Thank you for suggesting
divorcebusters.com. I would really love to get started on that, but to be honest, I am not financially capable of doing so. I have read the information and it seems that it will be very helpfull, but like I said, I am not financially capable of doing so at this time. This is what happened:
My wife gets upset because to her love does not exist anymore and because of the fact that I have dissapointed her. The reason why my marriage is in the state that it is, is because I took her for granted. I did not give her the place and the respect she deserved for being my wife. I humiliated her and treated her badly. I never hit her, but we have gotten into some pretty heated arguements. Basically, all the pain that she carries with her is emotional and phsycological. I have offered for us to go to a marriage counselor, but she declines because she feels that she does not need that. She reminded me that in the past she wanted me to do something about our marriage, I just ignored her. Now that she does not care, she does not want anything anymore. Because of the circumstances that I have put her thru, she has become more cold and feels brave enough to face the world on her own, she has told me that she does not need me for anything and she can survive with out me. It is like our situation has made her a more hardened person. She has told me that what goes around comes around, and I will pay for the consequences of what I have planted in our marriage. She beleives that everything someone does will be paid for before we die. I have asked her if this is some sort of vengence she is doing, but she says that she does not want vengence, but I will pay for what I have done. I have prayed to God, and cried, and let Him know that things are different with me, He can see my heart and see that my feelings toward her are pure and not deceitfull. I have shown her that I have changed greatly. Believe me, I am a totally different person now, but she does not want to open her heart to me for fear of being hurt all over again. I mean these things that she has told me have not been recently, but this is what she has told me since last October until about a month ago. Despite everything that she has told me, I still want to fight for my marriage, I want to win her love again. Tuesday she told me that she tries to come close to me and try to show some affection, but the negative feelings she has within her makes her reject me. This whole situation is killing me inside. She has told me before that when i was living with out a care in the world about our marriage, she prayed for me a lot. She prayed for me to change and open my heart for her. But now that it has happened, everything has become topsy turvey for me. Im in the same boat she was before my change. I talked to a priest before about the situation, what he told me is that in the same manner that she has suffered for sometime because of my actions, he feels that it is only fair for me to go thru those troubled waters until the day comes that things will be better. I am trying to be patient, but this whole situation is tearing me. I cry when I leave work, I get home and Im still crying. I have prayed for our Lord to have mercy on me and to save my marriage from the situation that it is in. I have started praying to my wife’s guardian angel like a Jules suggested. I don’t want my marriage to be another statistic, I don’t wish to ruin the lives of our 3 beautiful children with a divorce. I want to keep fighting. I have faith in God, I know that things will turn out better, it’s just that it seems so bleak at times. My wife told me that I can’t force things to be back to the way they were before, I have to give it time.
