Marriage to Non-Catholic

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Faith0333

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Hi I am new here but I need to know the answer to a concern of mine. I am a Roman Catholic. I am a firm believer in getting married in a church and raising my future children as Catholics. I met someone who I innocently fell in love with. He was initially raised a Baptist, however he drifted from religion and identifies as an Atheist. He claims “it is possible that there may be a god but I don’t believe there is one.”

I am not trying to convert him as he gets annoyed if I try force religion on him, but we want to get married and spend the rest of our lives together. However, I am worried that we can not do so in a catholic church because he is atheist.
He is willing to marry in a catholic church out of respect of my beliefs. It seems logical to expect that he must accept the blessing, but if he is a non-believer, how can he do this?Does this mean that our union will not be blessed before God?

Any information on this matter would be helpful, as well as anything you think I may need to be mindful of in the future.
 
You will need permission to marry a non-Catholic but it can certainly be done. If he is a baptized non-Catholic Christian, all you need is simple permission which the pastor can grant. If he is unbaptized (which some Baptist are for some reason) you will need dispensation from the Bishop. Again, the priest will handle this during marriage prep. In either case, marriage prep is required and the priest must be confident that marrying a non-Catholic will not endanger your faith.

There are challenges when there is not agreement on faith issues but not insurmountable ones if you are thorough in your preparation and honest with the priest.
 
Hello and Welcome to CA!
There are many threads on this topic all ready. If you have a look, there’s a lot of reading you can do with the thought provoking replies.
 
I am happily married to a non-Catholic, lapsed Methodist. We had several meetings with a priest and with an older Catholic couple to discuss the vocation of marriage and what we would be expected from our marriage. I would ask your boyfriend if he is comfortable discussing these things.
 
Focus on what comes after the wedding. How do you expect to raise your chidren in the Catholic faith with an atheist husband?

I think people oversimply this very serious issue. It is not a matter of compromise, this is not like deciding what color to paint the bedroom. Either there is a God or there isn’t. You cannot teach your children contradictory things. You will live in a house divided. You will never pray with your husband. You will never share your Catholic faith as a family. That is very serious. I highly advise against it. Marriage is difficult when you are on the same page about everything, something as major as this cannot be underestimated.

Can you marry an atheist in the Catholic Church? Yes.

Should you marry an atheist? I would say no. It is dangerous to your faith and that of your future children. You have a grave responsibility to raise your children in the faith.
 
I, too fell in love with a Protestant and married him.

It’s a second marriage, we both have children, so it was decided IF we had children, they would be raised Catholic.

He was raised in the Mormon faith, by the time I met him, he was the closest thing to an aetheist I’d ever known.

With time, love and lots of prayer, he turned a huge corner and freely admits there is a God and prays to him along with me and alone. Sometimes attends Mass with me. And can recite Catholic prayers like no one’s business! HA!

He’s even said IF he ever joined an “organized” religion, as he has a hang-up with “organized” religion.

It’s been a wonderful journey witnessing his love (again) for our Lord.
 
1ke said:
Focus on what comes after the wedding. How do you expect to raise your chidren in the Catholic faith with an atheist husband?

I think people oversimply this very serious issue. It is not a matter of compromise, this is not like deciding what color to paint the bedroom. Either there is a God or there isn’t. You cannot teach your children contradictory things. You will live in a house divided. You will never pray with your husband. You will never share your Catholic faith as a family. That is very serious. I highly advise against it. Marriage is difficult when you are on the same page about everything, something as major as this cannot be underestimated.

Can you marry an atheist in the Catholic Church? Yes.

Should you marry an atheist? I would say no. It is dangerous to your faith and that of your future children. You have a grave responsibility to raise your children in the faith.
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👍 I completely agree.
 
