Marriage Question

[Barbkw]

Im from large mostly rich people church. unless you are giving tons money he wont look at you.

Your animosity toward Christs’ Church is clouding your relationships, perceptions of reality and your judgements.

 

[aicirt]

Flowers are being grown by us. I’m making my gown. In other words I’m spending less then what the priest will want for the organist.

First, have you actually discussed this with the priest? Or are you assuming?

Second, don’t go into anything without being willing to hold your own in any circumstance.

Third, is he demanding you have the organist or is this something you want?

 

[puzzleannie]

I’m Most of figuring deal with:
Our friend is going to want us to get married in the church as well but I know he’s more open to doing things a little different.
My mother wants us to get married in the church.
We want an outdoor wedding.
Solution: Get married in the church that Friday, have the friend do a spiritual ceremony on our wedding date.

Is this doable? I figure the Church would be happy if we got married within it’s walls at some point.

missing info:
are you or your fiance Catholic?
regardless of what you may believe or wish, you are bound by Catholic canon law on marriage. Your marriage must follow Catholic form, be witnessed by a Catholic minister, and take place in a Catholic sacred place, namely church. There are cases, in case of grave need, where some of these can be dispensed, but in general what you propose is unthinkable for a Catholic because it ignores the reality that matrimony is a sacrament of the Church, a gift of Christ which graces the couple, their family and the entire church. Your mother is entirely in the right, and were you my daughter, you would be getting no support, approval, blessing or financial (name removed by moderator)ut from me should you persist in this irreligious plan.

you did ask so please don’t react when you hear the truth

 

[Joe_5859]

Im from large mostly rich people church. unless you are giving tons money he wont look at you.

I would really encourage you to talk to your priest. No priest will deny you a sacrament for inablity to pay whatever their set fee is. Sliding fee scales are quite common.

 

[Jesus_123]

+Congratulations on your engagement . . . :clapping: . . . this is such a special and joyous time in life . . . you now . . . **really need to contact your priest **. . . and have this discussion with him as you plan your wedding . . . to have a valid marriage as a Catholics in the eyes of God and the Church . . . there are clear directions in the Catholic Code of Canon Law concerning this . . . and there are other requirements . . . depending on the individual church . . . prescribed for a couple seeking to enter into marriage with one another . . . your concern about expense is no problem . . . share this concern with the priest and he can help you there too . . . there are a variety of solutions available to keep a wedding sacred and beautiful and within a budget . . . and the Church has some other really quite marvelous and wise contributions for consideration by a young couple as you plan your wedding and marriage together . . .

For Catholics . . .

Can. 1108 §1
Only those marriages are valid which are contracted before the local ordinary, pastor, or a priest or deacon delegated by either of them, who assist, and before two witnesses according to the rules expressed in the following canons and without prejudice to the exceptions mentioned in cann. ⇒ 144, ⇒ 1112, §1, ⇒ 1116, and ⇒ 1127, §§1-2.

If a Catholic is marrying a non-Catholic . . . other considerations come into play . . .

Can. 1124
Without express permission of the competent authority, a marriage is prohibited between two baptized persons of whom one is baptized in the Catholic Church or received into it after baptism and has not defected from it by a formal act and the other of whom is enrolled in a Church or ecclesial community not in full communion with the Catholic Church.

Can. 1125
The local ordinary can grant a permission of this kind if there is a just and reasonable cause. He is not to grant it unless the following conditions have been fulfilled:

1/ the Catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power so that all offspring are baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church;

2/ the other party is to be informed at an appropriate time about the promises which the Catholic party is to make, in such a way that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and obligation of the Catholic party;

3/ both parties are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage which neither of the contracting parties is to exclude.​

**Can. 1086 **

§1. A marriage between two persons, one of whom has been baptized in the Catholic Church or received into it and has not defected from it by a formal act and the other of whom is not baptized, is invalid.

