Marriage roles and abuse survivors

  • Thread starter Thread starter Ray_Scheel
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
R

Ray_Scheel

Guest
My wife of 7 years was certainly the victim of emotional and physical abuse growing up (alcoholic father and co-dependent mother)and most likely of sexual abuse as well (uncle was known molester of an aunt, also choppy memories of inappropriate maternal contact).

I knew to expect difficulties before we got married, though DDW was less than forthright about what exactly she’d talked out with her therapist at the time regarding her mental preparedness for marital relations (I actually stalled our wedding date a few months when touch issues first arose during our engagement).

After she finally started allowing marital relations (6 months to consumate, monthly the remainder of the first year, at most weekly after that), no progress was made, and her ability to handle even non-sexual touch has been almost no-existent in general (though she was very affectionate during most of our courtship).

She recently (on Valentines day) had a meltdown and was started on meds, weaning our now 10 month old daughter that day, and have had to arrange alternate care or supervision assistance for our 3 year old son ever since then.

I’d always had a dim view of the support she was getting from the mainstream survuivor chats and fora, as well as knowing her Al-Anon (for families of alcoholics) sponsor had a very secular worldview. However, a recent series of conversations with her therapist indicates her T also has a very secular take on marriage, I’m apparently being controlling for objecting when threats to further withold intimacy are used as a punishment if I do not respect my wifes “boundries” which translated into practical terms means obeying nearly every decision she makes wihtout questiong it. She has declared irrelevant or not appropriate advise form our paster, the local CCL teacher (family friends and the husband was an advisor to her in college) and the other Catholic families we are close enough to be at least marginally comfortable discussing this with, all on the grounds that they “just don’t understand” or that “she’s different”.

We are in a transition phase where there is some real possibility for change if I can get the right ideas into her head - but from a survivor’s perspective. She is currently trying to re-establish the old control routines temporarily made impossible right after her meltdown and is fishing for backup to try to “guilt” me into again handing all control over to her and to quit pressing for change or inquiring ito what exactly she is working on in her therapy. We are supposed to meet jointly with our pastor on Friday, but I’m already getting signs she’s going to push to go to a marriage counselor suggested by her T rather than any of a list I’ve accumulated from Catholics we know or other sources we trust (e.g. diosecean offices, etc.).

Suggestions or advice would be appreciated. Apologies for the rambling.
 
What exactly is your goal here? “Getting the right ideas into (your wife’s) head” sounds like you are being as willful, defensive and self-serving as she is.

If your wife is the victim of childhood abuse, you may have a long road to recovery ahead of you. Forcing her to swallow your opinion of the “right” road is no means to start . You may find yourself giving a lot more than you receive as you start out.

Is anyone you are relying upon–the pastor, CCL, family friends even remotely qualified to handle this type of mental/emotional problem? Your situation demands an experienced, well-trained professional. It also makes sense to incorporate someone who understands/shares/validates the role of faith in your marital life. Perhaps this is a pastor, perhaps you need a trained, credentialed Catholic counselor.

It would seem reasonable that you and your wife could reach agreement on these basic issues. However, be prepared for the possibility that until she may need some individual counseling and healing before she is able to reciprocate and offer you a reasonable and balanced responses to your needs.
 
As I start this reply, I’m not exactly sure the direction it is going to take, but I will try to list my rambling thoughts coherently. 🙂

I don’t have experience with physical or emotional abuse, so I will leave those issues to someone else, but I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and know the effects it can have on marital relations first hand. Know in advance that the advice I am going to dispense helped me, but it doesn’t mean it will help your wife. I can only speak from my experiences.

First of all, patience is of the utmost importance. I know when my husband and I are going through a “relations drought”, if I feel any pressure from him, my anxiety about it immediately goes up and therein starts the vicious cycle: his impatience, my anxiety about wanting to please him, therefore, I feel less inclined to be intimate, and he gets more impatient. As hard as it is, (and I KNOW this has to be hard for you guys) try, try, try not to let her see your impatience with the situation. The more she sees you as an “attacker” in the situation, rather than a supportive partner, the more resistant she will be.

