on your engagement. Now prepare yourself for a lot of negative responses on the questions you just asked, and you and your fiance’s plan for a beach wedding. . .

The shortest, kindest and simplest answer is that you and your fiance should talk to the pastor at your parish as soon as possible. He is likely to tell you that, no you cannot get married on a beach and then have a convalidation afterwards. Hopefully, he will also explain to you that because the church views marriage as a sacrament, the proper place to celebrate the wedding (like other sacraments) is in a church.

Many diocese have a waiting period between an initial civil ceremony and the convalidation. I believe the general intention with convalidation is to help couples who (having been young, foolish, and quite possibly ignorant of the church’s requirements when they wed) want to regularize their marriage. It is not intended to help couples who know what the Church requires of them to make an “end run” around those requirements.

Regarding your fiance’s first communion, I believe the “typical” requirement is that the spouses both have been confirmed prior to being married. Normally, one receives First Communion before confirmation. I believe this requirement can be dispensed from, but your pastor is likely to be concerned that a young woman old enough to marry would not have progressed in her faith formation to the point of receiving First Communion. This does not sound like someone who has been active in her faith.

Having thrown a lot of cold water on your plans, let me at least offer an idea that might help you. My wife has a cousin (non-Catholic) who wanted to marry her husband on a beach in Mexico. The requirements for getting the ceremony in Mexico legally recognized in the US were cumbersome, so they simply made a trip to the courthouse here at home to have their legal marriage, and had a ceremony on the beach in Mexico.

You might consider having a very simple Catholic wedding (you, the priest and two witnesses) at home, then travel to Jamaica for your honeymoon. While there, you could have a ceremony on the beach . . .think of it as a vow renewal or whatever you like. In the eyes of the Church and state you would already be married at that point.

Of course, the fact that you are already married at that point, kind of takes the wind out of the sails of a “destination wedding.” I’m not sure how many family and friends would want to travel to see you exchange a second set of vows. But it’s the best thought I could come up with to give you the “beach wedding” you are looking for while meeting the church’s requirements.

Best wishes to you and your fiance.

 

[joanofarc2008]

These are the best answers - it however does not rule out having the Church wedding and a massive destination reception on the beach in Jamaica…

 

[Rob_in_Oregon]

Thomas and Joan gave good replies to your marriage question.

The main thing that has kept my wife and I together for 31 years is our mutually shared, devout Catholicism. It’s the “glue” that has kept us bonded and very happy.

The world has a lot of deceits and tricks to end marriages. I think that a wedding in a church with a destination reception would be much better, but I wonder how seriously your fiancee values the faith. Issues of belief will become more important as you grow older.

Congratulations to both of you, and best wishes for a happy, lifetime marriage. With Christ at the center of your relationship, the happiness will grow as time passes.

 

[Thomas63116]

One other thought -

It might be possible to have a wedding at a Catholic Church in Jamaica. I did a quick internet search and found some posts on bridal websites, etc. from people who had done something like this. It sounds like people do their marriage preparation here and then have a marriage at a local church at the destination, followed by a reception at a resort. It would not be a “beach wedding” but if you are interested in the destination, this may be an option for you to consider. Again, a talk with your pastor is in order, sooner rather than later.

 

[SonCatcher]

Scott,

Congratulations on your engagement! I wonder. Have either of you discussed your plans for a “destination wedding” with your friends and family members whom you want to attend? While lovely, it can be a very expensive test of your relationships. While it is certainly understandable to want all these people at your wedding, do you want them to stick around also for the honeymoon? There is a real chance that many of them will decide to make this their regular vacation due to the time they will already have to take from their jobs just to be there.

I know I didn’t want to risk a bunch of friends and relatives sticking around when my new bride and I were just starting married life. I think I’d just make a Facebook page to share photos and comments about how much we’re enjoying Jamaica and save the big family vacation for another time.

 

[Seatuck]

Congratulations on your engagement. Don’t put the cart before the horse. Please make an appointment with your priest and discuss things. Your faith formation should be coming first . You both need to finish your sacraments of initiation before receiving the sacrament of marriage. You will want the grace that comes with those sacraments as well as the spiritual gifts.
As far as a destination wedding is concerned it may be possible if there is a Catholic church where the Bishop allows weddings on the beach. Do the research. You will still have to take marriage preparation.
Do not contract an invalid marriage. This is a sinful action and will do more harm than good to you as a couple.

 

[puzzleannie]

hi i have 2 questions:

• regarding the church to recognize our marriage, can we simply get married on the beach in jamaica and then have the marriage blessed (convalidated) when we return?
• will the fact that she has not had her first communion cause us any issues?

any insight would be very helpful. thank you very much.

scott

step one for Catholics planning marriage is to visit their priest and arrange for proper marriage preparation, including explanation of Catholic teaching on marriage.
step 2 is the parties who have not beend confirmed to arrange for that and if possible be confirmed before the wedding so they are entering into this sacrament and sacred vocation as fully initiated, believing, practicing adult Catholics

then you can start talking about logistics and dates.

for two Catholics to deliberately flout Church law and marry outside the Church without benefit of the sacrament is first of all a sacrilege (unless there is a reason a civil marriage must be performed before a Church marriage, due to local laws, immigration problems etc, and it is done with the knowledge of the Church in the process of arranging for a sacramental marriage). It would be a mortal sin of course to live together as man and wife with all that entails until the marriage has been recognized by the Church. For a couple to do this merely to have the wedding at a certain “romantic” location would indicate complete ignorance of or indifference to Catholic teaching on both the sacrament and vocation of marriage, so remedying that situation should be the first priority. I am offering advice as if a couple in this parish came to me asking the question, not directing it at specific individuals.