§2. A person is not to be dispensed from this impediment unless the conditions mentioned in cann. ⇒ 1125 and ⇒ 1126 have been fulfilled.​

In a mixed marriage or disparity of cult the Catholic can be dispensed from Catholic form if they have a valid reason for marrying in the non-Catholic’s place of worship . . .
Can. 1117
The form established above must be observed if at least one of the parties contracting marriage was baptized in the Catholic Church or received into it …] without prejudice to the prescripts of ⇒ can. 1127, §2.

**Can. 1118 **

§1. A marriage between Catholics or between a Catholic party and a non-Catholic baptized party is to be celebrated in a parish church. It can be celebrated in another church or oratory with the permission of the local ordinary or pastor.

§2. The local ordinary can permit a marriage to be celebrated in another suitable place.

§3. A marriage between a Catholic party and a non-baptized party can be celebrated in a church or in another suitable place.​

. . . all for Jesus+
. . . Blessed Virgin Mary our Mother+
. . . please pray for and guide this young couple+
. . . in the wonderful ways of our Holy Mother Church+​

 

[Bengal]

But the canon is man’s law. Not God’s law. A greedy 11th century pope made that up. Thank you all for helping make up my mind. Since you are all determined for that Catholic Church, the will of men, I see that that Church just wants to find another reasons to keep people out of it. I will not being saying my vows in front of Church that knows only their canon and not their bible. Jesus said “two or more are gathered in my name I will be there.” He never said anything about a priest and this is not the dark ages anymore.

 

[Matthew_Holford]

Get married in the church that Friday, have the friend do a spiritual ceremony on our wedding date.

I am not sure of the purpose for you making these enquiries. In a number of posts you have complained about the expense of it all. If you are on a restricted budget why do you propose two ceremonies?

Is it expense that really bothers you or are you more concerned with finding a way of out getting married in Church? If it’s the latter I think you’ve come to the wrong place.

The most important part of getting married is well … getting married. All the “bells and whistles” are not required. It is possible to pare down to the essentials. When I got married the church-associated expenses only represented a small percentage of the total cost

 

[chipeto]

But the canon is man’s law. Not God’s law. A greedy 11th century pope made that up. Thank you all for helping make up my mind. Since you are all determined for that Catholic Church, the will of men, I see that that Church just wants to find another reasons to keep people out of it. I will not being saying my vows in front of Church that knows only their canon and not their bible. Jesus said “two or more are gathered in my name I will be there.” He never said anything about a priest and this is not the dark ages anymore.

Truly bizarre. What did you expect to find on a Catholic forum, if not a Catholic perspective? And where do you think the Bible came from?

I think you made up your mind ere ever you posted.

 

[FromTheAshes777]

I have a friend who is Catholic, who at the time was not financially well off at all, that was married in a small Catholic ceremony. It was at their parish, in the adoration chapel where the tabernacle is. It was witnessed by the deacon at the parish, in full accord with the Church’s marriage laws.

The total cost asside from gas to get to the building, and a simple white dress and nice suit for the bride and groom (which they both already owned): $0.00.

 

[vsedriver]

But the canon is man’s law. Not God’s law. A greedy 11th century pope made that up. Thank you all for helping make up my mind. Since you are all determined for that Catholic Church, the will of men, I see that that Church just wants to find another reasons to keep people out of it. I will not being saying my vows in front of Church that knows only their canon and not their bible. Jesus said “two or more are gathered in my name I will be there.” He never said anything about a priest and this is not the dark ages anymore.

I think what you really need to do is take your mother aside and be perfectly honest with her. You need to tell her that you are not a Catholic because you don’t understand what it means to be Catholic and therefore feel no need to be married in the Catholic Church. Tell her you want a nice little wedding ceremony and party but no religious overtones beyond what you think are necessary.

That’s what my sister did. Broke my mother’s heart but my sister was happy.

 

[jilly4ski]

I think what you really need to do is take your mother aside and be perfectly honest with her. You need to tell her that you are not a Catholic because you don’t understand what it means to be Catholic and therefore feel no need to be married in the Catholic Church. Tell her you want a nice little wedding ceremony and party but no religious overtones beyond what you think are necessary.

