Marriage status advice needed

[JPSimon]

I recently returned to the Catholic Church, but prior I was married outside the church under a justice of peace to a non-believer and we have a 1 year old son.

Presently my wife is very resistant to raising our son as Catholic, and to attending church. I attend church and confession on weekdays.

I would like to be obedient to church doctrine, but I don’t know what I can do in my circumstances. Should I stop receiving communion? If so how can I resume this precious sacrament?

Thank you
JPS

 

[George_Stegmeir]

Your best course of action would be to go to any Catholic Rectory and ask to see a priest. Outline your problem to him, just as you have done here. In fact, why not take a print out of your inquiry.
You will get a much better and more definitive answer than you can get on the internet.
G*d Bless!

 

[jmr_1985]

JPSimon,

Welcome back home to the Church! You are responding to God’s Grace in your life and He will help you. Do not discourage.

Before reading my post, as a disclaimer, I am not a cannon lawyer. I am just an ordinary layman. As the previous poster noted, the best thing to do is setup a meeting with a Priest to help you.

Regarding your marriage, as you now know, as a Catholic, you were bound to either marry in the Church or receive permission to marry outside of the Church. Because you married outside of the Church without permission, you need to have your marriage situation corrected before you can receive the sacraments. Therefore, you are correct that you should reframe from receiving the sacraments until you have your situation worked out.

If neither you nor your wife were previously married, it is generally easy to accomplish this. The easiest way is having your marriage co-validated. To do this, you and your wife would simply restate your vows in the Church.

If your wife is unwilling to do this, which seems like the case, there is another potential option known as a radical sanation. Basically, you ask the Bishop retroactively for permission to marry outside of the Church and your previous marriage outside of the Church is then retroactively recognized.

Here is an excellent article on it that the CAF staff did to a question from a woman in a similar situation:
catholic.com/quickquestions/what-can-i-do-about-my-invalid-marriage

As the article notes, it may be possible to go through a radical sanation without your wife’s knowledge in an extreme situation:

If your spouse would have an extremely bad reaction to the sanation procedure, then, for the sake of domestic peace, he would not need to be told about it: “A sanation can be granted validly even when one or both of the parties are unaware of it, but it is not to be granted except for serious reason” (CIC 1164). The extreme reaction of your spouse could count as the serious reason needed for this.

There is also the possibility that you may be able to return to the sacraments if you live as “brother and sister” with your wife until your marriage situation is resolved. Basically, you stop conjugal relations until your marriage is corrected. This is, however, something that you need to clear with your Parish Priest.

As for dealing with your wife, when someone becomes religious, it can often make a spouse feel like they are in competition with God. If you show your wife the love of Christ, it will help abundantly. The best thing you can do is love your wife more than you ever have before. I recommend you start meeting your Sunday Mass obligation either at the Saturday vigil or at whatever Sunday Mass is the least intrusive to your home situation. If she won’t let you take your son, go alone until she relents. If she complains about it, say, “Its only for one hour, once a week, and you don’t have to come with me.” Just turn it into something that you do. Overtime, she will adjust.

I’m sure your parish Priest will be able to help you much more. I also highly recommend a Novena to the Virgin Mary Undoer of Knots. theholyrosary.org/maryundoerknots

I will pray for you.

JMR

 

[JPSimon]

JPSimon,

Welcome back home to the Church! You are responding to God’s Grace in your life and He will help you. Do not discourage.

Before reading my post, as a disclaimer, I am not a cannon lawyer. I am just an ordinary layman. As the previous poster noted, the best thing to do is setup a meeting with a Priest to help you.

Regarding your marriage, as you now know, as a Catholic, you were bound to either marry in the Church or receive permission to marry outside of the Church. Because you married outside of the Church without permission, you need to have your marriage situation corrected before you can receive the sacraments. Therefore, you are correct that you should reframe from receiving the sacraments until you have your situation worked out.

If neither you nor your wife were previously married, it is generally easy to accomplish this. The easiest way is having your marriage co-validated. To do this, you and your wife would simply restate your vows in the Church.

If your wife is unwilling to do this, which seems like the case, there is another potential option known as a radical sanation. Basically, you ask the Bishop retroactively for permission to marry outside of the Church and your previous marriage outside of the Church is then retroactively recognized.

Here is an excellent article on it that the CAF staff did to a question from a woman in a similar situation:
catholic.com/quickquestions/what-can-i-do-about-my-invalid-marriage

As the article notes, it may be possible to go through a radical sanation without your wife’s knowledge in an extreme situation:

There is also the possibility that you may be able to return to the sacraments if you live as “brother and sister” with your wife until your marriage situation is resolved. Basically, you stop conjugal relations until your marriage is corrected. This is, however, something that you need to clear with your Parish Priest.