A man who believes in God and is a practicing Catholic is worth his weight in gold. Your children will see a man that will go to church, even when mummy can’t go. He will kneel and pray, and your kids will see that. He’ll make the sign of the cross, go up for communion. He’ll wait in line for confession. He’ll pray at mealtime and give the kids a blessing at bedtime. He’ll shut off the TV and have a rosary in his hand. He will understand that Christmas is about Jesus coming into the world. An atheist can do none of these things. If he doesn’t contradict you, (and it would be hard to resist, after all the practice of religion will seem little more that rubbing a lucky rabbit’s foot) he will be there to silently give a bad example, even if he should say nothing. It doesn’t matter how ‘good’ he is if he can’t model what it is to live a Catholic life.

Let’s just look at some very basic Catholic teaching, which should be a foundation for your children, and modeling a Catholic life. The 4 cardinal virtues. Prudence, Justice, Fortitude, and Temperance. vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s1c1a7.htm All these things should guide a Catholic through out their life. What about the dignity of the human person? Parents should teach their children what it is to be modest, chaste, and to understand that every person has dignity. The world does not even know what modesty and chastity are, yet a Catholic would do well to live out these virtues and to be a light to the world where ever they are. An atheist, why would he even concern himself with these matters? And yet, it would do well for a person to practice these virtues their entire lives.

Scripture says to not yolk yourself to a non-believer. There is a wisdom there to guide whoever wishes to stand on the shoulders of the saints. You have an important choice, and whoever you choose to be your spouse will affect your children and grandchildren. Choose well.
 
As Corki explained, Catholics can marry non-Christians (including atheists) with permission from the local bishop and assurance that the Catholic spouse will do his/her best to raise any children in the faith. Although your boyfriend is not required in the latter, he should have a full understanding of what that means and be reasonably comfortable with it.

I don’t know what you mean when you ask whether your union would be blessed by God. If your question is, “Will the Church recognise our marriage as valid?” then the answer is yes, provided that you go through the necessary requirements.

If you are asking whether your union will be “blessed” in the sense that it is sacramental (in other words, this marriage reflects the special bond between Christ and the Church), then no. Just to be clear, that doesn’t mean your marriage is “bad” or less valid. Even non-sacramental marriages (e.g., Adam and Eve, Joseph and Mary, Abraham and Sarah) are important in the eyes of God and may be special signs of his will.

By the way, I don’t know if the fact that your boyfriend is a baptised atheist affects your situation at all. For instance, can you have a nuptial mass? In the unfortunate event that you seperate, would you need an annulment in order to remarry later? My assumption is that the priest will treat him as any other unbaptised person because he’s an atheist now, but I’ll leave those questions open for anyone better informed than I.

From my observation of interfaith marriages/relationships, particularly between Catholics and non-Christians, it is essential that you are realistic with each other about your respective religious expectations, especially if his views are in flux. Both of you need to understand what it means to be an atheist/observant Catholic, and how it will affect your shared day-to-day lifestyle. Jumping into marriage bright-eyed-and-bushy-tailed, hoping that love will compensate for any unresolved issues later, is a great way to set yourselves up for failure very quickly. However, I take it as a positive sign that you are both making an attempt at honest discussion.

You might also want think about your potential in-law relationships. Would his parents and siblings support or undermine your children’s Catholic upbringing? Do your parents and siblings tolerate his atheism? Would any of your relatives use your children as a way to “shame” him into believing in God? Just food for thought.
 
Thank you for the feedback and information everyone, it has given me a lot to think about.

He has always said that he will never hinder my faith or our future childrens faith. Although I never thought about how they would grow up seeing their mother go to church and not their father. Or praying being a thing that only their mother will model and not their father. Its something I will have to seriously discuss with him. But there is no concern that I will ever lose my faith.

I understand now that because he was a Baptist that he can seek the permission of a pastor to wed in a catholic church and that will be acceptable. But why is he seeking permission from a pastor in a religion he does not believe in?

