Marriage Question

[Bengal]

I’m having this issue with mother. I’m very willing to comprise with her. But I want to see what the Catholic view is on this. We really want a friend of the family to marry me and fiance. It would be special for us. He’s like a grandfather to me. He has a license to legally marry. My mother on the other hand pretty much hates the idea. She is a very devote Catholic, where I’m more of the I believe in the Sacrament of Holy Communion. I think of a lot of rules need to be gone over to make the Church less exclusive, part of which is you paying the church for taking your attendance, and 200 dollars for an organist. I talked to fiance and we figured we can find away to have both.

Most of figuring deal with:
Our friend is going to want us to get married in the church as well but I know he’s more open to doing things a little different.
My mother wants us to get married in the church.
We want an outdoor wedding.
Solution: Get married in the church that Friday, have the friend do a spiritual ceremony on our wedding date.

Is this doable? I figure the Church would be happy if we got married within it’s walls at some point.

 

[Matthew_Holford]

I’m having this issue with mother. I’m very willing to comprise with her. But I want to see what the Catholic view is on this. We really want a friend of the family to marry me and fiance. It would be special for us. He’s like a grandfather to me. He has a license to legally marry. My mother on the other hand pretty much hates the idea. She is a very devote Catholic, where I’m more of the I believe in the Sacrament of Holy Communion. I think of a lot of rules need to be gone over to make the Church less exclusive, part of which is you paying the church for taking your attendance, and 200 dollars for an organist. I talked to fiance and we figured we can find away to have both.

Most of figuring deal with:
Our friend is going to want us to get married in the church as well but I know he’s more open to doing things a little different.
My mother wants us to get married in the church.
We want an outdoor wedding.
Solution: Get married in the church that Friday, have the friend do a spiritual ceremony on our wedding date.

Is this doable? I figure the Church would be happy if we got married within it’s walls at some point.

From what you say I will infer that you are a Catholic. If you are then you will need to get married in accordance with the Church’s laws, I suspect you know what they are. Your marriage should be celebrated with one, and only one, ceremony. I don’t think this is the answer you want but you’re not going to get a different one from the Church.

What faith is your fiancée? You might be able to obtain a dispensation from canonical form if she is not a Catholic. If she is a Catholic I don’t think you have the remotest chance of getting a dispensation from canonical form.

 

[Barbkw]

Seems to be a bit of a misunderstanding concerning the Sacrament of Marriage in the Church.

The priest technically doesn’t “marry” any set of couples.

You and your wife marry each another through your vows to one another.

The priest is there as a witness of you and your wifes’ vows to one another before God.

catholiceducation.org/articles/religion/re0043.html

 

[Bengal]

Then how come the church allows such things?
Also It’s I’m the bride, he’s groom.
Also, since Jesus said “if two gather in my name, I will be present” Why is wrong to not get married in the Church? If Said friend my husband I gather in his name, he’s there and is seeing it for himself.

 

[Barbkw]

Solution: Get married in the church that Friday, have the friend do a spiritual ceremony on our wedding date.

You don’t think a Catholic wedding is a “spiritual ceremony”?

 

[Bengal]

Not when you have pay to have your attendance counted and you are expected to give the Priest a gift. Seriously, the man has been called to do this. Full filling his calling should be enough. If a couple can afford or feels the need to give him a gift, than so be it.

 

[PatriceA]

Not when you have pay to have your attendance counted and you are expected to give the Priest a gift. Seriously, the man has been called to do this. Full filling his calling should be enough. If a couple can afford or feels the need to give him a gift, than so be it.

You are not paying to have your “attendance counted”. Your weekly tithing is to help support the parish, pay the utilities, pay to keep the heat and lights on and other day to day expenses. Same with the donations for your wedding, the people you ask to provide services such as the music ministry and such, are providing you a service. The donation to the priest is just that, a donation, it is not required in most parishes but its polite courtesy to help with the added utility expenses incurred for your occasion. Some parishes do charge for the use of their facilities, but usually that’s because you are not a member of that parish and you haven’t been a part of the day to day contributions to the parish expenses.

You will pay to have a reception somewhere, and if you have it outside, most places require a fee for that as well. How is that any different than some of the expenses incurred from having the wedding in the actual Church?

And all this, if this is your real gripe with having a Church wedding, has nothing to do with why the Catholic Church requires the ceremony within an actual Church, unless there are circumstances that the Bishop will grant you dispensation to have the ceremony else where.

You need to talk to your priest.

 

[Bengal]

Patricia, you have show attendance through offerings. If you don’t give what the perish feels to be enough the priest will not oversee your vows, which has happened to a bunch of friends.

 

[Barbkw]

Not when you have pay to have your attendance counted

Are you talking about “tithing”.

If you don’t help support the Church, and I don’t, and no one else does then how are the bills to be paid?