Second of all, know that sometimes, getting in the “safety” of a married relationship will decrease her “need” to be affectionate. For me, I was very affectionate and, regrettably very promiscuous before marriage. Even with my husband, we were intimate before out wedding date and he of course thought our intimate life would be fine after marriage. However, almost as soon as we were married, I started to clam up when it came to intimacy. I don’t know exactly why, but my guess is that I finally felt safe enough to stop the facade. It may sound crazy, but in a world where young girls use sex to “get the guy”, I think I felt I had to be “normal” in the sexual aspect and when we were married, then I could show him that intimacy really terrified me.

Thirdly, what goes on between her therapist and her is a sacred thing. I get the impression that you do not like some of the things the therapist is telling her. But, you walk a thin line by putting down the therapist. Trust me, a therapist-patient relationship can be an amazing source of support for a survivor, and if someone is trying to undermine that relationship, they can be seen as a threat and again, not as a partner. If you can get her to meet with your pastor, great, or even if she would agree to see a Catholic therapist (Visit www.catholictherapist.com to find one in your area), all the better. But it needs to be on her terms. She is the one divulging the horrors of her past after all.

Finally, make sure you have people you can talk to too. I know it is hard on husbands… I can see the anxiety it causes in my own husband. I think you are wonderful for even coming here and looking for advice. You have your heart in the right place, even if you don’t know quite where that “right place” is yet. Just remember that your wife and you are a team… I bet if she could snap her fingers and make it all go away, she would. We survivors don’t withhold intimacy as a way to hurt you, but it does hurt us sometimes if we consent to it unwillingly.

I will keep you and your wife in my prayers. Keep working at it. It is a long journey, but “in good times and in bad” doesn’t include the word “easy”. God bless you.
 
There is a challenge I’ve facing here of sharing enough details about what has happend over the past 7 years while still keeping in mind this is a public forum.

However, what I’m seeking are sources that can speak to intimacy and marriage control issues common to survivors from a Catholic perspective to counter the striclty secular counsel she is currently accepting about what ideal “modern” family roles are. Those secular sources are the only things available speaking on these issues from a survivors persepctive, and they almost universally describe as abusive or unhealthily controlling the concept of male headship of the household and the idea of a mutual “marital debt” - even though I stalled the wedding to give her time to make sure she was ready to accept those specific concepts, and have, until now, generally gone along with the various things my wife has said I needed to do for her to heal, though frankly, she’s always used a concession on my part just to establish a new status quo from shich to insiste even more needed to be done on my part while never even attempting what she agreed to try.

My requesting 15 minutes of daylight a day to handle basic outside tasks is declared disrespectful of her needs and therefore a reason to further limit physical contact. Last year, I used a flashlight to plant most of my garden, and was eventually forced to let it dry up. When I come home my wife often insists I watch the children - but only in a way she specifies - while she goes and naps or insists I remain in the house with the kids so she can talk to me while she cooks dinner, but loses interest in keeping me around when the kids are in bed.

I average 5-6 hours of sleep to her 9-10, but she complains I get more time to relax than she does, based strictly on the time she spends relaxing while not sleeping, and the extra sleep time on her part doesn’t count when I mention I was having to cut into my sleep to have any time to myself at all.

Though she (and I) would not use any sort of artificial birth control, she has essentially refused to chart for the past 5 years to perpetuate a claim that she “isn’t sure” of her fertility to excuse refusing possibly getting “worked up” on a potentially fertile day. She also declared that waking her to take her temperature in the morning was intolerable before our first anniversary.

Holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, and vactions are all declared off-limit times for the marital act because there might be an expectation of that on my part at those times and it would be disrespectful to herself to allow relations.

