marriage troubles

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brendaleeG

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Hello, I am new to this site. Is there a specific forum for Marriage issues? Any help greatly appreciated. I am very happy to be apart of Catholic Answers. Hello to everyone!
 
on_the_hill said:
Hello.

You can start right here wih your thread.
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Hello, Thank you. I am a 45 yr old woman and just got married last month. we have been together for 41/2 yrs. My husband is also part of the Knights of Columbus and we are both practicing Catholics. I am very embarrased to say That were having a very rough time right now.My Husdband has an addiction, and its tearing me appart. Im lost.
 
And im still trying to figure out how to use this site . I want to make sure I reply to everyone who has responded… Thank you to Miguel also
 
brendaleeG said:
Hello, Thank you. I am a 45 yr old woman and just got married last month. we have been together for 41/2 yrs. My husband is also part of the Knights of Columbus and we are both practicing Catholics. I am very embarrased to say That were having a very rough time right now.My Husdband has an addiction, and its tearing me appart. Im lost.
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Marital troubles seem to be pretty common these days. These are disturbing times. I’m 55 myself. I will pray for you. God Bless. Sometimes God allows these trials in our lives to help us to get to know him and to trust him.
 
Thank you for your prayers. Im trying to keep the faith. I’ve hear a saying, if god brings you to it, he’ll bring you thru it.
 
It’s a true story about a girl who surfs in Hawaii and had her arm bitten off by a shark. And she couldn’t understand why God would ask her to carry that cross. But she hung tough and became a pro surfer and inspired people by living and loving life exactly where God put her.
 
I had another random thought before I logoff. I recently had dinner with my sister who is a single mom and 2 of her girlfriends. I had a good time. One of her friends was divorced and remarried. The other was fed up with her husband and considering leaving him. I think some women get married thinking this wonderful man is going to fulfill all their hopes and expectations. And they get disillusioned when that doesn’t happen. (I think many men do this too.) Expecting mere men (or women) to do this borders on idolatry. God Bless.
 
Well, had you considered going to counseling? There are different ways to go about this. One can go individually, so that you at least get some support to know how to best handle this. One can go to marriage counseling, if he would be amenable.

HOWEVER, I have known some counselor who will NOT accept a couple for marriage counseling when a partner has certain addictions UNLESS he’s in treatment for it.

I know of cases, for example, will refuse to accept a couple when one’s, say, an alcoholic, till the other admits he has a problem with alcohol, and seeks help from AA or such.

You weren’t specific as to what addiction it was. Counselors often say marriage counseling with some kind of addicted person will NOT generally work. Some, as I say, will not even bother to attempt it!

Either way, I think YOU need counseling. Now, depending on what his addiction is, you could go to a 12-step program, like Alanon… if his addiction is alcohol.

If you are with an alcoholic, say, you also might be codependent. Alanon, or Codependents’ Anonymous both have more or less the same issues.

What you need to learn is how NOT to enable…whatever his addiction is.

For example, if he asks, “Honey, I’m drunk…hungover…could you call work for me and make up an excuse why I’m not at work?” You’d need to prepare yourself for how to handle that, in advance. Alanon, is good about helping people NOT enable the addiction.

Once, he’s in some kind of 12-step program and you’re in marital counseling, there is also another program…Retrovaille… ourcatholicmarriage.org/divorce/retrouvaille/

Anyway, I know that’s got to be rough. God bless you, and good luck with your relationship.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. :gopray:
 
There’s a saying ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’, how true this is, My faith has increased since the deaths of the two people I loved most, I could have blamed God but I accepted that it was part of his plan, and I know that he loves me. Put your faith in him with all your heart. Pray to him constantly and he WILL guide you and help you. Just don’t expect him to do it instantly, he moves in mysterious ways!
 
Many thanks to clearwater and Godolphin.
Clearwater, I am very shamed to say his addiction is, but I too have to stop being in denial. His problem is pornography.
I’m struggling for answers.
 
I’m praying for you and your husband. He needs help, but first he needs to admit he has an addiction to be able to go forward with help. Does your church have any addiction ministries for professional advice?
Pax et Bonum:bible1:
 
I second Retrouvaille. It helped us stay married and work on our problems. Also, depending on the addiction, you could get help at your Parish possibly. Not all do, but some have certain groups for addicts. Sorry you are dealing with this so soon into your marriage.

Will be praying for you.
 
brendaleeG said:
Many thanks to clearwater and Godolphin.
Clearwater, I am very shamed to say his addiction is, but I too have to stop being in denial. His problem is pornography.
I’m struggling for answers.
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Frequent prayer and confession. Does he want to stop? This stuff is everywhere. Like any temptation, we have to avoid the people, places, or things that lead us to sin. Places might be hotel rooms with TVs that pipe porno into the room. Things might be TVs or computers located in secluded parts of the home. If it’s impossible to get rid of these things, consider placing them in well-trafficked areas. Tell the satellite or cable company you want to block the porno channels. I think there are ways to block porno websites also. When traveling on business, don’t hang out in the room. Hang out with friends. Don’t be alone at home either. Practice saying no. Tell self, this addiction is not going to beat me today. Tell self, real men don’t watch porno. Tell self, I promised God I’d be faithful to my wife. And God expects me to keep that promise. Do fun stuff with wife. Next day, same thing. One day at a time. If I fail, I don’t give up. Real men don’t quit. God Bless.
 
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