Marriage

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gracelife

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Please explain to me.

First some background.
Grew up Catholic, married in a non-Catholic Christian church, but before I left the church. Due to what I think was probably poor catechesis in the 70-80’s, I didn’t really know I needed a priest present!!! ugh! My understanding is that my marriage needs to be blessed and by having relations with my spouse I am in mortal sin. If I stay outside the Catholic church am I in mortal sin or only if I return? Is my husband who was never Catholic and doesn’t want to be in mortal sin too?

What I don’t understand is…

Why does the Catholic church accept Trinitarian baptism in another Christian church (one baptism, I understand), but not the marriage which was performed in a Christian church?

Help!
 
**There is a great new website called www.inthespiritofcana.org ****2.6.10 Marriage to a Member of Another Christian Church **

Marriages between a Catholic and a baptized Christian who is not in full communion with the Catholic Church (e.g., Orthodox, Lutheran, Methodist, Baptist, etc.) are called mixed marriages. Where the two Christians are both validly baptized, the Catholic Church considers such marriages to be sacramental.

Procedure

The difficulties of mixed marriage must not be underestimated. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise (Catechism of the Catholic Church, #1634).

If possible, the Catholic minister should take steps to establish contacts with the minister of the other church or ecclesial community. In general, mutual consultation between Christian pastors for supporting such marriages can be a fruitful field of ecumenical collaboration.

Since for validity where one or both partners are Catholic, the marriage has to be contracted in the presence of the Ordinary, parish pastor, the priest, or deacon delegated by either of them (Canon 1108), the Catholic canonical form is to be observed also for mixed marriages (Canon 1127). However the Ordinary of the place for grave reasons, and without prejudice to the law of the Eastern Churches, can dispense the Catholic partner from the observance of the canonical form in individual cases. See The Ecumenical Directory, 153, 154 (the reasons to justify such a dispensation are listed), and 155. If a dispensation from the canonical form has been given, it is still required for validity that there be some form of public celebration. (See Canon 1127, 2)

Those assisting with marriage preparation should be sensitive to the uniqueness of each denomination; a Catholic-Lutheran couple faces a different set of issues than a Catholic-Pentecostal couple. The Family Ministries Office has a number of booklets that will assist in marriage preparation in a variety of situations (Catholic-Lutheran, Catholic-Methodist, etc). Please call the Family Ministries Office (see Appendix G) for a complete listing.

Paperwork

Whether the obligatory Catholic canonical form is being followed, or if a dispensation has been duly requested and obtained, (Archdiocesan Policies and Principles, Book IV, 404, 16.1) the marriage papers should be filled out in the Catholic party’s parish as if the marriage were taking place there. A dispensation from canonical form should be requested (*Archdiocesan Policies and Procedures, Book IV, *§404.16.1.).

In all mixed marriages, permission for a mixed marriage must be requested. The parish priest will assist in this simple procedure. To obtain permission, the Catholic party will be asked to affirm in some way (verbally or in writing) that he or she will do all in his/her power to see that the children of the marriage are baptized and educated in the Catholic faith. The other partner is to be informed of these promises and responsibilities; the non-Catholic partner may feel a similar obligation because of his/her own Christian commitment. No formal written or oral promise is required of the non-Catholic partner. In carrying out this duty of transmitting the Catholic faith to the children, the Catholic parent will do so with respect for the religious freedom and conscience of the other parent and with due regard for the unity and permanence of the marriage and for the maintenance of the communion of the family. It is important that during the marriage preparation, both partners together discuss the Catholic baptism and education of the children they will have, and, where possible, come to a decision on this question before marriage (The Ecumenical Directory, 150).
 
If you wish now to receive the sacraments fully, you will require a convalidation or blessing in the Catholic church. .6.9 Convalidation (Re-Validation/“Blessing the Marriage”)** You can receive more information about the procedure by going to www.inthespiritofcana.org or contacting your current Pastor.**

There’s no right word for this phenomenon. Sometimes it’s called a convalidation; sometimes a revalidation; and couples usually call it “getting their marriage blessed.”

Most commonly, the situation is that a couple has entered into a civil union, and they now wish to exchange consent in the Church. Canonically, the Church does not recognize their prior exchange of consent, but there is some sort of commitment which they made to each other, and some sort of moral responsibilities which flow from that commitment.

Since according to the Church the couple is exchanging consent for the first time, all of the requirements for entering the Sacrament of Matrimony must be fulfilled. The couple must exchange consent anew (and not simply renew consent that was previously given), and they must have the proper knowledge, intention, and capacity for doing so.

For those raised in the Catholic Church, there may be an understanding that their “real” marriage is the one that takes place in the Church. For non-Catholics (whose churches require no particular form for marriage), the requirement for a new act of consent may not be obvious. In either case, the pastoral minister should explain this in detail.