I’ve been told I need to go to therapy to learn how to not want sex “so often”, as if desiring relations more than 3 times a cycle was unreasonable. Pursuing non-sexual routes of intimacy or physical contact is also avoided, just crooning serenades is now generally forbidden.

I probably have picked up some bad habits of my own, but I don’t see a problem countering what she says her Al-Anon sponsor says about our disagreements on parenting or time scheduling with the insights of the CCL team (the husband has who has a PhD in history) - with whom we had also discussed (along with his wife) some of the concerns abot this that came up prior to us even getting married.

Yes, we need professional marriage counseling, but as I mentioned in the OP, I’m getting strong hints that she is going to push to go with someone her T suggests instead of “a trained, credentialed, Catholic counselor”, and it’s one of the particualar things I’m seeking insight on how to swing my way. Actually, she said that even though her T also already knew I’d gotten a list of Catholic marriage counselors for us to consider. And again, meeting with our pastor at this point was her idea, as I’m still being told by her and her T that she’s not ready for marriage counseling yet. My biggest goal for the Friday meeting is to get an agreement that future joint counseling will be from a faithful Catholic perspective and for her to drop her persistent claim that I am being “unlike Christ” to set as (even long term) goals the Catholic presentation of marital roles - which are in turn generally the same specific things I’d asked her to work out with her counselor before I was willing to reset our wedding date.

Frankly, I’m not sure what to do with her therapist, in another of the conversations she recently had with just me on the phone when I called with some concerns about behavior patterns I was seeing as the meds kicked in, she suggested I needed to “take care of” my sexual frustrations on my own (though I hadn’t even made that request in weeks), despite knowing my wife and I are both strong Catholics opposed to that particular “solution”. I am seriously concerned my wife is being encouraged to demand concessions not compatable with her professed religious stance.
 
I know of the book you referred to in the Hermoine’s thread Is it detraction to reveal the sins of others. I have found it to be helpful , but as a faithful Catholic I do have to process it through my filter. You are right, that the Church is lacking on recourses for these situations, and frankly I find it extremely frustrating.

Not only because, it is such a HUGE problem, with statistics saying 1 in 4 woman have been sexually abused (some studies say 1 in 3 when unreported instances are taken into consideration). But also because when one is in the situation of being a survivor (or a partner), the silence and lack of support for the Church serves to increase our feelings of isolation, shame, and frustration. They care about the sinners, they care about those who have suffered through abortion or had a divorce, they care about the poor, and the sick … but we are the forgotten ones…the ones that no one will speak of. Left to our own to try to journey on this dark, painful and lonely road with no help except books written by lesbians that encourage our husbands to look at pornography and masturbate, while we struggle through our sexual issues (as well as numerous others). That encourage us to take care of our needs, not along with our loved ones, but at the expense of.

There was one monk with a beautiful soul, that was able and willing to help me, but I had to journey through many priests that were not only not helpful, but damaging. Most would get this terrified look on their face when they saw me, and it was apparant they would rather … cont.
 
perform any unpleasant task than deal with a soul like mine. I have been pawned off and referred to others by the ones who are supposed to care until I am blue in the face. They cannot hide their refief when I walk out of their office with a number to yet another “professional.” I like the one they sent me to that “transcended Catholiscm”, called my priest and told him I was a prophet.:rotfl: SHE needed a therapist! That one certainly blew up in their face. And you know what two years later, she is still the one they refer to survivors.:crying: I am scared for the ones who are more vulnerable, and less knowledgable in the Faith than I, that she may have spiritually hurt.

I understand that there are psychological issues that need to be treated by professionals, but the unique spiritual issues that are faced by those in our situation (as Catholics) are just as important, if not more so, and there is a gaping black hole where counsel, comfort and consolation should be.

I am sorry for ranting, Ray. But I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your frustration at the lack of Catholic resources for partners of survivors. But that many Catholic survivors feel the same way.

