Marriage: Who Benefits More?

[Bubba_Switzler]

My wife has always been a bit of a glass-is-half-empty sort of person while I am more the opposite. So I was not entirely surprised when she said that she thinks men get more out of marriage than women do.

And I’ve seen some studies that suggest this is true in some regards. For example, single men have shorter life spans and live unhealthy lives and tend to be involved in vice of various sorts. Single women, on the other hand, are usually pursuing a career.

I suspect a lot of the studies on the benefits of marriage for men are intended to persuade young men as they are the ones avoiding it. (Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free, as the saying goes.)

She is still for marriage but I am a little worried that her opinion might influecne our daughters against marriage.

Does anyone know of any studies that discuss the benefits of marriage for women?

 

[styrgwillidar]

Sorry, don’t know of any studies but I think it’s kind of a pointless discussion. Regardless of the general population and benefits statistically, each marriage is different.

However, I don’t see a problem with telling one’s kids to be cautious and thoughtful about entering marriage. I don’t want to see my kids taking it lightly or rushing into it.

 

[7armyrugrats]

I think it really depends on the person and how they measure “benefits.” Materialistically or worldly benefits are measured completely differently than spiritual benefits. spiritually I am much better off than I was when I was single, and so is my husband. But I think in terms of worldly success, my husband would be better off single, while I am still better of married. For him, his carreer would be easier if he didn’t have a family to consider, and for me, I wouldn’t have the employer benefits (especially healthcare) that he does. Spiritually we both are less selfish and pray more than we would if we were single

 

[Lorelei12]

I read one time that men also benefit because they are more likely than single men to go to the doctor for regular checkups or when there is a problem, because their wives advocate for that.

I don’t think the issue here is “who benefits more”, I think the issue is that your wife’s cynicism toward marriage is going to affect your daughters’ perceptions. There isn’t a study you can show them that’s going to change that. The best way to convince your daughters that marriage is a positive thing is to show them that it is, and that’s something you and your wife need to do together.

 

[Bubba_Switzler]

My wife totally gets the non-material aspect of marriage but I don’t mean to limit this to materiality. There are quite obviously more spiritual hazards for single men than women.

 

[Bubba_Switzler]

I read one time that men also benefit because they are more likely than single men to go to the doctor for regular checkups or when there is a problem, because their wives advocate for that.

Yes, this is one example among many. (And how many wives let their husbands race motorcycles on public streets?)

I don’t think the issue here is “who benefits more”, I think the issue is that your wife’s cynicism toward marriage is going to affect your daughters’ perceptions.

I don’t want to give the impression that she is cynical, just a little suspicious of the division of the spoils of marriage. In the olden days it was obvious what women got from marriage. But women today are supposed to aspire to careers and be self supporting financially. They might quit their career to stay home but that’s obviously not what secular society advises them. They can keep their career but because men are naturally slobs women still tend to do more of the housework and childcare thus you get the classic “can’t have it all” delimina.

 

[LongingSoul]

My wife has always been a bit of a glass-is-half-empty sort of person while I am more the opposite. So I was not entirely surprised when she said that she thinks men get more out of marriage than women do.

And I’ve seen some studies that suggest this is true in some regards. For example, single men have shorter life spans and live unhealthy lives and tend to be involved in vice of various sorts. Single women, on the other hand, are usually pursuing a career.

I suspect a lot of the studies on the benefits of marriage for men are intended to persuade young men as they are the ones avoiding it. (Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free, as the saying goes.)

She is still for marriage but I am a little worried that her opinion might influecne our daughters against marriage.

Does anyone know of any studies that discuss the benefits of marriage for women?

In my experience your wifes perspective is absolutely true but I wouldn’t worry too much that that aspect will influence your daughters negatively against marriage. My own mother was always pointing out the inequality of marriage and they were obvious for my sister and I to see also. However, my sister and I weren’t turned away from marriage by that. That is a fact of life that will be forever thus especially when the children come along and the mother becomes indispensible to everyone.

In my experience though, if a man is able to recognise that and show and express appreciation for his wifes contributions, that is all many women need to feel loved and valued. You don’t mind the practical inequalities if you know you’re appreciated. I saw it with my Dad who although had some chauvenistic attitudes, always paid attention to Mum and treated her with affection.