My next question that was unanswered is, how could our marriage possibly be blessed by God when he doesn’t believe in God? He can’t say “i accept this blessing” in a literal sense, because he does not believe in Jesus or God. So if he can not accept the blessing and I am as a Catholic who strongly believes…may be the only one spiritually accepting the blessing by God. Therefore, I feel like I would be marrying myself and there’s no point marrying in a church. But I refuse to get married any other way.
I’m so concerned about the last question. Will God not recognize our union because my partner is a non-believer?? This is what is getting to me most.
 
Bezant said:
As Corki explained, Catholics can marry non-Christians (including atheists) with permission from the local bishop and assurance that the Catholic spouse will do his/her best to raise any children in the faith. Although your boyfriend is not required in the latter, he should have a full understanding of what that means and be reasonably comfortable with it.

I don’t know what you mean when you ask whether your union would be blessed by God. If your question is, “Will the Church recognise our marriage as valid?” then the answer is yes, provided that you go through the necessary requirements.

If you are asking whether your union will be “blessed” in the sense that it is sacramental (in other words, this marriage reflects the special bond between Christ and the Church), then no. Just to be clear, that doesn’t mean your marriage is “bad” or less valid. Even non-sacramental marriages (e.g., Adam and Eve, Joseph and Mary, Abraham and Sarah) are important in the eyes of God and may be special signs of his will.

By the way, I don’t know if the fact that your boyfriend is a baptised atheist affects your situation at all. For instance, can you have a nuptial mass? In the unfortunate event that you seperate, would you need an annulment in order to remarry later? My assumption is that the priest will treat him as any other unbaptised person because he’s an atheist now, but I’ll leave those questions open for anyone better informed than I.

From my observation of interfaith marriages/relationships, particularly between Catholics and non-Christians, it is essential that you are realistic with each other about your respective religious expectations, especially if his views are in flux. Both of you need to understand what it means to be an atheist/observant Catholic, and how it will affect your shared day-to-day lifestyle. Jumping into marriage bright-eyed-and-bushy-tailed, hoping that love will compensate for any unresolved issues later, is a great way to set yourselves up for failure very quickly. However, I take it as a positive sign that you are both making an attempt at honest discussion.

You might also want think about your potential in-law relationships. Would his parents and siblings support or undermine your children’s Catholic upbringing? Do your parents and siblings tolerate his atheism? Would any of your relatives use your children as a way to “shame” him into believing in God? Just food for thought.
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Thank you for your response. It seemed to come just as I wrote my post of questions.

His parents are divorced Baptists, they have since remarried but are not church goers. His mother in particular talks to me about how much she prays for her son to believe in God, and how she does encourage him as do I - but he won’t budge in his belief unless we present God or Jesus to him personally and physically. He is the kind of person that if he doesn’t see it, he won’t believe it. There is not a spiritual bone in his body.
But that’s not why I love him and it has not stopped me from loving him.
My mother tells me not everyone is Catholic and I should not judge as that’s not my job.
She is supportive as is my father and the rest of my family because my partner thinks the world of me and is committed regardless of his lack of faith.

I appreciate that you have confirmed our marriage would not be bad or invalid. Although it disheartens me that it will not be blessed in the sacramental sense as that’s what I want for us. That brings me back to how can it be accepted in Gods eyes with his lack of faith in God?
 
Faith0333 said:
Thank you for the feedback and information everyone, it has given me a lot to think about.

He has always said that he will never hinder my faith or our future childrens faith. Although I never thought about how they would grow up seeing their mother go to church and not their father. Or praying being a thing that only their mother will model and not their father. Its something I will have to seriously discuss with him. But there is no concern that I will ever lose my faith.
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It is good that you are thinking about this now, because it is not something to take lightly. There is a big difference between a man who agrees only to not hinder his wife and family’s faith, and a man who is a faithful Catholic who does everything he can to lead his family in the faith and help them all grow closer to God. Which would you rather have? Also, think about the purpose of a Catholic marriage–it is to help each other get to heaven and to raise your children in the faith as well. Will marriage to an atheist accomplish that? Statistically, the chances of your children remaining Catholic as adults are very low if they have an unbelieving father.