Here I go again …
I am so so glad that those who are hurting can get catholic priestly counsel to help them through the crisis times … “why did God take my child? Will he ever forgive me for my abortion?” There mother Church is, to sweep her wounded children into her arms, as we would expect from any good mother. But what about my questions, “where is God when a four yr old is being sodomized?” “Please, help me to allow God’s grace to bring these atrocities (that no one except those who have experienced it can EVER imagine!) to the good of my soul and His glory.” Where are you, Mother? How can I forgive someone for a wound that is perpetual, not only still hurting me, but my children and my husband as well, and will continue to do so?"

I am grateful for the graces God hads given me thus far on my journey. He has blessed me abundantly with a wisdom and healing that can only come from Him. Thank You, my sweet, beautiful, precious Jesus. But His Church has and is failing me (us). I will never leave, but I will continuously pray and fight for change. Another parishioner and I are considering starting a support group in our Church for survivors. As of now, when it comes to being a survivor, we are treated as pariahs, the unmentionables (adding insult to injury.) I understand that those in my predicament are “difficult”, but are we “too difficult” for Mother Church?

I am so sorry for ranting, Ray, but you know what? I feel alot better. Forgive me for hijacking your thread.

P.S. I did not intend to ignore the many men who are survivors of sexual abuse with thier unique areas of struggle. Their recourses are even less, even among the secular areas.
 
It is not a hijack at all.

If there were resources for the survivors, those would at least be a starting point for their supporters and partners to understanding what they are going through. Even in the current arrangement of things partners have fewer resources available geared just to them becasue they can effectively sponge off of the survivor oriented resources.

As far as bad advise on advisors, when I called my diosecean offices for resources near my area (I’m at a far corner of this diocese and the CatholicTherapists site had nobody close) the best they had were a handful of interfaith counseling centers where the very names were scary to me. I got the best recommendations from a good priest in the next closest diocese, who also knew someone personally in this diocese that he had a strong recommendation for (and is on the top of the list I’ve scratched together).

I have already been (under a pseudonym) involved in assembling lists of general resources for partners of survivors to try to help gather what was available together into one place. Like you, I’ve recently come to the realization that it looks like if there is going to be some sort of Catholic-oriented support group for survivors and partners, I might have to help get one off the ground. I think there are people capable of helping within the Church or the existing networks of reputable Catholic apostolates, but that the atmosphere of secrecy that comes along with abuse is hiding just how serious of a vaccuum the lack of Catholic support is.

To capitalize on the current “fad”, if someone of repute could put together a primer on the Theology of the Body aimed particularily at survivors and a discussion area to accompany it, we’d have a great starting place. However, the question is “who can help?” I wrote CCL asking for pointers to resources a day or two ago, and am sending a question to the “info” address at Christopher West’s site as well, but I’m wondering if its going to take some significant beating of the bushes - to get the resources (mental and fiscal) together to get such an outreach moving.
 
Beautiful, beautiful response Ana. You are exactly right about the Church having limited resources for us. I guess that’s why in my original response, I kept the “Catholic perspective” out of it, because I don’t know what the Catholic teaches us to do! Know what I mean?

Anyways, thank you for the well-worded response. It articulated my own thoughts and feelings so well… I just can’t ever explain myself that eloquently. 🙂

God Bless.
 
40.png
Ray_Scheel:
Yes, we need professional marriage counseling, but as I mentioned in the OP, I’m getting strong hints that she is going to push to go with someone her T suggests instead of “a trained, credentialed, Catholic counselor”, and it’s one of the particualar things I’m seeking insight on how to swing my way. Actually, she said that even though her T also already knew I’d gotten a list of Catholic marriage counselors for us to consider. And again, meeting with our pastor at this point was her idea, as I’m still being told by her and her T that she’s not ready for marriage counseling yet. My biggest goal for the Friday meeting is to get an agreement that future joint counseling will be from a faithful Catholic perspective and for her to drop her persistent claim that I am being “unlike Christ” to set as (even long term) goals the Catholic presentation of marital roles - which are in turn generally the same specific things I’d asked her to work out with her counselor before I was willing to reset our wedding date.

