Marriage with non-catholics

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Hi, is it a sin to be married by pastor from other protestant denomination specifically “born again” denominations? To give you an overview of my situation, I have a girlfriend who is a non-catholic. I wanted to get married in the catholic church but her parents insists that we marry in their church and so doesnt want to give me their blessing. He (the father)said after the wedding he wont interfere with us anymore if we wanted to marry again in thr catholic church. Its a culture here in our place that the family of the bride has the say on the wedding. Any help will be appreciated. God bless…
 
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You need to talk to your bishop (I believe). It is possible, I believe what you need is a dispensation from the bishop. After that you may be required/asked to have your marriage con-validated in the Catholic Church.
 
You don’t need to talk with your bishop but rather your pastor. You can get a dispensation from form which means you can be married outside the normal Catholic form of marriage. You’ll still need to do the regular marriage preparation that all Catholics do.
 
Thank-you for the clarification. I thought that I had read the dispensation needed to come from the bishop.
 
In order for you to be considered validly married by the Church, you would have to have a ceremony that conforms to the formula laid out by the Church. I think a Catholic also has to be married in the Church. I know you can get permission from the Bishop to marry a non-Catholic. But I’m not sure you can get permission to marry in a church of a different denomination.
 
Your marriage would be perfectly valid and not sinful if you follow the proper procedures

On the other hand, I hope you two have thoroughly discussed and that you have prayed about what it would be like to be married to a non,-Catholic. How is she going to feel when you go off to Mass on a Sunday and she has to go to her church alone? How will she feel when you want your children baptized, prepared for First Communion, and confirmed? When the children go to Mass with you because they are being raised as Catholics? And since her parents seem to have an outsized influence on her life, what is going to happen when they want their grandchildren raised in their Protestant community? Are you going to be strong enough to weather all that?
 
The dispensation may come from the bishop, but you do your marriage prep, including any dispensations, through your local pastor.
 
DISCUSS THIS WITH YOUR PASTOR BEFORE YOU DO IT! ASAP

tHERE IS VERY MUCH TO BE CONSIDERED HERE

God Bless you
 
If your pastor okays what you are doing and you get the proper dispensation and also have your marriage validated in the Church if necessary (I think it’s necessary but I have not checked into this recently), it is not a sin to have your wedding in the Protestant church. The pastor would not be approving anything that would be sinful. Discuss it with him, this comes up pretty frequently.
 
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Quite simply, it’s only up to you and your girlfriend how, when and where you get married. No one else’s opinion should matter. But if you or her are having questions regarding religion, you’ll both eventually have to choose, or compromise.
 
Jamie5 said:
Quite simply, it’s only up to you and your girlfriend how, when and where you get married. No one else’s opinion should matter.
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As a practical matter, that sort of attitude often does not work very well when the couple are close to their families and would like to have Mom and Dad at the wedding and having a happy celebration with them, as opposed to alienating famity members and not having the wedding the bride may have dreamed about for years. Best to work out a compromise that will avoid bad feelings.
 
Jamie5 said:
Quite simply, it’s only up to you and your girlfriend how, when and where you get married. No one else’s opinion should matter. But if you or her are having questions regarding religion, you’ll both eventually have to choose, or compromise.
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Yeah…because why should a practising Catholic care what the Church says. I mean, everything is ok and nothing is a sin.

My own advice to the OP is to think long and hard before marrying a non-Catholic. There are enough difficulties in marriage without making things more complicated. Also when it comes to compromise, it can’t be all one-way. She will have to be willing to compromise too.

Personally I wouldn’t have married someone who was determined to have the wedding in a Protestant church.
 
AdamPeter said:
My own advice to the OP is to think long and hard before marrying a non-Catholic. There are enough difficulties in marriage without making things more complicated. Also when it comes to compromise, it can’t be all one-way. She will have to be willing to compromise too.
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I’m happily married for nearly 25 years to a Protestant man. No regrets, and not many “difficulties”. The few we have had were not over religion. Marrying outside the faith is not a big deal for every couple who does it.