Scripture specifically warns against marrying outside of the Christian faith: “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?” (2 Cor 6:14-15). Yes, you can usually get a dispensation from the Church to do it, but it’s not a good idea.

A few years ago, I was dating a man who was an agnostic. He was a wonderful person, and we loved each other deeply, but we ended up breaking up because of this very issue. He actually saw the future more clearly than I did at the time, and his reasoning was that it would be selfish of us to get married because our children would be subject to confusion and heartache growing up in a house with divided beliefs on religion.
 
Faith0333 said:
Thank you for the feedback and information everyone, it has given me a lot to think about.

He has always said that he will never hinder my faith or our future childrens faith. Although I never thought about how they would grow up seeing their mother go to church and not their father. Or praying being a thing that only their mother will model and not their father. Its something I will have to seriously discuss with him. But there is no concern that I will ever lose my faith.

**I understand now that because he was a Baptist that he can seek the permission of a pastor to wed in a catholic church and that will be acceptable. But why is he seeking permission from a pastor in a religion he does not believe in?
**
My next question that was unanswered is, how could our marriage possibly be blessed by God when he doesn’t believe in God? He can’t say “i accept this blessing” in a literal sense, because he does not believe in Jesus or God. So if he can not accept the blessing and I am as a Catholic who strongly believes…may be the only one spiritually accepting the blessing by God. Therefore, I feel like I would be marrying myself and there’s no point marrying in a church. But I refuse to get married any other way.
I’m so concerned about the last question. Will God not recognize our union because my partner is a non-believer?? This is what is getting to me most.
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I think you may be responding to my post. It’s not his pastor that gives permission - it’s yours. If he is no longer active in a Baptist church, he would not be seeking permission from them. You, however, need permission to marry a non-Catholic for your marriage to be valid.
 
Bezant said:
I don’t know what you mean when you ask whether your union would be blessed by God. If your question is, “Will the Church recognise our marriage as valid?” then the answer is yes, provided that you go through the necessary requirements.
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As long as both parties are Baptized, the marriage is Sacramental - provided all of the other elements are there for validity.
 
Faith0333 said:
I appreciate that you have confirmed our marriage would not be bad or invalid. Although it disheartens me that it will not be blessed in the sacramental sense as that’s what I want for us. That brings me back to how can it be accepted in Gods eyes with his lack of faith in God?
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Scripture says…

Do not yoke yourselves in a mismatch with unbelievers. After all, what do righteousness and lawlessness have in common, or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What accord is there between Christ and Belial, what common lot between believer and unbeliever? …You are the temple of the living God, just as God said:

"I will dwell with them and walk among them.
I will be their God and they shall be my people.
Therefore, ‘Come out from among them and separate yourselves from them,’ says the Lord; ‘and touch nothing unclean.
I will welcome you and be a father to you and you will be my sons and daughters’.

2 Cor 6: 14-18

You are a temple of the living God! A precious daughter. Your fiance does not wish to come under this blessing, and to walk in this blessing. This is the reality.

I have a Catholic husband who walks hand in hand with God, and when difficulties came up over the years, it was very consoling to know that he did a rosary every day. We’ve seen the hand of God many times in our married life. I can’t imagine living with a man who did not believe, and who did not bring down graces and help by his prayers. You will need the help of God over the years. May you have a life partner that can bring down blessings on your married life and family. God bless and strengthen you in this decision today.
 
Corki said:
I think you may be responding to my post. It’s not his pastor that gives permission - it’s yours. If he is no longer active in a Baptist church, he would not be seeking permission from them. You, however, need permission to marry a non-Catholic for your marriage to be valid.
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Thank you for clarifying this information it has been immensely helpful 🙂 again thank you, God bless you !!
 
