Marriage to a non-Catholic?

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thechickenman

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I know the answer will be something like… Talk to your Priest… but I’d like to have some idea of were I stand before doing that. 😉

I’m a Catholic, in South Carolina (Charlestion Diocese). At the beginning of next year, will be moving up to Pennsylvania… and I’m engaged to a Messianic girl in New York. First, the wedding will be in New York (NY Archdiocese)… likely around October 2006.
  1. How wiould things work, with me being near Altoona, PA and she in NY. Where do we do the pre-marital classes… how do I find a priest to celebrate?
  2. Mass would not be said at the wedding- there is a real possibility that I will be the only Catholic at our wedding. I’m assuming this is possibile?
  3. She’s not the most enthusastic about being married in a Catholic church- she wants it done by her own pastor. What are my options in this?
THanks for any insight.
 
Another one… I was told I needed permission from a Bishop to even marry a non-Catholic… any truth in that statement?
 
Another one… I was told I needed permission from a Bishop to even marry a non-Catholic… any truth in that statement?
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Depends on whether or not its a dispensation for “disparity of cult” or “disparity of religion”. If the non-catholic is an Episcopalian or a Lutheran, only the parish priest’s permission is needed. If the non-catholic is a Hindu or a Jew, the bishop’s o.k. is needed.

Other protestants? Ask the priest , the info he has available will tell him what permission you need, based on the bride’s denomination.
 
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thechickenman:
  1. She’s not the most enthusastic about being married in a Catholic church- she wants it done by her own pastor. What are my options in this?
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This part of your post stands out most to me. If I were you, I’d insist upon some kind of marriage prep counseling (which you’ll have to have to be married in the Church). Do you have the religious issues worked out? If you want to attend Mass and raise your children Catholic, would your fiance object? Maybe I’m reading too much into her wanting to be married by her own pastor and not a priest, but I just want you both to make sure your prepared for married life.

I don’t mean to be a downer, but it’ll be much easier for you to work out any issues before you get married than after.
 
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Kielbasi:
Depends on whether or not its a dispensation for “disparity of cult” or “disparity of religion”. If the non-catholic is an Episcopalian or a Lutheran, only the parish priest’s permission is needed. If the non-catholic is a Hindu or a Jew, the bishop’s o.k. is needed.

Other protestants? Ask the priest , the info he has available will tell him what permission you need, based on the bride’s denomination.
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Due to some strange circumstances, she can claim membership in both the United Methodist, and Mennonite denominations.

I wouldn’t have ever dated a non-Christian… but I never thought getting involved with a non-Catholic Christian would be really problematic.
 
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aurora77:
This part of your post stands out most to me. If I were you, I’d insist upon some kind of marriage prep counseling (which you’ll have to have to be married in the Church). Do you have the religious issues worked out? If you want to attend Mass and raise your children Catholic, would your fiance object? Maybe I’m reading too much into her wanting to be married by her own pastor and not a priest, but I just want you both to make sure your prepared for married life.

I don’t mean to be a downer, but it’ll be much easier for you to work out any issues before you get married than after.
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Well, her pastor is also a personal friend of hers- she has done a lot of work into getting that church functioning- lots of sweat gone into that place. (I’ll admit, I’ve put a little of my own into the place, though not a twentieth of what she has.)

We’ve actually discussed the issue of children, and have basically come to the consensous that we will be doing lots of running around. Since the Mennonite church she is in operates as Messianic, thier services are on Friday evenings… and then Mass on Sunday or Saturday night. Not the most ideal situation, but with effort, it can work. We’ve also come to the agreement that the children WILL make thier Sacraments as Catholics, but will be exposed to thier mother’s church as well.

We;re just more in the discussion of the actual ceremony. Due to the geography involved, we would be facing the situation of basically grabbing a Priest to preform the ceremony that neither of us knows (Since I would be registered in Altoona, PA diocese, and she wants the ceremony to be near her parents in the Hudson Valley, NY…) So, in addition to just picking a priest we don’t know, we also would be facing a church we don’t know… and then she wants her own pastor to be involved (Idealiy she wants Pastor George to perform the ceremony… but… I think the Church would not allow that much…)
 
Due to some strange circumstances, she can claim membership in both the United Methodist, and Mennonite denominations.
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That’s the kind of information the priest needs to determine the kind of dispensation you’ll need, whether or not he can grant it himself or if he has to refer it to the bishop.

Sounds complex, the priest might have to dust off his books of canon law in his office for you.
 
There are serious issues to be considered in a mixed marriage. The problems you will have because you are catholic and she is not is exponential, God set marriage up a certain way for a reason. Trust me I know. My suggestion is you have a long talk with her about the importance of your being catholic, which means you may need to deepen your own faith. If she really loves you, she’ll convert…knowing how your faith comes first, before people, places or things. Otherwise I would tell you to find a new bride.

peace and love

read what the church says about mixed marriage
 
I pray that everything works out for you, it is definately a question to ask your priest.