Frankly, I’m not sure what to do with her therapist, in another of the conversations she recently had with just me on the phone when I called with some concerns about behavior patterns I was seeing as the meds kicked in, she suggested I needed to “take care of” my sexual frustrations on my own (though I hadn’t even made that request in weeks), despite knowing my wife and I are both strong Catholics opposed to that particular “solution”. I am seriously concerned my wife is being encouraged to demand concessions not compatable with her professed religious stance.
Click to expand...
I would not at all compromise in being mutually agreeable to the selection the marriage counselor (if it goes that route). Otherwise you run the great risk of feeling railroaded into a corner, pressured to make concesions that compromise your beliefs, and more frustration. A suggestion to pre-screen the therapist on the phone with ample and discerning questions before attending the first marital session. Then, you always have the option to hold the therapist accountable if you feel that your beliefs and are not being honored.

As far as your wife’s therapist, any concerns over the impact of her intervention should really be only discussed with your wife. I would not waste your time talking to her. She sounds like she is not amenable to your thoughts, concerns or needs. Until your wife decides otherwise, she is your wife’s therapist.

My two cents.
 
Ray,
As a survivor, I understand the challenges you are facing in your marriage. From what I can see in your post, for some reason your wife sees her therapist as someone “safe” and you are a “threat.” Assuming her perspective is distorted, does not make it any less real to her. You somehow, in her mind, have become one of “them” (perpetrators, out to get her). You don’t need me to tell you how bad this is. Somehow she has got to see that you are not “them.” But how?

My husband and I have gone through many trials. Some because of my past SA, some not, but one area that has been affected deeply is our sexual intimacy.
I chuckled to myself (even though it is not funny) when I read about your wife’s charting, or lack therof … I used to do the same thing. I was so relieved when my fertile period came, because I was temporarily “safe.” Then I was on hostile territory again when my infertile period started. I remember the feeling of terror deep inside, though on the outside I would play the typical avoidance games.

I would be “busy” or try to wait him out until he fell asleep. Pick a fight right before bedtime. Be grateful when one of the kids were sick or had a bad dream, because then I had an excuse to sleep with them. I felt safe with them, because I could relax and not have to worry about a “hand touching me.” I could sleep deeply.

If he would even make the slightest comment (innocent) like, “maybe we could spend some time together tonight” … my blood would run cold, and I was seven … laying in bed staring at the crack under the door, alert to every movement or sound … waiting … in terror. I would tell myself over and over again … this is my husband I am safe, he is a good man I am safe, it is 2004, I am safe… but my intellect and my body was not in agreement. I was a scared child.

I used to give in to please my husband, but when he would see my fear, or be hurt because I would sob or throw up afterwards, he still wasn’t satisfied. He wanted to make love to me, not see me suffer. It seemed there was no way out of our predicament.

I am not sure why I am telling you this, this is not exactly what I intended to write when I began this post. It just seems necessary to give you some background before I begin addressing what worked for us, or possibly throw some ideas around with you as to what might be helpful for your situation. But I’m feeling a little vulnerable right now, because I have shared some personal information. I am going to go and watch a movie with my family, and breathe a little. Then finish my post later. I am sorry to have started and not finished. But it seems pretty long anyway.
 
there is an underlying issue here (and thank you to all survivors who were able to share their experience with this hurting couple) and this issue also keeps coming up on the NFP threads:

there is an assumption that seems to be universally accepted in our culture, and by Catholic men no matter how “liberal or conservative” their view of the faith. That assumption is that sex is supposed to be on tap, available 24/7 and that his sexual needs and desires trump everything else. If this assumption underlies the relationship, NFP won’t work because it will always be seen as a denial of a “right”.