You’d probably give your daughters a great gift by treating your wife with appreciation for all she has given into marriage. It’s a small ‘price’. Us women are easily pleased with crumbs of appreciation.

 

[Bubba_Switzler]

In my experience your wifes perspective is absolutely true but I wouldn’t worry too much that that aspect will influence your daughters negatively against marriage. My own mother was always pointing out the inequality of marriage and they were obvious for my sister and I to see also. However, my sister and I weren’t turned away from marriage by that. That is a fact of life that will be forever thus especially when the children come along and the mother becomes indispensible to everyone.

In my experience though, if a man is able to recognise that and show and express appreciation for his wifes contributions, that is all many women need to feel loved and valued. You don’t mind the practical inequalities if you know you’re appreciated. I saw it with my Dad who although had some chauvenistic attitudes, always paid attention to Mum and treated her with affection.

You’d probably give your daughters a great gift by treating your wife with appreciation for all she has given into marriage. It’s a small ‘price’. Us women are easily pleased with crumbs of appreciation.

Sage advice, thank you.

 

[styrgwillidar]

In my experience your wifes perspective is absolutely true but I wouldn’t worry too much that that aspect will influence your daughters negatively against marriage. My own mother was always pointing out the inequality of marriage and they were obvious for my sister and I to see also. However, my sister and I weren’t turned away from marriage by that. That is a fact of life that will be forever thus especially when the children come along and the mother becomes indispensible to everyone.

Well, sadly many women decide they aren’t indispensable and the wife/mother role is kind of a drag and optional. Hence, more and more men having custody of their children, not due to fighting for custody, but simply the mother (in the words of one therapist) deciding to ‘run away from their responsibilities and play at being a mom’.

In my experience though, if a man is able to recognise that and show and express appreciation for his wifes contributions, that is all many women need to feel loved and valued. You don’t mind the practical inequalities if you know you’re appreciated. I saw it with my Dad who although had some chauvenistic attitudes, always paid attention to Mum and treated her with affection.

Which shows no awareness or appreciation for the sacrifices and contributions that men make in marriage. The ‘practical inequalities’ to him, that he’s tolerating out of love for his wife that go unappreciated.

There are no guarantees, no matter how well you treat your partner that they won’t take it for granted and decide to leave. In fact, several studies show that men who treat their women well and share in housework and chores are actually less respected, less desirable to their wives.

You’d probably give your daughters a great gift by treating your wife with appreciation for all she has given into marriage. It’s a small ‘price’. Us women are easily pleased with crumbs of appreciation.

Here’s where we agree. But I would say it is your responsibility as a father, not a gift.

You set the archetype for men in your daughters’ lives. They will expect to be treated in the same manner they observe you treating your wife. You will set the bar, the standard for what your daughters’ will expect from men in their lives. Just as your wife will show them whether that is to be taken for granted, or valued and appreciated in return.

 

[EasterJoy]

My wife has always been a bit of a glass-is-half-empty sort of person while I am more the opposite. So I was not entirely surprised when she said that she thinks men get more out of marriage than women do.

And I’ve seen some studies that suggest this is true in some regards. For example, single men have shorter life spans and live unhealthy lives and tend to be involved in vice of various sorts. Single women, on the other hand, are usually pursuing a career.

I suspect a lot of the studies on the benefits of marriage for men are intended to persuade young men as they are the ones avoiding it. (Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free, as the saying goes.)

She is still for marriage but I am a little worried that her opinion might influecne our daughters against marriage.

Does anyone know of any studies that discuss the benefits of marriage for women?

The person who is thankful for what is in the glass and not the one who gets bitter about what is not there gains the most from marriage, yes. Teach your daughters that, it is a good lesson.

As for the scientists, a good marriage benefits both parties in health, happiness, and longevity. Divorce and marital strife, OTOH, are huge stressors that have a bad effect on the health of all involved, including non-combatants, and it is worth learning those skills that will make one the most able to avoid it. You only have to talk to the single people who wish for a spouse to know that this is not an easy cross to bear. It is good to know how to be a good spouse, in case you find yourself wishing to be married. The skills you need will serve you well as a single person or in a convent, too.

 

[EasterJoy]

Oh, and OP: When it comes to lessons about how to be happy, your daughters will probably put the most stock in the words of the professor who also seems to be the most joyous one on the faculty.

