Marriage Testimonies?

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SoldierOfGod

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I’m hoping to get married one day, and I need a little help wrapping my head around how to prepare to get there. I pray for my future spouse every week, I’m heading back to college to prepare for a career that can support myself and someone else in the future (occupational therapy), and I am intent on being a fully active, Catholic husband and father when the time comes. Thing is, I haven’t grown up in the best atmosphere to learn how to prepare better. And I also wrestle frequently with trying to put business before pleasure (hobbies and idle computer time mostly).
  1. Do any couples have tips on how to better prioritize as a single man intent on marrying one day?
  2. What else should I do to prepare to marry? I’m not looking for a single, “golden ticket” answer; just simple advice from committed and holy spouses so I can do rightly by my girlfriend when the time comes, so we can both lay down a stronger foundation for a married life.
 
Study hard, stay involved in your parish. and do your best not to accumulate debt.
 
SoldierOfGod said:
I’m hoping to get married one day, and I need a little help wrapping my head around how to prepare to get there. I pray for my future spouse every week, I’m heading back to college to prepare for a career that can support myself and someone else in the future (occupational therapy), and I am intent on being a fully active, Catholic husband and father when the time comes. Thing is, I haven’t grown up in the best atmosphere to learn how to prepare better. And I also wrestle frequently with trying to put business before pleasure (hobbies and idle computer time mostly).
  1. Do any couples have tips on how to better prioritize as a single man intent on marrying one day?
  2. What else should I do to prepare to marry? I’m not looking for a single, “golden ticket” answer; just simple advice from committed and holy spouses so I can do rightly by my girlfriend when the time comes, so we can both lay down a stronger foundation for a married life.
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I’m typing while sleep deprived, so if I’m totally off-the-wall here, please forgive me.

As crazy as it sounds, let me ask you two questions:
  1. Do you have or have you had a high-demand pet? (Aka dog/cat/lizard/etc rather than a goldfish). Reason I ask - having a spouse and the assumed future children means daily care and feeding and cleaning up icky messes and behavior you don’t appreciate. There’s also obviously love, companionship, and laughter. A pet by no means is equivalent to a spouse!!! But knowing you can put another living creature ahead of your own needs, and provide care even when inconvenient or distasteful is a good skill to have.
  2. Do you, or have you, lived out on your own? No roommate. No family. Granted this can be a controversial or cultural issue. But, for me, imho, my spouse and I have had a much better marriage because we were both independent and knew who we were/what we liked and then chose to give that state up to create a dependent bond. I tell my kids that they need to be sure of who they are (own themselves) before they can then give themselves to another person. I hope I never have to live without my spouse - I love him dearly - and he feels the same. But we both know how to take out the trash, sew a button, earn income, pay bills, solve a problem, comparison shop, make dr appts, etc - all the stuff of daily life. We’ve divided it up over the years, of course, but it’s good to know that while I was bed-ridden during pregnancy, my hubby already knew how to completely run the house so I wasn’t burdened with that. Ditto for when he was laid-up after a surgery.
    We’re partners and when one of us is “down”, it’s good to know the other can support us in all ways. (Especially since we have several children). And while we adore each other’s company, we still have our own interests and hobbies that we can go do on our own. We’re not staying together out of loneliness or neediness, in other words.
Again - I’m sure many, many people have never had a pet or lived independently, but had long, happy, successful marriages 👍

I’m just looking at the practical aspects of what’s been helpful to my spouse and I (18yrs married) and how we learned it.

Best wishes!
 
All you have to do is marry the person you truly love.
Everything else falls into place.

You made a very commendable post.
God bless you and your future family.
 
Sadly we don’t live in a perfect world, things go wrong,
the best advise I could give is, study hard , learn how Money operates ,
How do you spend it, how best to Make it,and how best to keep it,
Money is like water, it Evaporates before your eyes,
When it comes to finding the love of your life,
Don’t look for it, it generly comes all by itself,just be yourself,hang around positive successful people, have a smile,be humble, try to become part of your parish community,
Some have youth groups, choirs ,get involved,
 
pianistclare said:
Study hard, stay involved in your parish. and do your best not to accumulate debt.
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Yes. I think practicing fiscal responsibility is a great way to learn maturity and responsibility that will help you and your family, plus then you can start off in a good place. Live on a budget within your means, pay your bills on time, and learn how to do some simple household stuff if you don’t already: cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. Get into a habit of picking up after yourself if you don’t already, even if you live alone so you “don’t have to.”