somebody has to start teaching the truth to engaged couples, which is that it is a fact of life that there are many periods in a marriage when sex is not possible or advisable, not only because a pregnancy would be dangerous, but a host of other reasons. A crisis of physical or mental health on the part of either spouse is one of those times. Absence due to work, military service, care for sick parent, hospitalization of child, etc. are other such times. If the “rights” mentality underlies the view of sex in marriage, no matter how “understanding and patient” the husband is there will always be a feeling of resentment and deprivation.
the “rights” mentality also leads to manipulation and control issues, whether based on sex, money or other trigger points. If the underlying mentality in a marriage is “I have a right to it and you have to accede to my demands or face punishment” there will be endless conflicts. we need to get back to St. Paul and really study his teachings on love and marriage, begining with 1 Cor 13, and not leaving out or misinterpreting, “Wives be subject to your husbands, husbands love your wives, be servants to each other”
 
Ana,
Thank you for sharing a bit of your story. It gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes, as I can see so much of my own experiences in yours. You are so wonderfully brave to be able to speak about this stuff. It is so hard to do.

PuzzleAnnie,
Thank you for the beautiful reminder of what the marital act should be – a privilege, not a “right”. You are very wise to make that distinction.

God Bless you both.
 
I used to tell my husband that he needed to stop all advances, indefinately. That I was not able to have sex with him at this time. I needed to assure him that it was not because I did NOT want to have sex with him, but because I DID. At first he didn’t believe me, and we had many false starts. I say false because, even if he didn’t aggressively make advances towards me, he would passively express his dissatisfaction, by a long look, drawn out sighs and “poor me” comments. These were nothing more than passive agressive advances.

When the period of abstinance would begin and I would begin to trust that he was not going to try to force unwanted sexual intimacy, deep deep within me, I would feel a shift. A going from NO!! NO!! To … hmmm … well maybe … then he would say something or touch me, and I was back at square one, terrified, adrenalin pumped ready to defend myself from “them.”

But I learned something, if I am not busy “fending him off”, that deep within myself there WERE sexual desires. This gave him and I hope. But I needed time to allow my own desires to awaken. Time that would allow my protective walls to come down so that I could feel something other than terror, nausea or disgust with the idea of sexual contact.

He needed to wait (with NO pressure from him) until I came to him. He needed to be patient as I relearned to have a sexual relationship without any of the negative associations that would trigger an automatic reaction of shame, self-loathing, disgust and terror.

Whether this happened or not rested solely on my husbands willingness to cooperate and WILLINGLY abstain. It took some time for my husband to understand, and honestly I think he began without understanding. But things had gotten so bad, I think he was willing to try anything or had just given up.

He needed to take a risk, let go and trust. But thanks to his willingness to show me that he LOVED ME ENOUGH TO NOT DEMAND SEX, I was given the freedom to learn that I did want to, not that I HAD to. His love for me, proved to me without a doubt, he was not like “them.”

As a Catholic, my husband did not have recourse to the suggestion given by the secular world which is to masturbate or self-gratify, instead of self-sacrifice. His calling was a higher one, and he was given the grace to do so, but it was not easy for him. Our reward has been great, being a sex life that is MUTUALLY gratifying.

I still have “crisis times” when something will trigger old feelings. But because of his love and understanding they are of shorter duration.

I left out some things for the sake of brevity, but overall this cross has been used by God to strengthen and make our marriage more beautiful. I can honestly say we have a better and stronger love BECAUSE of our trials. What Satan intended to use to destroy our marriage, Christ used that very instrument to bless us and bring our marriage and sexual union to unimaginable heights. If it were not for my past SA, I truly believe we would be stuck with LESS than what we have now. My husband and I feel our marriage has been blessed through this trial as miraculous as it is.
 
