Marriage with non-catholics

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I suggest there are quite a few things you have not reflected on or discussed with your girlfriend and consequently you are not ready to be married just yet.
But more importantly talk this over with your PP not us amateurs on an anonymous Catholic Forum.
 
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BlackFriar said:
I suggest there are quite a few things you have not reflected on or discussed with your girlfriend and consequently you are not ready to be married just yet.

But more importantly talk this over with your PP
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Umm… that’s kinda the whole point of pre-marital prep (the discussions with the priest and the Pre-Cana program)… 😉
 
Thank you all for your advice. I really appreciate it. I’ve been thinking hard and it is really a burden. Im somewhat confused. I dont want to be married if its not in the catholic chrch. But im also torn apart to think i have to leave my love for more than two years…
 
I don’t remember where in the process it happened, but I remember my wife having to sign a document saying she’d “do her best” to raise the kids Catholic. I had to sign that I witnessed her sign the promise.

With the way some people write on here about others in “mixed marriages” I sometimes wonder how our marriage has lasted over 14 years (and going) ¯_(ツ)_/¯
 
DM_P said:
They do know she will be submitting to me after the marriage.
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Ahh… now it makes sense!

Her acceptance of Catholicism is really just wifely submission to her husband! Yes… that would fit within their theology, and they’d be forced to call it Godly behavior. (They’d still see you as evil, inasmuch as you’re taking their daughter from the ‘true faith’. But, as long as what she was doing was ‘submission’ and not ‘true interior acceptance’, then in their eyes, it’s all good.) In fact, does she herself see this as a ‘submission’ issue?

Not sure I understand the “leave my love for two years” comment you made… do you mean that you don’t want to give her up? (That is, the woman you’ve loved for two years?) You don’t have to! When you say “married in the Catholic church”, do you mean “in a Catholic building”? 'Cause, as we’ve said, the Church can dispense that requirement, allowing you to be married validly in a different building, by a different minister.

If, on the other hand, you’re firm in your desire to be married inside a Catholic building, then you’ve already made your mind up: that’s more important to you than she is. If that’s where you are, that’s cool. Just be honest with yourself that this is your priority, and don’t beat yourself up about it. (Deep down, though, I’m betting what you’re saying to yourself is, “but I want both this woman and a wedding in a Catholic church! Why can’t I have both?!?!?!?”.)
 
With all due respect, it’s reasonable for a young woman to want to please her parents by doing them the favor of having a wedding where they want it, and the Catholic Church understands this and has, as we said above, provided a mechanism for it. I find it inappropriate that other people have chosen to tell the OP that he just shouldn’t get married or that his girlfriend’s relationship with her parents, whom she presumably loves and wants to be part of her special day, just doesn’t matter.

OP, please talk to your pastor, both alone and with your girlfriend. He will give you the best advice and has likely seen this situation more than once. Also, even if you end up deciding not to get married at this time, he may be able to give you some support or suggestions to help use the time to bring you and your girlfriend closer together, or if he sees an issue with the relationship he can let you know that also, and advise you.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
it’s reasonable for a young woman to want to please her parents by doing them the favor of having a wedding where they want it
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Yes, and now that @DM_P’s identified the notion of “submission”, it makes perfect sense. In her faith tradition, a girl must submit to her parents’ authority, and then later, to her husband’s authority, without questioning. That’s what makes her a good daughter and a good Christian woman.

(I’d have a hard time with that, personally, in a relationship. “Submission” doesn’t sound like “love” to me. But, that’s just me.)

In any case, if @DM_P is good with it, then the marriage will ensue. If not, then it won’t.
 
As a marriage celebrant and one who has prepared couples for marriage I am indeed suggesting other than what you opine. The couple in my opinion are not yet ready for a Catholic marriage preparation course.
My advice is not to listen to us amateurs on an anonymous Catholic Forum but simply go alone to the nearest PP for a chat and take it from there.
 
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A dispensation to be married in her congregation is something your pastor will assist with.
 
You read my mind there sir. We’ve been together for more than 2 years. I do want to be married in our church and by the priest and not by a pastor
 
Hi,im just new here in the forums, may i know what do u mean by OP? Thank you for your advice i really appreciate it
 
I don’t believe it’s a sin, but the Bible warns us not to marry “foreigners.” Back in the OT days, foreigners were gentiles. If a Jew married a gentile there would probably be cobflictions and possibly the Jew losing his/her faith.

Thus, I see it that a Catholic should only marry an equally faithful Catholic. No non Catholics, Cafeteria Catholics, or heretics. A major aspect of marriage is the two people helping each other get to heaven. A heretic can’t help you get to heaven any more than an atheist.

In short, I think faithful Catholics should only marry faithful Catholics. But what do I know? I’ve never even dated. 🤷‍♂️
 
Tis_Bearself,
I’m so happy that you have had the opportunity to marry a good man. That you are both happy in a fixed marriage. I can see why you seem a bit defensive about people giving their advice to the OP about the possible problem with marrying a non catholic.
I personally married a non catholic and unfortunately have not had the same luck as you have. When it comes to religion, it’s chaos and constant battles in which I have to either give in or shut down for it to end. So to the OP do to the fact that I face a similar situation with a different outcome than Tis_Bearself, I encouraged you to really examine the situation, your future wife’s personality, and really pray about what is best for you both. Because we can only speculate whether it may work or not, as you see here are two different outcomes to the same cenario (not sure if I spelled that right). So I urge you friend to truly examine your situation and pray to God for guidance, he is the only one that knows best. May God bless you decision friend. I will pray for you
 
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