 

[styrgwillidar]

The person who is thankful for what is in the glass and not the one who gets bitter about what is not there gains the most from marriage, yes. Teach your daughters that, it is a good lesson.

As for the scientists, a good marriage benefits both parties in health, happiness, and longevity. Divorce and marital strife, OTOH, are huge stressors that have a bad effect on the health of all involved, including non-combatants, and it is worth learning those skills that will make one the most able to avoid it. You only have to talk to the single people who wish for a spouse to know that this is not an easy cross to bear. It is good to know how to be a good spouse, in case you find yourself wishing to be married. The skills you need will serve you well as a single person or in a convent, too.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

I think it all depends on the type of marriage. A good marriage will be better for both husband and wife. A bad marriage will be bad for both husband and wife. Other than that, there are just way too many factors to make a clear determination of who gets “more”. Also, if you go into marriage with the idea that you need to compare who gets what all the time you are probably going to be unhappy no matter how good things are.

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

It all depends on what on values, and even that is tricky as a relationship and marriage changes the importance of some things.

As a guy, I’d say women benefit most. Sure, guys live longer when married but that’s in part because the love of our woman puts odd limits on what we are willing/able to do. It’s a trivial thing for a single guy to do something dangerous because he enjoys it. But a married (or engaged) guy ends up thinking “darn! I’m not allowed to die stupidly cause she’ll get all sad and stuff.”. We also see the doc because our wife nags us about it. My thought process about the doctor was simply “Am I sure I’ll die or lose a body part if I don’t go?” Now that process includes a veto from the wife. In short, in marriage men trade a huge chunk of their freedom for something intangible and indescribable.

women on the other hand face possible road blocks in their career including the potential destruction of it. add to that the stress from the responsibility to care for people instead of just material things. But somehow it just seems more women are not too worried over the loss of freedom that comes with marriage, and that is a big one.

 

[Ms_Manners]

Does anyone know of any studies that discuss the benefits of marriage for women?

Honestly, I’d be more interested in the background of this statement.
Is it just a general opinion or does she think that’s the situation in your marriage as well?
If she thinks that’s your situation as well, I’d be less interested in and more in reasons and how to fix that.
As far as your daughters are concerned, this isn’t something you can influence with studies, this is something you change by setting a different example and teaching them not to settle for less.

Generally I do agree, in most marriages around me women do most things around the house and they work as well, make decisions concerning the children and household, but don’t get to make financial decisions.
But thinking about my own marriage, I don’t agree, so our kids (if we had them) would get a different message from our own example.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Reminds me of that old saying, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”

 

[gardenswithkids]

My wife has always been a bit of a glass-is-half-empty sort of person while I am more the opposite. So I was not entirely surprised when she said that she thinks men get more out of marriage than women do…She is still for marriage but I am a little worried that her opinion might influecne our daughters against marriage.

Does anyone know of any studies that discuss the benefits of marriage for women?

You mention you are concerned about your daughters. Your wife probably got the exact same number of daughters out of your marriage as you did. While husband and wife both get something out of marriage,** those who benefit the most are children. **

In a moral society, children get their very lives through their parents’ marriage! Our society has largely forgotten that is one of the main purposes of marriage, and with the rise of divorce and illegitimacy, it is children who pay the price.

What do women get out of marriage? Wealthier, healthier and happier children! Look at the statistics on the level of poverty found in single-parent families. There’s a higher level of suicide found in children raised without their father in the home. On average, children raised with their fathers do better in school and in life.

Here’s some reading from the Family Research Council on the effects of fatherlessness: frc.org/specialpublication/rising-illegitimacy-americas-social-catastrophe

What does marriage provide for women? Fathers for our children!

 

[Prodigal_Son]

You mention you are concerned about your daughters. Your wife probably got the exact same number of daughters out of your marriage as you did. While husband and wife both get something out of marriage, those who benefit the most are children.

Amen!

 

[EasterJoy]

Reminds me of that old saying, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”

A woman parenting her children without their father, OTOH, is something else again. There are far too many of those unfortunate women and children in the world.

 

[kbachler]

It’s a crazy question. Both sides get a range of things, many of which are measured subjectively. It’s hard to know if there could even be an objective answer to this question.

The personal version of this question may be more telling. Is she implying that she thinks you get more out of your marriage than she does?