That’s what my sister did. Broke my mother’s heart but my sister was happy.

And then be ready for you mother to not attend your wedding, because it would be an invalid marriage attempt.

 

[aicirt]

But the canon is man’s law. Not God’s law. A greedy 11th century pope made that up. Thank you all for helping make up my mind. Since you are all determined for that Catholic Church, the will of men, I see that that Church just wants to find another reasons to keep people out of it. I will not being saying my vows in front of Church that knows only their canon and not their bible. Jesus said “two or more are gathered in my name I will be there.” He never said anything about a priest and this is not the dark ages anymore.

I don’t think this has anything to do with canon law. I think this is something you are focusing on because you are determined not to gift the priest, church, or organist. Somehow or another these people owe you. Oddly enough, you’re the one who wants the wedding, flowers, cake etc. You haven’t met with the priest and explained to him your circumstances. You should approach him with the truth of your circumstances and nicely ask if a gift of $25 would be appropriate because you can’t afford anymore…and invite him to the reception.
Why create this drama? You’re a Catholic. Get married in the church. Do it for yourself and for your Mom. Get your marriage off to the right start.

 

[lissa70]

I have a question for the OP. If you got married in the Catholic Church on Friday and had a spiritual service on Saturday with the reception, then what day would you consider to be your anniversary?

 

[thomasf]

When I had my marriage convalidated the deacon did it for free. It didn’t cost me a dime. I think the op is over blowing this whole thing.

 

[jamison]

But the canon is man’s law. Not God’s law. A greedy 11th century pope made that up. Thank you all for helping make up my mind. Since you are all determined for that Catholic Church, the will of men, I see that that Church just wants to find another reasons to keep people out of it. I will not being saying my vows in front of Church that knows only their canon and not their bible. Jesus said “two or more are gathered in my name I will be there.” He never said anything about a priest and this is not the dark ages anymore.

Lol… And out come the true colors. At worse, this is a Protestant who is wasting our time on purpose. At best, it’s another cafeteria Catholic who doesn’t know her own faith.
I would suggest the original poster investigate history and learn about the faith because the arguments she just gave are elementary. I will pray for her.

 

[Matthew_Holford]

I have a question for the OP. If you got married in the Catholic Church on Friday and had a spiritual service on Saturday with the reception, then what day would you consider to be your anniversary?

An even better question as the OP’s main concern is allegedly financial: if the money is in such short supply - why two ceremonies?

 

[Joe_5859]

But the canon is man’s law. Not God’s law. A greedy 11th century pope made that up. Thank you all for helping make up my mind. Since you are all determined for that Catholic Church, the will of men, I see that that Church just wants to find another reasons to keep people out of it. I will not being saying my vows in front of Church that knows only their canon and not their bible. Jesus said “two or more are gathered in my name I will be there.” He never said anything about a priest and this is not the dark ages anymore.

I would really, really urge you to talk to your priest about these matters rather than basing your decision on what a handful of people on the internet told you anonymously on a messageboard.

Just to clarify, though. In posting references to Canon Law, no one here is trying to keep you down or subject you to some sort of arbitrary whim of some old white guys in Rome. Jesus himself gave the power to bind and loose to the apostles and their successors. The Church has authority only insofar as God gave it to Her. Canon Law is part of that.

What would be the alternative to having Canon Law? It would be chaos. Everyone would be just going around doing their own thing. If you had a problem, there would be no structure in place to deal with it. That’s not helpful.

Canon Law is actually very minimal. You can get it as a paperback book no bigger than the smallest Harry Potter novel. Not even the tiniest villiage in the U.S. has so few laws.

You said in your OP that you were looking for the Catholic view. That is what the posters here have been trying to point you to through Canon Law. We can’t just pretend that Canon Law doesn’t exist or that it’s not important. It does exist and it is important.