If the other party does not see a need to give their consent again, and is adamant that their former consent was good enough, then it might be better to seek a sanatio in radice, rather than try to convalidate the marriage. (A sanatio in radice is a retroactive convalidation of the marriage, which does not require a new act of consent.) If this seems the preferable way to handle the situation, contact the Office for Canonical Services to obtain details about this.

Please note: A convalidation cannot be used as a condition for baptizing the child of a couple not married in the Church. Marital consent has to have both internal and external freedom in order to be valid. The baptism of a child can only be postponed in the event that there is no hope that the child will be raised in the Catholic Church. There is no provision in Church law for refusal of baptism.
 
Thank you for your reply stbruno. I appreciate the link.

I’m still looking for the answer to my initial questions.
Can anyone help?
 
Your question is very difficult to answer because only a priest in confession can really supply the answer. However, from a purely objective standoint I can address this question (remember, your mileage may vary).

All Catholic are obligated to have their marriage witnessed before a bishop, priest or deacon unless a dispensation has been granted (there are some very exceptional cases that also obviate this requirement). Because you did not get a dispensation and becuase you did not have your marriage witnessed by a bishop, priest or deacon your marriage is invalid. Therefore, objectively, any marital relations you have with your husband are actually acts of fornication which are mortally sinful. Since sin is sin, it doesn’t matter if you are in the Catholic Church or not, it is still objectively sinful.

As I said, how this actually applies to you may vary due to a number of factors, including your ignorance of the requirements at the time you got married! Your current state of awareness does change matters.

Please, see a priest or deacon about having your marriage convalidated.

BTW, your husband is technically in the same state as you, even though he is not Catholic.

Deacon Ed
 
Thank you Deacon Ed.

It just makes no sense.
  • 2 married non-Christians are not fornicating, married by the State
  • 2 married Protestants are not fornicating married in a Christian Church
  • 1 married Catholic and 1 Protestant are fornicating if not married with/by a Priest, but in a Christian church.
If I don’t revert am I in mortal sin?
It is part of the nonsense of this issue that is keeping me out and my husband offended that his Church wasn’t “good enough”. It makes me very sad.

I understand you said each situation is unique.
 
Deacon Ed:
Your question is very difficult to answer because only a priest in confession can really supply the answer.
I’ve been trying to contact a priest.
All I get is answering machines, a priest in the hospital (God bless him) and another priest on vacation. I’ve been making calls for a week. It just seems like that door keeps getting held shut.
 
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gracelife:
Thank you Deacon Ed.

It just makes no sense.
  • 2 married non-Christians are not fornicating, married by the State
  • 2 married Protestants are not fornicating married in a Christian Church
  • 1 married Catholic and 1 Protestant are fornicating if not married with/by a Priest, but in a Christian church.
If I don’t revert am I in mortal sin?
It is part of the nonsense of this issue that is keeping me out and my husband offended that his Church wasn’t “good enough”. It makes me very sad.

I understand you said each situation is unique.
Catholics are bound by the Catholic laws regarding marriage. Christ gave his Church authority to make these rules for our benefit.

If you don’t revert, there are a lot of issues. Would you really be obeying your conscience if you didn’t revert just because of this (easily resolved) matter?
 
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Benedictus:
If you don’t revert, there are a lot of issues. Would you really be obeying your conscience if you didn’t revert just because of this (easily resolved) matter?
My conscience is not clear regarding reverting or not.
I am undecided in my heart and mind.

My heart and mind is solid in Jesus. That’s all I know right now.
The Catholic “stuff” (no disrespect intented, just at a loss for the right word) is just seeming overcomplicated right now.

The Gospel itself is so simple…
 
GraceLife:

I’m RIGHT there with you! I understand your frustration and confusion. I “reverted” two months ago and while my husband was raised Catholic (all the way through confirmation) he does not have the desire to return to the faith. I have.

And, we went through this very discussion as we were married by a non-denominational minister IN a non-denominational church, and while neither of us were members of any church at the time, we included in our vows that we considered ourselves married for life, before God, etc. So who is the Catholic Church to say we aren’t married? Why should that prevent me from practicing my faith completely and living as husband and wife?

I was open to the idea of having our marriage convalidated, mainly because I appreciate the idea of God recognizing my marriage, being in a state of grace, in alignment with the Church I claim to adhere to. But what was different about a Catholic ceremony that we didn’t have? This was quickly becoming a stumbling block.

I would like to be so bold as to say - it is Satan causing this stumbling block in you (and in me.) Even after meeting with Father, my husband and I had hang-ups about it. And then just the other day, I said something to him that somehow made sense of the whole thing. It was something about - they are not intentionally preventing me from practicing my faith and they do not want to reject my desire to return to the church - it IS that as Catholics, we are expected to follow what the Church teaches, and we did not marry in the Church - we didn’t even consider it. Now, granted, neither one of us even knew that we should have considered being married in the Church since we were raised Catholic. In our pride, we did it our way, not His way. This is how the Church rectifies that situation - by providing us with the Sacrament of Marriage.

Hope this helps - our ceremony has not been scheduled yet, so I’m still on the journey!

=)
Fiz
 
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