 

[StarFireKK]

You don’t have to be confirmed to be married in the Catholic Church.

 

[Phemie]

You don’t have to be confirmed to be married in the Catholic Church.

It’s not something that will prevent you from being married but Canon Law says

Can. 1065 §1. Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before they are admitted to marriage if it can be done without grave inconvenience.

Grave inconvenience is in the eyes of the beholder. If the wedding is planned for June and the Bishop is not coming to town until next December, then the couple may marry but the non-confirmed spouse should be taking steps to be confirmed at the first opportunity. No Catholic should remain unconfirmed if he/she can avoid it.

 

[puzzleannie]

You don’t have to be confirmed to be married in the Catholic Church.

yes you do unless there is some grave reason the sacrament cannot be celebrated before the wedding, but an adult Catholic who refuses confirmation needs some additional preparation to ascertain if he is also rejecting the sacramental nature of matrimony.

and grave inconvenience is not in the eye of the beholder, but in the eye of the bishop.

 

[agapewolf]

You don’t have to be confirmed to be married in the Catholic Church.

Can. 1065 ß1 Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before being admitted to marriage, if this can be done without grave inconvenience.

IT makes sense that one should have been fully initiated before choosing a vocational sacrament.

 

[PatriceA]

Can. 1065 ß1 Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before being admitted to marriage, if this can be done without grave inconvenience.

IT makes sense that one should have been fully initiated before choosing a vocational sacrament.

It always boggles my mind when these types of threads come up that couples want their marriage recognized by the Church, but they haven’t done anything to become fully initiated members of the Catholic faith. I can not understand why they want their marriage blessed when they’ve done nothing to understand the actual sacrament of matrimony or any of the other sacraments for that matter.

 

[puzzleannie]

It I can not understand why they want their marriage blessed when they’ve done nothing to understand the actual sacrament of matrimony or any of the other sacraments for that matter.

please don’t hold it against them; if their parents did not bring them to the sacraments at the appropriate age, it is unlikely they have ever had the opportunity to learn much about what the Church does teach about sacraments of initiation, or marriage, which is why I advise visiting the priest at the earliest opportunity so their is time for adequate preparation and education.

 

[Lapey]

hi everyone.

my girlfriend and i just got engaged and are planning a destination wedding. we both want to get married on a beach in jamaica, but we also want the church to recognize the marriage. we are both catholic. i have been baptized and so has she. i have had my first communion, but she has not.

i have 2 questions:

• regarding the church to recognize our marriage, can we simply get married on the beach in jamaica and then have the marriage blessed (convalidated) when we return?
• will the fact that she has not had her first communion cause us any issues?

any insight would be very helpful. thank you very much.

scott

I have to ask, if the Church is an afterthought in your life, what difference does it make? The thought of starting a marriage without God is just outside of my imagination. And yes as a Catholic, this would be starting without God. I can do it my way, not Gods way.

Before you get married, I would suggest going into RCIA to learn who God is, and why the Church teaches what She teaches, go see your pastor and ask him to direct you to RCIA. Then next summer, get married at that church then go on a honeymoon with family and friends. That is the order it has to be in, if the Church and therefore God is important to you first and foremost.

 

[PatriceA]

please don’t hold it against them; if their parents did not bring them to the sacraments at the appropriate age, it is unlikely they have ever had the opportunity to learn much about what the Church does teach about sacraments of initiation, or marriage, which is why I advise visiting the priest at the earliest opportunity so their is time for adequate preparation and education.

Not holding anything against anybody. My husband wasn’t confirmed before we were married, but its not that difficult to receive any sacrament one is missing before one enters into the sacrament of matrimony AND the vocation God is calling the couple to. Just commenting on a trend I’m seeing that couples will post here wanting to know how they can get their marriage recognzied or blessed by the Church, without actually doing any of the work, so they can have their “dream” wedding. Its troubling to me at least this attitude of just wanting the Catholic Church to bless a marriage without fully wanting to understand the graces,blessings and requirements of the sacrament of matrimony.

 

[Irishgal49]

I’m not sure about this so someone correct me, but couldn’t you have a Catholic wedding and then “renew your vows” on the beach?

 

[Rob_in_Oregon]

One other thing: Who’s paying for this tropical beach wedding? I hope you kids are not going to start your marriage $30,000 in debt.

My wife and I chose a simple wedding 31 years ago in order to save for a down payment on our first house.

If your families are paying for it, they might respect you for asking that the money be used for something more practical, something for the long-term future.

God bless you…

• Rob

 

[Seatuck]

I’m not sure about this so someone correct me, but couldn’t you have a Catholic wedding and then “renew your vows” on the beach?

You have to be careful not to let the ceremony look like a marriage ceremony. We are only allowed to have the one according to canon law.