40.png
puzzleannie:
there is an assumption that seems to be universally accepted in our culture, and by Catholic men no matter how “liberal or conservative” their view of the faith. That assumption is that sex is supposed to be on tap, available 24/7 and that his sexual needs and desires trump everything else. If this assumption underlies the relationship, NFP won’t work because it will always be seen as a denial of a “right”.
Click to expand...
You hit the nail on the head. During the worst parts of our trial, my husband inadvertantly shot himself in the foot with this attitude. As you stated there are many reasons that a couple MUST abstain for the health of thier marriage. A woman’s fear of or discomfort of sex, is just as valid as a husbands military leave or any of the other reasons you stated.

Now I will state, that a spouse does have an obligation to pursue any avenues available to her to be able to be more healthy. An “oh well … deal with it” attitude by her, is only going to make things worse. I had to constantly reassure my husband that I wanted a healthy sexual relationship as much as he did.

I wonder how some husbands would feel if the only way they could have sex involved excruciating pain, if the wives said, “oh well, sorry it causes you so much pain, but what about MY needs. I don’t care if it makes you bleed, you still need to have sex with me!” Or constantly made them feel guilty for something they couldn’t help.
 
40.png
Ray_Scheel:
To capitalize on the current “fad”, if someone of repute could put together a primer on the Theology of the Body aimed particularily at survivors and a discussion area to accompany it, we’d have a great starting place. However, the question is “who can help?” I wrote CCL asking for pointers to resources a day or two ago, and am sending a question to the “info” address at Christopher West’s site as well, but I’m wondering if its going to take some significant beating of the bushes - to get the resources (mental and fiscal) together to get such an outreach moving.
Click to expand...
I think a primer on the Theology of the Body aimed at survivors and partners, would be incredible. A dream come true.🙂 But I do hope this magnificant work written by our Holy Father, is considered as more than a fad.

As for beating the bushes, I’ve got some sticks if you’d like some help.😉
 
Ana:

Thank you for what you have shared. I know that took a lot of courage, and gives me considerable hope…

Is there a possibilty your husband might be willing to help “coach” me off-list on how he managed that attitude and particular snags he ran into that I might also need help seeing so as to avoid them?
 
I will certainly ask him, and may the grace of God be with you and your wife during your appointment today.
 
I called it a fad only because it has just recently blazed into popularity and “popular” conversation in Catholic circles. I’d never heard of it until a year ago, now the “Theology of the Body” seems to be everywhere, and it wasn’t like I’d not gone looing for the Catholic take on the issue before. I read Sheen’s “Three to Get Married” and the relevant encyclials before I even proposed, years ago. I’m listening to the Chris West ToB CDs now, using headphones whether at work or the house.

On beating the bushes, to give my “fix-it” streak something to do yesterday (yes, I know I have one, and I know its a strong trait, and that its not usually a good thing), I sent a short email message requesting that sort of resource to every email address I could find of possibly helpful Catholic organization, apostolate, and popular writers/speakers that include those topics in their typical focus, probably about 25-30 email addresses all told. On actually establishing a support area, ideas on what is needed would be welcome. A moderatable forum seems like a “must have”, as would be an effort to develop collaborative articles on both general and specific issues. I’ve got the technical know-how to put a site together, the lack of leadership resources who have BTDT and are willing to talk about it is still the big hole I’m seeing.

And the appointment went well, all in all. Thank you for the prayers. Fr. did a good job of trying to separate out the issues. Tonight we are going to my parents place to get the kids and will stay there a couple of nights as there is a showing of the movie Therese near there that we want to see.
 
Out of necessity I have done quite a bit of research on the long term effects of SA. I know of many articles that would be helpful, both general as well as specific. When dealing with SA, so many different areas need to be addressed, it can be overwhelming. From PTSD, to dissociation, to self harm (passive and aggressive), eating disorders, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, flashbacks, sexual dysfunction to just get started. I have found positive coping skills to be essential in living a more productive and fulfilling life. A link to articles concerning these issues, I would think would be essential on any SA site.

You’ve got your work cut out for you. If I can help in any way, please let me know… except technical things … I am lost there.:o

What does BTDT mean?

Enjoy your weekend at your parents.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top