I would have refused to be married in a Protestant church, but then again, I was the bride. In US culture, the bride and her family are generally the ones expecting to have the most say in where the wedding is held.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
If your pastor okays what you are doing and you get the proper dispensation and also have your marriage validated in the Church if necessary (I think it’s necessary but I have not checked into this recently)
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No, a validation is not necessary in this case.

For a Catholic who wishes to marry, it is necessary to follow the ‘form’ of Catholic matrimony (ceremony in a Catholic church, presided by a priest or deacon). What the OP will do is get this requirement dispensed. (Technically speaking, it’s the bishop who can dispense the requirement, but he delegates this to a person in the diocesan canon law office.)

Once the requirements of form have been dispensed, it’s a valid wedding, even though it might take place in a Protestant church (or JP’s office!), and without a Catholic minister present. There will be no need to convalidate the wedding with a Catholic ceremony afterward, since the Church views the wedding as already valid.

As others have mentioned, the OP would need to work with his pastor, and follow the usual requirements for marriage prep (paperwork, Pre-Cana classes, meeting(s) with the pastor, etc).

Since this requires additional processes (i.e., the canon law office’s involvement), it’s wise to get to your pastor ASAP, in order to get the ball rolling.

One last thought: back in the day, when a Catholic and a non-Catholic Christian wanted to marry, they were both required to sign a document saying that any children of the marriage would be baptized & raised Catholic. That’s changed. Now, the Catholic party signs the document attesting that s/he knows that it can be difficult to continue to practice the faith in a mixed marriage, but that s/he intends to do exactly that; in addition, s/he promises to do everything in his/her power to ensure that any children from the marriage are baptized and raised in the Catholic faith. The non-Catholic party does not make any promises, but merely witnesses the promises that their Catholic fiance/e makes.

Hope this helps!

Congratulations and good luck, @DM_P!
 
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It might not be a big deal to all couples. But the Church doesn’t encourage
it. In any case, my own approach was just not to date anyone who wasn’t
Catholic.
I don’t think that’s unreasonable.
 
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While we each have our different approaches to finding a partner, and I respect that, it’s kind of bad form to be telling someone who is on the verge of getting married, who hasn’t indicated any problems with the relationship other than his fiancee’s parents wanting the wedding in their church (where presumably their friends and family all attend), that he should think twice about marrying her. If there is a problem, then his pastor and the required premarital counseling will likely spot it.

I also object to the blanket statement that marrying a Protestant is always some big complicated stress factor on a marriage. My husband is about the best husband and most stress-free and supportive relationship with a man I ever had, and that includes 3 other relationships I had with Catholic men who were not a good fit for me in terms of personalities or what they were looking for in a marital partner.

My husband may be Protestant, but his patience and steadfastness have made me a better wife, a better Catholic, and a better person. Sure, I’d like it if he was Catholic too; I pray for his conversion and ask him on a regular basis if he’s ready to join up yet. One day perhaps it will happen, but even if it doesn’t, I thank God on a regular basis I married him and not anyone else. In fact if I hadn’t met him, I think there is a good chance I would have skipped the whole marriage thing entirely.
 
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Thanks Gorgias for the clarification.
I’m trying to remember if my husband and I had to sign any document about raising children Catholic when we married. It was definitely our intention to do so, we stated it to our pastor when we came in for our meeting regarding marriage preparation. I don’t remember either of us signing anything but I could have forgotten as this was back in 1994. I do remember my non-Catholic husband having to provide a baptismal certificate, that’s about all the paperwork I can recall.
 
DM_P said:
He (the father)said after the wedding he wont interfere with us anymore if we wanted to marry again in thr catholic church.
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DM_P, by letting this man direct your life right now, you are teaching him that it is OK for him to do so, and he will know that it is his place to continue to direct your life after the marriage as well. Please think this through.
 
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