Marriage to non catholic

[BlessedWithTwin]

Hi,

I was raised in the catholic faith, went to catholic school and grew to love the church. Sadly at the age of 13 I had a rough experience at school when my parents were divorced. My mom attended a parents day mass and was refused communion in front of the whole school which caused me quite a bit of scorn. In the confusion of the divorce and my mixed emotions my mom pulled me from catholic school and put me in a small public school. fast forward about 12 years, I have gone to mass off and on which I now regret.

I have a great overwhelming need to return to the church, it’s a literal calling, I can’t explain it. Five years ago I met a man and fell in love, we were married and now have toddler twins. We were not married in the church, my mom really discouraged me from doing so but I have been fighting the overwhelming urge to go back.

I have two amazing children and I know that I need to have my children brought up in the faith as I was.

My husband is not catholic, he’s native American and was never raised with any formal religion. He shows great interest in going to mass with me when I go. He was married and divorced when he was 18. His ex wife was deeply into drugs and alcohol which he was unaware of when they met. They only married because she conceived a child at 18, he joined the service to take care of the costs. She also conceived another child by a another man while they were married ( My husband was deployed for 6 months and when he returned she was 3 months along ). They were married by a justice of the peace and neither of them are or where christian.

I can’t go to church with an open heart knowing that I could be doing something wrong. I have gotten mixed answers regarding the need for an annulment. One priest told me yes because they were married even though they are not catholic. Another priest told me that he would not need an annulment because neither my husband or his ex wife were ever baptized in any church.

My family does not support me in this because they have steered so far from the church. Sadly they don’t even want me bringing my children into Christ’s church, which saddens and distances me from them.

I’m not entirely sure where to start. Any information you can provide me with would be wonderful. Many thanks.

 

[SalomeBintullah]

I’m pretty sure your husband doesn’t need an annulment if he and his ex-wife were married in a civil ceremony. I don’t think that civil marriages are considered to be valid by the Church. I may be wrong. I think you’ll have to get your own marriage validated by the Church though, since you’re Catholic and didn’t marry in the Church.

As for your family reacting negatively to your being drawn back to the Church - well, you’re an adult and this is the decision that you want to make. It’s really none of their business.

 

[Catholic1954]

Welcome Home! The Holy Spirit is calling you back to the Catholic Church! You certainly may attend Mass, if you wish, with your husband, if he is interested. Just skip communion for now, until you contact a priest and the marriage tribunal about the prior marriage. Your local parish will also give you information about the RCIA process and what you need to do to have the twins (cool!) baptized. Don’t worry about your mother, or any other family member, they will come around in time, and hopefully join you one day.

 

[1ke]

I can’t go to church with an open heart knowing that I could be doing something wrong.

It is NEVER wrong to go to Church. God is drawing you home. That is a wonderful thing.

Don’t be afraid to talk to the parish priest, or call the diocesan office that deals with annulments. Most dioceses have links right on their websites giving people info on the process.

I have gotten mixed answers regarding the need for an annulment. One priest told me yes because they were married even though they are not catholic. Another priest told me that he would not need an annulment because neither my husband or his ex wife were ever baptized in any church.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of misunderstanding or inaccurate information out there. I highly recommend you get the book Annulment: The Wedding That Was by Michael Smith Foster. This will help you and your husband understand the Church teaching on marriage and the nullity process-- what it is, and what it isn’t.

Your husband’s first marriage will indeed need to be examined. Marriage is not merely a Catholic institution, and the Church recognizes the marriages of the unbaptized as valid. That said, there *seem *to be several items that indicate this marriage may not have been valid: your husban’ds age, the pressure to marry due to pregnancy, possibly the short time they knew each other, and certainly the unknown drug/alcohol problems and quick affair. All of these seems to indicate possible issues with consent. This is what the tribunal investigates-- but I am only speculating, the full story must be investigated by the tribunal. Your husband’s ex will be given the opportunity to participate, but does not have to respond. Your husband does not have to contact his ex, the tribunal does all that.

Because both spouses were unbaptized, there may be other options as well, the Pauline Privilege for example if your husband wants to be baptized.

Bottom line, his first marriage does have to be examined by the Tribunal. The person telling you there is no need is plain wrong.

I suggest you and your husband make an appointment to talk to a priest together, and get the ball rolling. The Sacraments are waiting for you!!!

 

[1ke]

I’m pretty sure your husband doesn’t need an annulment if he and his ex-wife were married in a civil ceremony. I don’t think that civil marriages are considered to be valid by the Church.

This is not accurate. The Church recognizes the marriages of non-Catholic Christians, and the unbaptized, as valid-- including civil marriages.

Natural marriages between the unbaptized are valid.

I think you’ll have to get your own marriage validated by the Church though, since you’re Catholic and didn’t marry in the Church.

Yes, this is true. They would need to have their marriage convalidated if/when the husband’s first marriage is found to be invalid.

 

[SalomeBintullah]

This is not accurate. The Church recognizes the marriages of non-Catholic Christians, and the unbaptized, as valid-- including civil marriages.

Natural marriages between the unbaptized are valid.

Oh, okay. I wasn’t sure. Well, now I know.

 

[Kwashic]

All marriages are marriages…civil and otherwise. But a divorce is a divorce too. The church may refuse you annulment, just go and marry where you will be allowed to marry. The church hates divorce, because of Jesus’s standard for all Christians, but even He did say except in the case of adultery. No one, not even the church can judge you. We as the church made human agreements to try and save marriages as much as possible, to please our good Lord Jesus Christ. Which is good. But Jesus knew we would fail. Its no use keeping a man and woman in a sham of a marriage in the name of Jesus. In the end let God be the judge. A marriage like his ought to be annulled and your marriage to him go on.

Your family are like hypocrites, considering themselves clean and your children unclean. Why would anyone want to deny an innocent child access to God’s holy church? Its things like these that make people leave the RC Church. They need prayer. Take your children to church and ignore any unbelievers who allow the devil to pour scorn upon a child. i am embarrassed by such Catholics. By all means take your children to church, even if it means a different Catholic church. When the church starts judging its people and denying them this or that, the parishioners will go to other churches. And eventually they will leave the RC Church and go where they will be no weird stares and upturned noses.

Sorry that this post gives no useful information. But go with your heart for that’s where Christ’s calling begins… not from the mouths of people. Marry your man. Even if I were married in the RC, if i tried over and over and failed, I would get a divorce. Though it would be difficult to convince myself that i had tried hard enough if my wife had committed no adultery. You cant lie to yourself, for that would be lying to God. Inside you know there is no wrong in annulment and new marriage. In the end, let God be the judge, not the church. No matter where you look and how hard you think, you will never be 100% sure whether God will excuse you or allow you into heaven. After all, you are just a confused sinner like me and all else who will admit it…

May God giude you.

 

[Seatuck]

Blessed With Twins-

You can come back to church with an open heart. You were caught up in things beyond your control. This is understandable. You have a few details to work out but you are absolutely welcome back. Attend Mass any time you like and just refrain from receiving the Eucharist at this time.

I agree with 1ke. Go make an appointment with your parish priest or since you have gotten conflicting information call the Diocese so that things will be handled correctly and mistakes (which happen) will not be made.

Perhaps this website can help-

catholicscomehome.org/