Marriage Question

[AllieT]

My husband and I had been married civilly for 12 years before we had our marriage convalidated in the Church. I’m a cradle Catholic who had stopped going to Church for a number of years prior to our marriage, and returned later. My husband had never been baptized, although he grew up in a Baptist environment. My husband and I decided to do what our priest suggested and live “separately” within our home (as “brother and sister,” as it’s called) for a year as my husband was going through RCIA (he had decided to become Catholic) and during the 6 month waiting period, which was shortened a bit since we were able to go to “Engaged Encounter” (which was odd after being together for so long, but we did what we had to do and it was fine). That meant no sex and no sleeping in the same room. Very awkward…difficult…upsetting at first, but we settled into the routine and knew it was the right thing. If you are not yet married, expect being asked to live separately…since you have a child, I suspect that priest may allow you to live in the same home, but separately. Since you’re a Catholic who has been confirmed, you’d have to go to Confession and get back in good standing with the Church. It’s okay that your fiance isn’t a practicing Catholic. But I would expect a waiting period of 6 months…possibly fewer if your priest wants to shorten that for you…

Just remember, all these inconveniences are temporary…they sound horrific to most people, but it’s not impossible…and not nearly as bad as they seem once you settle into it. In the end, you can enter your beautiful Catholic marriage with a clear conscience.

Hoping for the best for you and your family. Being back in the Church is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I want it for everyone!

 

[1ke]

If we decide to just do it in the church, don’t we have to do 6 months of pre marital counseling?

Talk to your deacon about the options for pre marital preparation when you meet with him.

Also, my fiance and I are living together so aren’t we already not following the rules?

Whether your and your fiancé remain chaste until you are married is entirely in your control. Bringing God into the center of your life is the right thing to do, it may require that you also do things that are difficult. Refraining from sexual relations, going to confession, and being married validly are all the right things to do.