From a non-Catholic website:

Gen 14:19 (Abraham’s give of 10%)

Gen 28:20-22 (Jacob decision to give 10% to God)

Exod 35:4-29 (Moses and the people’s gifts to build the tabernacle)

Lev 27:30 (Tithe of everything is the Lord’s)

Lev 27:32 (Every tenth animal is the Lord’s)

Num 18:21 (Tithes support ministers of God)

Deut 12:5-7 (Tithes, special gifts, freewill offerings)

Deut 14:22-29 (Set aside a tenth to learn to revere God)

2 Chr 31:2-12 (Hezekiah generosity & giving instructions)

Neh 10:35-37 (Nehemiah’s giving instructions)

Neh 12:43-47 (Faithful giving to God’s ministers)

Neh 13:11-13 (Nehemiah’s rebuke & the results)

Mal 3:7-12 (Holding back tithes & offerings is stealing from God)

Matt 23:23 (Jesus’ affirmation of tithing)

Luke 11:42 (Jesus’ affirmation of tithing)

I Kings 17:8-16 (Elijah and the starving widow)

Deut 8:18 (God gives people ability to produce wealth)

Prov 3:9-10 (Honor the Lord with your wealth & firstfruits)

Exod 36:3-6 (Moses restrains people from bringing offerings)

Mal 1:6-14 (Malachi’s rebuke for bringing bad offerings)

Hag 1:4-11 (Haggai’s giving challenge)

1 Chr 29:2-9 (David’s generous gift & giving challenge)

1 Chr 29:11-17 (Everything we have and gives comes from God)

Luke 6:38 (Give and God will see others give to you)

2 Cor 8:2-21 (Rich generosity in the midst of extreme poverty)

2 Cor 9:5-15 (God loves a cheerful giver)

Deut 28:12-13, 43-45 (Blessings & curses for obedience)

Ps 50:9-12 (God owns everything)

Prov 11:24-25 (Generosity is the pathway for more)

Prov 18:9 (Slackness in giving is the same as destroying things)

 

[Bengal]

Are you talking about “tithing”.

If you don’t help support the Church, and I don’t, and no one else does then how are the bills to be paid?

How can I pay my bills when I have to shovel out 20% to the church?

 

[Barbkw]

How can I pay my bills when I have to shovel out 20% to the church?

It’s 10%. $10 from $100.

 

[Bengal]

It’s 10%. $10 from $100.

No they are asking for 20% where I’m from.

 

[aicirt]

Not when you have pay to have your attendance counted and you are expected to give the Priest a gift. Seriously, the man has been called to do this. Full filling his calling should be enough. If a couple can afford or feels the need to give him a gift, than so be it.

Think you need to open your heart here. If you want to cut the expense, you could get married at any Mass.

My feeling is if you are paying for the flowers, organist, reception, you can give a donation. It is his time just as it is your friend’s time. Obviously, your friend has a calling also. We also invited the priest to the reception. Maybe your wedding is really small but the church staff still must arrive, clean, supervise flower etc. Maybe a good guide would be to offer the price of the reception dinner OR 20% of the cost of the wedding gown. I picked 20% because that’s the going rate for an upscale dinner. So if your gown is $1000, donation would be $250.

 

[aicirt]

How can I pay my bills when I have to shovel out 20% to the church?

LOL…now do you feel the same about the cost of your gown? The flowers? You really don’t need those things to get married. You want them. You could pay a lot of bills if you didn’t incur those expenses. And actually, I believe giving a donation to the priest/church is in the groom’s area of expense.

 

[Joe_5859]

I would recommend talking to your priest about this.

 

[Barbkw]

No they are asking for 20% where I’m from.

Tithing is 10% and those who are able to give more, give more. At times a Church will have a special need collection and will ask for more.

P.S. All Christian churches require money to operate and they also tithe. The same held for the Old Testament and for the New.

In the Early Church, Christians gave all of their money, land and possessions to live in community with other Christians.

 

[Bengal]

LOL…now do you feel the same about the cost of your gown? The flowers? You really don’t need those things to get married. You want them. You could pay a lot of bills if you didn’t incur those expenses. And actually, I believe giving a donation to the priest/church is in the groom’s area of expense.

Flowers are being grown by us. I’m making my gown. In other words I’m spending less then what the priest will want for the organist.

 

[PatriceA]

Patricia, you have show attendance through offerings. If you don’t give what the perish feels to be enough the priest will not oversee your vows, which has happened to a bunch of friends.

I’m sorry, but you’re confused on the matter. Tithing is not required in the Catholic Church. Yes we are all asked to donate our time and finances to the ability we can afford. Ten Percent of your income is usually the ballpark figure that people suggest. Our parish recently asked us to start contributing 20% as well, but IT IS NOT REQUIRED. Its not a way to take attendance either.

But if your parish priest hasn’t seen you in Mass, hasn’t gotten to know you or your fiance, he can’t honestly say if you two are ready to be married or not. You have to meet with your priest, he must determine if you are free to be married, received the Sacraments, and attend pre-cana classes.

 

[Bengal]

I’m sorry, but you’re confused on the matter. Tithing is not required in the Catholic Church. Yes we are all asked to donate our time and finances to the ability we can afford. Ten Percent of your income is usually the ballpark figure that people suggest. Our parish recently asked us to start contributing 20% as well, but IT IS NOT REQUIRED. Its not a way to take attendance either.

But if your parish priest hasn’t seen you in Mass, hasn’t gotten to know you or your fiance, he can’t honestly say if you two are ready to be married or not. You have to meet with your priest, he must determine if you are free to be married, received the Sacraments, and attend pre-cana classes.

Im from large mostly rich people church. unless you are giving tons money he wont look at you.

 

[PatriceA]

Im from large mostly rich people church. unless you are giving tons money he wont look at you.

Sounds like you’re trying hard to justify not having a Church wedding. Contact your priest, and if necessary your Bishop, ASAP.