Now, just my humble opinion not pertaining to your situation, I personally could never get involved with someone that wasn’t a Catholic or who wouldn’t convert. To me, it is Catholic or bust. I just couldn’t stand having to compromise even a bit on the religious upbringing of children or anything else for that matter. I don’t mind going to the religious services of my friends (just to see how they tick) as long as it doesn’t conflict with Mass, but that is about it.
 
I don’t know what sect “Messianic” is but I am guessing it is not Catholic, but possibly Christian. You will need a dispensation from your bishop to marry a non-Catholic. The wedding should be in the parish in which either the bride or groom resides, if it is elsewhere you will also need permission for that, especially if it is outside your diocese.

If a non-Catholic clergymen takes any part in the ceremony or if it is to take place in a location other than a Catholic Church, there must be a very good reason and these also require a dispensation. None of these dispensations are a slam-dunk so you better consult your pastor now to get things in motion. As a general rule, arrangements should be made no later than 6 months before the planned wedding date, longer if there may be situations that might cause a delay.

The Catholic partner must formally agree to baptize and raise the children of the marriage as Catholic. The non-Catholic partner must signify that they understand this agreement is binding upon the Catholic partner, and further signify that they understand that all the laws of the Catholic Church, including openess to life of every marital act, are binding on the Catholic partner.

Wherever you marry you will required to attend some form of pre-marriage classes and counselling, possibly including a Foccus inventory, which is intended to raise and encourage discussion of important issues that impact marriage such as children, finances etc. After making arrangements with the pastor of the Church where the wedding will be you can probably take this instruction anywhere convenient for both of you, but you should do it together or the whole point is lost. You should also schedule NFP classes, which obviously have to be taken together.

A nuptial Mass is discouraged for mixed marriages, in part because many of the guests will not be able to share in communion. It is never required in any case.

Please also consider pastoral counselling for yourself on the difficulties that will arise in marriage united with a person who not only does not share your faith but disparages it. If your fiancee objects to any of the conditions which bind you, as a Catholic, and refuses to abide by them, then you really need counselling, because this probably would render the marriage invalid from the start.
 
I thought I saw on here somewhere where a Catholic could get a dispensation to be married in a Protestant church - where it would still be considered a valid marriage. Perhaps that would work in your situation???
 
Puzzleannie you are playing loos with the facts. when you say, “The Catholic partner must formally agree to baptize and raise the children of the marriage as Catholic. The non-Catholic partner must signify that they understand this agreement is binding upon the Catholic partner, and further signify that they understand that all the laws of the Catholic Church, including openess to life of every marital act, are binding on the Catholic partner.”

The Catholic partner promises to “do all in his power” to baptize and raise all children Catholic. The non-Catholic is made aware of this promise but it in no way takes away the non-Catholic party’s rights as a parent to raise their child non-Catholic. You have to agree and this promise clearly forces that discussion so we don’t have a couple say ion 5 years I never knew that the kids were going to be Catholic?

Puzz it is 2005 and things have changed . You are right to warn him and I would not marry again to a non-Catholic. I love my wife of 12 years but I think we could both be happier married to others or single.

He needs to be careful that she understands EXACTLY what he wants to do and what will her reaction be. Take a week or a month or 6 months to show her will you do adoration, monthly Knights of Columbus meetings, daily Mass during Lent, weekly or monthly confession. Make sure she knows what you want to do with YOUR faith before you get married. If she is not going to try and monopolize your time to be with HER and not the parish you might make it work. Since she is faithful you can pray together and serve the community through Haibitat for Humanity etc.

When you have kids and they have to attend two churches make sure you and wifey do to. Afterall you too brought the scenario together why should one or both of you get out of going twice if the kids don’t?

Good luck. Keep trying to find the orthodox way to be a Catholic in a mixed marriage. Puzz is right to warn but she must limit her advice to the current rules and not pretend that it is still 1950. A promise is a promise but “all in my power” does limit that promise whether the ultratraditionalist like it or not.
 
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Kielbasi:
Depends on whether or not its a dispensation for “disparity of cult” or “disparity of religion”. If the non-catholic is an Episcopalian or a Lutheran, only the parish priest’s permission is needed. If the non-catholic is a Hindu or a Jew, the bishop’s o.k. is needed.
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This is incorrect in part and should be clarified.

When the non Catholic party is unbaptized, dispensation from disparity of cult is required for a valid marriage (c. 1086). It may be given by a local ordinary, usually the diocesan bishop comes to mind, but the Vicar General could also give it. Others may be delegated the power to give the dispensation. Rather than “disparity of religion,” one normally sees “disparity of cult” or “disparity of worship” today however.

When the non Catholic party is a baptized non Catholic, a permission for mixed religion rather than a true dispensation is required. The marriage, lacking permission, would be illicit but not invalid. The permission may be given by the same authorities as above. See c. 1124. However, since it is not an impediment in the present code, it is not referenced as an impediment of mixed religion.

**However, if the parish priest has not been delegated for this purpose and is not also a local ordinary, he cannot grant the permission himself but must obtain it as above.

**As treated elsewhere the various promises and their communication to the non Catholic party are required before either the dispensation or permission is given (c 1125 et seq.).
 
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