That doesn’t mean you can’t have money set aside for having fun, but knowing about your money and where it’s going is very, very valuable.

Take good care of your physical health. Maintain good hygiene (showering, brushing your teeth, wearing and washing clothes that fit you, hair management). Those things also help you attract a spouse, by the way. 😉 Find some form of regular exercise that you enjoy if you don’t already have something.

Stay involved with your parish. Volunteer. Go to Mass. Pray for your future spouse.
 
I’m probably not the ideal one to advise you; I was married for five years, now divorced for 12. But I will echo the others who said to watch your finances. Don’t go into debt unless it’s for a college degree or a house. Have an emergency fund. And start saving for retirement early.
 
chris62 said:
All you have to do is marry the person you truly love.
Everything else falls into place.

You made a very commendable post.
God bless you and your future family.
Click to expand...
Considering the long-distance relationship I’m in helps me better understand how to really love, rather than just get used to physical intimacy, I’m learning slowly how to better move toward loving her fully. Thanks for the support!
 
SoldierOfGod said:
I’m hoping to get married one day, and I need a little help wrapping my head around how to prepare to get there. I pray for my future spouse every week, I’m heading back to college to prepare for a career that can support myself and someone else in the future (occupational therapy), and I am intent on being a fully active, Catholic husband and father when the time comes. Thing is, I haven’t grown up in the best atmosphere to learn how to prepare better. And I also wrestle frequently with trying to put business before pleasure (hobbies and idle computer time mostly).
  1. Do any couples have tips on how to better prioritize as a single man intent on marrying one day?
  2. What else should I do to prepare to marry? I’m not looking for a single, “golden ticket” answer; just simple advice from committed and holy spouses so I can do rightly by my girlfriend when the time comes, so we can both lay down a stronger foundation for a married life.
Click to expand...
SoldierOfGod said:
I’m hoping to get married one day, and I need a little help wrapping my head around how to prepare to get there. I pray for my future spouse every week, I’m heading back to college to prepare for a career that can support myself and someone else in the future (occupational therapy), and I am intent on being a fully active, Catholic husband and father when the time comes. Thing is, I haven’t grown up in the best atmosphere to learn how to prepare better. And I also wrestle frequently with trying to put business before pleasure (hobbies and idle computer time mostly).
  1. Do any couples have tips on how to better prioritize as a single man intent on marrying one day?
  2. What else should I do to prepare to marry? I’m not looking for a single, “golden ticket” answer; just simple advice from committed and holy spouses so I can do rightly by my girlfriend when the time comes, so we can both lay down a stronger foundation for a married life.
Click to expand...
Financially:
  1. Complete College
  2. Pay off debt as quickly as possible.
  3. Live Alone
  4. Have at least two productive hobbies and do them every day (Biking, Foreign Language,Reading)
Career:
  1. Learn how to negotiate.
  2. Pick a tangible skill
Faith:
  1. Prayer and meditation
  2. Find strong male friends
Romance:
  1. Get involved in several co-ed social circles.
  2. Once established in the circles, go on many casual dates with different types of women. It is entirely permissible to go on dates with more than one woman at a time.
  3. Do not rush, and do not enter an exclusive relationship unless you strongly feel she is marriage material and you have gone on at least 10 dates.
  4. Strong red flags mean the relationship is over. Do not try to fix anybody.
  5. Did I mention do not rush? You’re a man. Time is on your side.
 
As I was coming along I found it important to concentrate on myself. When I was in high school and college I made it a point not to get into a serious relationship. I did date, but it was not with the intentions of finding a spouse. Between undergrad and graduate school I did fall in love and got into a deep relationship. It did not work out. After graduation I found a job, made money and did some traveling. I eventually fell in love again, got married and started a family. I was 27 when I got married and 30 when our first child came along.

I have a friend from school get married to a college GF not long after graduation. They started a family and they are still going. They have a child that is not 1 yet.

Most importantly, stay connected to God and His Church.
 
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