PennyinCanada said:
Scripture says…

Do not yoke yourselves in a mismatch with unbelievers. After all, what do righteousness and lawlessness have in common, or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What accord is there between Christ and Belial, what common lot between believer and unbeliever? …You are the temple of the living God, just as God said:

"I will dwell with them and walk among them.
I will be their God and they shall be my people.
Therefore, ‘Come out from among them and separate yourselves from them,’ says the Lord; ‘and touch nothing unclean.
I will welcome you and be a father to you and you will be my sons and daughters’.

2 Cor 6: 14-18

You are a temple of the living God! A precious daughter. Your fiance does not wish to come under this blessing, and to walk in this blessing. This is the reality.

I have a Catholic husband who walks hand in hand with God, and when difficulties came up over the years, it was very consoling to know that he did a rosary every day. We’ve seen the hand of God many times in our married life. I can’t imagine living with a man who did not believe, and who did not bring down graces and help by his prayers. You will need the help of God over the years. May you have a life partner that can bring down blessings on your married life and family. God bless and strengthen you in this decision today.
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This is food for thought. But it contradicts what other people have advised me. How come I can still get married in a Catholic church with a non-believer if its not permitted in the bible? I’m so confused :confused:
 
Faith0333 said:
Thank you for your response. It seemed to come just as I wrote my post of questions.

His parents are divorced Baptists, they have since remarried but are not church goers. His mother in particular talks to me about how much she prays for her son to believe in God, and how she does encourage him as do I - but he won’t budge in his belief unless we present God or Jesus to him personally and physically. He is the kind of person that if he doesn’t see it, he won’t believe it. There is not a spiritual bone in his body.
But that’s not why I love him and it has not stopped me from loving him.
My mother tells me not everyone is Catholic and I should not judge as that’s not my job.
She is supportive as is my father and the rest of my family because my partner thinks the world of me and is committed regardless of his lack of faith.

I appreciate that you have confirmed our marriage would not be bad or invalid. Although it disheartens me that it will not be blessed in the sacramental sense as that’s what I want for us. That brings me back to how can it be accepted in Gods eyes with his lack of faith in God?
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You have very wise parents! If you are seriously considering marring this man then you need to make an appointment to speak with a priest; he will be able to advise you and get your wedding plans started. I married a non-Catholic, ( a baptized, but not practicing Lutheran) he was not atheist, but almost. It took 20 years, and I raised our daughter Catholic on my own, but one day he started attending Mass with me, joined RCIA the next year and has been a faithful, practicing Catholic for the past 14 years. He was on the Holy Spirit’s timetable, not mine. Don’t ever stop praying; God has a way of working these things out!
 
Faith0333 said:
This is food for thought. But it contradicts what other people have advised me. How come I can still get married in a Catholic church with a non-believer if its not permitted in the bible? I’m so confused :confused:
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Your bishop CAN give you permission to marry. Since your potential groom was baptized it WILL be considered a sacramental marriage.

That said, just because you can do this, it still may not be a good idea. You do know that to marry in the Church, both of you will have to attend several months of counseling before you wed? And that, based on those counseling sessions, the priest CAN refuse to perform the marriage?

The passages in the Bible tell you that this sort of marriage is a bad idea, and is more likely to fail – if your potential groom doesn’t believe the Bible, and decides to abandon the marriage…it leaves you in a very unhappy place.
 
Catholic1954 said:
You have very wise parents! If you are seriously considering marring this man then you need to make an appointment to speak with a priest; he will be able to advise you and get your wedding plans started. I married a non-Catholic, ( a baptized, but not practicing Lutheran) he was not atheist, but almost. It took 20 years, and I raised our daughter Catholic on my own, but one day he started attending Mass with me, joined RCIA the next year and has been a faithful, practicing Catholic for the past 14 years. He was on the Holy Spirit’s timetable, not mine. Don’t ever stop praying; God has a way of working these things out!
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Thank you very much, your story has inspired me. It may or may not happen that way for us but I pray that it will.
 
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