As for dealing with your wife, when someone becomes religious, it can often make a spouse feel like they are in competition with God. If you show your wife the love of Christ, it will help abundantly. The best thing you can do is love your wife more than you ever have before. I recommend you start meeting your Sunday Mass obligation either at the Saturday vigil or at whatever Sunday Mass is the least intrusive to your home situation. If she won’t let you take your son, go alone until she relents. If she complains about it, say, “Its only for one hour, once a week, and you don’t have to come with me.” Just turn it into something that you do. Overtime, she will adjust.

I’m sure your parish Priest will be able to help you much more. I also highly recommend a Novena to the Virgin Mary Undoer of Knots. theholyrosary.org/maryundoerknots

I will pray for you.

JMR

God bless you for this beautiful and eloquent response.

I have never been happier to be a Catholic, but as my renewed faith grows so does my conscience and I have recently learned of how the marital state can make one unworthy of communion, which grieves me all the more for ever falling away.

I will definitely talk to a priest ASAP, and I am exceedingly grateful for your explanation and encouragement.

Love in Christ,
JPS

 

[SuperLuigi]

God bless you for this beautiful and eloquent response.

I have never been happier to be a Catholic, but as my renewed faith grows so does my conscience and I have recently learned of how the marital state can make one unworthy of communion, which grieves me all the more for ever falling away.

I will definitely talk to a priest ASAP, and I am exceedingly grateful for your explanation and encouragement.

Love in Christ,
JPS

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

I recently returned to the Catholic Church, but prior I was married outside the church under a justice of peace to a non-believer and we have a 1 year old son.

If you were baptized Catholic, this situation is easily remedied since you did not marry in Catholic form and your prior marriage would not be assumed valid (I’m also assuming you have no other prior marriages, and your current wife was not previously married). You would have a lack of form case, which is often handled rather quickly.

You can follow the advice of others regarding convalidation (simple or radical).

Presently my wife is very resistant to raising our son as Catholic, and to attending church. I attend church and confession on weekdays.

You should speak to your pastor regarding your obligations as a Catholic. It should be noted that attend Mass on weekdays does not fulfill your Mass attendence obligation.

 

[OraLabora]

If you were baptized Catholic, this situation is easily remedied since you did not marry in Catholic form and your prior marriage would not be assumed valid (I’m also assuming you have no other prior marriages, and your current wife was not previously married). You would have a lack of form case, which is often handled rather quickly.

You can follow the advice of others regarding convalidation (simple or radical).

You should speak to your pastor regarding your obligations as a Catholic. It should be noted that attend Mass on weekdays does not fulfill your Mass attendence obligation.

The problem in his case is that if his non-believing wife is not baptized, then their marriage cannot ever be sacramental. If she is baptized, even though a non-believer he would be able to convalidate the marriage. However that requires his wife’s participation. If she won’t then radical sanation would be an option. But if she’s not baptized, then it’s a bit more complex. A baptized Catholic may marry a non-baptized person with proper dispensation; it would be a valid natural marriage but not a sacramental one. It would become sacramental once the non-baptized spouse is baptized.

We don’t really have enough information here to offer advice. His best bet is to schedule a visit with his parish priest.

 

[jmr_1985]

JPSimon,
You are in my prayers. Hope you have had some success with your marriage situation.

JMR

 

[JPSimon]

Thank you, all, for your great advice and insights.

I’m sorry I did not provide more detail.

I did talk to my priest, and another priest who is a friend of mine, and knowing the details of my difficult situation they each encouraged me to receive the eucarist as it is sustaining me spiritually through my troubles.

Thank you for your prayers. I have faith that God will continue to lead me to him and provide me with the grace I need along the way.

Love in Christ,
JPSimon

 

[AClaire11]

If you were baptized Catholic, this situation is easily remedied since you did not marry in Catholic form and your prior marriage would not be assumed valid (I’m also assuming you have no other prior marriages, and your current wife was not previously married). You would have a lack of form case, which is often handled rather quickly.

You can follow the advice of others regarding convalidation (simple or radical).

You should speak to your pastor regarding your obligations as a Catholic. It should be noted that attend Mass on weekdays does not fulfill your Mass attendence obligation.

I believe this marriage is his first and only marriage. At least that is the impression I got. He is civilly married to a non-believer, they have a son, and she resents his attempts to begin raising his son as a Catholic.

OP, you should of course check with a priest, but generally if you confess your sins and abstain from sexual relations with your wife, you may receive Communion as you wait for your marriage to be convalidated. At least, that’s what our pastor told DH and me, and we attend a very orthodox parish.

 

[Marysann]

While it is true that a marriage between a baptized and a non-baptized person is not sacramental, it is still a valid marriage. It is called a natural marriage, but is is still a marriage nonetheless. If your wife were ever to be baptized, your marriage would automatically become a sacramental marriage without your having to do anything else. Your priest can explain everything to you. It is wonderful that you are coming back to the Church, and we want to welcome you, and help you as much as we can. You might enjoy reading Scott Hahn’s book “Rome Sweet Home.” He is a convert, not a revert, but he tells how he loved his wife into the Church. Welcome home!